Neva Kee and Zoda: Galactic Golfing Chronicles
by Anguirus111
Summary: The story of how one game of golf played by two idiots could create one of the largest trails of intergalactic destruction in history.
1. Coruscant

Anguirus111 Note: Yes, this story will be as bizarre as the title and summary suggest. This story takes place a good three hundred years before ANH and features Zoda, an OC I created who is the nephew of Yoda only a lot more reckless, along with Neva Kee. This Neva Kee is the same individual who would podrace in TPM although at this point in time, he's a famed and well respected diplomat. Bizarre I know, but that's just how it is. At some point in time he became 'friends' with Zoda and together Zoda would get them into bad situations that Neva would have to bail him out of. This is one of their mishaps involving a little known game in the Star Wars galaxy called golf. Oh yeah, the Spinners in this chapter are identical to the ones that showed up in Blade Runner and also appeared several times in The Phantom Menace. Don't believe me, look it up, or listen to the TPM audio commentary.

Coruscant, 300 years pre-the battle of Yavin: A normal everyday family who lived in one Coruscant's many apartments were sitting down for their lunch as the holoprojector newscast began reporting the day's events.

"In other news today, Ambassador Neva Kee helped bring about a peaceful settlement between the lockout among the labor union and the Supreme Chancellor regarding building of a new senate rotunda. The new rotunda would provide easier viewing area for all senators as well as allow new hoverpods for the senators to move around in to approach the Supreme Chancellor much easier. Construction had halted due to a breakdown in negotiations over labor compensation but was resolved this morning. In other news…" the newscaster droned on. The family just sat there eating, not paying much attention to the newscast, it was just an ordinary day.

Elsewhere: A small unidentified object rocketed through the steel canyons of Coruscant. It was moving at an incredible speed and was moving straight past the oncoming traffic. It smashed straight through a garbage truck's cabin causing it to careen wildly out of control and crash into a nearby building. The traffic behind it swerved in all directions to avoid the accident thereby causing even more fender benders and accidents. As the pile-up increased, a blue spacecraft barely succeeded in breaking through the mess while being chased by three Coruscant Police Spinners in hot pursuit. Strangely enough, the spacecraft seemed to be in pursuit of the small object.

Apartment: The family continued eating and conversing about the day's events. The two children discussed how they were looking forward to spending their upcoming summer vacation while the father discussed the day's events at his job. The mother just listened calmly before she too reported on her day. It was routine, they had done it everyday and it was slowly becoming their favorite part of lunch.

Canyons: The blue ship rocketed past vehicle after vehicle as the Spinners continued chasing after it. Inside the ship were two short individuals, one almost completely blue skinned and the other pale with long ears.

"Not a bad shot, nice and straight right towards the hole," said blue.

"Yeah," agreed long ears. "Too bad the police took such an offense to it."

"They hate what they don't understand," said blue. "And what can cause extensive property damage in the process."

"But it's so relaxing the process," said long ears.

"Yeah but which part is more relaxing to you, playing the game or evading the cops in the process," said blue. Long ears looked insightful.

"Good question," it said. Blue tilted the ship on its axis so it barely squeezed between a pair of freighters.

"Where is your…?" began long ears.

"Coming up," said blue.

"Can you hit it on the run?" asked long ears. "Somehow I don't think we can stay still long enough for you to take the shot without the police being right on top of us when you make it."

"Yeah," said blue. "I can do it. Take over and head for the transponder on the scanner."

"Cool," said long ears. Blue left the controls as long ears took over and headed towards the back of the bridge. In the back were two bags full of metal cylinders with grips and wedges attached to them. Blue carefully considered which one to use before removing one.

"Beautiful," said blue.

"Thirty seconds!" shouted long ears as the ship did a barrel roll to avoid a large wolf pack of hovercraft.

"Right!" said blue running to the exit hatch. Blue opened it to reveal the outside blurring by at incredible speeds. Blue grabbed a hold of the edge and leaned out as the wind whipped all around it to see the three Spinners chasing behind it sirens blaring. Blue took the metal object and saluted the cops before spinning around. The spacecraft drew lower and lower to the rooftops as it continued its breakneck speed through Coruscanti Traffic. People below on their rooftops scattered out of the way as the vehicle raced by overhead.

"Five seconds!" shouted long ears. Blue looked all around before spotting its target.

"Check, got it," it said. "Adjust heading by three degrees!"

The vehicle moved to the side slightly and instantly was on top of the object in question, a small white dimpled round object. Blue swung back its metallic object and swung. The long object connected with the smaller one and it went rocketing off into the air. Blue got back in and shut the door as the vehicle continued roaring onwards with the police still in pursuit.

"Where's your ball?" asked blue getting back into the pilot's seat.

"Just up ahead and…ah crap!" shouted long ears. A massive apartment complex loomed right in front of them.

Apartment: The family was just finishing up their lunch when they heard police sirens blaring in the distance. The two kids ran to the window to watch for the police to race by only for to leap out of the way as a golf ball blasted through the main window and smashed into their table so hard it broke it in half. Outside the blue spacecraft roared to a halt and hovered outside blasting air everywhere as it cut onto its repulsors. Two individuals leapt out into the room to observe the ball.

"Do I get a drop?" yelled Zoda, oblivious to the shocked look of the family as air kept blowing everything everywhere.

"No you don't get a drop, you lazy Hutt!" shouted Neva Kee. "Just swing!"

"This ball won't pass through solid matter like a wall!" shouted Zoda. Neva groaned and through open the door to reveal a hallway leading to a glass window down at the far end.

"Let her rip!" shouted Neva as the sirens blared louder and louder.

"Fore!" shouted Zoda. He swung his club back and blasted the ball straight down the hallway where a pair of people had to drop to the ground to avoid it hitting them as the ball crashed out the far window and rocketed off into the daytime sky.

"Let's roll!" shouted Neva before pulling out a datachit.

"That ought to cover all the damages," he shouted to the shell shocked family as he and Zoda leapt back into the ship and it peeled off right before a Spinner plowed right through the wall of the apartment and smashed into the hallway outside.

"Honey," said the man.

"Yes dear," said the woman still looking in shock at all the damage inflicted in just a couple minutes time.

"Let's move," he said. "Perhaps things have become a little way to routine around here."

"Yeah," said the wife nodding. "I agree."

They both looked at the damaged Spinner in the hallway as the officers inside got out incredibly dizzy as a roar was heard overhead and through the far window the blue spaceship could be seen being pursued by the two remaining Spinners. One of the two officers meanwhile, began trying to get the engine to turn over on the Spinner despite the fact that the front end was completely crumpled.

"What're you doing?" demanded the passenger, Charlie.

"Shut up!" shouted Roop the driver. He continued twisting the key when suddenly and miraculously the engine caught and the vehicle roared to life.

"Aha!" shouted Roop.

"You're crazy!" shouted Charlie.

"Shut up!" shouted Roop as the vehicle wobbled up into the air.

"You're a menace on the skyway!" shouted Charlie. Roop meanwhile just grinned and slammed down on the accelerator. The Spinner, code named Big Bopper, tore off down the hallway as the people who had just gotten up ducked down again as the vehicle crashed out the other end and continued the pursuit.

"Big Bopper to March Hare, we're still in the game okay," said Roop over the radio as the vehicle continued accelerating much to Charlie's chagrin.

Spacecraft: Zoda chuckled as he heard Roop over the radio.

"Bet he gets it back at HQ, this is the third Spinner he's wrecked chasing after us during out little games," said Zoda with a grin.

"Understand this," said Roop. "That scag and his buddy, they're gonna pay."

"He is pissed," said Zoda shaking his head grinning larger than before.

"We're just lucky The Dark One is on vacation on Chandrilla or we'd have been caught by now," said Neva before he pulled out a scorecard.

"Let's see," he said as he tried to pilot the ship while maneuvering his pencil to make some marks on it. "I've got 30 strokes and you've got 32."

"Ah it was that stupid freighter that got in the way. This is what a Par 35?" Zoda asked as Neva put the scorecard away and did another barrel roll to spin between a pair of school transports.

"Yeah," said Neva as they pursued Zoda's and Neva's golf ball. A tour bus was about to merge lanes when suddenly the two golf balls rocketed past it causing the driver to panic and zoom back into the lane it had come from nearly smashing into a hoverlimo.

"Zoda I hate to bring this up," said Neva reluctantly. "But there's no point in denying the truth. I don't think we're going to get around to the second hole. I think it'd be a miracle if we even finish this one."

"Yeah you're right," said Zoda disappointed. "The Fuzz just keeps getting better and better at tracking us down during these games."

"Yeah, somehow we need to innovate as well as get a different change of scenery. While I do enjoy playing in the concrete jungle of Coruscant, after awhile if you've seen one block you've seen them all," said Zoda. Neva nodded.

"I'll think of something," he said as the vehicle continued roaring down the road following the two golf balls.

"You know I don't even think we'll have to hit them again," Neva decided.

"Yeah I think you're right," said Zoda as he consulted his chronometer. "And right on time too. He, he, he, he."

Ahead of them, the two golf balls proceeded straight towards a building with a massive square base and five very tall spires.

"They're gonna kill you, you know that right?" said Neva.

"Hey it's not my fault they got picked to be the hole," said Zoda. "It was pure luck."

"I thought Jedi didn't believe in luck," said Neva as he put the ship into a nose dive to avoid a large cruise liner.

"I never was a good Jedi," said Zoda with a grin. "But thanks to your new repulsorlifts inside of those balls, maybe it isn't luck but skill."

Zoda grinned wider and wider as the balls drew closer and closer to their target.

Jedi Council: "Any more business to conclude, do we before adjourning?" asked Master Yoda. The council all thought long and hard about any more business to conclude when Yoda's paper cup tore from his hand and moved towards the center of the floor and lay down. The Jedi looked at it quizzically before Yoda's eyes widened.

CCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH!

Glass flew everywhere as the two golf balls smashed through the window and rolled along the floor and into the cup. The Jedi looked at it bewildered as Yoda's eyes took on an angry glare and lightning began crackling from his body. Outside the blue spacecraft roared by directly overhead and Yoda ran to the far end to watch the vehicle tear off into the sky. Yoda growled angrily as a much louder crash was heard and a Spinner plowed straight into the Council Chamber and slammed to a halt in a maelstrom of sparks, flames, and broken glass. One of the doors fell off as Roop emerged from the vehicle angrily with his blaster rifle. Before he could even get to the other side to aim the thing, the weapon tore from his grip to Yoda's hands. Yoda promptly aimed the thing on the vehicle and with uncanny accuracy fired the weapon. The bolt flew out and smashed into the departing ship, right in the power distribution node. The vehicle promptly began loosing power and slammed into one of the many roofs that adorned Coruscant as the two remaining Spinners closed in one it.

"I need a vacation," said Charlie as he emerged from the other side of the smashed vehicle and passed out on the floor.

"What was that all about?" asked Jedi Master Candeel as he whispered to Jedi Master Gonzo.

"Only one thing could get Master Yoda that upset, Zoda," said Gonzo.

"Ah," said Candeel immediately understanding. Yoda meanwhile picked up the two golf balls and crushed both of them in his hands angrily.

Rooftop: "Wipeout," said Zoda as he stumbled out of the crashed spaceship along with Neva Kee. Nearby the two Spinners landed and three cops got out and walked over to the two individuals.

"Hello again Zoda," said Jim Goose. "It's been…well not that long now that I think about it."

"Yeah, yeah," Zoda grumbled dusting himself off.

"Ambassador," said Goose to Neva Kee. "Sorry that this little miscreant hijacked your vessel for his own means. I guarantee that it won't happen again."

"So you've said the past three times this has happened," said Neva shaking his head with humility. Goose just said nothing but escorted Zoda who grumbled angrily at the unfairness of it all back to his squad car and then the two Spinners took off into the sky and roared off back to the Jedi Temple.

Fifteen Minutes Later: The turbolift doors opened and Goose and Zoda, shackled by binders, emerged from it and onto the council floor just as a hover tow truck was hauling away the remains of Big Bopper out the destroyed window. Inside the council chambers, it looked like a warzone with oil, pieces of metal and glass, and other objects lay around everywhere.

"I'm not going to say anything," said Goose as he unshackled Zoda and left the room. Zoda stood there in the middle of the council chambers facing Yoda.

"You should really clean up in here Unc," Zoda said. "You've really let this place go since I was last here."

Yoda growled angrily.

"Careful," Zoda warned with a grin. "Anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering."

"AND SUFFER YOU SHALL!" shouted Yoda leaping straight at Zoda who leapt to the side.

"Sith! Sith!" he shouted. Some members of the council barely managed to restrain the Jedi Master as Zoda ran around the chamber.

"This is the eleventh time you've caused damage to this temple!" shouted Yoda.

"Oh is that all?" said Zoda.

"This week!" shouted Yoda.

"Yeah I'm no longer at the top of my game. I would've expected to at least have been 30 by this time," said Zoda. Yoda's ears looked like they were going to spout out steam.

"Hey you have nobody to blame but yourself. You said I was a lose cannon, so I couldn't leave Coruscant after that Barabel incident on Barabi I, six months ago. This is your fault not mine," Zoda protested.

"If hadn't performed those actions had you," began Yoda.

"Hey, you told me get that book back, I did!" shouted Zoda. "You never said how!"

"Regardless, perhaps you _have_ been here too long," said Master Stbein.

"Then what're we going to do with him?" asked Candeel.

"I believe I may have a solution," said a voice. Everyone turned to see Neva Kee enter into the room.

"Ambassador, apologetic we are for his actions," said Yoda. Neva shrugged it off.

"What's done it done," he said. "At least there was no permanent damage this time. Look the reason I'm here is because I am going on a diplomatic journey to several planets and I am worried that there might be those out there who do not wish to see me on their planet for whatever reason. I need a Jedi to accompany me and since Master Zoda is the only one available at the moment, I request that he come with me."

"Are you sure that is wise?" asked Master Gonzo.

"Look, you need him off your hands and I need someone familiar with the underpinnings of society. As reluctantly as we both might be, the only individual whom you send in to deal with situations involving the dregs of society _is_ Zoda," said Neva Kee. The Jedi reluctantly nodded their heads at that statement as many did not wish to deal with the darker elements of society except for Zoda who didn't seem to care. That was one of the reasons they had sent him, and him alone, on the Barabel mission to begin with.

"Very well," said Yoda finally. "If risk you are willing to take, accompany you, Zoda will."

"Come Jedi, we have work to do," said Neva leaving. Zoda saluted and left.

"I expect to be reimbursed for those golf balls," he said with a grin as he got in the turbolift before yelling and slamming the door shut as two golf ball sized indentations appeared on the door.

"You sure do pick your enemies well," said Neva.

"Ah he's too high strung anyway," said Zoda. "Thanks for busting me out."

"I kind of got you into that mess, it's only fair that I get you out of it," said Neva.

"Yeah and now I can go wherever I want," said Zoda with a grin.

"Not quite," said Neva. "I do need you to accompany me on my visits."

"Ah d-," began Zoda.

"But wait, there will be something enjoyable to accompany it," said Neva.

"What?" Zoda asked wondering how going to multiple planets on diplomatic missions could possibly be enjoyable. Neva produced a golf club handle and pressed a button on it causing the metal shaft to extend from it along with the wedge.

"Another round, already?" asked Zoda. As much as he enjoyed golf, he didn't enjoy getting busted for it time and time again.

"Not exactly," said Neva shaking his head. "I'm talking about a round of golf that will go down in history, an intergalactic golfing tour."

"So basically we golf a round on every planet we visit?" said Zoda. "No thanks, even that'd get boring after awhile."

"I'm not talking about going a round on every planet; I'm talking about one hole. One _black_ hole, where the galaxy is our green fairway, the planets our aim, and the nebulas our sand traps," said Neva. Zoda's eyes widened at the possibilities.

"But how would we pull it off?" he asked. Neva produced two golf balls.

"I've been toying with the idea for the past few years that we've been playing and now I've finally made it a reality. These two balls are both equipped with their own hyperdrive system and capable of breaking any planetary gravitational field, are our weapons of choice. We hit them with regular clubs like before, and they simply calculate how the hit would work on a regular fairway and go straight towards whatever planet you hit it at," said Neva. He handed one to Zoda who looked at it impressed.

"Where do you get such wonderful toys?" Zoda asked. Neva Kee shrugged.

"I have my ways," he said simply.

"So where do we tee off, and where's our hole?" asked Zoda. Neva produced a map reader orb.

"I'll show you," he said. The turbolift clanged to a halt and both exited to the map reader room. Neva put the holographic orb down on the device and the map expanded showing planets everywhere.

"This is Coruscant and it's where we're teeing off from," said Neva pointing to the appropriate star system.

"Our hole, is the black hole at MR-319," said Neva. He held up his golf club to point at a black smudge in the galaxy.

"And here I thought a messy eater caused that," said Zoda with a grin.

"It is a messy eater, a black hole will eat anything and everything that approaches it and lets nothing go," said Neva. "And in a way this works to our advantage because if you were to miss it, your ball could conceivably go on for a long time before reaching a planetoid to stop its trajectory. The black hole will solve that because it can pull an object from hyperspace and funnel straight through the event horizon into oblivion."

"Not to shabby," said Zoda nodding. "But why not just try for the Maw near Kessel?"

"That's too easy," said Neva balking at the suggestion. "We're talking a par three at best. Besides, I have no desire to go to Kessel, negotiations simply do not take place there."

"Yeah," said Zoda agreeing with him. "Any planet shaped like a baked potato can only mean trouble."

"So let's go," said Neva.

"Now?" asked Zoda incredulously.

"Yes now, when else?" asked Neva. Neva handed him a single golf club handle.

"This will telescope out into whatever club you desire, just say what it is and it will become that," said Neva.

"Interesting," said Zoda. "Another piece of technology you can tell me zilch about where you got it?"

"Yeah," said Neva nodding he walked over to the lights and turning them back on.

"So where're we teeing off from on this planet and what planet're we aiming for?" asked Zoda.

"I figured we'd aim for the nearest planet of any interest, Chandrilla," said Neva Kee. "From there, we'll see but Alderaan is looking like the best choice."

"Ugh," said Zoda. "Two planets that are way too cheery for me."

"I'm sure you'll find the darkness hidden beneath both of them," said Neva. "You seem to have a knack for finding trouble."

"We'll see," said Zoda.

"So where do you want to tee off from, hopefully somewhere around the 32 parallel," said Neva Kee.

"I know the perfect place," said Zoda with an evil grin.

Junkyard: "Heh, heh, heh. Not a bad piece of work Roop," laughed Zoda. He was standing on top of Big Bopper that was completely in shambles amongst all the other pieces of wreckage strewn everywhere, many of them speeders that Zoda had either trashed or been an accessory to its destruction.

"And you want to tee off from here?" asked Neva Kee.

"Yeah, why not?" asked Zoda. "It's as good a place as any. Let me just take a practice swing first."

Zoda swung and took out one of the windows on the Spinner.

"Whoops, made a dent, now I'll have to finish off the whole thing!" shouted Zoda grinning like a madman. The long ear Jedi promptly when postal on the car and smashed in every window and dented every inch of it with his golf club.

"You finished?" asked Neva.

"Not quite," said Zoda. He thrust out his right arm and a lightsaber launched out of his sleeve and into his hand upon which he promptly scrawled his name on the side of the vehicle.

"Let's tee off shall we?" Zoda asked. Neva shrugged confused by the whole spectacle as Zoda leaped back on top of the vehicle and used the Force to drive the tee right through the metallic body of the car. Zoda placed the new golf ball on it and looked up into the late afternoon sky.

"How do I where I'm aiming this thing?" asked Zoda confused. Neva Kee produced two pairs of sunglasses.

"Complete with holographic imagers that displays approximately where Chandrilla is in the sky. Aim for the planet and let her rip," said Neva Kee.

"What if I miss?" said Zoda. "As in slice it?"

"The ball will simply calculate the planet closest to where it would've wound up on a regular golf course. _So don't slice it_," said Neva Kee.

"Alright, alright," said Zoda. He looked through the sunglasses, lifted them up, put them down, lifted them up again, and continued repeating the action.

"Will you just swing already?" demanded Neva Kee.

"Fine," Zoda huffed. After a couple more glances, he swung back on his club and connected with the ball, which promptly tore off into the sky at supersonic speed and within seconds was gone from sight.

"Wow," said Zoda as he tore off his sunglasses and looked at it wide-eyed.

"It's probably going to hit the stratosphere any second now," said Neva Kee. "Now move over it's my turn."

Zoda just shook his head incredulously as the blue ambassador got on top of the Spinner. He placed his tee down on the roof and looked at his target a few times before smashing his ball as well, which took off as well into the sky.

"Well let's go," said Neva Kee hopping off of the car.

"Yeah," said Zoda nodding as he squinted trying to spot the balls again, but they were long gone. The two exited the junkyard and towards Neva Kee's spaceship, simply a larger version of his future podracer, and it took off into the sky.

"Now listen," said Neva Kee. "When I'm conducting my negotiations, I don't need you to use your tried and true method of 'aggressive negotiations', that only enflames situations, it doesn't solve them."

"Depends on what your definition of 'solves' is," Zoda grumbled.

"Just whatever happens, whatever you're thinking, _don't_ _do it_," said Neva Kee.

"Fine," said Zoda. "I'll be a good little Jedi who follows orders, and does what he's told, and is just a good person to be around."

"Shut up," said Neva Kee as Zoda began laughing.

"We both know that you're going to cause enough headaches for both of us," said Neva Kee.

"Probably," said the Jedi leaning back in his chair. Neva Kee just said nothing but pulled down on the hyperspace lever and the vessel roared off into the blue tunnel beyond.


	2. Chandrilla

Chandrilla: Explosions rang out through the streets of the capital as an armored hovertruck roared down one of the city streets hijacked by robbers who were using heavy weaponry to turn everything around them into rubble. Behind it were several police vehicles and one Spinner trying desperately to avoid the wreckage and end the chase safely.

"Repeat we need backup! Every available unit is to get down here immediately!" shouted Police Chief Almorak as more wreckage came crashing down onto the road from the various stone buildings around them. The chief was in the passenger seat of the Spinner as The Dark One expertly drove it through the streets.

"Thanks again for helping us," said Almorak. "After all, you were on vacation."

"It was getting boring towards the end there anyway," said The Dark One as he cracked his knuckles. "Besides, I need a warm up before I go back to policing Coruscant."

"Yeah," said Almorak. "Is there anyway this can end well?"

"Unlikely," said The Dark One bitterly. "That truck is covered with a six inches of armor and is only vulnerable from directly above. It'd take an object moving at an incredible speed at just the right angle to be able to take that thing out, but I don't think fate's going to be that kind to us."

As he finished this statement, a flaming object came rocketing down from directly above and slammed down with such an impact that a nearby police car went flying up onto its side and crashed down amidst a hail of sparks. The dirt road meanwhile that they were racing across went up in a wave of dust making it hard to see anything.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Almorak as The Dark One tried desperately to keep a straight course despite his lack of vision with the dust continually pelting the windshield.

"It looked like a meteor impact," said The Dark One in shock.

"How is that possible, there hasn't been a meteor impact in years," said Almorak. "There would've warnings and besides that thing it too small to have been a meteor!"

"This is just too bizarre," said The Dark One. The dust finally cleared to reveal the armored truck still ahead of them when a second flaming object smashed directly into it nuking the truck in two as wreckage flew everywhere along with a ton of more dust from the resulting impact. The Dark One slammed on the brakes as the dust and wreckage settled. When it finally did, The Dark One and Almorak ran out to the wreckage along with the other cops and tackled what robbers could stand up given their harrowing ordeal.

"What the hell did all this?" asked Almorak looking back at the two massive impact craters that had uprooted signs and shifted building foundations with their impact.

"I don't know, but we'll find out," said The Dark One. He looked down at the small glowing object in the middle of one of the craters. As it began to cool, features began to appear. To The Dark One's horror, the object was small, round, white, and had dimples.

"Oh great," said Neva Kee. He and Zoda were currently walking down one of the busy streets of Chandrilla. Or the not so busy streets as everyone was still staring and shock at the two objects that had appeared out of nowhere and slammed down nearby with an impact heard around the city.

"What?" asked Zoda. "It's pretty obvious where our balls landed, hell half the town knows!"

"That's not it," said Neva Kee fiddling with a portable TV. "It's just that they landed in the middle of a high speed chase and tore apart a stolen armored car into shreds."

"Again," began Zoda before Neva Kee cut him off.

"Look who was part of the chase," said Neva showing him an image on the TV. Zoda's cheerful expression dropped at the sight that awaited him.

"No, this isn't fair!" shouted The Dark One as he looked at the now cooled golf balls in his leather gloved left hand.

"What is it?" asked Almorak confused.

"It's a golf ball," said The Dark One angrily.

"A what?" Almorak asked confused. The Dark One said nothing but continued to bake in his rage. But just before silence could descend on the area, a soft crunching sound was heard, as if someone was walking barefoot on the dusty ground. The Dark One waited until the crunching stopped before he spun around. A quick wave of dust moved across the street before the figures of Neva Kee and Zoda appeared from behind it.

"Can't you ever let me enjoy a regular vacation for once?" The Dark One demanded. "I left to get away from your antics not to be sucked back into it!"

"It's good to see you too TDO," laughed Zoda. "I missed you during the last golfing round."

"Yeah I heard about that," said The Dark One nodding. "Thousands of dollars in property damage, destruction of a Coruscant Police Spinner, created a pileup on the skyways that lasted for 2,000 miles, and destroying the chamber of the Jedi Council."

"All in all a good game," said Zoda with a grin.

"Speaking of which," said The Dark One walking up to him with the golf balls. "Do you have anything to do with these?"

"No," said Zoda with a big grin. "In fact if I didn't know better I'd say you were learning to pick up the game yourself."

"Alright open that robe," said The Dark One sharply.

"What?" said Zoda shocked.

"Open it, I want to see what you've got stashed under there," responded the officer.

"You don't have jurisdiction here," said Zoda.

"Yes I do. The Main Force Patrol has jurisdiction over all planets in the inner rim territory," said The Dark One. "Now open that robe."

"You don't need to see the inside of my robe," said Zoda waving his hand. The Dark One just stared at him and blinked for a few moments.

"Shut up! You know that doesn't work on me!" he shouted.

"Damnit!" shouted Zoda as he reluctantly opened his robe to reveal regular clothes underneath. Underneath he had two dueling sabers but not much else, besides a grip.

"Aha!" shouted The Dark One with satisfaction as he pulled the thing out. "What's this?"

"The grip to my five iron," said Zoda.

"And where the hell is the club?" asked The Dark One looking the thing over.

"Depends," said Zoda shrugging.

"On what?" The Dark One demanded.

"Where's your old Spinner? Ha, ha," laughed Zoda. The Dark One just growled angrily at him. During Zoda's first game of golf, his ball had landed on the roof of The Dark One's spinner. He'd barely gotten his shot off before The Dark One tried to throw him off the roof by spinning his vehicle. Zoda had wedged his five iron into the roof of the car for stability and had held on for a good fifteen minutes before the severe g-forces snapped the grip off causing him to fly off. Now that that was what The Dark One had in his hands now, that's just what had happened. The Dark One begrudgingly gave it back to him.

"I'm impounding these," said The Dark One as he left with the balls.

"On what charge?" asked Zoda.

"Aiding and abetting a criminal," responded the cop.

"What criminal?" Zoda demanded.

"You the dark one shot back. Zoda growled and a driver shot out of the grip, which he promptly swung. The Dark One immediately spun around at the noise but the club had already retracted into the grip.

"You okay?" asked Zoda chuckling. "You look like you need a vacation."  
"I am on vacation!" The Dark One shouted back at him. He got in his Spinner and it took off into the sky headed for Chandrilla HQ with Zoda left behind just shaking his fists at him.

"Gimme back my ball coward!" he shouted. The Spinner immediately halted in midair.

"Uh-oh," said Zoda. He promptly tore off the other way as the Spinner came roaring after him. Zoda ran a little ways before the Spinner went right over his head causing the jet stream behind it to yank him off his feet and fall to the ground. Neva Kee and Almorak watched the proceedings before shaking their heads.

"Ambassador Neva Kee it is an honor," said Almorak shaking hands with the small blue alien.

"Likewise, I've heard great things about justice here on Chandrilla," said Neva.

"Thank you, you're too kind. I'm just grateful we don't have to deprive our citizens of weaponry like Alderaan does," said Almorak.

"And have one of the lowest crime rates in the entire galaxy, that's nothing to be humble about," responded Neva.

"Unfortunately we are currently in a situation that could change all that," said Almorak sadly.

"I don't understand," said Neva. In the background Zoda took out both of his lightsabers and extended their blades.

"Those criminals that we just arrested are part of a much bigger problem. A whole gang of them just took over a hotel building during an apparent robbery gone bad. Apparently some of their accomplices took the armored truck and fled with it hoping to get all the money for themselves and left the others high and dry so they took control of the hotel the truck was receiving money from. These were those deserters," said Almorak.

"Ah," said Neva understanding as in the background Zoda silently screamed and was immediately pounced upon by several armored droids and hovercars as they all opened fire upon him while closing in on him. Lightsabers flashed and laser blasts flew everywhere tearing up the area all around them as Neva Kee and Almorak continued their conversation completely unaware of the whole spectacle.

"So why haven't I heard it on the news?" asked Neva Kee confused.

"We're trying to keep it as under wraps as possible," said Almorak. "The last thing we need is panic."

"Yes that is one of the first rules of negotiation," agreed Neva. Zoda leapt from droid to droid cutting them to pieces before leaving in the middle of the hovercars and then dropping as they chewed each other up firing at where he had been.

"Speaking of which, now that you're here would you be willing to assist the negotiations? We could really use your skills in this matter," said Almorak.

"Well I suppose seeing as how my original plans were just put on hold," said Neva. Hovercars fell left and right destroying even more buildings as flames and sparks flew everywhere as the remaining civilians in the area ran for their lives. Zoda continued his mad dash as he hopped all over the place trying to avoid the laser fire. Suddenly he was mobbed by a dozen droids and vanished beneath them before a wave of invisible energy went flying outward and the droids went flying to pieces and pelted the area all around them.

"Thank you," said Almorak grateful. "Now if there's anything we can do for you in return…"

"Actually there is," said Neva Kee. "I've seen those devices that The Dark One collected and I was always hoping to get my hands on one…"

Almorak nodded understandingly. "Then they shall be your payment."

"Good, let's go then," said Neva before turning around. "Zoda?"

He and Almorak turned around and both of their expressions took on one of shock at all the devastation around them.

"Yeah?" asked Zoda just standing there in the middle of it all. Neva Kee just shook his head and groaned.

"Oy. C'mon we've got a job to do," said the ambassador walking off.

"Cool, coming" responded the madman leaving the wreckage and the shell shocked Almorak behind.

Later, Hotel: Zoda and Neva Kee were outside of the hotel amongst the police vehicles.

"I gotta admit, this must be the first time I've been on this side of the line," said Zoda. "Well time to go rectify that situation."

Zoda started walking towards the hotel.

"Where the hell are you going?" Neva demanded. Zoda looked at him at a loss for words.

"To umm… administer some justice that's it!" he said nodding with a big grin.

"Oh no you don't," said Neva Kee. "You get back here!"

Neva grabbed the collar of Zoda's robe and began dragging him back behind the police line.

"Just let me do my job," said Zoda. "I'm a Jedi, Jedi are supposed to negotiate."

"You don't negotiate," said Neva Kee not believing him at all.

"I do too!" Zoda protested.

"No," said Neva. "You go in, slice and dice, slice and dice some more, slice and dice what's left, and after slicing and dicing for several more minutes ask if you can ask questions. That's not negotiating!"

"Yes it is! It's called-,"

"Aggressive negotiations are not negotiations!" shouted Neva back at him.

"Says you," said Zoda.

"Says everybody!" said Neva Kee. "And I'm not going to have you bungle this up! Now give me your lightsabers!"

"No!" said Zoda. "They're the life of all Jedi!"

"And when have you ever believed that?" asked Neva crossing his arms. Zoda shrugged.

"I dunno," he said.

"Hand them over!" shouted Neva. Zoda growled and handed over his two dueling lightsabers to the Jedi.

"Good," said Neva. "Now I'm going to go talk with the negotiation team and then we'll find a peaceful solution to all this."

Zoda didn't respond but watched him leave to talk to the team before he turned around and looked at the building covered by searchlights. An evil grin spread across Zoda's face as he thrust out his arms and two lightsabers shot out of his sleeves and into his hands.

"Muwahahahaha," laughed the Jedi as he wandered off to the hotel. "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!"

As he took off, Neva Kee was nearby meeting with the negotiators.

"That's odd that they're not covering the entrances to the buildings," said Neva.

"Yeah well I guess they're feeling confident that we won't pull anything and negotiation is the only option we'll consider," said the negotiator.

"It is isn't it?" said Neva.

"Yes," admitted the negotiator reluctantly. "We can't use direct force, it's against our laws."

"That could make things difficult," said Neva Kee. "Now we've got no leverage."

"Yeah," began the negotiator before he was interrupted.

"Movement," said an officer. Neva and the negotiator ran up to him.

"Where?" demanded Neva putting on his sunglasses equipped with zoom capabilities.

"It's someone moving towards the door!" shouted the officer incredulously.

"What?" demanded Neva before he zoomed in to see Zoda making a beeline for the door. "Oh no."

"What should we do?" asked the officer uncertain with his laser rifle aimed at the Jedi Knight.

"I'll deal with this," said Neva also heading for the hotel entrance. He moved at a quicker pace, but couldn't make it as Zoda slipped into the building. Groaning and shaking his head, he slipped in as well only to find Zoda right in front of him with weapons being aimed at them.

"Hi," said Zoda nonchalantly. "How's it going?"

"You got a lot of nerve coming in here," said one of them.

"Yeah so what're you doing here?" another demanded. Zoda shrugged.

"I heard this was a great place to shoot craps so of course I had to come," said Zoda with a grin.

"You're full of craps," said Neva shaking his head at the whole situation. Zoda turned around and smiled even wider.

"You have no idea," he said. Zoda then spun around and dozens of dice came rocketing out and smashing into the goons surrounding them. Before they could react, Zoda's twin lightsabers shot out of his sleeves and into his hands and ignited.

"Let's roll big uglies!" shouted Zoda. With that he was in the air chopping blasters left and right as the other gang members tried to shoot amidst the hail of still flying dice. As he flew past the craps table, Zoda tossed a couple of them down the board as he continued battling. Deflected laser blasts continued chewing up the area as the hostages ran for cover as the dice kept rolling. Finally Zoda stopped as all of the goons were down except one.

"Heard about you Jedi," said the man wielding a regular sword. "I heard you were the best of the best."

"Yeah that's what I hear too," said Zoda nodding.

"So let's go," said the man. "You can't defeat me, I've got a cortosis ore sword, your lightsaber won't be able to penetrate this!"

The man did a lengthy sword maneuver with him slashing all over the place and as he finished the complex move triumphantly, he looked up only to see Zoda come flying at him before kicking him hard in the stomach accompanied by a force push that knocked back and over onto the craps table. Zoda then landed on top of the man triumphantly as Neva Kee waiting for some witty remark, but what he heard was something entirely different.

"Nooooooo!" yelled Zoda. Neva looked at him confused before climbing onto the craps table only to see the two dice that Zoda had thrown earlier had rolled Snake Eyes.

"There, there it'll be okay," said Neva amidst softly chuckling. Zoda burst into tears as Neva escorted him out amidst the bewildered hostages as police began filing in through the main entrance. As soon as they were out however, Zoda's perked up again.

"Well let's tee it up!" he said with a big grin. Neva Kee just groaned.

"_This is going to be a long Par Infinity_," he thought.

Roof of the Police Station: Zoda and Neva Kee stood on the roof with the hyperspace capable balls on their tees.

"I look forward to seeing Alderaan again," said Neva. "The Organa's are always telling me to come over I just never seem to have the time."

"Meh, Alderaan shmalderaan," said Zoda looking into the daytime sky with the modified sunglasses.

"You ready," said Neva.

"Mmmhmmm," said Zoda slowly.

"Then let her rip!" said Neva Kee.

"Fore!" shouted Zoda. They both hit the balls and they went rocketing off into the sky. But on their way up, they narrowly avoided a certain Police Spinner flying overhead. It barely swerved out of the way in time, but as soon as it did it came straight back on a beeline with the police station roof.

"Oh no!" shouted Zoda. "Run!"


	3. Alderaan

Alderaan: Two objects roared down from the heavens and smashed into a wooded island just off the coast of the capital city uprooting trees and flinging dirt high into the sky.

Customs: Zoda and Neva Kee were standing in a very long line at customs with all sorts of aliens and humans waiting angrily after having been on such a long trip only for an ever longer wait in customs.

"I can't believe it took us ten minutes to get here and we've been in customs for over three hours," Neva Kee grumbled. Zoda shrugged.

"Anyway, so I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice," he said oblivious to Neva Kee's annoyance at their whole situation. Neva narrowed his eyes and starred at him for a few moments.

"You're an idiot," said Neva Kee finally. Zoda shrugged.

"Just trying to pass the time," he said.

"Yeah well you're making it seem longer than it should be," said Neva Kee.

"Well maybe if you'd made that stupid holocall like you said you were when we landed," began Zoda.

"I would've made that call if you hadn't chopped the only working holoprojector around here in half because it wouldn't accept you counterfeit money!" Neva shot back.

"I'm not going to pay twenty-five credits just to crank call the Jedi Temple! That's outrageous!" Zoda protested.

"And now we're stuck here!" shouted Neva back at him.

"Not for long," said Zoda staring out at the long line in front of them.

"Oh no you don't!" said Neva. "I'm not getting involved of any your crazy plans!"

"Too late," said Zoda. He grabbed a hold of Neva's wrist and headed straight down the line.

"Hi, how're you doing, Jedi Knight walking, nothing to see here, we were ahead of you, oops, you dropped something, you never saw us, thanks for letting us take your place, no thank you," said Zoda as he used the Force to brainwash everyone in line as they finally made their way up to the front.

"Have you anything to declare?" asked the clearly exhausted attendant.

"No we don't," said Neva Kee quickly before Zoda could say anything.

"Welcome to Alderaan, go straight ahead and to your right for a weapon's check and then you're free to go wherever you want," said the man stamping their passports.

"See told you it'd work," said Zoda smugly.

"Halt, cutting in line!" said an automated droid chasing after them.

"Oops, time to go," said Zoda as he grabbed Neva's wrist.

"Wait," began Neva before Zoda tore off out of the room aided by his Force powers. A green and blue blur raced down the hallway and around a corner before flying into the weapons check room and the door slammed shut by an invisible force leaving the droid new choice but to smash into it and leave a droid shaped indent on the door.

"What?" demanded Zoda of everyone who was looking at them funny. Neva Kee just smacked his forehead and the two advanced up to the weapons searcher.

"And you are?" asked the guard as Neva Kee and Zoda handed him their passports.

"I'm Grand Master Z and this Captain N: The Gamemaster!" said Zoda emphatically. Neva looked at him like he'd gone insane as the worker nodded.

"Yes that's confirmed," he said. Neva then looked at the guard like he'd gone mad before receiving his passport back that indicated that was indeed his name. Neva Kee instantly began turning bright red.

"You need to stay out of the sun more," said Zoda. "Otherwise you'll get sunburned."

"Any weapons to declare?" asked the worker trying to diffuse the situation.

"Nope," said Neva Kee also wanting to forget this day was happening. He had a wand passed over him and it came up empty and Neva passed through the gate.

"And you sir?" asked the guard.

"See for yourself," said Zoda opening up his robe.

"Holy-!" shouted one of the officers.

"Oh my God!" shouted the other hiding behind a counter.

"Zoda you bast-," began Neva.

"No cursing on Alderaan!" snapped Zoda. Neva just held his head in pain.

"This is what took you two hours to do when I wanted to leave right the ship right?" asked Neva.

"More or less," said Zoda with a big grin. Inside his robe he was completely packed with over 50 lightsabers crammed around his body and up his sleeves and down his pant legs. Zoda then stood on top of the tray for collecting weapons and suddenly they all came crashing down easily overflowing the tray.

"I expect all of those back when I leave," said Zoda as he pulled out a necklace filled with metal and a decent sized crystal at the very end of the chain.

"What's that?" demanded Neva Kee.

"I'm Grand Master Z," said Zoda. "I need to keep up my image."

"Oh for the love of," began Neva before he growled to the heavens. "Let's go."

"Coming Captain N," Zoda snuck in before the left the room. As soon as they emerged, Neva Kee seemed to calm down.

"So why the aliases?" he asked finally.

"I don't want the Organas to know I'm here," said Zoda.

"Why?" Neva Kee asked confused.

"They tried to kill me!" Zoda shouted.

Elsewhere: An alarm went off and a shadowy figure ran to a vidscreen. On it popped up the words: ZODA IS NEAR.

"Excellent," said the figure. "It begins."

"What?" demanded Neva Kee. "You're crazy!"

"It's true!" said Zoda as they walked down a major street crowded with people.

"When?" said Neva Kee as he fiddled with the tracking device.

"Twenty years ago!" said Zoda. "I was assigned to protect the royal family from assassins and I did. Then when it was over, they turned on me!"

"Zoda, a lot of people have tried to kill you I will admit to that, but never the Organas!" Neva Kee protested.

Royal Castle: The Organas all sat around a long rectangular table that primarily served as where they ate. Each member remained hushed as the King entered into the room and sat down.

"Are the rumors true?" asked Klip Organa, prince to the throne. The King nodded.

"Yes, Zoda has returned to Alderaan," said the King throwing the photos from the customs building onto the table.

"Finally," said the Queen. "At last we will have revenge."

"And I do not intend to see it slip through our fingers. This is what we have been preparing for during the last twenty years. Before this day is over, Zoda will be dead," said the King ominously.

"…And to make a long story short their house burned down," said Zoda. "For some odd reason they took offense to that although why I don't know."

"I heard about that," said Neva. "I had no idea it was because of you though. Then again it's not like it's that much of a surprise either. You know I was one of the first people to express my deep sorrow over what happened. But regardless, the Organas are not capable of harboring grudges."

"In my experience everybody is capable of harboring grudges, from humans to pets to robots," said Zoda as they walked down another street.

"Speaking of robots, what the hell happened back on Chandrilla when I was speaking to that police commissioner? I turn my back for a moment and suddenly robots are littering the entire area," said Neva Kee.

"No comment," said Zoda quickly.

"Not this time. When my life is in danger because of something you did, which almost always happens, I want to know why that is," said Neva Kee stopping and crossing his arms.

"Well like always it involves money," said Zoda.

"Figures," said Neva Kee. "So who do you owe it to this time?"

"On the contrary, it's not who I owe it too, but to whom owes it to me," said Zoda.

"Wait, someone owes you money?" said Neva incredulously. "Who the hell would be that stupid?"

Chandrilla: The gang members who had held up the hotel were sitting around in their jail cell when suddenly a police officer arrived.

"Well it looks like you're free to go, someone paid for your bond," said the officer opening their cell. The gang members looked at themselves confused as they were led to a room off from the rest and were left alone. As the gang members looked around confused, a much larger door opened, and a massive form slid into the room leaving the gang members in shock.

"I don't believe it," said the leader.

"Believe it," said Jabba the Hutt looking at them. "Because I need you to eliminate Zoda once and for all."

Chandrilla: "Jabba that's who," said Zoda. Neva looked at him like he'd gone insane.

"What kind of idiot do you think I am?" he demanded. "First you tell me the Organas are out to kill you and now you tell me that Jabba owes _you_ money? No, I won't believe it, not this time."

"It's all true!" Zoda vainly protested.

"Why would Jabba owe you money? I still think it's the other way around," said Neva.

"First of all Jabba would know better than to owe me money and second of all he owes me one trugut," said Zoda.

"He's going to kill you over one trugut?" said Neva in disbelief.

"You know those Hutts, they can't stand owing anybody anything," said Zoda.

"And he incurred this debt how?" asked Neva Kee crossing his arms.

"A year ago I was sent in to disrupt one of Jabba's 'business ventures'. Anyway I did, and Jabba told me that he was going to have me killed. So I naturally asked him what if I survive? So he bet me one trugut that I'd be dead within a year and it's almost up," said Zoda.

"Why didn't you bet him anything more?" Neva asked.

"I can't afford to pay him if I loose!" said Zoda. Neva's eyes narrowed at that statement.

"What?" asked Zoda bewildered.

"God you're stupid," Neva Kee said finally.

"Say," said Zoda ignoring his last statement. "Was the street always this empty?"

Neva Kee was about to chide him on his changing of the subject when he too noticed the lack of anybody around.

"That is odd," agreed Neva Kee. Then from around a corner marched a phalanx of royal guards.

"Ah the Organas must've finally realized that I was here and sent a royal escort for me," said Neva Kee. But as the guards approached, the each pulled out a sword and thrust it forward at the group.

"Ah so they have heard of you," said Zoda with a smirk.

"Shut up, there's a perfectly logical explanation for this," said Neva.

"Yeah they want us dead," said Zoda.

"This has to be a mistake," said Neva Kee. The guards rushed them swords drawn.

"Yeah that's it, they want to kill the invisible people behind us," said Zoda sarcastically. "Ah to hell with this, let's rock!"

"No wait!" shouted Neva Kee. "You don't even have a weapon!"

"Yes I do," said Zoda. He snapped out his right arm and the grip of his club flew into it and immediately extended outward causing the guards to briefly pause before continuing their advance. Suddenly Neva's grip flew out into Zoda's left hand and extended as well and Zoda was gone. He leapt up in the air and began blocking slash after slash before slamming his clubs against the various soldiers. After a couple minutes the soldiers were all lying around dazed and bruised as Zoda finally landed on his two feet.

"Don't take on a Jedi, boys, weapon or no weapon," said Zoda as the clubs retracted into the grips. As he tossed Neva Kee his grip back, a blaster bolt hit the ground right in front of them throwing dirt and sparks everywhere as one of the dazed guards suddenly produced the weapon.

"No, the Royal Guard would never have weapons!" said Neva Kee as Zoda just rolled his eyes and shook his head in shame.

"You know that's not going to stop me right?" he asked of the guard. The guard just glared at him.

"You do not have any way to defend against this, your lightsabers were confiscated back at customs and not even you can deflect a blaster bolt," said the guard stumbling to his feet.

Zoda nodded. "You're right I can't. But I didn't give up all of my lightsabers."

"You lie," said the guard aiming at him.

"Do I," Zoda challenged as the guard fired at him. But suddenly Zoda's chains ripped off of his neck and were suspended in midair before snapping apart and forming a rod all around the crystal that was the centerpiece of the necklace. The rod then snapped together and flew to Zoda's hand as he hit the button on it and a lightsaber blade shot out the end. Zoda then swung the blade and it easily connected and rush back at the guard hitting his blaster and blowing it to pieces as the guard held his hands in pain. Zoda shut off the blade and walked up to the guard.

"You'll live," he said simply as Neva stared at him in shock.

"You lied to me!" he said.

"No," said Zoda. "I gave them all the weapons I had. An unassembled weapon is _not_ a weapon."

"In your hands anything is a weapon," Neva snorted. Zoda just groaned.

"Let's just find our balls and get the hell out of here," said Zoda starting to walk off. Suddenly several hovercars landed all around them and dozens of guards emerged and surrounded the entire area.

"Oh great, more bucketheads," grumbled Zoda as he brandished his hilt but did not extend the blade.

"You realize you could go to jail for this," said Neva Kee.

"I'm not afraid," said Zoda. Neva looked at him perplexed.

"Aren't you afraid of anything?" he asked.

"Only a fool fears nothing," responded the Jedi. "But fear is the path to the dark side so I just don't think about it."

"And yet that somehow explains your entire outlook on life," observed Neva Kee as a massive hoverlimo landed nearby.

"Shutup!" said Zoda.

"No!" said Neva Kee. "I'm the professional negotiator here and you have no right to talk back to me. So you shutup!"

"Can it!" Zoda shouted back at him as the King exited his limo and advanced towards them. "I'm a Jedi I can deal with this!"

"You're way in over your head," said Neva Kee oblivious to the King's approach.

"I'm the best there ever was," said Zoda. "The best there ever will be."

"If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you," said Neva.

"Ahem," said the King.

"Hey but out!" said Zoda.

"My liege!" said Neva eyes wide as he bowed. Zoda just groaned and rolled his eyes at the display of patronage.

"Ah Neva Kee," said the King also dipping his head. "Who is your friend?"

"You know who I am," said Zoda angrily. "And I know you're out to kill me."

"Oh I assure you I have no intentions of killing anyone," said the King innocently.

"Do the words 'burn in hell' mean anything to you?" asked Zoda.

"No," said the King humbly. "But Neva Kee it is good to see you again. Why did you not contact me sooner?"

"Circumstances led to me being unable to reach a comm. station to talk to you," said Neva as he briefly eyed Zoda who just rolled his eyes. "But it is good to see you."

"And you as well come, come," said the King motioning to his limo. "Please we would be honored to have you and your friend join us for dinner."

"We would be honored," said Neva Kee quickly before Zoda could protest. The King nodded and motioned towards his limo.

"We'll join you later, right now we have some pressing business to attend to," said Neva. The King nodded.

"7:00, don't be late," said the King with a smile as he got into his limo. Instantly a scowl came over his face at the anger of not being able to get rid of Zoda so quickly.

"_His time will come, his time will come_," thought the King with an evil grin.

Down below Neva Kee and Zoda watched the limo fly off before both breathed a sigh of relief.

"C'mon let's go hit our balls," said Neva walking off. Zoda meanwhile began chuckling furiously.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" demanded Neva Kee.

"Oh nothing," said Zoda with a big grin.

"Cough it up!" Neva shouted. Zoda pulled a license plate out of his robe that read: THEKING.

"Just a little something that caught me eye," said Zoda with an even bigger grin.

"Oy Pah Nagoya!" said Neva before he broke down and started sobbing as Zoda began laughing even harder.

Elsewhere: "Oh I'm so sorry your highness," said the police officer embarrassed. The officer had pulled over the limo because it was missing its rear license plate but he had no idea it was the King's.

"How can I be missing my rear license plate the King demanded?" as he walked to the back of the vehicle with the officer while various other vehicles wizzed by above them, some of their patrons laughing at the King. As they rounded the vehicle they noticed that yes indeed the plate was gone.

"What could've done this?" asked the King. "There are no marks or anything."

"No fingerprints either," said the officer looking through some special glasses.

"You're suggesting that someone managed to take off my license plate without even touching my vehicle!" demanded the King. "I should have you arrested for insanity. No one could possibly do that!"

"Actually sir, I do know of one 'person' who could do that," admitted the officer.

"I command you to tell me," said the King darkly.

"A Jedi sir," said the officer frankly.

"A Jedi?" said the King dumbfounded.

"Yes," said the officer. "A Jedi could use the Force and unscrew your license plate without ever touching your vehicle. Or so I've been told I've never actually seen one myself. But again it's speculation after all why would a Jedi want to humiliate you?"

At this point the King had turned bright red in anger.

"Just, leave before I do something we'll both regret," said the King. The officer nodded but handed him a slip of paper.

"What's this?" asked the King.

"I still have a ticket, sorry sir," said the cop. The King promptly yelled at the heavens as the cop subsequently ran off.

Bay: "What the hell was that?" demanded Neva Kee as they heard the soft roar.

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Zoda as Neva groaned.

"Nevermind I don't want to know," said Neva.

"Yeah!" agreed Zoda. "Less talking and more rowing!"

The two were in a small rowboat as Neva Kee grunted as he pushed and pulled on the massive paddles.

"We would've been there by now if you hadn't chopped the engine in half," Neva grumbled.

"It wouldn't start," said Zoda. "It got what it deserved."

"For the last time, if something doesn't work you can't just chop it in half! That solves nothing!" Neva Kee protested.

"Well it does solve one thing," Zoda surmised.

"And what's that?" asked Neva.

"Whether or not you're going to get your security deposit back," said Zoda with a grin. Instantly an oar connected with his head and he fell over the side of the boat into the water.

"Help, help!" said Zoda splashing in the water. "I can't swim!"

"Shut up," said Neva knowing it wasn't true. Zoda stopped and looked at him nonplussed.

"You hit me with an oar!" he said as Neva moved away from him.

"You deserved it, find your own way to the island," said Neva.

"Well maybe I…AAAAHHHHH!" shouted Zoda as a massive fish popped up out of the water and swallowed him whole. Neva stopped rowing and looked at the floating fish before consulting his watch.

"3…2….1," he said. A 'shrum' sound was heard and the fish opened it's eyes real wide before it exploded flinging bone, blood, and guts everywhere before Zoda was suddenly propelled back into the boat.

"Well that was fun," he said wiping off his blood smeared face. Neva Kee meanwhile had just dug himself out of a mess of entrails.

"This is why weapons are banned on Alderaan!" he shouted before puking over the side of the boat. Zoda shrugged.

"They're missing out," he said. Neva wiped his mouth before turning to the Jedi angrily.

"Just get us to that island without any more 'incidents'," said the diplomat angrily. Zoda shrugged.

"Yes master," he said condescendingly as the boat lifted up out of the water and rocketed towards the island by a mysterious power.

Chandrilla: Jabba stood there eyeing the gang before him.

"Zoda is currently on Alderaan and I need you to terminate him with extreme prejudice," said the Hutt.

"And in return?" asked the Toecutter, the leader of the gang.

"You are all set free with no prior records in existence," said Jabba. "But if you fail…well just make sure that you don't."

"Hey we haven't agreed to anything!" protested Johnny the boy, the youngest member of the gang.

"Naïve fool, when dealing with a Hutt you simply don't have a choice," said Jabba leaving. "Remember, he's on Alderaan. I await your results."

Johnny was about to go after him when he was stopped by the Nightrider, yet another member of the gang.

"C'mon let's get this over with," said Toecutter snapping a new charge into his blaster rifle. "That imp owes us big time."

Island: "Nice to see we'll be teeing off on less than dangerous circumstances," said Neva Kee looking up into the late afternoon horizon.

"Where to this time Cheech?" asked Zoda also looking up to the sky.

"Kuat," said Neva Kee. "It's the starship capital of the galaxy."

"Oh this out to be good," said Zoda with a grin. Neva sighed and planted his club.

"Don't tell me you pissed off Lord Kuat," said Neva Kee shaking his head. "I to use his repair bays to give my ship a maintenance check."

"Let's just say we've crossed paths," said Zoda. "And surprisingly he does me a favor."

"Let's just tee off before things get worse," Neva Kee grumbled. Zoda grinned and swung his club as the ball went rocketing off. Neva Kee followed suit and both balls vanished into the orange sky.

"So let's go after them," said Zoda excitedly. Neva Kee shook his head.

"No, we have a dinner rendezvous with the King," said Neva Kee.

"Oh well have fun then," said Zoda.

"You're coming too," said Neva.

"Like hell I will," Zoda protested. "He's just using that as an excuse to lure me to my doom."

"Two things, first that's not true. Second, when has Zoda ever backed down from a challenge?" asked Neva as they both got back in the boat.

"So send us back to shore," said Neva.

"No," said Zoda crossing his arms.

"Why not?" demanded Neva Kee.

"Ummm...my midichlorians are tired, that's it!" said Zoda happily.

"Oh shut up," said Neva taking the oars and pushing them off shore. "Midicholrians have nothing to do with the Force and you know it!"

"They are symbiotic life forms that tell us the will of the Force!" Zoda said. "Not even you can deny that."

"And since when have you ever obeyed the will of the Force?" Neva Kee asked mockingly as he rowed out into the bay. Zoda grumbled something before practicing his quick draw with his lightsaber.

"You know you probably shouldn't do that," said Neva Kee as he continued rowing. Zoda shut off his lightsaber and dropped his arms.

"Why?" he asked confused. At that exact moment his finger accidentally brushed the activation trigger and the lightsaber shot out through the bottom of the boat.

"Whoops," said Zoda wide-eyed as water began pouring in through the newly formed hole.

"That's why," said Neva Kee annoyed as he tossed him a small plastic bucket.

"Start bailing," he shouted. The two went at it fiercely.

"Holy sithspit that's a lot of water," said Zoda as they both realized they were fighting a loosing battle.

"Just keep bailing idiot!" said Neva Kee. The front part of the boat started dipping lower into the water as the back end rose up higher and higher.

"Aaah!' shouted Zoda as he past Neva Kee and stood near the end as the big began sinking lower and lower.

"The Titanic had more dignity going down than this," said Neva Kee shaking his head as he held on while the rowboat went almost vertical.

"The what?" Zoda asked confused.

"Forget it," said Neva as he swam free of the boat while Zoda still stood on the end.

"God save the Queen!" shouted Zoda as the boat went under leaving both of them alone floating in the water.

"So now what?" asked Zoda as tranquility spread over the area.

"We start swimming for shore," said Neva Kee moving off.

"Oh, okay," said Zoda swimming alongside him as well.

Silence descended on the two punctuated only by water being churned.

"There goes your security deposit for real this time," said Zoda after a couple moments.

"Well when you name a boat _Exxon Valdez_ you kind of expect it to end badly," Neva Kee responded as they neared the shore. The both dragged themselves onto the shore sopping wet and extremely tired from all of the swimming. The fact that it was now night time and the temperature had dropped didn't help that much either.

"We're never going to be dry in time for meeting the King," said Neva wringing out his sleeves.

"Meh," said Zoda shrugging. "Well ordinarily I wouldn't do this but since I do owe you a boat you're about to see my good deed for the decade."

Zoda yanked out a lighter and flicked it on. He swiped it across the sky and a ball of flame instantly formed thanks to his Force powers. It suddenly enveloped the two of them before dissipating leaving them both a little cooked but otherwise dry.

"Thank you," said Neva. "Not let's go."

"No! I'm not going!" Zoda protested as he stopped walking.

"Yes you are," said Neva Kee grabbing him by the collar and dragging the stubborn Jedi behind him. "You're going and you're going to like it."

"No!"

"Stop acting like a child and come on!" said Neva. At that exact moment the wind whipped around them as the hoverlimo dropped down in front of them.

"Zoda, Neva Kee, I was worried you might be late so I figured I'm come and get you," said the King exiting from the limo. "I heard about your little accident I'm sorry I'm so late."

"Get bent!" said Zoda as Neva Kee continued dragging him into the limo.

"What he means to say is that we'd be happy to uphold your dinner invitation," said Neva before hissing at Zoda. "And you swore you'd follow my commands Zoda. That was the details of our arrangement."

Zoda grumbled something again but sat down in the limo without further protest and a moment later it was off.

Space: A group of intergalactic spacecycles roared out of hyperspace before descending on the planet Alderaan below.

Castle: Zoda and the others sat around the large ceremonial dinner table as exquisite foods were brought before them.

"Not eating?" asked the King when Zoda refused to touch anything.

"No," said Zoda. "But if you want to experience the whole experience of me eating, here's a 'crash' course."

BBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!

Before Neva Kee could protest Zoda let loose with a massive belch seemingly enhanced by his Force powers that flung all the dishes off of the table effectively leveling the place.

"There," said Zoda wiping his hands. "Or should I say tada? Either way my buddy Kirby would be proud."

With that he leaned back in his chair and whistled as the others looked at him shell shocked.

"So anyway Neva what brings you to our fair planet?" asked the King trying to make small talk.

"Oh just passing through," said Neva. "Checking out the sights, the local flavoring, you know how it is."

"I see, and how exactly did you come to need the protection of a Jedi Knight?" asked the King.

"Diplomacy is a dangerous business and I need the most dangerous Jedi to protect me. But the strange thing is, is that he seems insistent that you mean to kill him," said Neva Kee drinking some water.

"But I am trying to kill him," said the King. Neva Kee did an immediate spit take.

"What? Why?" he asked.

"Didn't you tell him?" asked the King to Zoda. Zoda just shrugged.

"He didn't believe me," responded the Jedi.

"In defending our home from assassins he managed to get it burned to the ground and for that he must die," said the King. "We've sworn a blood oath to it and if it is in our power ever generation of Organa will do their best to eliminate him."

"Yeah," said Zoda. "But in the end I did warn them it was a bad decision to hole up in their house."

"No you did not," said the King. "You said it was the perfect place to hide."

"You may have deluded yourself into believing that, but it's not true," said Zoda.

"Why you-!" began the King.

"Look," said Zoda. "Can we just get this over with I have lot to do."

"Very well," agreed the King before he snapped his fingers. Instantly twenty guards filed into the room and stood around the table.

"You expect these bucketheads to defeat me?" Zoda asked as his lightsaber flipped on along with his club extending outward. In response all of the guards extended lightsabers as well, lightsabers that had been confiscated from Zoda at the beginning of their trip.

"Not on their own, no," admitted the King. "However, know this, their armor is made up of cortosis ore meaning your lightsaber will never cut through them."

"I expected that," said Zoda as he levitated an apple towards him. "But even the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the…"

Instantly the apple dropped down onto the table. Zoda looked at it confused and tried to call it to him but couldn't.

"We also obtained a ysalamiri to block your Force powers," said the King as a ysalamiri in a cage with a nutrient feeding tube was brought into the room.

"Okay that I wasn't anticipating," Zoda admitted.

CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

However at that exact moment stained glass flew everywhere as several spacebikes came roaring into the banquet hall.

"And that strangely enough I was," said Zoda as he ducked under the table as the Toecutter's gang opened fire on everything in sight with the Organas and the guards firing back. Underneath he met up with Neva Kee.

"You know I gotta hand it to you," said Zoda. "This dinner was more exciting than I thought it would be."

"I'm glad you approve," said Neva sarcastically as he covered his head as more glass fell everywhere along with the roar of motorbikes and laserfire. Son explosions began going off blasting pieces of stone all over the place.

"You know what to do," said Zoda standing up and taking out his saber.

"What about that ysalamiri?" asked Neva as he pressed the beacon call on his wristwatch. At that moment a large explosion split the table in two causing it to collapse inwards.

"No longer a problem," said Zoda running off. He leapt over the side of the table with his lightsaber and began deflecting laser bolts left and right. He then dodged a couple of stray lightsaber swings before the firing abruptly stopped.

"Look!" shouted the King to the Toecutter. "Can we at least kill Zoda and then shoot ourselves later?"

"Yeah I guess so," said the Toecutter. They all aimed their weapons at Zoda who just laughed.

"You can't defeat me," he said with a grin.

"Yes we can Mary-Sue," said Toecutter aiming his gun at him. Zoda just shook his head and threw off his robe revealing dozens of small metallic disks all around his jumpsuit underneath.

"What the?" asked the King confused. Zoda grinned even larger as suddenly every lightsaber in the room flew towards him and ignited.

"No!" said the Toecutter as every lightsaber attached to a single saucer on his jumpsuit resulting in Zoda being nearly covered with lightsabers all extending outwards.

"Just a little something I cooked up for a situation like this," Zoda explained.

"Fire!" shouted the King. Dozens of laser blasts flew out at the flourescant Jedi but all were reflected by either Zoda's pair of dueling sabers he had reacquired or the various lightsabers around his body.

"Heh, heh, heh," he laughed. The Toecutter growled and grabbed a piece of armor laying around and hopped on his bike and raced straight at him.

"Die Jedi!" he shouted. But before his bike could connect with the Jedi it froze in midair. As Zoda stood there straining to keep the bike still the Toecutter flung the piece of cortosis ore at him. Zoda could barely divert enough energy to barely change it's course from hitting him, but it connected with some of the lightsabers on his back shorting them out.

"Oh great," said Zoda looking at his back. Unfortunately that diversion caused him to loose grip on the bike and it plowed into him despite having the front end melted by his still activated sabers. The Toecutter wrestled with the bike, thanks to its now damaged steering system, as it went roaring around the banquet hall as both sides opened fire trying to hit the now exposed Jedi. Zoda meanwhile was struggling to free himself from the bike when suddenly a laser bolt ricocheted off of a lightsaber and smashed into the fuel tank.

"Oh no," Zoda and the Toecutter said. The bike exploded flinging both in different directions and lighting the whole place on fire.

"Not again!" shouted the King. At that moment Zoda's rear lightsabers reactivated and soon fire leapt up everywhere along with smoke.

"Well Kee time to go," said Zoda. Neva Kee appeared from underneath the table and moved steadily towards the window before the King blocked their path.

"You're not going anywhere," shouted the King over the raging inferno as everyone else ran for the exits.

"Yes we are," said Zoda. "Now get out of my way."

"No," said the King producing a sword.

"You expect that to stop me?" asked Zoda confused.

"It's also made of cortosis ore," said the King happily. Zoda just held his head in disgrace as all of his lightsabers deactivated and moved into their clips around his bodysuit as he put back on his robe. The King meanwhile executed a lengthy sword display despite the fact that the whole area was burning to the ground around him. The King then finished with his sword pointed straight at Zoda.

"What do you have to say to that?" demanded the King. Zoda sighed and shook his head in disgrace before pulling out a blaster and shooting him.

"Idiot," said Zoda putting the gun away.

"You didn't kill him did you?" asked Neva.

"Not in a story rated K+ I didn't," said Zoda. "He's stunned."

Zoda then used the Force to levitate the King down the side of the building and laid him carefully on the ground before Force slapping him awake.

"Let's fly," said Zoda.

"Oh I hate this part," said Neva shaking his head. The two leapt out the side of the building and went falling down the side before Neva's ship rocketed underneath and scooped them both up before taking off towards the stratosphere. Inside Zoda and Neva Kee made their way to the cockpit.

"Any sign of pursuit?" Zoda asked. Laser blasts tore up the space around the ship as the remaining bikers and Alderaan police force chased after them.

"Does that answer your question?" Neva Kee asked.

"I dunno, does it?" Zoda asked. Neva smacked him on the shoulder.

"Ow! Heh, heh, heh," laughed the Jedi.

"Just pull the coordinates for Kuat from the navicomputer," said Neva Kee as he worked to avoid the laser blasts. Zoda shrugged and manually entered them in.

"Just like that?" Neva Kee asked. "No checking the navicomputer?"

"Let's just say this isn't the first time I've had to run from Alderaan to Kuat before," said Zoda simply.

"Alright then," said Neva Kee. "Punch it!"

The ship blasted off into hyperspace leaving the ragtag fleet behind.

"What now?" asked Johnny the boy.

"It's not over yet," said the Nightrider. "We'll track them and eliminate them. No one makes a fool of us."


	4. Kuat

Anguirus111 Note: The order of the planets that Zoda and Neva Kee are going to, does have an order because they're somewhat spiraling outside of the center of the galaxy in a way(according to the galactic maps out there). What's ultimately happening is they're going to make a major detour and pass through some other planets including Tatooine before heading down the line of planets from Hoth to Bespin to Dagobah, etc. and will probably end up in the unknown regions making this a long story. Oh yeah, you want to know what a YT-2000 looks like play X-Wing Alliance.

Kuat: Two golf balls emerged from hyperspace and went flying towards the massive Kuat Drive Yards. In the control room 40 year old Lord Kuat, the latest family member to inherit control of the yards, entered as the alarms rang out.

"How come you did not detect them sooner?" demanded Kuat.

"They emerged from hyperspace!" a technician exclaimed. "Small objects simply do not do that! It has to be an attack!"

"Calm down," said Kuat. "Get me a visual, what are they?"

An image on the viewscreen popped up of the two objects soaring towards them.

"They're small white and dimpled and don't have much mass," said the technician. The viewscreen zoomed in on the two objects revealing them in greater detail.

"Oh I know what those are," said Kuat. "Granted I am surprised I'd see them in space, but I guess I should've expected it. Where're they coming from?"

"Alderaan," said the technician. Kuat nodded.

"Very good," he said. "Listen, in a few moments a ship should be coming out of hyperspace with the occupant requesting to see me. Give him clearance and tell him I'll be waiting."

"What about the two objects?" asked the technician.

"Are they going to hit the yards?" Kuat asked.

"No," responded the technician. "But they will impact with the planet somewhere along the Key Peninsula."

"Well as long as they don't hit a populated area let them go," said Kuat. "And if you touch them I'll have you eliminated."

With that he left and a couple hours later a blue ship emerged from hyperspace.

Neva Kee's ship: "Ah good ol' KDY, perhaps the only place left in the galaxy that I can find refuge at," said Zoda as the ship reverted to realspace.

"I must admit to being surprised at that, the Kuats aren't known for their hospitality…or their lack of xenophobia," said Neva Kee a little nervously.

"This Kuat's an okay kind of guy," said Zoda as he pulled the ship towards a checkpoint consisting of a pair of Firespray attack ships. "Besides his family owes me much more than any xenophobia could override."

"Such as?" asked Neva Kee as he prepared to transmit his ship's ID to the Firesprays.

"I started a war for them," said Zoda simply. Neva looked at him wide-eyed as Zoda laughed.

"It's not like that," said Zoda. "A few years back I pissed off the Intergalactic Banking Clan on Munillist so they bought a bunch of ships from them to try and kill me. Well eventually they simmered down but the Kuats were extremely grateful for my meddling so they could finally surpass the people at Bilbringi and Fondor."

"Oh, well as long as no one died," said Neva Kee.

"Pacifist," said Zoda sticking his tongue out at him as the ship stopped between the two Firesprays. Neva Kee didn't bother to respond as Neva Kee transmitted his data.

"Purpose for visit?" asked a voice over the comm.

"We're here to see Lord Kuat," said Zoda. Silence descended on the comm. before both of the Firespray's opened fire as Zoda grinned and hit the accelerator. The ship roared forward as the ships pursued it.

"Your friend huh?" asked Neva Kee buckling himself in.

"He's just testing my flying abilities," said Zoda as he twisted the ship into a corkscrew and flew between a pair of heavy cruisers. A few more gut wrenching twists and dives and the ship headed straight towards a Golan III platform spitting fire at them. Zoda threw the ship into a tight spin as he headed for the thing.

"Does this thing have any weapons?" asked Zoda as the laser blasts began hitting the forward shields.

"None that you would know how to operate," said Neva Kee ominously. "And none that wouldn't result in the destruction of that Golan III, shields and all."

"You lie," said Zoda not sure what to think.

"I'm a diplomat, I don't do that," said Neva Kee. "You're thinking of a politician, they're not the same."

"But I though diplomacy involves making the impossible, possible," said Zoda as he continued twisting the ship around and around.

"Yes it is," said Neva Kee trying not to hurl when looking at the spinning Golan platform.

"But isn't it also said that 'politics is the art of the possible'?" asked Zoda. Neva's eyes went wide as he heard that.

"How did you know that?" he demanded. Zoda shrugged as the ship roared through the empty center bay of the platform before instantly setting down.

"I picked up a radio signal on my Delta-1 when I was trying to tune it to the right radio station and there was some guy saying that stuff," said Zoda as he powered down the ship.

"Interesting," said Neva Kee. "I didn't realize the signal went both ways."

"Huh?" asked Zoda confused as they disembarked the ship.

"Just forget it," said Neva Kee before he dove to the deck as laser blasts flew overhead as the two Firespray's entered into the docking tube blazing hot plasma.

"Excuse me a moment," said Zoda stepping out into the open of the virtually empty bay. Both of his dueling sabers shot out and he began deflecting the laser blasts left and right before swinging both sabers so that the blades were pointed behind him as he threw up his hands and suddenly both Firespray's slammed into the deck flinging debris everywhere before grounding to a halt.

"Well let's go," said Zoda putting his sabers away. Neva Kee brushed himself and together the two headed for a doorway while the pilots of the two other vessels dragged themselves out of their ships and lay panting on the floor. Zoda and Neva Kee entered into a cargo bay on the side and instantly a massive chain with a hook on the end came swinging down right at them from above. Time seemed to slow down for Neva Kee as the chain seemed to move slower and slower until it stopped right next to Zoda's head. But time hadn't stopped, the chain had as Zoda hopped onto the hook and time sped up again as the chain continued its arc around the room before swinging back on the other side of the room where Zoda's lightsaber shot out and cut through a battle droid emerging from the other side of the room before Zoda hopped off as the chain embedded itself in the far wall. As Zoda shook his head to restore his equilibrium, an individual appeared clapping his hands.

"Very good, very good I expected nothing less from you," said the individual. Zoda walked up to the tall individual in a business outfit and held out his fist.

"How's it going Lord Cumquat," said Zoda. Lord Kuat held out his fist as well.

"Long time no see…Grand Master Z," said Kuat as the two tapped fists.

"So how's business?" asked Zoda as they two advanced towards Neva Kee.

"Terrible, this era of peace is wreaking havoc on business," said Kuat. "I sell and make warships not diplomatic vessels. Ugh, this was not what Kuat was created for!"

"But isn't peace just prep time for warfare?" asked Zoda with a grin.

"Six hundred years of 'preparation' is a bit much don't you think?" asked Kuat shaking his head.

"I wouldn't know," said Zoda as they stopped next to Neva Kee.

"Care to start a war for me again?" asked Kuat with a smirk.

"Sorry but I'm already busy with other things," said Zoda putting away his lightsabers.

"Ah yes, no doubt it has something to do with those golf balls that appeared nearby a couple hours back," Kuat surmised. Zoda nodded and Kuat shrugged.

"Greetings Lord Kuat," said Neva Kee as he reached out his hand. "I am Neva Kee and it is an honor to meet you."

Lord Kuat looked down at the little blue alien with disdain and contempt.

"Who is this?" Kuat asked to Zoda.

"He's Neva Kee, esteemed diplomat, he's cool," said Zoda. "A beat preachy but otherwise an okay kinda guy. You mind giving his ship a tune up while we're here?"

"Okay," said Kuat finally. "But only because you seem to have so much faith in him. So what brings you here?"

"Running from King Koopa again," said Zoda as Neva Kee left upset at being spited.

"You and those Alderaanians," said Kuat shaking his head. "Well I can't blame you they're hardly my friends either. So who else are you running from?"

"Jabba," said Zoda. "Somehow I suspect the Organas and the Armalite Gang who Jabba sent after me might come after me again."

"If they come here we'll deal with them," said Kuat. "Anything else you need?"

"Just a ride to the surface," said Zoda simply. Kuat nodded.

"Bay Twelve has a Corellian YT-2000 freighter, take that," said Kuat. Zoda nodded, bowed and left. He met up with Neva Kee who was glaring angrily at the wall.

"Let's go blue boy," said Zoda emanating false optimism as Neva Kee's brooding.

"I hate this planet I should never have come here," said Neva Kee. "The xenomorphism drives me mad."

"Well let's just go and be done with it," said Zoda. "Then we can leave in peace."

"Kuat controls the yards but even he cannot completely control the planet below," said Neva Kee. "We can only expect trouble that not even a negotiator can deal with."

"And that is why the Jedi exist," said Zoda with a grin as headed for Bay Twelve. "We go where even diplomats fear to tread."

"Or just simply know better," said Neva beginning to smile.

"Let's rock," said Zoda as they entered into the bay while behind them Kuatian technicians began tuning up the ambassador's ship. An instant later the YT-2000 came roaring out of the bay before sideswiping one of the side wall and blasting off towards the planet below.

"Good ol' Corellian Engineering Corporation technology," said Zoda in the forward pilot's seat before taking the ship into another spin. "It just can't be beat."

"I'm sure Lord Kuat would be disappointed to hear you say that," said Neva Kee keeping his eyes closed to avoid hurling; he was currently seating above and behind Zoda in the copilot's seat. "KDY _is_ trying to break into the starfighter market."

"Yeah and they're dissecting every ship they can get their hands on too," said Zoda as the ship plunged into the atmosphere of Kuat amidst a massive electrical storm assaulting the capital.

"Hmmm, I guess their weather controller is on the fritz," said Zoda as lightning bolts flew past their ship.

"Shouldn't we set down?" asked Neva Kee. "This is bad flying weather for any ship."

"Nonsense," said Zoda. "See, there's the capital city in the distance, we'll be fine."

Suddenly a lightning bolt slammed into the ship frying all the power.

"Whoops," said Zoda. Neva Kee just slapped his forehead as the ship suddenly found itself hurtling towards the ground.

"Great, just great," said Neva Kee annoyed.

"Meh, nothing a little backup generator can't fix," said Zoda hitting a button on his panel. But to his dismay nothing happened.

"Ummm," he said unsure. Neva shook his head.

"No power?" he asked.

"I don't understand," said Zoda unbuckling himself and heading for the rear cargo hold. "That should've worked."

The two advanced into the cargo hold and Zoda removed a panel revealing an empty space filled with loose wire.

"Oh. Well I guess that explains that," said Zoda wiping of his hands.

"No backup generator, huh?" said Neva exasperated. "Well that's just great!"

"Guess KDY tech's took it out to examine it but forgot to put it back in. Course given our current string of luck this can hardly come as a surprise," said Zoda heading back for the cockpit.

"Yeah I guess you're right," admitted Neva Kee as both buckled themselves into the cockpit as the ground was almost right in front of them. Zoda grabbed the intercom to the rest of the ship and flipped it on.

"This is your captain speaking and we've nearly reached our destination. We hope you've enjoyed our flight and thank you for flying with ZOD airlines," said Zoda.

"Zoda?" asked Neva Kee as the Jedi hung the comm. back on its holster.

"Yeah?" asked Zoda as the ship began taking out the tops of the taller trees.

"I want a refund," said the ambassador finally as the ship plowed into the ground flinging dirt, mud, and trees everywhere.

A couple hours later: Sunlight streamed into the forest and along the trail of destruction left by the crashed YT-2000. Along one of the top maintenance hatches, a squeaking and groaning was heard before a blade of energy shot out and made a circle around the hatch. A couple seconds later and it went flying upwards into the sky before landing nearby.

"Ah fresh air!" said Zoda breathing in the morning air. "No more of that recycled crap."

He hopped off of the right mandible as Neva Kee followed suit. A couple small fires were burning themselves out on the scorched hull but Neva Kee was thankful the whole forest hadn't gone up in flames.

"Well let's go," said Neva Kee trundling off. Zoda meanwhile was looking at the scorched hatch when he heard that comment.

"Where to?" asked Zoda confused.

"To the capital city so we can acquire a transporter to reach out golf balls and then get ourselves back into orbit," said Neva Kee.

"Cool," said Zoda Force flicking the hatch over his shoulder. The hatch flew over end over end before embedding itself into a tree. Unfortunately the end of the hatch was still smoldering from Zoda's lightsaber and as such the tree burst into flames which quickly spread to all the other trees in the area.

"Say," said Zoda after a couple moments. "Do you smell something burning?"

"It's probably nothing," said Neva Kee not bothering to turn around but breaking out into a run pursued by Zoda. The forest meanwhile continued going up in flames as several firefighting speeders appeared and then the fire reached the YT-2000 causing it to blow up creating a massive enough seismic tremor to fling Zoda and Neva Kee off of their feet as the fire closed in on them.

Several hours later: Two burnt and crispy creatures emerged from the woods and straight into the capital city of Kuat as in the far background the last vestiges of the fire were being put out. Zoda coughed and black smoke emerged from his mouth before he immediately covered it in embarrassment. Neva Kee just shook his blackened head and smacked Zoda upside the head.

"Idiot," said the negotiator. "Now we're in a xenophobic society with no cash, no weapons, and having just started the greatest forest fire in this planet's history."

"Just like on Kuan Dar," said the Jedi with a big grin as more smoke began pouring out of his mouth upon which he promptly covered up his mouth again.

The negotiator groaned. "Don't remind me."

The negotiator tossed Zoda a small plastic container.

"Take a breath mint," said Neva Kee waving his hand in front of his face. "You smell...more so than usual I might add."

Zoda shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess using my Force powers to suck in all that smoke to give us some more air to breath was probably a little short sighted."

"I should say so," said Neva Kee as the two advanced down the metropolitan street with more than a few odd looks from the inhabitants.

"I'd never thought I'd ever say this," said Neva Kee a little nervous and embarrassed. "But do you have any working lightsabers on you?"

Zoda pulled out a single charred hilt.

"This is the only one I brought with me but unfortunately it's power core overheated and it's going to take at least a few hours for it to finally cool down to be usable, otherwise if I turn it on it'll explode," said the Jedi.

"Are there any Jedi that you know about on this planet?" asked the negotiator.

"None that I know of, course even if there were I don't think they'd want to have anything to do with me," said Zoda.

"Great," said Neva Kee as the walked down another path. "How good are your Force powers?"

"I'm exhausted," admitted Zoda. "I probably haven't slept since we began this jaunt making that somewhere near 46 hours."

"46 hours and I've already been put through hell three times," said Neva Kee before adding. "You're slipping Z, it should've been at least ten by now."

"Yeah sorry about that, but I was exiled on Coruscant for twenty years following that incident on Alderaan so I've been out of practice. But I guarantee to make thing better…or is it worse…better?" said Zoda confused.

"Just don't do anything that'll get us killed," Neva Kee added as he turned down another busy street again to more disgusted looks by the inhabitants.

"So where're we going?" asked Zoda confused. "It's been awhile since I've been on Kuat's surface to know where we are."

"We're headed for the local branch of the Galactic Bank so I can access some funds if all goes well," said Neva Kee.

"Meaning?" asked the Jedi. The negotiator sighed.

"Remember what you said about our recent string of luck? Somehow I see it tugging at us again sometime in the near future," he said and then stopped talking as silence descended on the two travelers.

Galactic Bank: Keira Kiley, a twenty-five year old business major, was sitting bored behind the teller's stand as she waited for somebody to show up. She knew that working in a bank wasn't the most exciting profession out there, but she hoped that at least one exciting thing would happen in her life. After all she had transferred here from Coruscant in the hope of that but so far nothing.

"_Hopefully I'll get a transfer to some interesting planet like Corellia or something_," she thought with a grin before her thoughts returned to the present as the bell rang indicating the door opening. Or to be precise the door blew open thank to an unknown force and some wind blew in as two short aliens strode in, one blue the other with long ears and from the looks of things they were in a mild argument.

"Now let me do the talking," said blue.

"Why?" demanded long ears.

"I don't want any mind tricks you hear?" said blue.

"Bah humbug," said long ears.

"That and you're broke," added blue as they advanced to Keira.

"It's not my fault the council revoked my spending datachit," long ears protested.

"You used it for personal expenses when trying to build that quantum tri-fecta lightsaber," said blue. "Where is that anyway?"

"Ah the council impounded the thing for being too deadly for a Jedi to possess. That and they can't understand how it works, course neither do I but still," said long ears as they got to the teller booth.

"How may I help you?" asked Keira.

"I'm here to make a transfer-withdrawal please," said blue as long ears began playing with a nearby pen that was attached by a wire to its base.

"My I have your identification please?" asked Keira.

"You don't need to see his identification," said long ears waving his hand before blue smacked his hand down.

"I told you to cut it out!" shouted blue.

"Sorry," said long ears with a grin. "I guess you'd call it a 'Force' of habit? Wha, ha, ha, ha."

Long ears began laughing hysterically as Keira raised an eyebrow. Blue just held his head in agony.

"He's lacking a few marbles," Blue tried to explain.

"Clearly," said Keira ignoring the courtesy pledge the bank had. Blue produced his ID card.

"My name is Neva Kee and my insane companion here is Zoda," said the diplomat. "We're passing through and our temporary transport gave out on us so I we just need some quick cash. 2,000 creds out to be enough and please put it on a single chit."

"Well that shouldn't be too difficult," said Keira as she pressed a button and a droid went to go get the appropriate chit.

"So how's the banking business?" asked Neva.

"Depends, how's diplomacy?" asked Keira. Neva looked at Zoda who was wiping tears from his eyes.

"Overrated," he said simply. "And thanks for being so courteous most Kuati aren't towards aliens."

"I'm not Kuati that's why," explained Keira. Neva Kee nodded.

"You're Coruscanti aren't you?" he said.

"How did you know that?" asked Keira impressed. The diplomat shrugged.

"I do a lot of traveling and after awhile you begin to get a feel for where people come from," he said.

"I wish I could travel more," Keira sighed. "It seems like a lot of fun. Course today's my last day before a three week vacation but I think I'll just go back home rather than go anywhere else."

"Yeah I use to think traveling was fun also. And then I met this joker here and everything changed," said Neva Kee pointing to Zoda.

"Hey!" Zoda protested as the bell rang again indicating the door opening. The trio looked at the entrance to see several gruff and angry men enter with laser blasters.

"Oh no," said Zoda as Neva Kee looked at him suspiciously before recognizing the extremely large and muscled man with a metal hockey mask on his face.

"_Lord Humungus_," thought Neva Kee before saying. "Oh crap not another Armalite Gang."

"Greetings from the Humungus, the lord humungus, the warrior of the wasteland, the ayatollah of rock and rollah!" exclaimed Toady, one of Humungus' lackeys.

"Hey Humungo what up?" asked Zoda as he put on his shades.

"You made a fool of the Nightrider's gang back on Alderaan and he informed us of Jabba's desire to have you killed and we can't help but be willing to oblige him," said Humungus as the rest of the gang aimed their blasters at him.

"Is that all?" asked Zoda unconvinced. Humungus shrugged.

"I guess we're also here to rob the bank," he admitted. Zoda nodded and stepped aside.

"Knock yourself out," he said.

"Zoda!" Neva Kee shouted.

"What?" demanded the Jedi. "I'm hardly in a position to refuse."

"You do have a lightsaber," said Neva Kee. Zoda rolled his eyes and took out his hilt.

"Stop, stop, I have a lightsaber if you come any closer I'll be forced to use it," said Zoda completely monotone with no power behind his words.

"Yeah we know it doesn't work," said Wez, another member of the gang. Zoda looked at Neva Kee.

"See? Told you," he said putting the hilt back on his belt. Neva Kee groaned.

"What about your grip?" asked Neva Kee. Zoda pulled it out and looked at it.

"Well I guess I can use this," he said. He held out his left hand and Neva Kee slapped his grip into his other hand.

"Hey guys," said Zoda from behind Humungus gang.

"Yeah?" they asked turning around.

"Let's rock," said Zoda holding out his two grips.

"You sure?" they asked.

"I'm a Jedi and I've got my shades on, I don't lie," said Zoda looking at them through the darkened lenses. As if to emphasize this, the two clubs shot out of their grips and angled out from his body.

"Let's go dear," said Neva Kee hurrying Keira out of the room.

"But he needs our help," said Keira producing a Blastech 4-11 Blaster.

"Impressive," admitted Neva Kee as he continued pushing her into the back. "But he's best on his own for right now. If he fails then we can intercede."

Zoda meanwhile was hurtling through the air avoiding all the laser blasts while using his clubs to smack various body parts of the gang.

"You guys put up a better fight when I had my lightsabers," said Zoda disgusted as he was standing on top of the ceiling fan.

"Yeah well back then you weren't always running from us. You've become a coward without them," said Humungus. Zoda growled.

"No one calls me a coward!" he shouted as he dropped towards Humungus only to get a spinning heel kick to the side and went flying off and smashed into a nearby wall causing several boxes to fall on him from above.

"How predictable," said Humungus as the group advanced towards him blasters drawn. "Always rushing into danger and getting pummeled."

Zoda sat up and looked dazed and confused. "Last call already?"

He fell back over as the gang rolled their eyes.

"Let's just wax him and be done with it," said Wez. Humungus nodded and they aimed their blasters at the Jedi.

"Freeze!" shouted Keira as she reappeared from behind the counter with her blaster. The gang looked at her annoyed.

"Put that weapon away and just leave we have no business with you," said Toadie.

"Well I have business with you and it's against company policy to have a patron killed," said Keira simply. Neva Kee appeared and sat on the end of the teller stand.

"Better do what she says, those banker types can get extremely crazy sometimes," he said simply. Before the gang could respond, several armed soldiers entered into the room with weapons drawn and tackled the gang and promptly arrested them.

"Alright get them outta here," said the lead officer.

"Finally, you get what you paid for," said Zoda. "Law enforcement that actually is competent."

"Which is why you two aliens are under arrest," said the police chief cuffing Zoda's left wrist and Neva Kee's right wrist together.

"What?" demanded Zoda, Neva Kee, and Keira.

"They're aliens and that automatically makes them suspects under Kuati Law," said the officer.

"But I'll vouch for them," Keira protested.

"One of them is a Jedi meaning that he probably mind tricked you, sorry ma'am," said the officer. "Well let's go you two, off to jail."

Neva Kee and Zoda both glanced at each other as they sending a silent message to each other and both nodded.

"Officer you are aware that what you are doing is illegal right?" asked Neva Kee.

"Probably, but you have no real rights here so I could care less," said the officer. The two golf clubs nearby on the ground began twitching.

"Just wanted to make sure you knew that," said the negotiator. "And I'm afraid we won't be coming with you because the law clearly no longer applies here. Goodbye officer."

The two clubs sailed through the air into Neva Kee's left hand and Zoda's right hand and both leapt through the air in prearranged patterns and began yanking officers off their feet left and right.

"Just like at Kuan Dar alright," said Neva Kee as he swung his right arm forward and Zoda swung out kicking an officer in the chest who went flying off.

"Let's blow this joint," said Neva Kee. "And preferably not in the literal sense."

"The teller was nice to us I'm not in the mood for causing collateral damage just yet," said Zoda. As the two ran for the door Zoda yanked out his free hand and the chit flew from Keira's counter and into his hand.

"So long ma'am," said Neva Kee as they exited the door. "Hope this gave you some excitement without leaving home."

Before Keira could respond the two tore off down the city street and into one of the many alleyways.

"After them!" shouted the lead officer as he held his head in pain from a golf club to the forehead.

"This really stinks you know that," said Keira. The officer just shook his head.

"This doesn't concern you civilian," he said angrily before leaving with his troops. Keira just shook her head as her replacement appeared and looked at the place confused.

"You'll have to deal with this, I'm going on vacation," she said grabbing her bag and leaving.

"Have fun," said the replacement looking at the damaged shelf and the fallen boxes as he sighed and began cleaning up.

Alleyway: Neva Kee and Zoda ran down another alleyway before Zoda collapsed.

"I'm exhausted," he complained. "I can't keep this up for much longer!"

"Use the Force and replenish your muscles," said Neva Kee. "But we have to keep moving."

"The Force aids me but even it can't compensate for genuine lack of sleep," Zoda grumbled.

"Maybe if you didn't get us into trouble everywhere we went this wouldn't be an issue," said Neva Kee as a pair of spinners roared by overhead.

"Yeah but where's the fun in that?" Zoda asked grinning. Neva Kee groaned.

"So what's the plan esteemed Jedi?" he asked.

"I thought you had one," said Zoda worried. Neva Kee sighed.

"Yes once again I have a plan to bail us out of this," said the diplomat.

"Oh thank God," said Zoda relieved. "So what is it?"

"We secure a transport, go tee off, and then run off back to that Golan and get the hell out of here before the authorities catch us," said Neva Kee.

"And how're we gonna do that?" asked Zoda.

"By stealing a transport," said Neva Kee simply. "Hopefully you should be up to that task."

"I dunno stealing with your approval does exactly have the same thrill," said Zoda nonplussed.

"Does getting thrown in jail with me sound any better?" asked Neva.

"Nope, guess you're right. Well let's be off," said Zoda. Instantly the chain jerked tight and Zoda's feet came out from under him.

"Ow! What was that for?" he said. Neva Kee held up his wrist.

"Cut through this first," he said.

"With what?" Zoda asked bewildered.

"Your lightsaber," said Neva Kee annoyed.

"I can't the power cell is still too hot," said Zoda holding up the handle. "If I turn it on now the thing'll explode and they I'll be out of a lightsaber."

"Dunk it in some water then," said Neva Kee.

"And have it short out leaving us having to wait even longer for the thing to dry out? Forget it!" said Zoda. Neva Kee growled.

"How long until you can use it safely?" asked Neva.

"An hour maybe two at the most," said Zoda. "But that still doesn't solve the fact that I am exhausted and if I don't get some sleep I'm liable to pass out at an inopportune moment."

Suddenly bright lights streamed into the alley as a pair of Spinners hovered overhead.

"Freeze criminals!" said a voice.

"Well it'd better not be now," said Neva Kee as he ran off with Zoda in pursuit. Zoda meanwhile used the Force to fling a garbage can up into the sky as it slammed into one of the Spinners causing it to loose altitude and crash into the roof of a nearby building.

"Quit goofing off and come on!" said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded but was acting even more sluggish than before. Neva Kee sighed as he realized that he too was slowing down as both reached the other end of the alleyway and stood looking out at the street beyond uncertainly. Then suddenly a hovercar roared to a halt in front of them and the door opened.

"Looks like you guys could use a lift," said Keira. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at her wide-eyed, neither having expected this turn of events.

"What choice do we have? If she turns us in at least she'll get a reward and I'll get some sleep," said Zoda. Neva Kee nodded as both got in and she sped off leaving the police scene behind.

"Thanks," said Neva Kee as the car finally pulled away with no sign of pursuit.

"You saved me, it's the least I could've done," said Keira as she turned down another road.

"We also put you in danger," said Neva Kee as Zoda closed his eyes and was soon fast asleep. "That gang came because of us."

"Or they could've been preparing to break into the bank already it's just that you being there was simply a fortunate coincidence," said Keira.

"Maybe," Neva Kee admitted. "But even so, you're on vacation shouldn't you be heading back to Coruscant?"

"I don't know if I am going back to Coruscant," admitted Keira. "But at the very least I want to help you with whatever you came here to do."

"But you don't know," said Neva Kee. "For all you know we're deadly criminals who have come here to cause anarchy."

"Somehow I don't see the Galactic Bank having accounts for credit risks and your profession is listed as ambassador and I don't things on Kuat have fallen that greatly to warrant a change in government," said Keira.

"Maybe not yet," Neva Kee grumbled.

"Hmm?" she asked. Neva Kee waved her off.

"You know if you could just let us out here that'd be great," said the negotiator.

"What?" Keira asked confused. "Why?"

"Yeah why?" asked Zoda poking up an eyelid.

"I don't want her to get in as much trouble as we are in right now. She's clearly worked hard for this vacation and I refuse to take it away from her," said the negotiator.

"Well the thing is, is that the bank states that we must have 100 customer satisfaction and I don't think I got that from you two," said Keira with a grin.

"You did from me," said Neva Kee quickly.

"Mr. Zoda?" Keira asked. Zoda looked thoughtful as Neva Kee glared at him.

"Well I think you were a little slow in getting us that chit and in the end I had to get it myself. So I'd say I'm 99.9 satisfied," said the Jedi with a grin.

"Oh darn," said Keira. "And how can I make up that .1?"

"A lift to the southern peninsula ought to do it," said Zoda.

"Then to the south we go," she said as Neva Kee sighed.

"I'm gonna get you for this," he said. Zoda shrugged.

"Add it to the list," he said simply as the car moved onto the freeway and headed down it.

"So why don't you tell me about yourselves?" Keira suggested. Zoda and Neva Kee looked at each other and both shook their heads in humility.

Two hours later, Southern Peninsula Forest: A shrumming sound was heard and a flash of light was seen causing a tree to fall over and crash.

"So it does make a sound," Zoda said with a grin. He and Neva Kee had become separated after Zoda finally got his lightsaber working.

"That's if nobody's around," said Neva Kee using his tracker to find their golf balls.

"But aren't you a nobody?" asked the Jedi with a grin as Keira laughed. Neva Kee just scowled before pushing aside a bush to reveal a small crater in the ground.

"Ah there they are," said Zoda walking over to the two balls in the center.

"What are they?" Keira asked confused as she looked at them.

"They're golf balls," said Neva Kee producing his club.

"What do they do?" Keira asked as she reached to touch one but found her hand invisibly restrained.

"They provide us with entertainment," Zoda explained.

"And get us into worlds of trouble. The key word being worlds," said Neva Kee taking a practice swing.

"Oh I see it's a game. So presumably you hit the balls towards their destination, wherever that is. Does Golf stand for anything?" asked Keira sitting down.

"No," said Neva Kee hastily as Zoda laughed. "No it doesn't."

"You mind if I take a swing," said Keira. Neva Kee shook his head and produced a ball.

"Go right ahead," he said laying it on a tee on the ground.

"Wait you had extra golf balls? I could've used those against those Spinners!" Zoda protested.

"I didn't want anybody to die," explained Neva Kee. "That's why I didn't reveal them until now."

"Spoilsport," said Zoda crossing his arms. "So where're we off to next?"

"Kashyyyk," said Neva Kee slipping on his shades.

"Kashyyyk? Why there why not Commenor or better yet the Hapes Consortium?" asked Zoda with a laugh at the second one.

"Do not laugh about that, I'm still mad at you for getting us banned from that region of space!" said Neva Kee. Keira looked at them confused.

"What happened?" she asked.

"It doesn't need to be repeated," said Neva Kee darkly.

"Hey it's your fault alright you put me up to it," said Zoda sincerely. "I could not believe the expression on the Queen Mother's face after it happened."

"And I couldn't believe you did it!" said Neva Kee incredulously. "You knew I was joking and then you did it and I'm simply at a loss for words regarding the whole event!"

"She enjoyed it I could tell," laughed Zoda. "And I did it for one simple reason: money, money, money."

"Of which I will I never pay you!" said Neva Kee. Zoda rolled his eyes.

"So what happened?" asked Keira.

"Not too long ago in a star system not too far away, Zoda and I were on Hapes, why I no longer remember or don't want to, and we attended a royal ball being hosted by the Queen Mother," said Neva Kee. "This is a matriarchal society mind you, and we had both been berated by women left and right. So we were having a frank conversation about it and Zoda says that all the Queen Mother needs is a good smooch right on the face. I of course no that's not true, but nevertheless considering both of us were heavily intoxicated at that point I bet Zoda a 1,000,000 credits that he'd never kiss the Queen Mother on the mouth. Well Zoda never backs down from a challenge so he storms right up to the Queen's table, leaps onto her lap, uses the Force to flip up her veil and plants one right on her lips."

Keira burst out laughing as Zoda chuckled.

"So he yells: 'Rock on! I told you I'd do it Neva so pay up!' Needless to say the Queen Mother didn't take that too kindly and we had to promptly run from not only the royal guards but the entire Hapes Society. We barely escaped the Hapes Cluster and were told that if we were banned forever from the Hapes Consortium and that if we ever came back to that area of space, it would be terminate with extreme prejudice. And that's the entire story. This explains why I no longer drink and why I do my best to make sure Zoda doesn't either."

"Wow you guys sure have a lot of fun in your spare time," said Keira with a grin. "I wish I could experience half the fun you guys seem to have."

"It's not fun," said Neva Kee. "It's a nightmare. But go ahead and take your swing."

Keira nodded and practiced a couple more times before swinging and connecting with the ball causing it to go rocketing off into the stratosphere and vanish from sight.

"Whoops," said Neva Kee as they all looked at it wide-eyed. "I didn't mean to give you a hyperdrive equipped ball."

"Well either way it looks like it's on a beeline for Kashyyyk, not too shabby," said Zoda looking through his shades.

"Well we know have to hit our balls quickly before the police come to investigate this," said Neva Kee. He looked up at the afternoon sky and swung with Zoda doing the same and the two balls vanished into the sky as well.

"Well we'd better run," said Zoda. "Now back to the capital city to procure a transport and get the hell out of here."

"Actually I believe my ship is fixed," said Neva Kee looking at his watch where a small 3-D image popped up showing the ship with no one in sight. "I'll call it now."

He pressed a button and the ship lifted up and headed for the planet below as the image shut off.

"You sure Kuat won't try and fry it?" Zoda asked. Neva Kee shook his head.

"He couldn't even if he tried," said Neva Kee.

"Wait you know Lord Kuat?" asked Keira. Zoda nodded.

"He's an old friend…to me at least," said Zoda simply.

"So why couldn't you contact him to get you out of the mess you're in?" Keira asked.

"I don't want to bring him in on this. If he defended aliens in a xenophobic society he would loose all respect and power and I won't do that to him," said Zoda before sighing. "Even if he was rude to Neva back on that Golan III."

"And speaking of trouble, Zoda I'm sure you're now 100 satisfied and we don't want to get you into any more trouble so you can take off now," said Neva Kee to Keira.

"Yeah I guess you're right," she said hesitantly. "Still it's been fun and you two are definitely the most interesting people I've met in my life."

"There are people out there who lead more interesting lives," said Neva Kee. "Although to be honest I hope it's not exactly like ours, I'd pity any fool who would get into as much trouble as we do."

"I hear that," Zoda grinned. "Although misery does love company."

In the distance alarm sirens could be heard blaring.

"Well you'd better get going," said Neva Kee sitting on a nearby rock.

"You're not going?" asked Keira confused. Neva Kee silently shook his head.

"No," he added. "We'll fight it out till our ship comes. Or to be precise Zoda will I don't get involved with these types of conflicts."

Zoda nodded as he lifted a massive blaster from out of nowhere with his right hand as in the left his lightsaber shot upwards.

"I suppose we'll be seeing each other again," said Keira preparing to leave.

"Of that I have no doubt," said Neva Kee. "We'll find your ball and keep it with us so if you ever want to play a round just call us. We're both listed in the Coruscant Comm. Book."

"Alright I'll see you guys later," said Keira. "Umm…may the force be with you?"

"It isn't," said Zoda with a big grin. "But thanks anyway."

With that she left as the two watched a pair of police vehicles appear before they were both blown aside when Neva Kee's ship appeared and landed nearby. Zoda and Neva Kee ran into it as laser blasts tore up the area and the ship blasted off into the afternoon sky. The ship then broke free of the atmosphere, sailed past the Golan III which fired on them again and broke off into hyperspace.

"Now get some sleep because I don't want to have to drag your hide around, it's a three day trip so hopefully you'll find something useful to do in the meantime," said Neva Kee leaving. Zoda nodded and leaned back in his seat and instantly fell asleep as the ship blazed on towards Kashyyyk.


	5. Kashyyyk

Kashyyyk: Two golf balls came soaring down and smashed through various trees before landing on the ground far below. A couple moments later a blue Y-Shaped spacecraft landed on one of the many landing platforms high in the trees. It powered down and soon the boarding ramp extended from the craft and touched the deck as two figures emerged from it.

"Ah, sunshine! Clean air!" said Zoda happily before coughing uncontrollably. "I'm gonna be sick!"

Neva Kee just shook his head and put on his shades as both descended the ramp. As soon as they did a massive wookie roar greeted them.

"Oh no what did you do this time," said Neva Kee mockingly as a tall wookie came straight at them and picked up Zoda in a massive hug.

"Easy Chewie!" said Zoda with a grin. "I realize it's been awhile!"

Chewbacca lowered the short Jedi to the ground before looking at Neva Kee and barking something.

"It's good to see you too buddy," said Neva Kee with a grin. Chewie patted him on the head and all three entered into the massive wooded city.

"So how've things been?" asked Neva Kee. Chewie began speaking at length about the subject.

"Yeah things are still the same with us, we're both running from the law and lawless alike will playing this crazy game of golf," said the diplomat. Chewie looked down at Zoda and mentioned something.

"Hey!" protested the Jedi. "Why do you always assume it's my fault?"

"Because it always _is_ your fault," said Neva Kee. Chewie laughed as the group couldn't help but notice the larger than usual compliment of wookies around.

"Chewie what's going on?" asked Neva Kee confused. Chewie look at him hurt as he mentioned what it was. Zoda and Neva Kee's eyes both went wide-open.

"Oh crap it is Life Day," said Zoda. "Ah I can't believe I forgot."

"We both forgot," said Neva Kee. "Sorry Chewbacca we both sincerely apologize."

Chewie barked a question at them as they walked over another rope bridge.

"We're on an Intergalactic Golfing Tour and our balls arrived here today," explained the short blue alien. Chewie asked them another question.

"Of course we'll stay for the ceremony!" Zoda reassured him. "We're just sorry we didn't bring a gift."

Neva Kee nodded as well and Chewbacca nodded happily as they approached Chewbacca's hut. As soon as they entered another female wookie appeared and Chewbacca mentioned something resulting in the other wookie scooping up Neva Kee and Zoda in a bear hug.

"Malla put us down I can't breath," Neva Kee coughed out. Chewbacca's wife Malla put the two of them down as an elderly wookie appeared.

"Itchy we're in enough pain as it is," said Neva Kee cracking his back as Chewbacca's father laughed and just patted them on the head.

"Listen," said Neva Kee putting his hands in his pockets. "Unfortunately Zoda and I have to travel to the surface but we'll be back in time for the ceremony I promise."

The others looked at him like he was crazy for wanting to travel to the surface because it contained creatures that frightened even full grown wookies. For two small aliens to travel to the surface was absurd. Chewbacca naturally argued against it.

"We don't have a choice," said Zoda sadly. "But we need to do it soon before nighttime otherwise we risk having our balls get crushed or eaten and we've come too far now to start again."

Chewbacca growled something else.

"No you're not coming with us because we refuse to put your life in danger," said Neva Kee heading for the exit.

"Although if I could borrow your bowcaster I'd appreciate it," said Zoda. "My blastech rifle doesn't exactly have the same kick and lightsabers don't mean jack because the sooner you can peg these beasts the better," said Zoda. Although Chewie would've been reluctant to loan his weapon to anyone he knew that Zoda would die before loosing the thing and even then it'd still get back to him. Hell Zoda had even helped Chewie design and build the thing a few years back. Zoda took the massive weapon and saluted.

"Be back soon," he said hurrying after Neva Kee. The two advanced down the rope bridge in silence both with their shades on with Zoda having the large bowcaster resting and pointed backwards on his right shoulder with his finger on the trigger. Neva Kee just had an intense stare on his face as the Wookies moved out of their way.

"No time for jokes," said Neva Kee. "The surface is extremely dangerous and we can't afford to have our guard down."

"I realize that," said Zoda. "Which is why I have this."

He slightly rocked the bowcaster before his a dual-edged lightsaber tore out of his robe and into his hand and ignited with two blue blades extending out both ends.

"How many lightsabers do you own?" asked Neva Kee bewildered. "It seems every planet we're on you have a different saber."

"I really only own three, my two dueling sabers and my quantum tri-fecta lightsaber. The others I make for fun and use them when the situation calls for it," said Zoda simply as he began twirling the lightsaber in his hand before shutting it off and putting it away. Neva Kee nodded as he followed his scanner. Eventually they reached a point where the scanner began beeping and Neva Kee leaned over the edge of a balcony and looked down with a pair of macrobinoculars.

"Yeah they're down there alright," he said before putting them away. Zoda nodded and began looking around.

"Nobody's around," the Jedi said. "They must all be preparing for Life Day."

"Good," said Neva Kee slapping a clasp onto the balcony railing and throwing a rope over the side as Zoda did the same. "I'd just as soon they rather not find out about this."

Zoda nodded and both grabbed their ropes and hopped off over the side and slid down to the bottom.

Space: The Nightrider and Humungus gang, the latter having been busted out by Jabba who informed them all of Zoda's whereabouts headed for the surface of Kashyyyk on their space bikes.

Ground: Zoda and Neva Kee landed with a slight thump on the ground and both rolled away as Zoda snapped up the bowcaster and yanked out his dual-edged hilt but didn't extend the blades. Neva Kee nodded and simply motioned with his hand to the direction of the balls. Zoda nodded and silently followed as each did their best not to make a noise as they headed for their quarry. Eventually they located the two balls, right in the nest of several man-eating bloodthirsty fragallans, dog like creatures that would often tear apart their victims before completely devouring them. Thankfully they were asleep, but that still didn't please the diplomat or the Jedi. Zoda mouthed a curse-word as Neva Kee held a finger to his mouth to keep him quiet.

"What now?" Zoda mouthed back.

"I don't know," Neva Kee mouthed back. Zoda took the hilt in his left and flicked his wrist up and down in a mimed slicing and dicing motion before shrugging. Neva Kee grimaced.

"Maybe," he mouthed. Zoda then picked up a twig with the Force and then set it down and pointed to the balls. Neva Kee shook his head, it was against the rules, while Zoda nodded his agreement. Both of them stood there in silence when Neva Kee made an exaggerated motion of tip-toeing. Zoda's eyes went wide-open at that as he looked over at the few empty spots on the ground amidst the hoard of fragallans. He then began shaking his head vigorously while Neva Kee kept nodding his head. Zoda covered his eyes and began crying as Neva Kee began moving through the hoard of creatures as his club extended outward. Zoda silently followed suit crying all the way as Neva Kee just shook his head in humility as both stopped in front of their balls and Zoda took out his club as he put his hilt away and slung the bowcaster behind his back.

"Where're we going now?" mouthed Zoda.

"Nal Hutta," said Neva Kee with a grin. Zoda's expression became one of shock as his jaw dropped at the mention of the Hutt's homeworld.

"What? Are you crazy!" he shouted before instantly covering up his mouth. The fragallans nearby all shifted but thankfully none of them woke up. Neva Kee just chuckled to himself.

"Nar Shadaa," he mouthed back. Zoda breathed a sigh of relief at the mention of Nal Hutta's moon, the most wretched place of scum and villainy in the galaxy where no self-respecting citizen would ever go. Zoda looked up into the sky with his shades that indicated the current position of Nal Hutta. Zoda lined it up and then swung connecting with the ball causing it to blast off as Neva Kee did the same and his took off as well. Some leaves and branches fell as a result of the balls breaking through the upper trees but Zoda used the Force to carefully lower them to the ground and both breathed a sigh of relief at not being eaten alive. But as they were silently leaving the enemy nest, a laser blast flew down from above and smashed into the ground nearby chewing up dirt. Both Zoda and Neva Kee looked at it wide-eyed as the fragallans woke up all around them and noticed the two of them and roared angrily as several space bikes roared by overhead surrounding them also. Zoda and Neva Kee stood back to back with Zoda having the bowcaster and lightsaber at the ready while Neva Kee produced a pair of tiny blasters and aimed them with his outstretched arms.

"I thought you didn't resort to weapons," said Zoda as they began slowly walking back towards their ropes.

"I don't resort to weapons when my life isn't threatened, you do," said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded as he swung his lightsaber at a fragallan that got a little too close causing it's snout to get singed as it leapt backwards.

"Any ideas?" asked Neva Kee.

"Remember Bakura?" Zoda asked as the bikers began descending lower and lower.

"Oh no not that," Neva Kee complained. "That's so embarrassing."

"You have any other ideas as to how to reach those treetops? If so I'm all ears," said Zoda. "And besides, I don't like it anymore than you do. At least thanks to my saber we don't have to lock arms together this time."

"Alright, when do you want to begin?" asked Neva Kee putting his blasters away and pulling out a grappling gun.

"As soon as the firing commences," said Zoda putting away the bowcaster and swinging his dual-edged lightsaber between them so both locked their arms around it as both blades extended out horizontally.

"Fire!" yelled the Nightrider. Laser blasts flew out as the fragallans launched themselves at the group only for Zoda and Neva Kee to leap into the air and spun around causing the laser bolts to deflect off of the sabers and smack into the fragallans dropping a pair of them. Right afterwards the two spun to a halt as dust flew up everywhere.

"You ready?" said Zoda as he began summoning up his strength.

"As you are so fond of saying: Let's rock," said Neva Kee staring out with intensity as more laser bolts chewed up the area around them and the fragallans closed in on them. Zoda's eyes snapped open and he squatted down on his knees before using the Force to launch himself high up into the air. The two aliens flew up higher and higher into the sky leaving their attackers shocked as they easily soared up nearly a hundred feet in only a few seconds. But soon their rate of ascension became slower and slower.

"This is as far as we go," said Zoda as he swung his body out and then back, slamming into Neva Kee causing him to be facing upwards while Zoda watched the bikers begin to chase after them. Neva Kee aimed his grappling gun as best he could and pressed the trigger causing a piton to shoot out and smack into the underside of the walkway they had vacated in what seemed so long ago and hit the retract button. They continued their ascent again.

"Alright swing," said Neva Kee. The two shifted back and forth until they got enough momentum to swing up and over the walkway before landing on it as Neva Kee retract the piton into the gun.

"What now?" asked Zoda as the sound of spacebikes grew louder and louder and laser blasts tore up the space all around them.

"Well like back at Bakura we run," said Neva Kee taking off as Zoda followed with the dual-edged saber as the bikes soared past the rope bridge and chased after them firing all the way as Zoda did his best to deflect the bolts back at them.

"Ah I don't do crap with this," said Zoda aggravated. He dropped his left leg and skidded forward as he took his saber and slammed it against his right leg that was propped forward and it deactivated the magnetic coupling and producing two separate lightsabers which he held out to his sides and began deflecting laser bolts as they kept running. Eventually they entered into a more heavily branched area and Zoda was able to use them to knock a couple bikers off their mounts but still it wasn't enough.

"This is a lot to put up with for a simple game of golf," said Neva Kee as laser blast flew right over the heads and tore up part of a tree.

"Remember what you always tell me Neva, it's not the destination that counts," began Zoda.

"It's how you get there I know," said the diplomat annoyed. "What's happened to us? Here you are quoting me and I'm quoting you! It's insane!"

"Whatever," said Zoda as more laser blasts tore past them. Soon they reached a massive open area where dozens of wookies were all congregated in silence. Zoda and Neva Kee both gasped as Zoda shut off his lightsabers and they both tried to silently slink away as a pair of bikes roared overhead above the group and were firing haphazardly everywhere. The wookies, in the middle of their Life Day ceremony, didn't take this too kindly and soon bowcasters were up in the air shooting at the bikers save for Chewie who was bowcasterless and feeling out of place. Zoda sighed and took out Chewie's weapon and popped out the power core and replaced it with one from his lightsaber while Neva Kee hastily wrote a note to the wookie. Zoda then slammed the second lightsaber on the weapon's rarely used projectile launcher as Neva Kee taped the note onto the top of it. Zoda then launched the weapon into the air and using the Force it found the wookie. Chewie happily took the weapon before reading the note on top.

_Sorry we can't stay for the festivities, but we've got work to do. We've replaced your powercell on your bowcaster, it should provide quite a kick now. See you around buddy. Captain N: The Gamemaster and Grand Master Z._

Chewbacca looked around amidst all the fighting until he caught a glimpse of the two aliens. Zoda and Neva Kee saluted to him before vanishing as Chewie nodded. He aimed the bowcaster up at the nearest biker and fired causing the weapon to completely vaporize the bike as the rider fell hard to the deck. Chewbacca then aimed at another biker and fired the lightsaber as the blade mysteriously extended and plowed into the bike's weather vane causing it to crash nearby. Chewbacca howled a challenge to the rest of the bikers as Zoda and Neva Kee walked away with a grin.

"This'll probably be his favorite Life Day for awhile," said Zoda with a grin.

"Yeah you're probably right," said Neva Kee. "Let's go to Nar Shadaa because somehow I don't see those punks bothering us again anytime soon."

Both nodded as they disappeared into a thicket of trees and moments later a blue Y-shaped cruiser appeared and soared off into space.

Coruscant: Keira Kiley was just starting to enjoy her vacation when she found herself recalled to the Main Branch of the Galactic Bank.

"_They're probably just going to demand to know what happened back on the Kuat_," she thought, wondering how to explain the whole situation. As she entered into the building she was quickly rushed into a meeting of her boss Mr. Bernadelli and the entire board. Her expression turned to fear as she wondered if the board was going to try to use some legal action against her for the actions that took place at the bank.

"Ms. Kiley is it? Employee number KYZYX2284?" asked Mr. Bernadelli.

"Yes sir," said Keira still in shock.

"Ms. Kiley can you please explain to us the events that occurred at your bank three days ago?" said Mr. Bernadelli.

"Ah, yes sir. Three days ago I was working my shift at the Galactic Bank Branch on the planet Kuat. The day had been progressing normally, a few deposits here, a few withdrawals there, the usual. I had heard and seen the smoke in the horizon that resulted from a massive forest fire involving a ship that had crashed there during the freak thunderstorm we had had that morning. At around 12:14 pm the bell rang and in strode two aliens, which I have to admit was strange given the xenophobic society existing on Kuat," began Keira.

"These two aliens can you describe them in greater detail?" asked the security chief of the banking clan.

"Yes sir. Uh, both of them couldn't have been more than three feet in height. One was blue the other a mix between more gray. The both had large ears but the gray creature's was more angled than the others, which were larger but stood on top of his head. Both of them were curiously barefoot the blue one having webbed feet and the other one having three toes. As for their hands," began Keira before the officer held up his hands.

"That's enough," he said. "Did they tell you their names?"

"Yes," said Keira confused as to the importance of it all.

"And they were?" asked the security officer.

"Ambassador Neva Kee and Jedi Knight Zoda," Keira answered. Those two names caused the whole board to erupt in a flurry of worried conversations before Mr. Bernadelli silenced them with a wave of his hand.

"What were they doing there?" asked the officer.

"I didn't find out until later but they told me they were on an intergalactic golfing tour," said Keira. To her surprise the color drained off of the faces of nearly the entire board and some began hyperventilating while others simply passed out.

"Are you positive of this?" asked the officer a little bit shaken.

"Yes. After my shift was done and the excitement had passed they took me to the site of where their balls had fallen and then proceeded to blast them into the atmosphere and towards Kashyyyk," said Keira. Several more members fainted as the officer held his head in his hands.

"It's as we feared, they weren't content to keep their destructive game confined to Coruscant now they've decided to unleash it on an unsuspecting galaxy," said the officer.

"My God," said Bernadelli in shock as he looked at the galactic map hanging on the far wall of the boardroom.

"Anyway, do you want to hear about Humungus gang now?" asked Keira.

"No," said Bernadelli. "Whatever damage he may have done, whatever money he may have taken, pales in comparison to what those two aliens are up to at this very moment."

"I don't understand," said Keira confused. "It's just a game."

"The game isn't the problem it's their love of the game that is," said Bernadelli.

Keira raised an eyebrow at them. Bernadelli tapped the officer who pressed a couple of buttons on the console in front of him. An image sprang up of Zoda and Neva Kee on a green acre smiling with their bags of clubs.

"Seventy-five years ago Neva Kee somehow learned of a mysterious game called Golf. Essentially it involved using metal clubs to hit a plastic ball into a series of holes on various greens. Each 'green' had a different shape to it in order to promote complexity. For about thirty years Zoda and Neva Kee were content to just hit the ball on various planets using greens that they had created themselves. Sometimes a stray ball might cause some damage, damage that we were responsible for insuring, it was fine and we had little to no complaints about it," said Bernadelli. As he said that a couple images popped up of damaged sheds and hovercars with small dents on them.

"We expected things to stay that way…but we were wrong. Five years after their final regular game the unthinkable happened," said Bernadelli darkly. Images popped up of heavily damaged buildings and vehicles as well as newspapers popping up of tales of destruction caused by two small dimpled plastic balls.

"At first we didn't know what was going on. Within a twenty-four hour period a 18,000 mile wake of destruction permeated Coruscant. All of those buildings were insured by us and they were all heavily damaged at one part or another. We had to pay through our teeth and it nearly bankrupted us. We launched our own investigation but it wasn't until we received satellite photos of the damaged buildings that we got startling insight into what had happened," said Bernadelli. An image popped up of an aerial view of the city with various red X's on it indicating damaged buildings, each arranged in a particular fashion.

"It turned out that these two…idiots, Neva Kee and Zoda, turned Coruscant, the entire planet, into their personal golf course. They had essentially moved from the green acres to the concrete jungle," said Bernadelli in disbelief. "Eighteen 1,000 mile holes and somehow they managed to get it done before anybody knew what had happened," said Bernadelli. Keira looked at the photo wide-eyed.

"I had no idea," she said in shock. "So what did you do?"

"We confronted them of course," said Bernadelli. "And do you know what their response was when we asked _why_ they had did it? Because it hadn't been done before and that they were so desperate for that thrill regarding the game that they loved that turning Coruscant into their personal course was the only possible action left to them."

"We had a court order issued that these could never play, what we dubbed, 'Planet Golf' ever again," said the officer. "They surrendered their clubs and balls and we didn't hear anymore from them."

The officer pressed a button and a new headline popped up, again dealing with destruction on a massive scale.

"Then ten years later…they did it again," said the officer. "They somehow reacquired their clubs and balls and went at it again. The police found out about it around the third hole and caught up with them on the fifth whereupon the two terrors decided to give them a run for their money. They managed to complete another four holes before we finally caught them using the Senate Building as their tee off spot for the tenth hole but not before they had wracked up another several million creds of damage."

Bernadelli broke down at this point and began sobbing heavily.

"So naturally you had them both arrested," said Keira. The officer shook his head.

"Legally we could only arrest Zoda. The reason being that although they had used Neva Kee's ship to chase after their balls Zoda refused to admit that the diplomat had anything to do with it. So we arrested him and Neva Kee used his diplomatic pull to get him released shortly thereafter. Our hands were tied but Zoda and Neva Kee left Coruscant and ventured off into the galaxy leaving Coruscant behind. Things were peaceful for the next few years. Zoda did get stuck on Coruscant about ten years later but the Council kept a close eye on him. Things were finally starting to get back to normal and business was strong here at the Bernadelli Insurance Branch of the Galactic Bank," said Bernadelli.

"And then a week ago Zoda and Neva Kee went golfing again," said the officer as Bernadelli excused himself from the room. Images sprung up of the crashed Spinner, destroyed windows, traffic pileups, and more. "We finally had a warning system put in place for this kind of incident and luckily we caught them after the first hole. But again Zoda didn't admit Neva Kee's guilt in any of it and once again Neva Kee broke him out of jail and his incarceration," said the officer. "And once again they left Coruscant, we figured that was the end of it. But then just recently we started receiving rumors just hours later of round objects slamming into various planets and having Neva Kee and Zoda show up and cause extensive property damage. Damage that we have to pay for! These madmen have decided that trashing one planet just wasn't good enough, now they have to trash the entire galaxy! They've graduated from the concrete jungle to the final frontier and they have to be stopped now before we go bankrupt!"

"This is all very interesting but I don't see what it has to do with me," said Keira confused. "I mean understand if the company goes bankrupt I'll be out of a job but still…"

"Ms. Kiley do you like to travel?" asked the officer simply.

"Well I have always wanted to have an opportunity to travel for my profession," admitted Keira. "But banking doesn't exactly offer that. It's simply a cross I'm willing to bare."

"Well congratulations Ms. Kiley you've been reassigned," said the officer sliding a dossier across the table to her.

"What?" she said incredulously.

"You've been transferred from the Galactic Bank to the Bernadelli Insurance Company and your first assignment is to stop Zoda and Neva Kee from continuing their destructive game," said the officer. Keira opened her mouth like she had a thousand questions to ask as Mr. Bernadelli entered into the room.

"Zoda and Neva Kee are currently on their way to Nar Shadaa. You will go there and you will stop them. We will pay for all of your travel expenses just go there and get it done!" said Mr. Bernadelli angrily.

"Why me?" asked Keira.

"Because when Zoda and Neva Kee left your bank Zoda said that he wouldn't destroy your bank because you were nice to them. Use that to your advantage, no one else can," said Mr. Bernadelli. "Now go, your transport is waiting."

Keira nodded and left in a rush as Mr. Bernadelli and the officer watched her leave before both sighed.

"She's not going to be able to do it is she?" asked the officer. Bernadelli shook his head.

"No she's not. But I figured I'd give those two boneheads one more chance at redemption. Now we're going to implement Plan B: The Death of Zoda and Neva Kee," said Mr. Bernadelli darkly.


	6. Nar Shadaa

Nar Shadaa: Two small aliens sat on barstools in a lower level bar known as The Meltdown. One, a diplomat, was drinking krayt milk and eating some dianoga pie, while the other, a Jedi, was sipping some Corellian brandy.

"I sense a disturbance in the Force," said the Jedi putting down his glass. An instant later the counter shook as a bruised and bloodied human was slammed into it by another. The bloodied human grabbed a bottle and smashed it against his attacker as he shoved himself off the counter and continued brawling.

"Was that it?" asked the diplomat putting down his glass of milk. Jedi shook his head.

"No," responded the creature before sighing. "I think the Bernadelli Insurance Company is after us again."

"Oh great," said the diplomat annoyed. "Do you think they're sending a representative after us?"

"After that last one went insane?" asked the Jedi incredulously before calming down. "I dunno maybe. But it's probably just a ruse."

"You think so?" asked the diplomat looking at the Jedi through his shades. "You think we finally pushed Bernadelli over the edge to want to get rid of us once and for all?"

"You recall him threatening us with that three strikes and you're out policy forty years ago, don't you?" asked the Jedi sipping his brandy. "I think our last game qualified as the third strike."

"Bah," said the diplomat waving his hand. "That last game was only one hole long and we only caused 100,000 creds worth of damage. That shouldn't have counted as a strike."

"Strike or no strike he is pissed. So it looks like we've traded one threat for another," said the Jedi.

"What's wrong?" asked the bartender nonchalantly while on the other side of the counter cleaning out a glass as the fight dissolved into a flurry of laser fire scorching the area around him. "Forget to pay your policy?"

The Jedi and the Diplomat groaned and then shook their heads at him as the bartender smiled.

"Nice one buddy you got another?" they asked annoyed. The Meltdown was the two aliens favorite haunt whenever they came to Nar Shadaa and the bartender had long remembered them as his most irregular regular customers.

"No, no I don't," said the bartender as he took out his cloth and began wiping at some of the new carbon scoring on the wall. More laser blasts flew back and forth in the bar as various aliens scattered behind tables and other obstacles to protect themselves from the laser blasts. The only people who didn't scatter were the bartender and the diplomat and Jedi. But that all changed when a laser blast took out the Jedi's bottle. The Jedi looked at it in silence before pushing himself off his stool and walking towards the center of the blasterfire. The bartender replaced his bottle as the sound of an energy blade snapped on and there was a flurry of laser blasts and a scream in agony before the Jedi returned to his seat and poured himself another drink as the rest of the patrons put all the tables back up and sat down and went back to their business except for some who dragged out the two laser blaster ridden humans.

"Thanks," said the bartender. The Jedi shrugged.

"Just keepin' the peace," said the Jedi simply as the diplomat laughed. Then both instantly became silent as did the rest of the patrons as a squishing sound was heard. A massive Hutt squeezed his way into the bar as the other creatures hurriedly finished their drinks and tore off out of the bar. The diplomat and the Jedi continued sitting where they were as they both starred at the bartender and the glasses on the shelves behind his head. The bartender sighed and moved off as the Hutt drew closer and closer. The diplomat put on his shades and swirled his milk as suddenly both creatures found their vision blocked by a pair of large hands.

"Guess who!" said the deep voice that was still somehow exuberant at the same time.

Zoda sighed. "You know perfectly well that given the fact that there's only one Hutt in the universe who doesn't hate us that kind of limits who it could be."

"Yeah," said Neva Kee. "How's it going Zobba?"

The Hutt removed his hands and became and laughing as the Jedi and the diplomat spun around on their stools and faced him.

"Hi guys!" said the Hutt happily as the two other aliens sighed. "What're you doing in my neck of the woods?"

"Just passing through," said Neva not offering any other information than that.

"Oh, are your diplomatic skills needed here on The Smuggler's Moon?" asked Zobba sincere and confused.

"You never know," responded Neva Kee. "You never know."

"And how've you been Zoda?" asked Zobba. Zoda shrugged.

"Murder, mayhem, destruction, you know how it is," said Zoda sipping his drink again.

"No, I don't," said Zobba sincerely. "But it's great that you're here at this time though because I need a favor."

"What is it this time?" asked Zoda annoyed. "We both nearly got killed the last time you had us perform one of your 'favors'."

"You know it's always for a good cause," said the Hutt hurt. Zoda groaned as Neva Kee sighed.

"Yes you're right, we're sorry," said the diplomat. "So what is it? We're kind of in a small rush here."

"Yeah because if you found out we were here than Jabba knows too," said Zoda finishing his drink.

"Alright, can you please accompany me to my abode?" asked Zobba preparing to leave. Zoda and Neva Kee shared a glance even through their sunglasses before each took out some coins and deposited them on the counter before leaving with the Hutt.

"You really think Jabba is going to try something?" the diplomat asked as they trailed the Hutt.

"Unlikely," responded the Jedi. "Even though it _would_ be incredibly convenient he's not going to risk having the Hutts find out about this little debt, it'd ruin his reputation. Jabba isn't about to risk that."

"All the same we should still be careful, somehow I don't see Zobba's request being just a walk in the park," said the diplomat darkly.

"Agreed," responded the Jedi as he patted his two trusty dueling sabers as they advanced further into the darkness of Nar Shadaa.

Spaceport: Keira cracked her neck as she emerged from the passenger craft and looked over her makeup that made her appear much more dangerous than she would otherwise. There was no customs building on Nar Shadaa as the virtually non-existent local government didn't care what happened on their planet at all. As she advanced through the field, she carefully looked at every ship before finally spotting the blue Y-Shaped vessel that had torn over her head back on Kuat.

"_That's it. So they are here_," she thought. Although she was going to be happy to see them, ultimately she knew that her job came first. As she advanced towards the ship wondering if they were inside, a gang of tough and heavily muscled creatures instantly appeared and stood between her and the ship.

"What do you think you're doing?" demanded a Luwingo, clearly the leader of the bunch.

"Does this ship belong to Ambassador Neva Kee?" asked Keira calmly as she calmly made she her blastech was in an easy position for her to get out if things turned ugly.

"Who wants to know?" demanded the Luwingo.

"I have business with him and his companion Zoda. I need to leave a message with them telling that I am here," she said.

"Even if that is true and this is their ship, we are here to protect it and we won't allow anyone near it," said the Luwingo.

"I see," said Keira slowly as she wondered what to do about this mess. Bribe them maybe?

"You can't bribe us. We're protecting this ship thanks to the massive debt we owe the owner of this ship. But if you really want to get in touch with them, the last we heard they were at a place called The Meltdown," said the Luwingo crossing his arms indicating the end of the conversation.

"Thanks," said Keira nodding her head and leaving. As they watched her go, the gang looked at each other confused before the Luwingo pulled out a comm. unit.

"Sir," he said into it.

Elsewhere: The diplomat, the Jedi, and the Hutt were in a massive elevator headed to the top of an extremely tall building.

"Here," responded the diplomat into his comm.

"You had a visitor," said the Luwingo. The diplomat looked at the Jedi who shrugged unsure as to who it could've been.

"What did he want?" asked the diplomat into it.

"It was a she actually," said the Luwingo. The Jedi and the diplomat's eyes went wide-open at that one.

"Yeah we were surprised too. She had spunk I'll give you that," said the Luwingo also bewildered.

"What did she want?" asked the diplomat.

"She said she had business with you and your friend and that she needed to contact you," said the Luwingo.

"What did you tell her?" asked the diplomat.

"That the last place we knew you were was at The Meltdown. Sorry if that throws a kink into anything," said the Luwingo regretfully.

"Don't worry about it we're no longer there," said the diplomat. "And if she finds us she finds us. Just keep watching the ship and don't worry about it."

"Will do," said the Luwingo as the comm. went dead. The diplomat put it away.

"Bernadelli's representative?" asked Zoda.

"Maybe," said Neva Kee. "But let's not worry about that right now, we have more pressing matters to attend to."

The elevator doors opened revealing a wrap around auditorium with a single person sitting near the bottom next to a holoprojector.

"Oh thank goodness," said the man nervously. "I was worried something happened."

"Relax," said Zobba holding up his hands. "I found the help as I said I would."

"That's it, just two aliens?" asked the man confused.

"They're the best of the best," said Zobba. "May I present Grand Master Z, weapons expert, and Captain N: The Gamemaster whose specialty is negotiations. This is R. Chase."

The two aliens slightly nodded their head in his direction but remained silent.

"Mr. Chase is a dear friend of mine who has run afoul of some trouble," Zobba explained. "He came for me to help and I in turn come to you for assistance. Chase."

R. Chase nodded and breathed in and out nervously as he thought about where to begin.

"Quickly," said Zobba. "My two friends are in no mood to wait. And besides we don't have much time."

"Fine, fine," said Chase. "I used to work for a Lord Clyde, leader of a spice cartel called the Coyotes, years ago but I got out of his organization recently to live a more clean life with my fiancée. But last week she turned up missing on her way to work and I tried frantically trying to search for her. Then yesterday I got this."

Chase pressed a button and the holographic imager came to life of a gray haired man with a cane and a monocle.

"Hello Chase," said Clyde simmering with anger. "I'll make this short. I have your girlfriend with me and if I'm not paid 1,000,000 creds at this location and at this time then I'll kill her. And then I'll find you and kill you too. Oh, don't bother bringing any weapons, there's an energy dampening field in effect here that'll block all weapons. Later."

The image then exploded with light, which Chase shut his eyes toward while Zobba's eyes accommodated quickly to the change and the diplomat and the Jedi's sunglasses instantly adjusted as well revealing a map with a dot on it before instantly shutting off. The diplomat and the Jedi glanced sideways at each other for several moments in silence, as if debating their options, before the diplomat held out his hand and Zobba put a briefcase in it and the two left without a single word.

"Was that it?" asked Chase shocked. "Did they agree?"

"Yes the agreed. If they hadn't they would've just left," said Zobba as the elevator doors closed.

"But do they know I don't have the entire fee?" asked Chase as Zobba led him out of the room.

"They know," he said.

"But then why take the briefcase?" asked Chase.

"That was their fee," said Zobba simply.

"Wha-," began Chase in shock.

"I said they didn't come cheap. You chose to accept that, it's out of my hands now," said Zobba. "Now let's get you home, your fiancée should be home soon."

"And if they fail?" asked Chase.

"Then you have more important things to be worrying about," said the Hutt as they exited down another elevator.

Elevator: Zoda was kneeling in front of the briefcase and was counting the credits.

"325,000 credits," said Zoda putting the final one back and closing the briefcase. Neva Kee shook his head.

"That doesn't offer him a lot of leeway. It's 450,000 minimum Zobba why didn't you tell him that?" said Neva Kee to the heavens.

"Do you not want to go through with it?" Zoda asked standing back up.

"No. Like Zobba said it's for a good cause," said Neva Kee sighing.

"What do you think he did to piss of Clyde?" asked Zoda after a couple moments.

"I don't know but it must have been something big. Clyde rarely resorts to kidnapping because if you piss him off he'll have you killed," responded Neva Kee.

"Do you want to discover what it is?" asked Zoda.

"Nope," said Neva Kee decisively as the elevator rumbled to a halt and the two emerged into the now rainy street. Unperturbed the diplomat and the Jedi went straight head long into it headed for their meeting.

"Where do you think our tail is?" asked the Jedi after a couple moments.

"Who cares?" said the diplomat annoyed. "I've got more important things to worry about at the moment than someone who'll never find us."

The Meltdown: "I'm looking for these two guys," said Keira to the bartender. "Have you seen them or not?"

The bartender looked at her nonplussed and then at the photos of Neva Kee and Zoda.

"Even if I have why does that concern you?" the bartender asked cleaning out a glass.

"It just does," said Keira. "Now are you gonna tell me where they are or not?"

The bartender shrugged.

"I don't know where they are," he said. "But they left here not too long ago with a Hutt named Zobba. That's all I know."

"Thank you," said Keira as she put away the photo.

"You want some advice?" asked the bartender.

"Not particularly, no," said Keira putting on a coat to brave the rain outside.

"Don't chase after these two. If you do and you confront them, you won't ever be coming back. Believe me I know. I've sent more than a few people who came looking for them their way and none have ever been seen again," said the bartender. Keira sighed and tightened up her coat as she tossed a couple coins onto the counter.

"Thanks," she said annoyed.

"Don't mention it, not that you'll ever have the opportunity to," said the bartender simply as he put the glass on the shelf and Keira left with a scowl. As she advanced through the streets she wondered what she was doing chasing two aliens who were on a simple quest to play a round of Golf like no other. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she failed to notice a pair of smaller robed aliens walking right next to her in silence, one of whom had a metal briefcase. The two aliens would nearly have escaped her notice had she not turned right and they left resulting in them colliding with each other causing them to fall over.

"Sorry," said Keira suddenly as she got up and tried to help the smaller figures who waved her off. She tried to pick up the briefcase but found it plastered to the ground by some invisible force.

"We'll get it," said one of the aliens picking it up with ease and both headed off away from her. Keira nodded and was about to continue walking when she heard something that made her stop.

"So where do you think our balls are?" asked one of the aliens.

"Somewhere near our destination actually," said the other alien gratefully as he looked at a small portable scanner.

"Excellent. Nothing better than killing two rancors with one rocket launcher," said the first with a grin.

"Must everything you say involve death or mutilation?" the second alien responded. The other shrugged as silence descended on them again. Keira meanwhile looked at the two aliens in shock.

"_Of all the luck_," she thought before slowly following them curious as to where their destination was.

Later, warehouse: The Coyotes stood behind Lord Clyde in a large empty warehouse waiting for their quarry to show up. Tied to a chair behind them was R. Chase's girlfriend, bound and gagged.

"Don't worry," said Clyde with mock sincerity. "Soon it'll all be over and you and your boyfriend will be able to free."

He laughed to himself as the doors at the opposite end of the warehouse opened and in strode two small aliens. The Coyotes snapped up their weapons but found that they couldn't squeeze down on their triggers.

"Well, well, well," said Clyde shaking his head in shame. "If it isn't Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster. Well it's certainly a surprise to see you two again."

The two aliens stood at the end of the warehouse in shadows completely silent.

"Let me guess, Chase conned Zobba into conning you two into helping him," said Clyde.

"That's right," responded the diplomat.

"And I suppose you're here to stop me," said Clyde.

"That's right,"

"And surely you've realized as I have that by now negotiations are over," said Clyde. "Because I don't normally take hostages."

"That's right,"

"And I suppose what's in that briefcase isn't the 1,000,000 credits I asked for and is instead your fee," said Clyde beginning to be come irritated.

"That's right," said the diplomat begin to show a grin.

"And Grand Master Z, I suppose you've also found a way to somehow circumvent the dampening field that's blocking your lightsaber from working," said Clyde beginning to become even more angry. The sound of metal scrapping against metal was heard as the small alien produced a pair of katana blades and quickly spun them around in his hands. All the group saw at the other end was a glint of metal.

"That's right," responded the Jedi this time around with a grin as well.

"Just so you know, I hope there's no animosity between us," said Clyde thoughtfully. "You probably don't want to be here anymore than I do and I certainly no what it's like to be the go between guy. We're cool correct?"

"That's right," responded the diplomat again. Clyde began growling.

"You're not going to say anything other than 'that's right' are you?" demanded the gang leader.

"That's right," said both of them with big grins.

"Take 'em down!" shouted Clyde to his gang as they opened fire with projectile weapons. The diplomat flung up the briefcase to shield himself from the bullets as the Jedi began slashing and deflecting the rest all over the place before Force running towards the other side at an incredible speed. The diplomat pulled out a modified revolver and began firing at the other side with it taking out a pair of gang members before ducking behind the briefcase as more bullets flew by. Zoda meanwhile had speed up so fast he had left the ground and was running along one of the walls towards the gang while still deflecting bullets. Outside, Keira heard the shooting and raced as quickly as she could to the warehouse in the distance.

"Take him out with the rocket launcher!" shouted Clyde as he had his gang focus their entire assault on the Jedi. One of the more obese gang members, Molo, hauled out a rocket launcher and aimed it at the Jedi who was still running along the wall. The rocket went flying out at the Jedi who tossed his right katana into his left hand and used the now empty right hand to deflect the rocket straight up into the ceiling where it exploded.

"Ha!" said the Jedi happily as he landed again on his feet and deflected a couple more bullets.

"Zoda you idiot!" shouted Neva Kee from behind him as he ran from falling debris. Unfortunately the explosion had now caused the roof to start caving inwards as the debris not started hurtling towards everyone.

"Whoops!" said Zoda embarrassed. "It's not my fault, they shot the rocket!"

"Just rescue the hostage!" shouted Neva Kee as he pressed a button on the suitcase and wheels popped out of left side and the blue alien ran for a little bit before slamming it on the ground and riding it across the falling debris field. The Jedi meanwhile finally reached the other end of the warehouse and began taking out Coyotes left and right. As Neva Kee was coasting along the floor, his scanner suddenly went off and he looked up to see the two golf balls plummet to the ground from where they had apparently been resting on the roof.

"Excellent!" said Neva Kee with a grin as Zoda deflected yet another stray bullet from yet another Coyote into the ceiling, blasting away a piece of rubble about to fall on the diplomat.

"Zoda!" Neva Kee shouted over the destruction.

"What?" demanded Zoda over the noise.

"We're in business!" shouted Neva Kee as his club extended. Zoda's expression turned from seriousness to glee. Keira meanwhile finally reached the doorway but screamed as debris fell all around her as she leapt back outside. The entryway was now nearly completely covered with debris but she could still make out the two forms of Zoda and Neva Kee.

"Just give me a minute!" she heard Zoda say over the noise as he cut down another guard. "Where're we going this time?"

"Bothawui!" Neva Kee shouted back as he rolled past his ball and swung his club with one hand causing it to connect and have the ball go rocketing off into the stratosphere. The Jedi meanwhile slashed the prisoner's shackles it two and she rubbed her wrists.

"Get out of here!" shouted the Jedi as he sliced away another piece of debris and flung another away with the Force. The woman nodded and tore out of the room as Neva Kee went coasting by and held out his hand, which the Jedi grabbed and was swung up onto the briefcase.

"Nice wheels?" Zoda laughed as Neva Kee tugged on the rope that he was using to hold onto the thing and directed it back to the remaining ball as more and more chunks of the ceiling rained down.

"If we don't hurry, your balls going to be crushed and you'll be a stroke behind," said Neva Kee with a grin.

"Ha, ha," said Zoda annoyed. The golf ball loomed closer and closer and they finally reached it as Zoda used the Force to guide his actions as they went past it and he back swung, connected with the ball and it went straight off to Bothawui as well.

"Not too shabby," said Neva Kee as the briefcase came to a halt as one final piece of debris came falling on their heads.

"If you would do the honors," said Neva Kee handing Zoda the rope attached to the briefcase.

"It's nice to be needed," Zoda huffed as he hopped off of the briefcase as the piece of debris came closer and closer.

"Just do your job," said Neva Kee as he laid down onto the case and held on for dear life.

"Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts and prepare for takeoff," said Zoda as suddenly they were gone and the piece of debris hit the spot where they had been. Keira watched them vanish before she leapt out of the way of the remaining slot in the debris filled doorway as dust went flying out of it. She sighed and shook her head as she dusted herself off and was about to chase after them when she heard police sirens in the distance.

"I do not believe this," she said shaking her head as she grabbed her blastech and ran off from the scene. On the other end, Zoda and Neva Kee went flying out the doorway before Zoda slammed to a halt and Neva Kee spilled off the edge of the briefcase as the cord when taut and the thing was yanked off of its wheels.

"Way to go Z," said Neva Kee rubbing his now sore behind. The Jedi meanwhile was looking at Clyde who was holding the escaped hostage with a blaster to her neck.

"You loose negotiators," said Clyde happily as blood streaked down his face. "I've won and the hostage is going to die thanks to my now functional blaster. What do you have to say about that?"

Zoda and Neva Kee looked at each other through their shades before reaching a decision.

"Well let's go then," said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded.

"Right with you Captain N," said Zoda as both began walking away.

"What?" demanded Clyde as he and the hostage watched them walk away in shock. "That's it? What about your assignment?"

"Assignment's over," said the diplomat turning to look at him simply. "We won."

"But the hostage is still going to die," said Clyde.

"Our assignment was to free the hostage from the warehouse. We did that. Whatever happens after that no longer is our concern," said the diplomat simply.

"Yeah," said the Jedi. "If she escaped the building only to get hit by falling debris, we can hardly be held responsible for that. Well…good day Clyde, maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

The two continued walking away in silence.

"Don't you dare turn your backs on me," Clyde said as he aimed his blaster at them and fired. But as soon as Clyde fired he realized that with the dampening field now down, his blaster wasn't the only thing that had begun working again. Zoda's twin dueling sabers shot out of his sleeves and spun around his hands before he spun around and deflected the shot back at him while simultaneously using the Force to yank his hostage away from him. The blaster bolt slammed into the blaster and it exploded causing Clyde to drop to his knees in pain.

"Oh cheer up, it's just a first degree burn," said Zoda walking up to him. "The cops'll fix you up in no time."

"You'd better go," said Neva Kee to the hostage who took off running.

"You know we never did get her name," said Zoda watching her leave.

"Probably for the best after all the less people you know the less people who will want to kill you," said Neva Kee as the sirens blared louder and louder.

"Well let's be off," said Zoda as he and Neva Kee took off. But as they ran from alleyway to alleyway they suddenly encountered a steep drop off to the abyss below.

"Oh great," said Zoda annoyed. "This is what I get for letting you lead."

"When will you ever learn, there's more than one way to skin a cat," said Neva Kee.

"Now who has the gruesome references?" asked Zoda as suddenly Neva Kee's ship rose up from the cavern and hovered next to them.

"You were saying?" Neva Kee asked as he hopped into the entrance hatch.

"Forget it," responded the Jedi also leaping onboard. An instant later the craft tore off into the nighttime sky.

"Odd that we didn't encounter Bernadelli's representative," said Neva Kee pressing some buttons on his console as the craft made a couple twists and turns through the steel canyons of Nar Shadaa.

"Yeah, The Force usually doesn't lie about these sorts of things," said Zoda slightly confused. "But maybe it was just a premonition instead. Nevertheless, that woman we ran into earlier looked familiar."

"Yeah I though so too," said Neva Kee. "Oh well I doubt we'll be seeing her again. Next stop Bothawui!"

Steets: Keira watched the blue spacecraft fly overhead before angling upwards and vanishing into space.

"I'll see you two on Bothawui," said Keira to the skies as she headed for the spaceport.

Kuat Drive Yards: "Ah Mr. Bernadelli, how can I help you?" asked Lord Kuat. He and the head of the Insurance Company were currently in his office as a pair of massive battlecruisers were seen being built behind him in the drydocks.

"I have come to purchase some of your fine craft," said Kuat simply.

"Ah good," said Kuat inwardly disappointed. "We have the finest luxury craft in the galaxy perfect for…"  
"I'm not looking for pleasure craft I'm looking for warships," said Bernadelli decisively. Kuat looked at him wide-eyed.

"Ummm…okay," he said at a loss for words. "May I ask the intended target?"

"A green imp who has pulled my last straw," said Bernadelli. "His actions are threatening to bankrupt my company and I will see to it that he is eliminated before that happens."

"I see," said Kuat before smiling inwardly. "_Thank you Zoda, you did provide me with that war after all._"

"Well we do have a few models that I think you'll be please with," Kuat began as the holoprojector on his desk sprung to life showing a bunch of ships, everyone of them triangular shaped in design.

"Excellent," said Bernadelli. "_Soon you will be dead Zoda and then I will be able to finally find some peace_."


	7. Bothawui

Anguirus111 Note: I think I already mention this but Neva Kee's ship is just a larger version of his podracer. And I hope you all realize that Neva Kee is not an OC and if you did think that go look him up at the Star Wars databanks. Granted I am taking liberties with him but he'll still wind up being that podracer who vanishes midway through the Boonta Eve Classic. And I mentioned this in my first story, but I'll reiterate it here. Yoda is Zoda's uncle and both despise each other and Zoda has a speech impediment hence his straightforward speak.

Bothawui: In the infamous city of Drev'starn, many Bothan Spies congregated sharing information that they had stolen from other planets and civilizations. In their safe city filled with nothing but backstabbers and information thieves, they felt they knew everything and that nothing could surprise them. That all changed moments later when two small objects rapidly descended from the heavens trailing fire and streaked by over the city only to plow into the mountainside around a secret base that Bothans thought no one knew about and cause dust and smoke to go rising into the horizon. For the first time in their life the Bothans panicked as this was the first time in a long time that they had ever come under attack without them ever being away of it. In the spaceport of the city, a blue Y-Shaped spacecraft hastily landed in one of the docking bays before the two occupants inside of it, heavily disguised in robes tore out of the craft, and ran to the nearest hovercar rental place, which was deserted thanks to the mass panic and 'obtained' a hovercar and took off in it towards the mountains. As soon as they left the city the two occupants removed their robes.

"Damn Bothans," said Zoda as he looked at the city behind him. "They can never take anything in stride can they?"

"No," said Neva Kee sighing as he piloted the craft. "No they can't. It would be funny if our balls weren't on the line."

Zoda laughed.

"That's not meant as an innuendo you lazy Hutt," said Neva Kee admonishing him. "Those Bothans are likely to take them and dissect them for information and then we'll be out of a job.

"Then why the hell did we come here?" demanded the Jedi before adding sarcastically. "Could it be you finally made a mistake? I never thought I'd see the day!"

"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Neva Kee holding his head with his left hand as the craft zoomed onwards towards the hidden base.

Drev'starn: A passenger craft landed in the Galactic Cruises docking bay as Keira grabbed her bag and tore off through customs. As soon as she emerged from customs she noted the general disarray of the place as well as the smoke rising from the distant mountain range.

"_They're here alright_," thought Keira with a small laugh. She ran to the speeder rental area but found the place deserted save for a familiar looking chit on the counter.

"_Well I'll be damned,_" Keira thought with another laugh. She looked around before sighing and grabbing a key that was on the other side before throwing down a chit as well. She ran out into the speeder bay as she saw the nervous Bothans all standing around a platform as an angry Bothan began commenting on how they were going to get to the bottom of this and punish whoever was responsible. Keira laughed at the prospects of that before getting in the speeder and taking off towards the freeway.

Freeway: Neva Kee shifted gears and the car raced between a pair of other slower moving ones on the freeway as in the distance the Debate/Retreat Center was visible and even farther back the mountain range.

"I don't suppose you have something to give this vehicle a little bit more kick," said Neva Kee reluctantly. Zoda looked at him surprised.

"Maybe," he said. "This vehicle wouldn't happen to have a combustion engine would it?"

"I think so," said Neva Kee. "Otherwise why bother having gears on it?"

"Then maybe we are in luck," said Zoda as he produced a metal cylindrical tank from out of his robe.

"What the hell are you doing with that?" demanded Neva Kee.

"I don't know," said Zoda utterly confused by that question. "I kind of forgot I had it until just now."

"And yet somehow you manage to produce it at the right time. How bizarre is that?" asked Neva Kee.

"Maybe it's the will of the Force," said Zoda trying to explain it.

"Or the author," said Neva Kee absently.

"Huh?" asked Zoda.

"Forget it," said the diplomat. "So pop it in."

"Now?" demanded Zoda. "At well over a hundred miles an hour you want me to plug this in?"

"Yeah," said Neva Kee. "Just use the Force."

Zoda grumbled a retort before climbing over the windshield and onto the hood of the vehicle.

"I hope you can see with no forward vision for a few moments," he said.

"Just do it," said Neva Kee annoyed. Zoda sighed and popped open the hood as Neva Kee leaned over the side of the car to see what was in front of him. Zoda meanwhile activated one of his dueling sabers as began making precise cuts in the engine block before jamming a tube extending from the cylinder as he made a place for it by melting some nearby metal bars before using the Force to cool the air around them causing them to freeze around the cylinder. Zoda then leapt over the open hood as he used the Force to close it and came down back in the passenger seat.

"We're in business," he said wiping his dirty hands along the outside of the car.

"Good, activate it," said Neva Kee as an empty stretch of road appeared ahead of them.

"You sure you can handle the sudden boost of acceleration this nitrous oxide can produce?" said Zoda unconvinced.

"We'll find out. Now gun it!" said Neva Kee. Zoda sighed as he used the Force to turn the handle on the cylinder in the engine and the car rocketing forward with intense speed.

"We're all gonna die!" shouted Zoda as he held onto the dash for dear life.

"Oh shut up," Neva Kee shot back. The car continued on down the roadway.

Behind them, Keira was traveling as quickly as she could down the roadway when an entire squad of aerial transports appeared from behind her. As she looked at the passing convoy she noticed dozens of angry Bothans onboard equipped with all types of weaponry. They raced past her apparently headed for the mountain range. Keira scowled knowing that Zoda and Neva Kee shouldn't be completely to blame for what their game was doing to the galaxy, but ultimately she was out of options. It was only when she pressed a button causing a map to pop up and it then that she noticed a shortcut around a massive lake that might get her to here quarry with little time to spare.

Roadway: "Ummm…Neva," said Zoda looking back into the distance.

"Yeah," said the diplomat. The nitrous oxide speed boost have given out several miles back but there had finally reached the Debate/Retreat Center, the halfway point between Drev'starn and the military base.

"I haven't been here in awhile so I don't know, but do the Bothans have an air force?" asked Zoda confused.

"No, why?" asked Neva Kee a little bit worried.

"No reason," said Zoda settling back into his seat. "But uh, you might want to squeeze down on the accelerator a little bit more."

Neva looked at him extremely worried before adjusting the center rearview mirror to see the oncoming airborne posse.

"Oh hell," he said in shock.

"Well at least they're not after us," said Zoda. "They just want to destroy the game we hold dear."

"We've got to do something," said Neva Kee looking around for an answer.

"Don't look at me, I've got nothing," said Zoda holding up his hands. As he did so, his blastech rifle slipped out of his robe and clattered to the floor.

"Oh yeah I forgot about that," said Zoda picking up the weapon. "Damn Bothans. I'll shoot them in the back before they even think about shooting me."

"Zoda," said Neva Kee gently. "What is your reputation on this planet?"

"They hate me, why?" asked the Jedi confused.

"So if you were to…shall we say open fire on that fleet with this blaster, they'd probably naturally assume that _you_ were responsible for what happened to that mountain range and they'd want to avenge their lack of knowledge," Neva Kee reasoned.

"Why am I always the one who gets the blame in these types of situation?" Zoda demanded. "Why don't you take the fall for once?"

"I'll tell you what," said Neva Kee as the car roared down a curve in the road. "If we somehow survive this round of gold and we're caught right after sinking our final putts then I will confess that this was my entire doing and that you aren't to blame for this."

"Really?" said Zoda hopeful.

"Really," said Neva Kee nodding. "Course then we'll probably have to run like hell from whoever's after us at that point in time but it'll be entirely my fault."

"Cool," said Zoda rubbing his hands together. "So when am I going to have to defend the car?"

Neva Kee grabbed the blastech, swung his arm around, aimed the blaster at the nearest hovercar and fired. The blast smacked into the front fender and the car dropped like a rock before slamming into the ground plowing dust into the air.

"Now," he said simply. Zoda scowled and leapt onto the back trunk as both his dueling sabers extended as laser blasts chewed up the area all around them.

Dirt Road: Keira raced down the dirt path as several flying rals flew out of her way. As she drew closer and closer to the freeway again she noticed the whole armada firing at a spot on the ground with several shots flying straight back at them. One particular craft spun out of control backwards and slammed into the Debate/Retreat Center blowing it up.

"Way to go guys more property damage for Bernadelli to insure," she said to no on in particular as more laser blasts flew all over the place. Sighing, Keira gunned the engine even harder as she tried desperately to get to the action before it was too late.

Highway: "Way to go Zoda!" said Neva Kee shaking his head at the destruction of the Debate/Retreat Center.

"They occupants of that vehicle are still alive," said Zoda flinging back another pair of blaster bolts. "And besides, that building was an eyesore anyway."

"It was also the newest hope for peace in the galaxy as it was to be an open forum for opposing sides to get their feelings out without the need for weapons and violence," said Neva Kee as he roared across the lanes as more laser bolts chewed up the road all around them.

"Yeah right," said Zoda not believing him. "The Bothans were planning to use that building to blackmail anybody who had a conflict in the galaxy into submitting to them. And if you believe that peace crap then I have a bridge to sell you."

"Only if you buy the one I already offered you," said Neva Kee with a brief grin before laser bolts slammed down onto various pieces of the car.

"What the hell are you doing back there?" demanded the diplomat. "You're supposed to be defending this vehicle."

"It's 50 to 1 back here, no Jedi is that good," said Zoda as he roared and swung his dueling lightsabers barely deflecting a massive energy bolt fired from one of the few vehicles with heavy weaponry back at the armada.

"Ah sithspit that hurt," he said dropping his lightsabers and holding his wrists in pain. More laser fire chewed up the car as Neva Kee tried to avoid it.

"Here take this," he said handing Zoda the blastech rifle. Zoda shook his head.

"No," he said adamantly. "A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack."

"What?" said Neva Kee disbelieving him. "You've used a blaster before."

"But never for attack," said Zoda adamantly. "If I use that blaster against them it would go against the Jedi Code and I won't do that. I may bend the rules of the Jedi Order, but I don't break them."

"Fine," said Neva Kee letting that go. "So what do you propose we do?"

"Something will come up," said Zoda lying down across the backseat. "It always does."

"You'd better be right about this. Because this engine is shot and isn't going to take us much further," said Neva Kee as the car slowed down and the fleet closed in on them.

"I always am," said Zoda simply. Then just when it seemed all was lost as the Bothans aimed their weapons at them, laser blasts flew out of nowhere and slammed into the nearest ships. Neva Kee looked at Zoda bewildered as he sat up as Keira's speeder roared up from the dirt road and onto the freeway.

"Hi guys," she said with a grin as the two aliens looked at her wide-eyed.

"Well don't just stand there, come on!" she said waving them over to her car as more laser blasts flew down from above. Zoda and Neva Kee looked at each other before both leapt over from the one car to the next.

"Do you have a plan to stop them?" Keira asked as she shifted into a higher gear and the car leapt forward. Zoda nodded as he laid down exhausted on the backseat. The car they had just vacated suddenly found itself flung into the air by an invisible Force and Zoda called his blaster from Neva Kee's hand to his own and without looking he fired a blast over the back of the car which smacked into the fuel tank of the airborne vehicle and it exploded in a gigantic fireball as the pursuing Bothans all leapt from their vehicles and into the lake below them.

"Unbelievable," said Keira shaking her head.

"I'm a Jedi I don't kill unless I have to," said Zoda simply before he closed his eyes and entered into a Jedi Healing Trance.

"So what the hell are you doing here?" asked Neva Kee from the passenger seat. "I thought you were going back home to Coruscant?"

"I was," Keira admitted. "But my plans changed."

"Ah," said Neva Kee understanding. "So Bernadelli sent you after us, did he?"

Keira nearly lost control of the wheel at that statement. "How did you know that?"

"He had to send somebody," said Neva Kee shrugging. "And since I'm pretty sure you're the one who was tailing us on Nar Shadaa that means you've been following us. You'd only do that if you had to because nobody goes to Nar Shadaa unless they have no other alternative. But please don't let me steal your thunder go ahead and make your official statement; we've got plenty of time now."

The diplomat laid back in his seat and steeped his hands in front of his face as he entered deep into thought. Keira sighed and readied her herself for her coming speech knowing her two occupants wouldn't appreciate what she had to say.

"Right," she said finally. "Okay here goes. It has come to the attention of the Bernadelli Insurance Company, that although we would like you and your companion to be happy playing your game, it is ultimately causing too much property damage and is considered an insurance risk bordering on a natural disaster. By order of the Bernadelli Insurance Society we hereby order you to cease your game at once or we will be forced to take action."

Silence descended on the car following that statement.

"Uh-huh," said Neva Kee unconvinced. "Well tell your boss Mr. Bernadelli, very respectfully, that he can shove it."

Zoda began laughing in the back seat despite his healing trance.

"Wait," Keira protested. "Hear me out!"

"There's nothing to hear," said Neva Kee angrily. "Bernadelli is a bitter old man who cannot stand the fact that we are doing things beyond his control. He wants control over everything his company insures and will do everything in his power to ensure peace and stability. He's afraid of us, of what we are, of what we're doing. He doesn't understand Golf and he wants to destroy it."

"Are you sure about that?" Keira asked before reminding them. "I mean fear _is_ the most powerful of the emotions but is it really that strong?"

"You forget the number one rule," said Neva Kee sadly.

"And that is?" asked Keira.

"That fear is the path to the dark side," said Zoda in the back. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate…leads to suffering."

"So what, my boss is a Dark Jedi?" asked Keira incredulously before beginning to laugh.

"That rule applies to everyone not just the Jedi," said Neva Kee even more saddened. "After all it is said that fear is my ally. Fear attracts the weak, the powerful, the innocent, the corrupt, fear."

"That is why there is so much property damage," said Zoda. "It's not because of this game of ours, but because people fear the great unknown. If there was no fear than we would've been done with this little game of ours, not by being hunted by every manner of creature everywhere we go."

"So you're saying you're blameless," said Keira.

"No, part of the blame does indeed fall on us. All I'm really trying to say is that in this crazy galaxy, this is your only real friend," said Neva Kee pulling out a golf ball. "If you screw up with this it's your fault and nobody else's. That is why we play the game. It's us against ourselves and nobody else."

The ball suddenly lifted up from his hand and hovered in the air.

"Wait, you're a Jedi?" asked Keira surprised. Neva Kee scowled as he grabbed the ball from out of the air. He then stood up and glared at the passenger in the back.

"Would you stop that!" he shouted. Zoda laughed as Keira did a little bit too.

"So the ball's in your court, what do you plan on doing?" asked Neva Kee settling back into his seat.

"First I need some more information," said Keira. Neva Kee shrugged.

"So long as we continue heading for that base, shoot," said the smaller creature.

"Where did you first learn about this game?" asked Keira. "Because I looked it up and there wasn't any record of it under anything anywhere. So where did you learn about it?"

"I learned about it on a planet called Earth," said Neva Kee simply.

"When?" asked Keira.

"I can't tell you that, but sufficed to say Zoda and I started playing it 75 years ago after I introduced him to the sport and both agreed it was worth pursuing," said Neva Kee.

"Why did you graduate from the greens to the city?" asked Keira as the mountain range loomed closer and closer.

"It's because as much fun as golf is, playing the game for nearly 30 years straight on the same greens meant that we both already knew every course inside and out. The game was no longer a challenge," said Neva Kee.

"Why didn't you find new greens?" asked Keira.

"Most planets simply cannot support a golf course, nor were most of the local governments enthused about giving us land just for the two of us to use. So we had to come up with a better solution," said the diplomat.

"So whose idea was it to use Coruscant?" asked Keira.

"Not sure," said the diplomat before calling to the backseat. "Zoda do you remember which one of us had the idea to use Coruscant as a golf course?"

"It was sort of a mutual agreement," said the Jedi. "We were standing on top of the base of the Jedi Temple with our clubs and our balls coming to the realization that there was nowhere left we could go to play. We both looked at each other in frustration and took out our frustration on our balls and launched them off the roof with our clubs. That was how it started."

"That's right," said the diplomat, having only asked the question for Keira's sake, he hadn't forgotten. "So there you go. After driving a few, I quickly modified a couple of balls for long range travel and then we decided to play it for real the next day and just went with it for the next 24 hours."

"And what a game it was," said Zoda from the back with a grin. "The best we'd ever played."

"Then that idiot Bernadelli got on our backs because he couldn't understand why we'd play a game that caused so much property damage," the diplomat picked up again.

"And then had our clubs confiscated," Zoda grumbled. "A man does not touch another man's clubs!"

"Like you care," said Neva Kee disbelieving him. "But it had been too much of a rush to ignore it so we did it again two more times. Then we set our sights on something much bigger for an even greater rush."

"And did it work out that way?" asked Keira as the mountain range was nearly in front of them.

"Well it wasn't quite like I expected, but it's still been quite a ride," said Neva Kee.

"I agree," said Zoda. "To see it is not the same as to live it."

"Pull over here," said Neva Kee at a small dirt road next to a large chain link fence.

"What're you going to do?" demanded Keira as the car traveled along the fence.

"Stop here," said Neva Kee as Zoda got up. They both leapt over the side of the car and ran up to the fence. Zoda immediately pulled out his lightsaber and began cutting a hole through the fence.

"I don't think Bernadelli insures these buildings, we'll see you around Keira," said Neva Kee as Zoda forced push the fence hole he'd just made inward and both took off through the wooded area ahead of them. Keira scowled.

"You're not leaving without me," she said chasing after them. The two aliens meanwhile had already advanced far down the path ahead of her as they ran up the mountain with superhuman speed before vanishing down a large bay built into the side of the mountain. When she finally reached the bay she noticed several destroyed battledroids while in the background she saw a flash of a lightsaber and laser blasts flying all over the place. Grabbing her blastech, Keira calmed herself down and went in after them.

Elsewhere: A group of Bothans were hurriedly sending every droid they could after the two intruders from the control room of the base.

"Have you had any luck fixing the communications array?" asked the lead Bothan, Korth Melan.

"No sir," said a technician. "Those two objects that soared in from the heavens completely took it out."

"And our attackers?" asked Korth. The technician showed a camera shot of the two aliens battling their way through the droids.

"Clearly the same ones who brought down that fleet of vehicles from Drev'starn," said the worker. "Tentative identification has revealed the one with the lightsabers to be Jedi Knight Zoda."

Silence descended at that statement.

"Madre de dios," said Korth. "Prepare the evacuation order and set the autodestruct."

"Sir we can't just abandon and then blow up this base, it has too much sensitive information!" said the worker. "We can defend it!"

"No, we can't," said Korth with certainty. "Besides, he's not here for the information he's clearly here for something else."

"What makes you say that?" asked the worker.

"Because if he was here on official Jedi business he'd have killed somebody by now," said Korth with certainty. At that exact moment two lightsabers emerged from the blast door and began cutting it open. Several soldiers ran over to the door and aimed their blasters at it.

"Lower your weapons and arm it now. Set for ten minute interval," said Korth with certainty. The guards looked at him uncertainly. The worker pressed the corresponding buttons on his panel and the autodestruct timer turned on counting down from ten minutes.

"Do it or you'll die," Korth ordered to the guards. The guards slowly lowered their weapon as the door fell inward and through the smoke beyond it emerged a small creature with two dueling sabers held at the ready.

"Korth," said the Jedi.

"Zoda," acknowledged the Bothan. The two dueling sabers shut off and the small alien stood to the side of the doorway and pointed his hand towards the opening. Korth lightly bowed and headed out.

"You don't mind if I erase some select files while I'm here do you?" asked Zoda.

"Course not," said Korth. "Just leave the place somewhat intact. And please be out of here when whatever we have for a military decides to show up."

"Will do," said Zoda. The other prepared to leave.

"Why are you here?" asked the worker helplessly. Zoda's pulled out his grip and the club shot out the end of it.

"For the love of the game," he said. The worker looked at him confused and wanted to ask more questions but was quickly pushed out by the other guards. After they left, Neva Kee sauntered in from his hiding spot.

"Such restraint," he said with mock amazement while laughing.

"Shut up!" said Zoda as he walked around the room trying to locate a monitor indicating where the golf balls had landed. A couple moments later Keira appeared in shock at it all.

"Is this how it always is with you two?" she said in shock.

"Yeah," agreed Neva Kee nodding his head. He hopped onto a chair and began pressing various buttons as a multitude of screens.

"Looks like we hit the honeypot Neva," said Zoda. "They have a substantial amount of listening devices on a multitude of planets keyed into this room. And if there's one thing I can't stand its spies."

One of Zoda's lightsabers shot out and he looked like he was going to cut the place in half but reluctantly shut it off due to his promise to Korth.

"Well, well, well," said Neva Kee shaking his head while looking at a screen.

"What?" asked Keira.

"Seems the Bothans are tapping some very influential people," said the diplomat pressing a button. In the middle of the room a real time holographic display popped up of the Jedi Council in session.

"They're tapping the Council unawares?" said Zoda. "Oh that's just too much!"

"Yeah, apparently there's an audio feed too," said Neva Kee looking back at the console. "But since you took out the dish we can only receive images."

"That sucks," said Zoda. "So where's our quarry?"

"I think we have bigger things to worry about, they've set the auto-destruct sequence for the base," said Neva Kee looking at the timer. Keira nearly fainted at that.

"How much time?" asked Zoda.

"Seven minutes," said Neva Kee pressing another button and bringing up another security camera.

"Plenty of time," said the Jedi crossing his arms. "Where's our quarry?"

"Found it," said Neva Kee looking through a monitor. "Let's roll."

Both immediately proceeded to one of the exits in the room.

"Wait!" said Keira. "You're supposed to cease and desist! And what about the bomb?"

"And I told you to go and tell Bernadelli to shove it," said Neva Kee as they headed down another passageway.

"I can't tell him that, you know that," said Keira disappointed in him as she hurriedly followed them. "And I have to prevent you from causing more property damage."

"What if I promise we'll never go near another civilized star system again, would that put your mind at ease," said Neva Kee beginning to get annoyed.

"Where are we going next anyway?" asked Zoda.

"Tatooine," said Neva Kee simply. Zoda instantly stopped in his tracks.

"No! No way! I'm not going there, you can't make me!" said the Jedi stubbornly.

"I though you loved Tatooine!" said Neva Kee.

"Hello! Death threat on my head anyone?" said Zoda amazed at Neva's lack of knowledge. "Jabba lives on Tatooine! If I go there he'll kill me!"

"Well too bad we're going anyway," said Neva Kee as they emerged into the daytime sky from yet another bay. The diplomat slid down ten feet along the mountain before coming to a rest on a small ledge that the two golf balls had plowed up upon landing. Neva Kee took out his sunglasses and slipped them on, which indicated where Tatooine was in the daytime sky.

"Ah crap," said the diplomat as he pressed a small button just to the right of his right lens and it zoomed in on the spot.

"What's up?" asked Zoda hopeful.

"This is not going to be an easy shot," said Neva Kee simply.

"So let's go somewhere else!" said Zoda happily as Keira appeared and watched over them from the bay.

"There's nowhere else to go!" said Neva Kee. "I planned this route out to get us to that black hole and we can't divert from it now! No, we can make this shot we'll just have to intentionally slice it to get it over the mountain and still go on course."

"I don't intentionally screw up in golf under any circumstances!" said Zoda. "You know that!"

"Nor do I," said Neva as he practiced a couple of swings. "But we already screwed up when the balls landed here so by slicing it we'll simply be correcting that mistake."

"I'm not going to Tatooine!" Zoda reiterated. Neva Kee sighed as he turned around to face him.

"Well I'm not changing my mind," said the diplomat looking at him frankly.

"Well then I guess there's only one way to settle this," said the Jedi. The diplomat nodded as both climbed back up to the bay.

"Thank you for stopping your game," said Keira misunderstanding their conflict.

"Oh we're still going," said Neva Kee assuredly as he hoisted himself up.

"Yeah, it's just a matter of whether or not we're going to Tatooine," said Zoda as he took climbed into the bay.

"So what're you two gonna do?" asked Keira confused. Neva Kee pulled out a pair of blasters from underneath his jacket and held them pointed upwards.

"What we always do in these sorts of situations," he explained as Zoda pulled out his two dueling sabers and aimed them upwards as well and both stood back to back.

"You two can't be serious!" said Keira. The two looked at her like she was the one who was crazy before looking at each other and shrugging.

"Yes we are," said the diplomat and the Jedi at the same time.

"He'll mop the floor with you, he's a Jedi!" said Keira to Neva Kee.

"He's also an idiot and I've known him for so long his fighting style is second nature to me by now," said Neva Kee as he double checked the charges on his blasters.

"How many paces?" asked Zoda.

"In the interest of time is none okay?" asked the diplomat.

"Works for me," said Zoda.

"Cue?" asked the diplomat.

"We'll know," said the Jedi simply.

"Keira there's a transport over there, take it and leave now otherwise the autodestruct will take you out," said the diplomat.

"I can't just leave you," Keira protested.

"We'll be fine, now go!" ordered the diplomat. Keira looked at them like they were both crazy before running to the speeder and taking off. The diplomat accepted this and looked ahead solemnly. Back in the control room the auto-destruct sequence reached zero and at that exact moment Neva Kee and Zoda leapt forward before spinning around. Neva Kee began firing his blasters, set to stun, at Zoda who deflected the shots with his lightsabers while explosions rocked the entire facility. The two promptly ran off in different directions as explosion tore up the spot where they had started their duel as more explosions began taking out the walls and ceiling. The aliens began snaking their way through the debris as both continued their assault on the other. Neva Kee had finally managed to line up a winning shot only when he fired it struck a piece of debris blowing it all over the Jedi and obscuring him. Neva Kee fired more laser blasts into the smoke as a single lightsaber deflected them.

"_…A single saber?_" thought the diplomat confused before he realized what was going on. He dove to the side of a piece of debris as a second lightsaber went flying over his head propelled by an invisible force. Neva Kee proceeded to continue firing into the smoke as the ground continued shaking and more and more debris began raining down. The lightsaber went rocketing back the way it came through the dirt and debris and then it all cleared away suddenly to reveal Zoda who came flying towards Neva Kee with both sabers angled behind him. Neva Kee stood his ground and right before Zoda reached him he gave the Jedi a spinning heel kick that knocked him to the side and against a piece of debris while at the same time Zoda punched the diplomat causing him to crash into another piece of debris as well as both dropped their weapons in the impact. More debris rained down and soon smoke filled the entire area blinding the two aliens. They both fumbled around for their lost weaponry eventually they both grasped onto a pair of handles and stood up. Zoda knocked the dust away and the two emerged from it dirty but both holding onto a pair of weapons. Of course as luck would have it, Zoda was holding Neva Kee's blasters and Neva Kee was holding Zoda's hilts. Both looked at each other and shrugged as Neva Kee snapped the lightsabers on and Zoda began firing at him with the blasters. Although not trained in the Force, Neva Kee had extensive swordplay knowledge and managed to deflect some of the bolts back at Zoda who leapt avoid them. After a couple moments of this, yet another explosion tore out a chunk of the roof and debris rained down. A piece smacked into Neva Kee's right wrist and he dropped the saber in pain which Zoda promptly called to his hand.

"Here, it's only fair," he said throwing the two blasters to Neva Kee as he twirled his lightsaber around before entering into a fighting stance. Neva Kee quickly holstered the two weapons before swinging the lightsaber he had also into a fighting stance.

"Let's rock," they both said at the same time. Both ran straight at each other and instantly began combating each other with their lightsabers. Even without the aid of the Force, Neva Kee was still a formidable opponent and since Zoda was not one to resort to acrobatics in a straight up sword fight, both were evenly matched. Eventually the dust clouded the entire area to the point that all the other could see was the other saber burning brightly through the dark. They continued clashing on top of the rubble as more pieces of dirt and soot fell from above, both beginning to become exhausted from the strenuous fighting.

"How long can you keep this up?" asked Zoda covered in sweat with a grin as both briefly stopped their clash and caught their breath.

"As long as you can chach," said Neva Kee breathing heavily. Both looked at each, nodded, and their lightsabers slammed against each other again. But through luck or extreme skill, Zoda made a lunge that connected with nothing and Neva Kee used it to drive his lightsaber away from the Jedi. Before Zoda could call it back, Neva Kee dove towards the Jedi and tackled him, bringing the lightsaber right across his neck.

"Gamer over," said the diplomat darkly as he hovered over him anger in his eyes and completely covered in dirt. "You loose!"

"Uh, uh, stalemate" said the blackened Jedi below him.

Neva Kee looked to see a blaster pressed against his stomach before he looked at the Jedi and began laughing.

"That blaster is drained," he said with a big grin the lightsaber still across the Jedi's throat.

"I don't believe you," said the Jedi unsure.

"Then fire it," said the diplomat smugly. The Jedi pulled back on the trigger but nothing happened. He then tried it a few more times but still nothing.

"Hmmm," said the Jedi regarding it with annoyance before looking at the diplomat still pressing the lightsaber against him. "Tatooine was it?"

"Yep," said Neva Kee standing up and brushing himself off acting as though the last few minutes hadn't happened as helped hoist Zoda to his feet. "Jabba probably won't even think you'll even think about going there. And even if he does I'm still a negotiator I'll get us out of any bind he puts us in."

"Still," said the Jedi as he traded Neva's blaster for his lightsaber and called the other lightsaber back to his hand. "I think we should still be prepared."

"Oh, absolutely," agreed the diplomat. "But let's tee off first before this whole base goes down."

"Yeah they're need one hell of a maid to clean all this up," said Zoda as the two advanced through the debris that Zoda pushed apart with the Force. They reached the edge of the bay and hopped back down to the ledge.

"How much of a slice do we need?" asked Zoda as he practiced the swings he knew resulted in a slice on his part. Neva Kee meanwhile pulled out a scanner and held it to the sky.

"Looks like 30 degrees to the left," said Neva Kee closing the thing and putting it away.

"Check, got it," said Zoda as he aimed it up one last time and swung as the ball curved to the left and escaped over the mountain. Neva Kee quickly swung as well and both balls took off on their course.

"Now to get out of here," said Neva Kee worriedly. Suddenly a tremendous explosion blew out a whole chunk of the mountain directly above them and huge boulders began raining down. Zoda's lightsabers snapped on as Neva Kee loaded a fresh charge into his two blasters.

"I don't know how long I'll be able to protect us from a collapsing mountain, call that ship of yours," said Zoda as he began swiping at a group of falling stones.

"There's too much interference up here," said Neva Kee shaking his watch furiously. "I can't call it."

"Great," said Zoda annoyed. "So now we bite the proverbial and literal dust."

"There are worse ways to go out in life," said Neva Kee blasting various bits of rock.

"Yeah, we could've died in our sleep," said Zoda shuddering. But as the rocks and boulders began to close in on them, they both heard a beeping noise.

"You forget to set the alarm on something?" asked Zoda confused as Keira's speeder roared in from nowhere.

"Get in!" she yelled.

"This is occurring way too frequently these days," said Zoda as both leapt into the vehicle.

"Yeah, lazy writer," Neva Kee griped.

"Who?" asked Keira. Neva Kee groaned.

"Just forget it," he said as the car roared off and the whole side of the mountain collapsed.

"Thanks for the assist Insurance Girl," said Zoda as he put away his club.

"I can't believe that you two are on speaking terms," said Keira surprised.

"Why's that?" asked Neva Kee confused.

"You two practically fought to the death in there it looks like, how can you still be so amicable towards the other?" she asked as the car roared high over the road. Zoda and Neva Kee looked at their various nicks and cuts they had received but not noticed until now.

"These fights allow us to blow off the steam both of us build up towards the others that if not otherwise treated would cause us to go insane," said Zoda.

"Yeah, and it's the only real gauge we have these days as to who is really better among us," said Neva Kee.

"And I must admit this was one of the best fights we've had recently," said Zoda. "It's good to get a genuine workout these days, those stupid Jedi are too passive for any real challenge."

Neva Kee leaned back in his chair and stretched his muscles.

"And sometimes negotiations call for action and I don't nearly get enough of a workout as I should," said the diplomat cracking his knuckles.

"So who won?" asked Keira as Drev'starn appeared in the distance.

"Zoda," said Neva Kee quickly.

"Me," said the Jedi at the same instant. Keira looked at them confused before shrugging.

"So then where're you going besides Tatooine?" she asked.

"Oh we're still going to Tatooine no doubt about that," said Neva Kee.

"Why? I thought if Zoda won you were going somewhere else," said Keira.

"He's still under my jurisdiction for my tour around the galaxy and as such he has to obey my orders," said the diplomat simply. Zoda grumbled something but kept quiet.

"So what now?" asked Keira as the car arrived at the capital much faster than the landlocked hovercraft they had both taken to the base.

"We're going to Tatooine," said Neva Kee simply as he opened his comm. device and wired the money for the lost hovercar directly to the rental agency as well as a note explaining where to pick up Keira's hovercar.

"And you can go wherever you want Keira," said Neva Kee as Zoda looked around suddenly with suspicion before leaning over the side of the car and looking down. Keira was about to protest when Zoda cut in.

"Excuse me guys, but we have bigger problems at the moment," said Zoda as both his sabers shot on. Neva Kee looked at him confused when suddenly the Bothan Posse from earlier appeared all around them and began firing.

"Oh great not again," said Neva Kee as he began firing on the group as Keira alternated between firing and driving the vehicle.

"Looks like you guys aren't getting rid of me that easily," said Keira with a small grin as Zoda put away his sabers and began tossing vehicles left and right with the Force.

"Neva, kick her on and let's go," said Zoda over the laser blasts. Neva Kee nodded and pressed a button on his watch. As they flew over the city towards the landing bay, Neva Kee's ship lifted up into the air Keira wanted to stop but Zoda used the Force to press down on the accelerator and turned the wheel so they flew away from it.

"What was that for?" Keira said.

"It'll catch up with us," said Neva Kee. "I don't want them blasting it right now anyway."

The speeder flew on as potshots hit at it all over the place and smoke began pouring from the engine.

"So much for that," said Keira throwing down the controls in disgust. As the enemy group closed in, they were all blown aside by Neva Kee's massive ship that entered into a flanking position to the right of the speeder. Neva Kee and Zoda leapt into the open side hatch as they'd done numerous times before and stood there as Keira looked at them upset.

"What about me?" she shouted angrily as laser blasts flew all over the place. Neva Kee raised an eyebrow at Zoda who rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he said finally. He used the Force to yank Keira out of the vehicle and into the ship as the speeder spun out of control and exploded. Zoda shut the hatch and both left for the cockpit. As they entered, the thing powered up and Neva Kee got into the pilots seat as Zoda sat at the navigators console.

"You ever run from Bothawui to Tatooine before?" Neva Kee asked as Keira sat in the gunner's seat.

"You got that right," said Zoda with a grin as he began feeding the coordinates into the navicomputer. Keira sighed and turned around to look at the gunner's console, which had various buttons and a 3-D image of the ship was projected in front of her showing it in relation to its pursuers. Sighing again she rested her elbows and on the console and held her head in her hands wondering how she could've gotten herself into this situation.

"Point Defense Weaponry Activated," said an automated voice suddenly. Keira looked at the console wide-eyed as on the 3-D image as various weapons popped up all over the ship and began firing small objects to intercept each and every laser shot directed at it.

"Wow," she said amazed before the weaponry suddenly shutdown.

"Please don't do touch anything," said Neva Kee from the pilots seat. "There's a lot on this ship you don't understand that could get you or a multitude of people killed."

The ship broke through the atmosphere and headed into deep space.

"Strap yourselves in we're jumping," said Neva Kee reaching for the hyperspace lever. The others strapped themselves in and Neva Kee threw the switch and the vessel roared off into the blue tunnel in the sky headed for Tatooine.


	8. Tatooine

Anguirus111 Note: In ANH:SE, a ship was seen poking up out of the ground in Mos Eisley after having crashed there years and years ago. This chapter explains how that happened.

Tatooine: The passenger liner _Dowager Queen_ was settling into a lazy landing approach after having circled the planet a couple of times before finally entering into the lower atmosphere and was steadily approaching Mos Eisley.

"There she is," said the Captain. "Mos Eisley spaceport, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy in the galaxy."

"Should we be cautious?" asked the copilot, who was new and fresh out of the academy. The captain laughed.

"No," said the captain with a laugh. "But our passengers will have to be. We just drop them off we don't watch over them."

The copilot laughed nervously as he began pushing some buttons to slow down the ship even more. But as he pressed the intercom button to alert the passengers to their arrival, the collision alarm detector went off.

"What the?" asked the copilot extremely worried.

"We've got two objects inbound, coming in fast!" said the captain hurriedly bringing up the aging HUD on the old craft.

"Evasive maneuvers?" said the copilot grabbing the yoke.

"Too late!" shouted the pilot as two burning objects plowed into their main viewscreen causing the glass to fall into the cockpit and then the two objects ricocheted off into the daytime sky.

"What the hell was that?" demanded the pilot bewildered.

"I don't know, but the controls are shot and we're going down!" shouted the copilot as the ship suddenly plummeted towards the city below them.

"Everybody to the back of the ship!" yelled the captain over the intercom as they ran out of the room and the ship plowed into the ground causing dust and debris to go flying.

Later: Neva Kee's ship came coasting over Tatooine and noticed all the flurry around the crashed _Dowager Queen_.

"Don't remember that being there," said Zoda confused.

"When was the last time you were here?" asked Neva Kee as the ship descended into one of the many docking bays in the city.

"Eight years ago," said Zoda leaning back in his chair and began chewing on a carrot.

"Oh," said Neva Kee before realization struck him. "Wait, you were supposed to be in house arrest on Coruscant for the past twenty years!"

"Was I?" said Zoda with mock surprise. "Oh my I didn't know that."

Keira laughed as Neva Kee shook his head.

"You son of a Hutt," he said as he finished the landing procedure and the ramp lowered.

"Speaking of Hutts," said Zoda as he began loading lightsabers into the various holsters around his bodysuit. "We need to be prepared for his interference."

"Yeah you're probably right," said Neva Kee as he exited down the ramp and was immediately surrounded by a group of rowdy aliens all with crowbars and various weaponry.

"Hi guys," said Neva waving.

"Hello Mr. Kee," said the devaronian, apparently the leader of the group as he bowed. "We're here as requested."

"And here you go," said Neva Kee giving him a suitcase full of credits. "We'll be back in a little bit."

"Uh, there's just one thing," said the devaronian. "Jabba knows you're here."

"Did you tell him?" Keira accused.

"No they didn't. Jabba knows everything that goes on in and around this planet, if he didn't know that would be the shock," said Neva Kee.

"That's right," said the devaronian upset over her accusations but Neva Kee silently waved him off. "Which bring up my point…"

"If we're captured you don't have to rescue us," said Neva Kee as the group immediately breathed a sigh of relief. "But if you hear rumors of my death you might want to run because this ship is set up to auto-destruct in the event of my passing on."

The group nodded a little fearful as the group exited the docking bay and headed down one of the streets and immediately someone began following them.

"Tail," said Zoda immediately.

"Where?" said Keira getting read to look around.

"Just keep looking forward," said Neva Kee darkly. "Who is it?"

"Avarado," said the Zoda. "That stupid Rodian."

Neva Kee sighed.

"What're you gonna do?" Keira asked. Neva Kee sighed, yanked out his blaster, and fired a stun bolt behind him as a thud was heard. Neva Kee put it away as Keira looked behind her and whistled.

"Not too shabby," she said impressed. The diplomat shrugged as they neared the crashed _Dowager Queen_ where the final passengers were being evacuated to whatever qualified as a hospital on the barren world.

Jabba's Palace: Jabba was sitting on his dais as some slaves fanned him while a slave girl in front danced to the sounds coming from the nearby band. The Hutt was bored out of his mind as all of his business ventures at the moment were self-sustaining and didn't require his direct involvement. Things were so boring he even considered taking up a legitimate business practice just so see what it was like before realizing that that would be even more boring. He just about to make an announcement indicating his intent to leave back to Nal Hutta, despite the fact that he had just been there and come narrowly close to capturing the thorn in his side Zoda when he on Nar Shadaa, before a guard came rushing into the throne room.

"Sir," he said out of breath. "Zoda's presence on Tatooine is confirmed!"

The entire room erupted into panic as everyone rushed to get their things and quickly evacuate the planet as Jabba eyed the guard warily.

"If you're lying I will kill you," the Hutt said simply.

"It is the truth I swear it," said the guard as he produced a holographic disc that activated showing a real time feed of Zoda and his two companions looking at the damaged ship in the middle of Mos Eisley.

"Saddle up," said Jabba to his nearby accompaniment of bounty hunters. "We're going to go collect a bill."

The group left with the rapidly moving Hutt as they boarded his sail barge and it took off over the desert.

Mos Eisley: "This is why you should never drink and fly," said Zoda sipping a drink while looking at the end of the ship that towered high above them.

"Who do you think owns this ship America West?" said Neva Kee disbelieving him. "It must've been something more than that."

Nearby Keira was talking to the captain of the ship.

"They came out of nowhere and smashed into my cockpit and I lost control and we crashed," said the captain.

"What hit you?" Keira asked.

"Two small objects that came straight from above," said the captain holding a cloth to his lightly blood soaked forehead. "I would've thought they were meteors except they didn't explode upon impact but bounced right off into the desert.

Zoda and Neva Kee looked at each with apprehension as they both began stepping back away from Keira, who had begun to guess what the objects were.

"And who is your insurance company?" Keira asked as her blood began to boil.

"Star Lines has a policy with the Bernadelli Insurance Company, worth a quite a sum as I last heard," said the captain as the police began escorting him to a nearby ambulance. Keira growled angrily before spinning around and noticed the two aliens trying to make a break for it.

"You two!" she shouted. "Get back here!"

"Run!" shouted Zoda as both took off down a street with Keira in hot pursuit.

"We've got to split up so where should we meet?" said the diplomat.

"Say Bob O's speeder rental in an hour?" suggested the Jedi looking at his watch while still running down the street. Neva Kee looked at his chronometer and nodded.

"See you there," he said breaking off and running down another street as Keira stopped trying to decide who to chase after.

Dune Sea: The rusty metal sail barge slowly made its way towards Mos Eisley as Jabba sat down below impatient. He suddenly began regretting the fact that he'd had such slow repulsorlift engines installed on the vessel but at the time the intentions had been good, he'd wanted the prisoners he taking to the Sarlacc to be as frightened as possible before finally throwing them in, but now that was turning to curse as the longer it took for him to reach Zoda the greater the chances would be of him leaving.

"_I will never owe anybody anything!_" thought the Hutt angrily, remembering a vow he had made when he set off into the galaxy ready to become the greatest crime lord of all time. Sighing, something he hadn't done in a long time, the Hutt drummed his fingers waiting anxiously for the chance to bring that sniveling Jedi under his proverbial boot. In the meantime he would just have to be content to wait.

Later, Bob O's Swoop Rental Area: Bob O, clad in his ever present spacesuit, sat in his office fanning himself as the bell rang as his door opened and closed suddenly before it did so immediately again but with no sign of who did it either time. The tired rental salesman sighed and got up and peered over the counter to see Neva Kee and Zoda looking at him anxiously.

"No time to talk, we need to rent a speeder now!" said Neva Kee worriedly.

"Now hold on there son," said Bob O. in his heavy accent. "We need to clear some ground rules first regarding mah speeders and this could take awhile."

Neva Kee jumped up and slammed a credit chit onto the counter with a substantial sum. Bob O. quickly grabbed it and dropped a pair of keys into their hands.

"Have a nice day," he said simply as Zoda and Neva Kee tore out the back door as Keira went flying in the front with her blaster drawn.

"Get back here!" she shouted chasing after them. As she entered into the back she saw Zoda and Neva Kee hurriedly get on their speeders and power them up.

"So long missy, see you around sometime!" said Neva Kee saluting as both bikes roared off into the desert. Keira growled.

"_No way you're causing more property damage without me…I mean at all,_" she said quickly correcting herself and was confused at her strange thought. She ran back into the store and put her credit chit on the counter.

"C'mon I need keys," she said hurriedly.

"No calm down missy," said Bob O. "I need to explain the ground rules to ya."

"You didn't give Zoda and Neva Kee that same speech!" Keira protested.

"They're card carrying members," said Bob O. pointing to a plaque on the wall showing Zoda and Neva Kee amongst other citizens of Tatooine. "That means free and immediate speeder rentals whenever they show up."

"Then why the chit?" asked Kiera pointing to it in his hands.

"They were also behind on their dues," said Bob. Keira growled.

"Can I become a member?" she asked already knowing what the response would be.

"Nope you need a reference from an existing card carrying member," said Bob. "Of whom Zoda and Neva Kee are the only ones still left alive. Now then, let's start with proper brake usage…"

Desert: A roar was heard over the sand dunes as the two swoops raced through the desert.

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed the Jedi. The diplomat shook his head in shame as the two bikes continued racing down the open terrain.

"Looks like it's about two klicks ahead of us," said Neva Kee looking at his portable scanner. "I just hope that side trip didn't damage them in any way."

"They've survived this much damage what's another ship or two along the way?" said Zoda as the raced through a massive bantha herd that immediately began stampeding in all directions.

"Wonder if we'll see any Tuskens," said Neva Kee.

"Whatever," said Zoda. The two bikes then raced past a massive sandcrawler that was slowly rumbling across the desert for parts unknown.

"You in the market for a droid?" asked Neva Kee with a grin.

"I think Depot is more than I can handle," said Zoda remembering his R4 droid he left back at the Temple, no doubt scheming to get rid of him once for all. Finally they reached a large crater in the sand where their two balls had skipped only to land on a rock sticking out of the ground nearby.

"Well there they are," said Neva Kee a bit disappointed that nothing had happened and this was just to be a normal tee off. "Well that was fun."

"I can't believe you made us drive straight into the largest sand trap in the galaxy," said Zoda. "This is going to make things difficult teeing off."

"We're driving to another world not to a spot a few feet away!" said Neva Kee incredulously. "This isn't going to make a difference."

Zoda laughed as Neva Kee groaned.

"Well I don't suppose we have to leave just yet," the Jedi mused after a few moments of silence.

"What did you have in mind?" asked Neva Kee pulling out a pair of fold out chairs from his bike. Zoda pulled back his robe revealing a pair of fishing rods and then pulled out another pair of black rods that he began screwing one into another until he had made two black rods with a device in them that produced a rhythmic thumping noise.

"Alright!" said the diplomat happily. "I was hoping to get some fishing in on this trip!"

He grabbed one of the Thumpers and attached his line to the end of it before running into the desert for a few feet and planting it as Zoda did the same with his only in the opposite direction. Both returned to their rock and sat in their lawn chairs with the balls between them as both grabbed their drinks and remote activated their thumpers as they grabbed some drinks out of a cooler that had been attached to the back of one of the bikes.

"Now the real fun begins," said Neva Kee happily as he laid back in his chair and went to sleep as Zoda did the same.

"Ahem!" said a loud voice. Neva Kee blinked a couple of times and yawned before he stretched and looked at the shadowy figure hovering above him.

"Oh hi Keira how's it going?" said the diplomat with a long yawn as behind him the Jedi did the same.

"How's it going?" Keira said extremely upset. "You just cost my company 100,000 credits with that little stunt of yours!"

"That captain was in the wrong place at the wrong time nothing more," said the diplomat. "We didn't aim for that ship on purpose."

"Unfortunately I don't know that," said Keira sighing as she sat down on the rock next to their chairs.

"So what're you two doing? You haven't teed off yet so what?" she asked confused while looking at the two devices far out in the sand.

"We're fishing," said Neva Kee simply.

"For what?" asked Keira confused looking at the complete lack of water anywhere.

"Sand worms of course," said Zoda simply.

"Sand worms?" said Keira incredulously.

"Yeah, 20 to 30 feet long, largest on record is over 50 you know large worms," said Zoda simply.

"And what pray tell are you planning on using them for?" said Keira instantly beginning to dread that answer.

"Bait," said both the aliens.

"For what?" demanded Keira.

"Fish," said her companions confused as to her questions.

"Where?" asked Keira. She then held out her hands out to indicate the vast desert around them.

"Not here silly," said Zoda as if speaking to a child.

"On Naboo," Neva Kee completed. Keira shook her understand before her eyes went wide-open with realization.

"You swore you wouldn't go to anymore civilized planets!" Keira shouted at them.

"And you didn't tell Bernadelli to shove it so all bets are off," the diplomat shot back. Keira began simmering in rage when suddenly the ground started shaking.

"Quake?" said Keira bewildered.

"Nope we got a live one!" said Neva Kee happily as the two Thumpers began rattling. Both leapt over their chairs with their clubs and blasted their balls off into the stratosphere before returning to their rods.

"This thing is huge!" said Neva Kee reading his portable scanning device. "It's got to be at least thirty five feet long if not more!"

"Which one is it going for?" said Zoda as his hands began trembling on his reel.

"Let's wait and see," said Neva Kee snapping the thing closed.

"You're both crazy!" Keira shouted.

"Then get out of here!" they both shouted. "You've got a bike use it!"

"Not this time!" she shouted over the loud noise of the ground rumbling. Then a huge crack in the ground opened near one of the Thumpers and a large roar was heard. Keira screamed in terror before a massive sandworm came flying out of the ground, taking Zoda's Thumper into its mouth and yanking the Jedi off of his feet as the beast went soaring over their heads.

"My God it's The Legend, well over a hundred feet long!" shouted the diplomat. The massive worm then came down on Neva Kee's Thumper gobbling it up as well as it plunged back into the ground causing the diplomat to go flying off of his feet as well and both went straight down the hole the worm had created still holding onto their lines. Keira immediately ran to her bike and turned it on as she flew into the hole after them. Ahead she saw flashes of electricity as apparently the two had rigged electric shock devices into their rods to subdue anything they caught. But from the looks of the things it was to no avail as the worm continued digging deeper and deeper into the ground as the aliens went bouncing off of the massive walls the thing left behind while holding on for dear life. Soon the diplomat yanked out his blaster with his free hand and began firing at the beast as the Jedi extended his lightsaber and activated the retraction device on his rod as he neared the creature.

"You're going nowhere fatty!" he shouted at the creature. As he summoned up his will with the Force and briefly got the creature to stop moving as both alien crashed onto the creature's tail and grabbed a hold on it as their rods turned into spikes that they plowed into the worm's backside. They worm then burst into a much larger cavern and the two began 'climbing' their way up to the front of the gigantic beast. Keira shook her head at their resiliency and the fact that a diplomat and a Jedi would even be in such a situation. She kicked the bike into overdrive and it surged forward past some debris that began falling down from the ceiling of the new cavern. The two creatures meanwhile were busy fending off the debris coming down on them while still firing and hacking away at the beast. Then a massive explosion went off showering blood and guts all over the right wall as a large chunk of the worm was blasted loose. Keira barely managed to avoid it as the worm began thrashing about in pain before calming down and continuing on its downward course.

"Will you be more careful?" Neva Kee shouted over the comm. device he and Zoda both had plugged into their ears. "Those things don't come cheap you know!"

"Sorry," said Zoda. "It got jostled loose but we've still got one more."

"And make sure you don't loose that otherwise we'll never take this thing down!" said Neva Kee as he fought his way forward.

"Where do you think this stupid thing is going anyway?" asked Zoda.

"Not a clue, but I don't imagine it could be going much farther. For something this large there isn't much food down here," said the diplomat.

"Unless it's eating other worms," suggested Zoda.

"Worms don't eat their own kind," said Neva Kee self-assuredly.

"I'm just saying there's no way that thing could've gotten that big just by eating banthas and dewbacks," said Zoda. "It's not possible."

"What about the Sarlacc?" asked Neva Kee as they neared the mouth of the creature. "It's pretty big for its size and I think that's all it eats."

"Yeah but we have no proof the stupid thing has ever grown," said Zoda as they finally reached the forward lip of the beast. "Alright it's game time!"

Abruptly the worm stopped and both the aliens were unexpectedly flung forward and crashed down amongst a huge pile of bones and vehicles. The two shook themselves loose and stood up and looked at the massive cavern they were in.

"So these are the remains of the hunters," said Zoda picking up an archaic blaster rifle. "I always wondered."

"And there's a couple of worm skeletons looks like I was wrong Z," said Neva Kee. Then the massive worm entered into the gigantic cavern and began slowly circling the far walls around them.

"Get ready," said Neva Kee. "This is going to take some precision timing."

"I hear that," said Zoda as he gripped a regular blue lightsaber in his two hands as both watched the worm continue to circle them. Keira meanwhile was stuck behind the entrance to the massive area as the worm was effectively blocking the entrance so she just sat there on her bike and once more wondered how she got herself into these situations. Inside the worm had finally had enough and charged the two aliens who instantly split up with Neva Kee firing blaster shots at the beast while Zoda flung everything in the room at the creature causing it even more pain.

"Here it comes," said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded and both ran towards each other and crossed paths as both threw a round metal ball into the beast's gullet before both ran for the now unblocked exit. They immediately saw Keira who was looking at them confused. She opened her mouth to say something as both aliens jumped onto the bike.

"No time to talk, just go!" shouted Neva Kee as the worm came right at them. Keira spun the bike around and it roared off with the worm hot on their tail.

"What's going on with that thing? You didn't even kill it?" she said confused.

"Let's just say it's about to have a massive case of indigestion," said Zoda with a slight grin. The bike continued moving as again the worm kept closing in on them finally right before they reached the surface the worm headbutted the back of the bike sending soaring into the daytime sky and promptly crashing on the surface as the worm retreated back into its hole. As the group outside coughed out sand and slowly sat up they noticed a whole enclave of bounty hunters aiming their rifles at them.

"The end to a perfect day," Neva Kee said shaking his head with humility. A large belly laugh was heard as Neva Kee and Zoda both groaned as the bounty hunters parted and allowed Jabba the Hutt to approach them.

"Hello Zoda," said the Hutt. "Looks like I'm finally going to collect what's rightfully mine. You know what today is, don't you?"

Zoda nodded. "The day the trugut is passed."

"And nothing is going to save you this time," said the Hutt darkly. At that moment however a large roar was heard emanating from the pit behind them. The bounty hunters looked worried while Jabba waved them off.

"That's just him using the Force to project his voice!" shouted the Hutt as the ground began shaking leaving the bounty hunters even more nervous.

"Nice try Jedi," said Jabba darkly.

"It's not me," said Zoda simply as the massive sandworm burst free of the sand and stood straight up blocking the sun.

"Run!" shouted Zoda as the three bolted.

"Fire!" shouted Jabba. The bounty hunters opened fire on the worm.

"Not the worm you idiots, the Jedi!" shouted the Hutt. But at that exact moment, two thermal detonators that had been thrown down the worms mouth just moments earlier reached the end of their countdown and exploded. Blood and guts flew everywhere as two massive chunks of the worm were blasted loose and the bounty hunters ran and threw up from being covered in blood and guts as the worm suddenly tipped over straight at them. Jabba crawled for dear life as the worm barely missed him on the way down only to collapse on his sail barge causing it to explode flinging everybody everywhere as a mini sandstorm erupted pelting everybody. As the storm finally subsided Jabba opened his eyes to reveal Zoda, Neva Kee, and Keira on the remaining two swoops.

"See you around Jabba, I expect my payment in cash not credit," said the Jedi with a massive grin as the two swoops roared off into the desert. Jabba roared at the heavens as he picked up a nearby rock and launched it at the worm. The rock hit it and crashed to the ground when shockingly the worm picked itself up and looked at the group below it and roared angrily.

"Run!" shouted Jabba as the group ran in different directions as the worm chased after them.

Dune Sea: "Ah nuts looks like it survived," said Zoda snapping his fingers. "Another time Legend, another time."

"You two are crazy," said Keira driving one of the bikes as Neva Kee sat behind her while Zoda was driving his own. Behind them they could see the worm crawling over the ground as suddenly dozens of 'fishers' raced past them towards The Legend hoping to capture it and forever be cemented in history.

"Looks like your catch is about to taken from you," Keira commented as the bikes roared closer and closer to Mos Eisley.

"I doubt it," said Neva Kee. "The Legend has survived for this long, it won't die that easily. After all, Zoda and I have done more damage to it than just a pair of thermal detonators and it still came back after us."

"What about Jabba? Are things finally going to cool down now that he finally owes you that money?" Keira asked hopeful. Neva Kee and Zoda laughed at that statement.

"If anything it'll increase his resolve," said Neva Kee. Keira groaned.

"Great, so more property damage?" she said.

"You got that right," said Zoda as the two bikes blazed into Mos Eisley. "Guess you'd better tell Berno that."

"Well truth be told I think I've done all I can in convincing you two not to continue your game," admitted Keira.

"Excellent," they both said.

"But I still have to ensure that you guys do not cause insane amounts of property damage wherever you go so I'll have to stick with you for now until either my vacation ends or I'm reassigned for incompetence," said Keira as the two bikes continued onwards to the docking bay.

"There are worse things in life," said Zoda. "At least more than half the galaxy isn't out to get you."

"That's true," said Keira laughing in spite of herself. The two bikes then roared to a halt in front of the docking bay.

"Shouldn't we be returning these to Bob O.?" asked Keira. Both aliens shook their heads.

"He'll come and get them, and the one you left back in the desert," said Neva Kee as they entered into the bay and waved off the Devaronian and his buddies who nodded and left. The group then entered into the ship and Neva Kee powered it up. At that exact moment, dozens of snipers appeared on the roof overlooking the craft and began firing on the ship with everything they had including several rocket launchers as explosions tore up the entire area.

Inside Keira screamed.

"Will you relax?" said Zoda calmly as he began bringing up the coordinates for Naboo on the navicomputer.

"We're under attack!" shouted Keira as the sounds of explosions could be heard around them. She was again sitting at the weapons station and the Threat Display HUD showed a 3-D image of the bay with the figures on top firing at the craft.

"So?" said Zoda annoyed. Keira's was at a loss for words at his passivity.

"Relax," said Neva Kee as he reached over and hit the repulsorlift drive. "Nothing they can throw at us will damage this ship in any way, shields or no shields."

"What kind of ship is this?" demanded Keira as the ship lifted off the ground.

"One in a million," said Neva Kee cryptically as the craft slowly hovered up to the top of the bay as the snipers finally paused in their attacks to see the undamaged ship before them.

"If you would be so kind as to press the button now flashing on your panel then we'll be on our way," said Neva Kee simply. Keira pressed it and a bright flash of light erupted from the craft engulfing all of the snipers who promptly vanished.

"Where did they go?" Keira demanded.

"To a place where you do not pass Go and do not collect 200 dollars," said Zoda with a smirk.

"What?" Keira asked bewildered.

"To jail," Neva Kee explained. "My vehicle has a matter transporter so I sent them to jail."

"Oh," said Keira before she opened her mouth to ask a question.

"Don't ask," said Neva Kee simply. Keira sighed and leaned back in her chair as the vessel tore off into space.

"Next stop Naboo," said Neva Kee simply.

"I have family on Naboo, you'd better not have destroyed their house when we get there," Keira warned.

"No of course not," said Neva Kee with a false sense of optimism before he and Zoda both internally cringed. He then yanked down on the hyperspace lever and the vessel fled into hyperspace.


	9. Naboo

Anguirus111 Note: It's rare that I offer a disclaimer in a story these days, I have a disclaimer in my bio that states quite clearly that I own jack squat in regards to these characters and situations, but this chapter deserves one. In no way shape or form do I own the character of Baron Papanoida. He is George Lucas, nuff said.

Naboo: In one of the richer parts of town, the highly aristocratic Kiley family bustled about their elegant house in their elaborate gowns as they hastily made sure everything was in perfect order and no dust was to be seen.

"It is absolutely perfect," said Madame Kiley, the leader of the household. "When the Queen arrives for brunch, she will clearly recognize our importance in Nabooian society and will clearly let us be on her inner council."

"Yes Mother," agreed her son Kyle Kiley. "We are sure to gain extreme prestige in her eyes and political power as well."

"Yes, now get ready she should be here soon," said Madame Kiley before adding silently. At that moment the doorbell rang.

"That must be her," said Madame Kiley as she calmly walked with heightened elegance towards the door before she collected herself and plastered on her best smile and opened the door.

"Greetings Qu-," began Madame Kiley before her eyes went wide-open at who was on the other side of the door.

"Hi Grandma!" Keira said with mock happiness on the other side of the entryway. Madame Kiley's eyes nearly rolled back into her head as she nearly fainted. Kyle caught her as he looked at the person on the other side of the door and nearly fainted as well. Whereas he and his mother were dressed in elegant clothes with intricate embroidered patterns on them and were perfectly clean, Keira was dressed in just a gray jumpsuit with her hair hastily tied into a ponytail and had various black smudges on her face apparently having worked with various pieces of machinery.

"What are you doing here?" Madame Kiley hissed at her. Keira dropped her false cheeriness and looked at her grandmother nonplussed.

"And here I was hoping for a: how are you doing," she said disgusted. "Some things never change."

"Last we heard you were trailing somebody, so why are you here?" demanded Madame Kiley.

"I was trailing someone," Keira admitted. "And then they came here. May I introduce the two people I was trailing, Ambassador Neva Kee and Jedi Knight Zoda."

The two aliens appeared from the side of the entryway and stepped next to Keira and waved awkwardly.

"Well I hope you'll excuse me if I don't have you come in for tea and biscuits but I'm awaiting a very important guest and I'll appreciate it if you all leave immediately before I have you arrested for trespassing," said Madame Kiley angrily. Neva Kee's jaw dropped as Keira held her head as she felt a headache coming on. Zoda meanwhile crossed his arms and reached into his robes for something before Neva Kee stopped him.

"Well I guess we'll just be going. Why do I even come here, it's always the same," said Keira as she turned to leave. As the trio turned around, a long hoverlimo dropped down from above and landed on the street. Madame Kiley looked at the thing and gasped in panic.

"The Queen probably knows about Keira's relationship to us, this'll look awkward if we kick her out now," she whispered to her son.

"I think we can use Keira to our advantage," said Kyle, never noticing his comparing his niece to an asset. He quickly whispered his plan to his mother who nodded.

"Yes, it may work," she said. "Do it."

"So where're we-," began Keira to Neva Kee and Zoda before Kyle yanked her inside.

"No thanks we don't want a subscription to the Galactic Chronicle goodbye," said Madame Kiley with false cheeriness as she slammed the door on them. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at each other bewildered as they looked at the door and then at each other wide-eyed.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Zoda confused.

"I have no clue," admitted his companion. "Well let's go find our balls."

The two took one last strange glance at the door before advancing down the path in the front yard to the street where the door to the hoverlimo opened up.

"Oh lord," said Zoda shaking his head at the occupant inside.

"My Queen," said Neva Kee bowing his head.

"Well, well," said the Queen of Naboo. "If it isn't Neva Kee and Zoda or should I say Captain N: The Gamemaster and Grand Master Z."

"Hey Queeny how's it going?" asked Zoda nonchalantly. "I see you're still in power, guess I was wrong on that end. Ha, ha, ha."

"Don't laugh," said the Queen shaking her head. "After the trauma you two gave me the last time you were I had to take a twenty-year sabbatical. Now I'm back and so are you two. Still, I guess we did have fun despite me sacrificing my mental sanity at the same time."

"The offer still stands if you want to ever do it again," said the diplomat with a grin.

"No, no, that's okay," said the Queen quickly as Zoda and Neva Kee laughed. "So what brings you here?"

"Same thing as always, golf," said Neva Kee as he and Zoda produced their two clubs.

"Not scamming people with issues of the Galactic Chronicle then?" asked the Queen with a laugh.

"Come now don't you have any more faith in us?" asked Neva Kee with a grin.

"No," responded the Queen with a smile before looking at the house behind them and sighed.

"What's up?" asked Zoda showing concern.

"I just don't go in there is all," said the Queen reluctantly.

"Yeah I understand," said the diplomat. "Those people in there are really stuck up. I think they're just trying to get you over to somehow vainly convince you that they want more power in the political system."

"Yeah," agreed the Queen. "Truth be told, I'm only coming to get them to stop constantly trying to invite me over. I wish I could get out of it."

"We could always kidnap you again," Zoda suggested. The Queen smirked at that statement.

"Though that prospect is appealing right now, ultimately I'd still have to schedule a replacement brunch with them. That and it'd be the third time you've tried to kidnap me and then you'd be banned from the planet forever," said the Queen.

"I think we've only kidnapped you once though," said Zoda narrowing his eyes confused.

"Unfortunately they wrote off that time on Ithor as kidnapping even though I came with you willingly," explained the Queen.

"Didn't you try and tell them otherwise?" asked Neva Kee.

"I tried! But they wouldn't hear it, they said I was disoriented from the whole experience and didn't know what I was talking about. I'm sorry I really am," admitted the Queen.

"Given that I'm surprised they even let us through customs and onto this planet," said Neva Kee perplexed.

"Let's just say that they only know that Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster were the ones who kidnapped me. As for Zoda and Neva Kee, well their record is pretty much clean," said the Queen with a mischievous grin. Zoda and Neva Kee cracked a smile at that.

"Well as much as I would love to stay and chat we do have to get going," said Neva Kee finally. The Queen nodded.

"Yeah I have to get going too. Look it was nice seeing you two again," said the Queen. "Please stop by sometime I'd appreciate a longer visit so I can show you two around the palace."

The two aliens nodded and began to leave.

"Oh," Neva Kee remembered. "There's a girl in there named Keira Kiley, she's cool."

The Queen nodded, waved, and approached the house as the two aliens approached her hoverlimo.

"We're stealing this!" Zoda shouted. The Queen nodded.

"That's fine, just have it back when I leave," she said.

"Will do," they responded as Zoda used the Force to knock the limo driver out of the vehicle as they both hopped in and it took off into the sky.

"Take the day off," shouted the Queen to the shell shocked driver who nodded and stumbled off down the road. She then knocked on the door and Madame Kiley opened it.

"Greetings my Queen," said the woman taking a courteous bow. "I trust your trip here was pleasant and uneventful."

"Not exactly," said the Queen with mock horror. "What did you say to those two salesmen, they just stole my limo!"

Madame Kiley nearly fainted again before shaking it off.

"They must have had a grudge against our government for some pointless reason. But let that not spoil your day, come let us converse," said the Madame Kiley leading her in. Up near the top of the elegant stairs, Keira was getting shoved into an elegant dress by her mother's servants but despite the pain of it all she still couldn't help but get a laugh out of Zoda and Neva Kee's antics.

Elsewhere: Outside of a massive complex of buildings, the hoverlimo landed and disgorged its two occupants who advanced towards it.

"The hell is this place?" Zoda asked.

"Windustrial Blight and Dagic," Neva Kee explained. "They provide most of the visual effects you see into today's holovids. Its sister company is called Airwalker Sound and they deal primarily with sound effects and improving the sound quality in holovids with their critically acclaimed Kolby Wigital."

"So why're we here?" asked Zoda confused.

"I want to meet an old friend," said Neva Kee as the two advanced inside its doors and found people scurrying about and advanced down a hallway filled with dozens and dozens of various drawings.

"Quite a place," said Zoda as they approached a pair of double doors.

"They do, do good work," Neva Kee admitted as they pushed through and walked past a secretary who tried to stop them but they advanced in anyway. Inside, writing some type of script say a bearded blue skinned alien who looked up at them and smiled before saying something.

"What?" asked Zoda not understanding a word as Neva Kee responded back in the same language only to get a nod and a gesture to sit down.

"What language is he speaking?" Zoda asked confused as they both took a seat.

"English," said Neva Kee simply.

"Eng-lish?" asked Zoda confused. "Never heard of it. And besides, who is that?"

"Baron Papanoida," said Neva Kee simply.

"Who?" asked Zoda.

"The Great Author in the Sky," said Neva Kee simply. "But he's rather humble so he'll let us be in his presence for now."

"You're so bizarre," said Zoda shaking his head. Neva Kee groaned at his cluelessness as to whose presence they were in but just shook his head. He then began conversing to the Baron.

"So how've you been?" asked Neva Kee. The Baron responded.

"Ah, moving onto indy holovids I see, that's good," said Neva Kee.

"I can't understand him!" Zoda complained. Neva Kee looked at his outburst wide-eyed as the Baron laughed. A droid then appeared and sat down at the table as well.

"Is this better for you?" asked the droid after the Baron had spoken to it.

"It's fine. Thank you-," began Zoda to the droid before stopping unsure of its designation.

"I am THX-1138," the droid responded simply.

"Cool," said Zoda giving him a thumbs up as the droid sighed.

"I apologize for not bringing him in sooner, but I do like to leave the mystery in there as to what I'm saying," said the Baron though the droid.

"Yes but unfortunately you can only do it so much before people get upset and annoyed," Neva Kee pointed out towards which the Baron nodded. The diplomat was now speaking in basic for Zoda's sanity.

"It's a shame but a necessary inconvenience," admitted Papanoida. "So what brings you here?"

"Just that game you taught me, Golf," said Neva Kee producing his club and laying it on the table.

"I see," said the Baron. "Strange that you'd take such a fascination to it, I don't really play the game myself."

"To each their own," said the diplomat. The Baron nodded.

"Too true," he responded. "And speaking of Golf, your balls landed on the course and completely demolished the ninth hole."

The Baron snapped his fingers and the curtains pulled back from behind him revealing a spectacular golf course with a massive crater where the ninth hole once was.

"Whoops, sorry about that," said Neva Kee embarrassed.

"It's nothing I can't fix," said the Baron simply. "See you around."

"You too Baron," said Neva Kee nodding his head as he left with Zoda.

"Oh," the Baron added as an afterthought. "May the Force be with you."

The two nodded and left.

"Who was that man?" asked Zoda still more confused than ever.

"A God among men," said Neva Kee. "A God among men."

Together the two proceeded out onto the golf course.

Kiley Household: Keira sat there clearly annoyed at the table along with the Queen, although she was doing a better job at hiding it.

"And what is the title of your new promotion?" asked Madame Kiley with fake interest.

"I wasn't promoted grandma," said Keira. "I was transferred to Bernadelli Insurance Company and am now a Disaster Investigator."

"I see," said Madame Kiley. "I'm sure that such a position would be highly coveted in the Royal Palace. After all isn't your Palace insured by the Galactic Bank."

"Yes, yes it is," said the Queen trying to maintain gentility despite the dronings of Madame Kiley. "What about this place, the same I assume?"

"Oh yes," said Madame Kiley sipping her tea. "But I assure you, we have nothing to worry about. Our house has remained undamaged for countless generations and I assure you it will continue to do so for many more years to come."

"Wonderful," said the Queen about to pass out.

"_I wish Neva Kee and Zoda were here_," thought Keira as she held her head in her hands. "_But they probably took off after teeing off. What can of person have I been constantly nagging at them to abandon something they love? Maybe I do deserve this_."

As she was beginning to slip deeper and deeper into despair, a strange whistling noise was heard.

"What's that sound?" asked the Queen. Madame Kiley rolled her eyes annoyed.

"Probably just some local hotshot buzzing houses," she said with contempt. "Do not despair I will make sure that they will never fly a vehicle again."

The whistling grew louder and louder.

"That doesn't sound like any vehicle to me," the Queen remarked. Suddenly Keira placed the noise and a smile slowly crept onto her face.

"No, no it doesn't," she said beginning to grin more fiercely. "Looks like you lied diplomat."

At that exact moment a large crash of glass was heard as two golf balls came flying in through one window, skipped off of the dining room table throwing food everywhere, and proceeded out through a second story window and off into the stratosphere.

"What on Naboo?" asked Madame Kiley bewildered as she was about to faint from the devastation while outside an even more massive roar was heard.

"My Queen, it's no longer safe for you here you'd better go back to the Palace," said Keira with mock urgency.

"I agree with you," said the Queen with mock urgency.

"Let's go!" said Keira as she grabbed all the food she could and held it tight as she and the Queen took off.

"Bye Grandma, see you again sometime," said Keira through a roll she had stuffed in her mouth.

"Wait!" said Madame Kiley getting up and trying to salvage the situation as the Queen and Keira reached the door and threw it open. Instantly the two were blasted by hot air as a massive Y-Shaped blue spacecraft lowered itself near the roadway outside.

"Where's my limo?" asked the Queen confused. A slot then opened on the bottom of the craft and a limo dropped from it and smashed into the roadway amidst a shower of sparks before the repulsorlift system cut in and the car began hovering above the ground.

"Ah there it is," said the Queen happily as both fought their way towards the two vehicles as Madame Kiley stood shocked in the doorway. Outside all over her roses and bushes were getting flung about from the wake of the massive craft before a ramp shot out the side of it and came down right on top of her famed azalea bushes squashing them flat. The Queen reached her limo and got in the driver side as it promptly tore off down the road as Keira reached the ramp and bounded up it in her elegant dress causing it to get various rips and tears on it as she grabbed the pins holding in the bun on top of her head and let her hair flow free as she waved to her grandmother as the door closed and the ramp retracted. The craft then swooped in low to the ground and spun about frying the grounds before it found the appropriate trajectory and roared off into the sky.

"Mother, what are we going to do?" Kyle whined. Madame Kiley looked at the destruction, looked at her son, and did the only thing she could do, she fainted dead away with Kyle promptly following suit.

Space: The craft broke through the atmosphere and soared into the great beyond as Keira entered into the cockpit where Neva Kee and Zoda were sitting at the pilot's seat and navigator's console respectively.

"Nice dress," Neva Kee remarked as he pressed a couple buttons on his console. Keira looked down at the torn fabric below her.

"Yeah it's really something isn't it," she said as she sat down at the weapons console and stretched out to the best of her ability.

"Didn't think you were one for that type of stuff," Zoda remarked.

"Yeah well every so often you have to give in to nature," she said trying to reach the zipper on the back she looked at Zoda who shrugged and threw out his hand in her direction and the zipper lowered itself and Keira took it off revealing her jumpsuit underneath.

"Listen," she said folding up the dress onto her lap. "Thanks for coming back for me, I really appreciate it."

"What're friends for?" asked Neva Kee shrugging.

"That really means a lot to me," said Keira. "With my grandmother being who she is and the fact that I've been transferred from department to department it seems like I can rarely make any lasting friends these days. I promise I'll quit nagging you about this golf game, do what you love I have no problems with that."

"No," said Neva Kee shaking his head. "Keep doing what you're doing. Zoda is hardly the sanest person in the galaxy and I could use the extra help to stop his insanity."

"Hey!" shouted Zoda at that comment as Keira began laughing as she clamped her hands over her mouth.

"Hay is for horses!" Neva Kee shouted back. Zoda grumbled something about donkeys but otherwise kept quiet.

"So where're we going to next?" asked Keira.

"Well we were going to go to Dagobah because it's completely uninhabited by intelligent life, but Zoda vehemently opposed it for some reason so we fought, I won yet again, but nevertheless conceded the point since I had gotten us to Tatooine in the first place, so now we're going to Sullust."

"Sullust!" shouted Keira. "That's a volcano filled world with a toxic atmosphere!"

"Yeah we know," said Zoda. Neva Kee meanwhile pulling back on the hyperspace lever as the craft leapt into the blue.

"But we have some friends at Sorosuub who we haven't seen in awhile that owe us some parts for this baby," said Neva Kee patting the console on his vehicle. "Relax, we'll be fine."

"I'm sure you've said the same thing about the other planets you've visited as well," Keira commented dryly.

"True," the diplomat conceded finally.

Elsewhere: A fleet of vessels consisting of five triangular shaped Kuati battlecruisers hung in dead space near Sluis Van while awaiting a signal.

"Sir latest reports in from Keira Kiley indicate that our targets are currently headed for Sullust," said the comm. officer of the lead vessel, _Heart of Gold_.

"Excellent," said the security officer of Bernadelli Insurance Company as he took the report. "Make best possible speed to Sullust and ready all weapons. It's time for us to go collect a bill."

The five ships rocketed off into hyperspace.

Naboo: Baron Papanoida walked out onto the golf course and looked at the large crater on his golf course. Laughing he took out a pen and aimed it at the course. Instantly the crater was gone and it looked like nothing had ever happened to it. The Baron smiled as he looked up to the heavens, as if he could sense Neva Kee and Zoda, before saluting and instantly vanishing, headed for time in the future in a galaxy far, far away.


	10. Sullust

Anguirus111 Note: Thanks for the Reviews all.

Sullust: Clouds of smoke, dirt, debris, sulfur, and just about every other particle imaginable hung over the planet's volcano ridden surface. As a result the land was covered in darkness until two bright objects broke through the haze and smashed into the ground before the holes they had made in the skyline were swallowed up again.

Space: A blue Y-Shaped vessel emerged from hyperspace above the planet only to notice numerous other ships all descending into the planet's atmosphere.

"Hmmm, Sullust must be incredibly popular this time of year," Neva Kee observed as he transmitted his transponder code to traffic control.

"They're just my fan club wanting to be on the planet so they can eagerly await my arrival," said Zoda with a grin. Keira could help but stifle a laugh.

"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Neva Kee shaking his head. "Keep dreaming Zoda, keep dreaming."

"It's at least possible! Maybe they want to be serenaded by a rock concert from Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Game Master during the start of their 'Welcome Back' Tour," Zoda surmised with a grin. Neva Kee shuddered.

"How you even talked me into doing that first concert tour with you is still beyond me," said Neva Kee as he received the confirmation request from the planet and headed into the atmosphere.

"It was fun though," Zoda pointed out.

"A massive riot broke out on every planet we visited thanks to our concerts!" shouted Neva.

"It was still fun though," repeated Zoda. Neva Kee sighed.

"Yeah I guess it was," he finally admitted. Keira looked at them wide-eyed.

"Wait!" she shouted suddenly. "You're _the_ Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Game Master!"

"That's right," Neva Kee acknowledged as he entered into a long line of ships and toggled the auto-pilot on.

"I thought you just named yourselves after those two rockers!" Keira exclaimed as she dug around in her bag and produced a holodisc of one of their concerts, though the entire outer case was completely black.

"Wow," said Keira impressed. "You guys were legendary back when you first rocked out nearly a century or so ago and even today you're still held as the pioneers of rock and roll. Where did you come up with the idea to play music they way you did?"

"From the same place I picked up golf, Earth," Neva Kee explained. "I learned it from one of the greatest rock and roll bands of all time."

"Which is or was?" Keira inquired.

"_Spinal Tap_," answered the diplomat. "Whose gimmicks that we tried to emulate resulted in the Galactic Republic issuing an ultimatum that if we ever tried to rock out again we'd be incarcerated for the rest of our lives."

"I still have my Axe," said Zoda reaching underneath his console and pulling out his electric guitar before strumming a couple notes on it.

"Wow," said Keira clearly impressed. "What did you do Neva?"

"I played the Bass Guitar and did vocals along with Zoda," the ex-rocker, current diplomat answered.

"Then who was your drum player?" asked Keira. "I know you had one."

"Yeah his name was Kirby," said Zoda.

"Was?" asked Keira.

"Yeah he went home after our final concert," said Neva Kee.

"Oh," said Keira. "So he died."

"What?" shouted Zoda.

"No he didn't!" Neva Kee protested. "He just took his warpstar back to Dreamland."

"Yeah, Dreamland, the place we all go to when we die," Keira acknowledged. "I'm an adult; I can handle death you know."

"But he didn't die!" Zoda exclaimed.

"Yeah, right," said Keira disbelieving him.

"Yeah right exactly," the Jedi shot back. "But at any rate, if they're not here for us, who are they here for?"

"It looks like the annual lava-surfing competition," said Keira reading something coming over the holonet. Neva Kee's eyes bugged out at that statement while Zoda began laughing.

"What?" demanded Keira.

"Nothing," said Neva Kee abruptly.

"What?" demanded Keira.

"Just reminiscing about an old golf tournament we played here once," Zoda mused.

"Yeah," said Neva Kee coolly. The ship plunged into the debris filled atmosphere and began rocking in the turbulence.

"You played golf here?" asked Keira incredulously as she buckled into her restraints after the vessel dipped hard.

"Of course," said Neva Kee. "The Sullustans gave us permission so we figured, why not?"

"What were your holes?" asked Keira.

"The volcanoes," said Neva Kee looking back at her as the craft cleared the clouds.

"Speaking of which there's one now," Zoda chimed in. Neva Kee spun around quickly to see a massive volcano looming right in front of them spewing lava high into the air.

"ZODA!" Neva Kee shouted as he barely managed to avoid only to see yet another volcano in their way raining lava down on them.

"What?" demanded the Jedi.

"You've been screwing with the navigational array again!" shouted Neva Kee as he threw the ship into a barrel roll as it barely avoided a pair of large molten rocks streaming down from above.

"Lies!" shouted Zoda. "I wouldn't do something like that!"

"You did it before!" Neva Kee protested. "There's a reason why there's now a hole in the infamous Rock Needle in Beggar's Canyon you know!"

"Of course, and Tatooine has us to thank for that," said Zoda calmly. "But I didn't do it this time. Honest."

"Well somebody did," Neva Kee grumbled as the craft roared low to the ground above a river of molten lava. "And if it wasn't you, then who was it?"

"Who do you think?"

Neva Kee's eyes widened before he narrowed them and scowled.

"You're right," he conceded. "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry Zoda, I apologize."

"Don't apologize, just promise me that heads are going to roll for this," said the Jedi.

"Or it's going to be much worse than that," Neva Kee promised. "Let's just hope we get to Piringiisi in one piece because we have The Gauntlet up ahead to deal with."

"The Gauntlet?" asked Keira confused.

"An entire maze of angry lava spewing volcanoes," said Zoda unbuckling himself from his seat. "And many ships have tried to run it, but only very few have made it through."

"This ship being one of them," Neva Kee added. "And we'll need you to move to the communications console because Zoda's going to need to operate the weapons."

"Right," said Keira in shock as she looked out the forward screens at the volcanoes in front of them. She got out of her seat that Zoda started occupying before quickly buckling herself into the other station.

"Any last words?" Neva Kee asked as a tidal wave of lava rose up and headed straight for them. Keira began stuttering before Zoda snapped his fingers.

"Like Kirby said the last time we were here: Oh lady of blessed acceleration, don't fail us now," the Jedi responded.

The lava wave slammed into the ship.

Underground city of Piringiisi: Several lava surfers were all standing in the docking bay discussing their boards, their ships, and whatever else they could come up with. But the whole bay suddenly went silent when a new ship entered into the bay from the surface. The ship had been roasted alive and whatever original color it might've been wasn't visible thanks to severe scarring along it. Not only that, but it had numerous dents on it and was on fire in other places. The ship managed to calmly lower to just above the ground before the engines cut out and it crashed with a sound of wrenching metal. The surfers and other people in the bay looked at it in shock before the main hatch was wrenched open by some invisible force. The door fell off the ship and smoke poured out of the ship as three charbroiled individuals emerged from the ship and leapt onto the ground.

"We will never speak of what just happened ever again," said Neva Kee as he brushed himself off.

"Nothing every changes with us, does it?" asked Zoda as he poured a bottle of water on himself that instantly turned into steam. Zoda looked at the bottle, shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder.

"No," Neva Kee acknowledged. "No it doesn't."

Keira just looked at her hair that had gone from being immaculately groomed on Naboo to being completely frizzed just one planet later on Sullust. She looked downtrodden at this prospect, but couldn't dwell on it as Neva Kee and Zoda were already heading for Customs.

"At least that isn't insured by Bernadelli," Zoda commented wryly back at her.

"Hey!" shouted Keira. "Be quiet baldy!"

"I am bald because it makes me look cool not because I have no choice," Zoda shot back.

"Yeah right," said Keira before cringing that she'd said those words again. Zoda looked back at her, grinned, but remained silent. The trio made their way through Customs with nothing more than a few stares and then proceeded into the city.

"So what now?" asked Keira finally.

"You can do whatever you want; Zoda and I have a bone to pick with Sorosuub Industries," said Neva Kee as he began squinting. In the far distance a massive building complex could be seen rising above all the rest.

"But I thought they owed you," said Keira confused.

"Let's just say that there are plenty of people in this galaxy who owe us so much that they'd rather kill us than repay us," said the diplomat. "And they're willing to take any chance they can to off us."

"Like say, altering the approach vector to a certain planet for instance so they'd come down in a turbulent part of it," Zoda suggested.

"Oh," said Keira before the realization finally struck her. "Oh."

"So go get yourself cleaned up and we'll be back in a few hours," said Neva Kee.

"No way!" Keira protested. "First of all they tried to kill me too and I want back at them as well and second, they're insured by Bernadelli and we definitely will not be able to cope with Sorosuub's destruction."

"Oh they won't be destroyed," Zoda assured her. "Bankrupt at the very least, but the buildings _should_ still be left intact. Course anything is possible."

"I was actually thinking of a different course of action," the diplomat admitted.

"What?" demanded Zoda stopping. "I though we were going to bust some heads!"

"We are you nut," said Neva Kee. "But I can't help but wonder if ZOD Industries is thinking about expanding into the starfighter market."

"Huh?" asked Keira confused. "The hell kind of company is that?"

"Well they primarily deal with construction so I don't see how this could qualify as a market they're trying to break into," Zoda pointed out.

"What's-," began Keira again.

"Still, in order for a company to truly succeed they have to expand their markets," Neva Kee pointed out. "And Sorosuub _does_ have a large market of anything and everything."

"I guess that does make sense. But what does-," Zoda said before Keira stopped right in front of them.

"What is ZOD Industries!" she shouted. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at her wide-eyed.

"Zoda On Demand Industries," said Neva Kee. "It's a small construction company Zoda and I started based in Dantooine that does all sorts of construction jobs both legal and not. Zoda and I won the company in a Sabacc Tournament but we don't do much of the day to day business anymore. Anyway, we sometimes use the company as an excuse to stomp out corruption in certain businesses."

"Now was that so hard?" asked Keira as they continued down the road.

"Sorry, we're just not yet used to having a third wheel around who doesn't know everything the others know," said Neva Kee. "But we'll try and fill you in sometime."

"Please don't," said Keira grinning as she held up her hands in protest. "Your history is too complicated as it is and I have no desire to learn more."

"Suit yourself," said Neva Kee. "It's just the end result of living life with three philosophies. Anything can and does happen, live and don't learn, and speed is just a question of money how fast can you go?"

"Sums you two guys up pretty well," Keira admitted.

"You got that right!" Zoda eagerly confirmed. "So anyway, what does ZOD have to do with any of this?"

"I was thinking of them engaging in a takeover of Sorusuub Industries," said the president and CEO of Zoda Industries.

"Oh that'll take hours," complained the vice-president of ZOD Industries. "And I want to bust some heads! You promised! How's a takeover going to accomplish that?"

"It can if it's a _hostile_ takeover," said the president.

"Ah," said the vice-president happily. "That changes everything then. Muwahahaha!"

"You're hopeless," said Neva Kee shaking his head in humility.

"Ya got that right!" said Zoda as they approached the front doors of Sorosuub Industries.

"What am I supposed to do then?" asked Keira. "I'm not leaving you two alone!"

"Congratulations you're now moonlighting as my secretary," said Neva Kee abruptly before adding. "And may I say you are looking very unkempt and not up to ZOD dress code standards."

"You son of a-," began Keira she slammed her mouth shut as they entered into the main lobby. They trio approached the main desk and the secretary looked at them confused.

"Um-hello," said the Sullustan. "Are you lost, can I help you?"

"This is the president and vice-president of ZOD Industries and we're here to see the board of Sorosuub Industries," said Keira feeling embarrassed at the whole ordeal. The secretary looked at them like they were nuts and was about to call for security when she looked down at the long eared Jedi who waved his hand and abruptly her eyes glazed over.

"Yes, they're waiting for you on the top floor," she said distantly. She came to her senses a moment later only to find the trio gone. The secretary shook her head and looked at her coffee.

"I think I need to stick to decaf," she said finally before leaving.

Elevator: The trio was in the elevator as it surged upwards to the top floor.

"This is going to get me fired you know?" Keira pointed out.

"Probably," said Neva Kee he began searching his pockets.

"Looking for your gun?" asked Keira.

"No, my pen," said the diplomat pulling it out and clicking on the end. "I would be taking out a weapon but it's often said that the pen is mightier than the lightsaber. Heh, heh."

Zoda meanwhile was holding onto his pair of dueling sabers and began hopping back and forth in anticipation.

"Lies, simple and utter lies," said the Jedi with a grin.

"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Keira quoting Neva Kee as she held her head in her hands.

"Good use of the phrase," said Neva Kee pleased. Before Keira could respond with sarcastic thanks, the elevator doors opened. The group found themselves face to face with dozens and dozens of battledroids crammed in the hallway with their weapons aimed at them.

"You are under arrest," the droids barked out. "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do will be held against you in a court of law."

"I've got something to say," Zoda goaded. "Let's rock!"

Instantly the Jedi leapt into the fray.

Board Room: The Sorosuub Board watched calmly as on a viewscreen the psychotic Jedi began flinging battledroids all over the hallway while deflecting even more shots with his sabers. Next to him, Neva Kee and Keira exited the elevator and calmly made their way to the doors. The board looked up calmly as the doors opened and the two individuals entered while in the background laser blasts and flying droids parts could be seen before the doors again closed.

"Greetings Sorosuub Board, I am Keira Kiley, secretary to the President and CEO of Zod Industries Neva Kee," said Keira before sitting down exhausted as Neva Kee followed suit.

"Mr. Kee," the President of Sorosuub acknowledged. "Please don't sound offended if I say I wish you were dead."

"No offense taken," said the diplomat. "I hear it all the time."

"So what do you want?" demanded the President.

"Just what is rightfully entitled to me and my associate, Zoda, the complete and total control of Sorosuub Industries," said the diplomat calmly.

"And why do you feel you are entitled to it?" the President asked.

"Because one hundred years ago Zoda and I saved both Sorosuub's former Board and company from being destroyed in that riot that nearly destroyed this entire planet," said Neva Kee. "Your predecessor was so grateful that he said that if we ever needed anything from Sorosuub, he'd gladly give it to us. Well I'm back and I want your company."

"I don't feel you have any right to anything that this company owns," said the President darkly. "In fact I think the whole sequence of events written down by the President that made him make that proclamation are complete and utter lies."

"Are you denying the riots happened?" asked Neva Kee. "Every history book on this planet mentions them so I doubt that's fake."

"The riots did happen, but according to our research, you and your vice-president were the cause of them," said the President.

"We never intentionally started that riot," Neva Kee shot back. "That was a result of sabotage when the sound system exploded after Zoda went for the high-rif in G," said Neva Kee. "Who sabotaged it is unknown, but having an entire sound system explode and catch on fire thereby ending a concert to, arguably, the most popular band of all time, that you had been also been waiting days to see, can cause some people to go nuts."

"Yes, as evidenced by the fact that not all of the destruction caused by that riot has been repaired," the President remarked wryly.

"Nevertheless, you don't have much of a choice," said Neva Kee.

"And why now after all these years do you suddenly want this company now?" accused the President. "We've taken special care to make sure our company doesn't tread on the toes of ZOD Industries. So what's changed?"

"Well, truth be told, I wasn't planning on really doing anything anyway. But imagine my surprise when I found myself emerging from the planet's atmosphere only to find myself stuck in the gauntlet," said Neva Kee.

"So when we threatened your life that's what drove you over the edge then?" asked the President beginning to feel angry at himself.

"No," said Neva Kee. "I've been threatened before, this is hardly anything new. Same goes for Zoda for that matter. Guess again?"

"The threatening of your secretary?" asked the President. Keira's eyes began to tear up.

"Neva, that's so sweet," she began. Neva Kee looked up at her.

"Sorry kid, but it wasn't because your life was threatened," he said simply.

"What?" demanded Keira upset.

"Besides, you've proven to me time and time again that you can take care of yourself without anybody else's help," said the diplomat amicably.

"Thank you," said Keira beginning to feel slightly better.

"So what set you off?" said the President.

"You brought my ship into this," said Neva Kee simply. At that moment, the doors blew open and Zoda entered, covered in blood, sweat, and oil with various pieces of robotic circuitry hanging over all parts of his body. He was breathing heavily but still managed to make his way to a seat and sit down. The Board looked at him wide-eyed, or as wide-eyed as a Sullustan could get, while Zoda said nothing but took out a piece of gum and began chewing on it.

"What?" he demanded. "You act like you've never seen a vice-president before."

The Board said nothing while Neva Kee smacked his forehead.

"So damaging your ship is what teed you off?" demanded the President. "Fine, then what brought you here in the first place?"

"Funny you should mention the word 'tee'," remarked the diplomat. "Because I came here in pursuit of the one thing that scares you most."

"Nothing scares us," remarked the President self-assured.

"You sure?" asked the diplomat.

"Positive," said the President. Neva Kee shrugged.

"Suit yourself," he said. The diplomat held up his hand and waved it back and forth before producing a white round dimpled plastic ball. A couple of the Sullustans gulped while Neva Kee placed it on the table. He then stood up and produced his grip upon which the shaft and club shot out. Some of the Sullustans ran for the door as Neva Kee took a couple practice swings with it.

"You don't scare me," said the President beginning to panic as more Sullustans began piling out. Neva Kee shrugged and swung. The ball rocketed towards the far window and bounced off of its surface and instantly began bouncing all over the room. Keira screamed and dove under the table as Zoda stayed in his seat while Neva Kee calmly walked to the President as the ball bounced all over the place. It then came straight towards the President who screamed before Neva Kee waved his hand in front of him and the ball disappeared from sight.

"Where?" The President asked confused. Neva Kee produced the ball in his hand before dropping it into the Sullustan's lap.

"Game over. You loose," said the diplomat darkly before turning to leave. He then paused by the doors.

"You have two hours to get your stuff and go," he said. "If you stay then we'll be back, only this ball will be a thermal detonator."

The trio then left and Zoda closed the doors. But as they advanced towards the elevator, Zoda tripped over the wires hanging around his body and crashed into Keira's legs who fell over and tackled Neva Kee.

"Nice one Z," said Keira as she picked herself up.

"At least I didn't try and kill anybody this time," the Jedi argued. "I was promised to bust heads, not tin cans."

"I'm sure the opportunity will come up again, it always does," said Neva Kee as they entered into the elevator. "Now let's go find our balls."

Later, the surface: "Wonderful," said Keira annoyed. The trio was clustered in the massive crowd awaiting the lava-surfing competition crowd/surfers.

"And of course who can forget the volcano that started it all!" shouted the announcer pointing to the massive lava spewing volcano behind them. "Coined by the two inventors of this sport, the great rockers Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster, were heard to have called this volcano 'The Eighteenth Hole'!"

Cheering erupted from the crowd as Keira's jaw dropped and Neva Kee and Zoda chuckled nervously.

"Care to explain?" she asked.

"Well after we thought we had escaped the rioting crowd that was coming in for the kill, Zoda and I decided to get in a quick round before leaving the planet. The first seventeen holes, though dangerous, were okay, but as luck would have it the eighteenth hole erupted once we sunk our putts," began Neva Kee.

"The lava was coming down faster than our electric golf cart so Neva Kee and I crawled onto the roof as the lava slowly ate away at our cart. As Neva here was crying like a schoolgirl and praying for mercy," began Zoda.

"You swore you wouldn't tell!" protested Neva Kee. "Anyway, so we're there on the roof and Zoda says: 'If I'm going to die, it's going to be doing something stupid'. So he wrenches the hood loose with the Force and we go surfing down the lava river as our new 'board' melts all around us. Somehow we survive long enough for my ship to reach us and escape. But the local mob that had been chasing us saw our little stint and decided to popularize the sport with us being the creators."

"Unbelievable," said Keira shaking her head. "So you two come to this planet, have a concert, cause a mob to break out, save Sorosuub from destruction, golf eighteen rounds, and lava-surf all in one trip! This must be the most bizarre story I've ever heard you guys tell. I can't imagine any story more bizarre than that!"

"Or there is one, rest assured," said Zoda as the first surfers went straight down a lava river.

"Which is?" asked Keira.

"I don't think you want to know," said Zoda. Neva Kee nodding in agreement.

"You already baited me, it's too late now," Keira said sighing.

"Did you ever hear about Flygon-7?" asked Neva Kee.

"Yeah the planet that mysteriously exploded about twenty or so years back. I was two when it happened and it scared the hell out of me, my parents, and nearly the entire galaxy, of which I still get the occasional nightmare," said Keira. "They still are trying to determine the cause for it to this day. Why?"

"I don't know how to delicately put this but," began the diplomat. Keira's eyes widened.

"YOU TWO WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?" she shouted. The other members of the crowd looked at her annoyed before returning their attention to the event.

"It wasn't on purpose!" Zoda shot back.

"What do you mean 'not on purpose'?" demanded Keira. "How do you 'accidentally' blow up a planet?"

"I miss Flygon-7," said Zoda sadly. "Those were the best greens we ever played on."

"You know how much it cost me to import that much Ithorian grass?" asked Neva Kee shuddering. "What a waste, what a travesty. And worst of all, we still never finished that final game did we?"

"How did you blow up that planet?" asked Keira calmly to prevent from going crazy.

"I dunno," said Zoda. "The planet just started to fall apart all around us."

"Planets don't just fall apart!" Keira shouted again amidst a wave of hushes from the audience.

"This one did," Zoda grumbled.

"What the hell did you two do?" demanded Keira again. "The loss of that planet bankrupted nearly every insurance company in the galaxy!"

"We didn't _do_ anything," protested Neva Kee before adding. "At least nothing that would cause a planet to suddenly tumble off its axis and tear itself to pieces at any rate."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" demanded Keira before turning to the audience glaring at her. "Shut up!"

"Well we were watching _Caddyshack_ and we noticed how in the final round, explosives were used to cause a ball to fall into the hole in order to sink a putt," said Neva Kee. "So Zoda and I figured, why couldn't we do that on Flygon-7 to spice up our game? So we secretly began planting thermal detonators, mines, heavy explosives, and whatever other military ordinance we could find into our golf course. All of which would be activated by hidden detonators designed to cue into a certain stimulus. It could be a certain frequency, we could just be standing in the right spot, or something much more specific, the point being that we didn't know what it was or where the other had planted their ordinance."

"You're kidding right?" said Keira disbelieving him. "That's the worst idea in the history of bad ideas."

"It seemed reasonable at the time," said Neva Kee not exactly apologizing.

"Anything can and does happen, mind you," Zoda pointed out. Keira glared at him and the Jedi fell silent.

"So our game starts and the first couple holes go alright, the only ordinance detonated as a result of our falling golf balls were a few mines that only succeeded in scattering dirt high into the air. We also succeeded in accidentally blowing up all the sand traps, water hazards, bridges, the clubhouse, the golf cart station, and the pool as well," said Neva Kee. Keira just shook her head as she felt a migraine coming on.

"And then at the eighteenth hole, as usually happens, everything went wrong," said Zoda.

"Well it started a little earlier than that when we inadvertently blew the flag sitting inside the fifteenth hole into the stratosphere where we think it may have achieved escape velocity because we as sure as hell didn't see it again," Neva Kee added.

"Not only that, but that explosion took a third of the fifteenth hole with it," remarked Zoda as the crowd watched in horror as a surfer fell off his board but was saved from a fiery death by the hidden repulsorfield.

"Thankfully we managed to both sink a hole in one for the sixteenth because the putting green suddenly caved in on itself after sunk our shots," said Neva Kee. "Or so we assume, once the balls hit the putting green that's when it went bye bye."

Keira had begun to turn a shade of green at the reckless destruction caused by two aliens and their obsession with a little game known as Golf.

"And when we finally made our way through the war zone of the other holes we arrived at the seventeenth only to find a massive crater in the ground," Zoda chimed in. "We still don't know exactly what happened to it, it had just simply vanished without a trace. Talk about a Par One!"

"And then the dreaded eighteenth hole came up next," said Neva. "I don't what it is with us and that particular hole, but it always spells death for our golf games somehow."

"And me bringing my boombox to blare out _Ode to Joy_ hardly made matters any better," Zoda said.

"Yeah, especially considering he genuinely, accidentally, set the thing to the exact frequency to set off the remaining ordinance on the golf course that hadn't already gone off," said Neva Kee.

"So Neva and I are left with no recourse but to put the game on hold as we run for our lives with bombs exploding all around us flinging dirt, debris, trees, and whatever else high into the air only for it to come raining down again," said Zoda. "Force or not Force, we were in some deep poodoo."

Keira wanted to say something but found herself speechless, something that was occurring more and more frequent the more she learned about the crazy antics Zoda and Neva Kee had done in their past.

"Of course that was only the tip of the iceberg," said Neva Kee glumly. Zoda nodded, a little shell shocked.

"How?" Keira managed to croak out.

"Somehow one of us had managed to plant a cold fusion bomb underneath the eighteenth hole itself," said Neva Kee. "So when the flag in the hole got blown into the air only to come straight back down and trigger the bomb to go off."

"It caused one hell of an earthquake," Zoda completed, starting to shake. "The ground suddenly rose straight up and then collapsed inwards in an ever increasing shockwave outwards."

"So we, naturally, run for our lives, before we're both completely buried in dirt and debris," Neva Kee finished. "We come to a few hours later and dig ourselves free and view our once proud course, which now looks nothing like it once was. Essentially it looked like the planet had hurled on itself so all that was left was for Zoda and me to start putting the pieces back together."

"We have before and after pics on the ship if you want to see them," Zoda quickly added. Keira looked like she was about to faint.

"So we begin collecting what pieces are left of our destroyed course only for a couple hours later have the whole planet begin shaking furiously and begin tearing itself to pieces all around us. Zoda and I barely make it off the planet alive with the flag to the eighteenth hole and then the planet explodes," said Neva Kee.

"So you two were _intentionally_ responsible," said Keira.

"No," said Neva Kee. "We did the calculations afterwards based on the amount of ordinance we set off and there's no way it should've done the amount of damage necessary to blow up an entire world."

"Still, that planet did go up like a can of tomato soup that had been put in the microwave for too long," Zoda pointed out.

"Of which I am still pissed at you for doing that," Neva Kee addressed the Jedi. "When are you clean out the kitchen, it's been three weeks."

"I'll get to it…eventually," said the Jedi.

"So that's why we don't feel we are directly, or indirectly, responsible for that planet going up when it did," said Neva Kee finally. "And that's why they're still investigating its destruction."

"But the officials have an inkling as to your presence on the planet prior to its destruction," Keira reasoned.

"When you come across irradiated chunks of a golf course in the remains of a planet that just exploded you kind of run out of people to link it to," said Neva Kee.

"Though we suspect only Bernadelli Insurance Company has made the link between it and us," said Zoda. "But anything's possible I guess."

"We should probably tee off now," said Neva Kee making his way forward through the crowd.

"Where are your balls anyway?" asked Keira.

"At the bottom of the course," said Zoda.

"Then why are we up here?" asked Keira.

"To watch," said Neva Kee. "I always did like this sport."

Keira groaned.

"So how're we going to get down there?" she asked. Neva Kee and Zoda broke through the crowd and headed for a row of boards nearby. On two of the boards were the words Enkidu and Zathura emblazoned on them.

"You're joking," she said vigorously shaking her head.

"No," said Neva Kee. "We secretly made the sport the least we can do is still participate in it from time to time."

"What about me?" asked Keira.

"Start walking," said Zoda.

"Uh-uh," said Keira disagreeing with him. "You're not loosing me that easily."

"Of course not," said Neva Kee before handing her a small board. "Here's a hoverboard, glide down the volcano with this and we'll meet you at the bottom."

"Fine," said Keira taking it from him. "Good luck."

"In my experience," began Zoda cheekily.

"Shut up!" said Keira and Neva Kee to him. Zoda began laughing as Keira began coasting down the volcano's side.

"Up next we have a couple veteran surfers from Dantooine, Enkidu and Zathura. They like to model themselves after the original Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster. We'll see how well they do here on the original rockers famed course," said the announcer.

"Surfs up, dude," said Zoda to Neva Kee as he prepped his board to begin surfing.

"I'd say Cowabunga, but it seems a trifle cliché," said the diplomat before both leapt into the river of lava and surfed down it.

Later, the Bay: Neva Kee, Zoda, and Keira Kiley came running into the bay as an angry mob was snapping at their heels. They barely managed to board their still busted ship and it took off, emerging into the atmosphere before escaping into space and entering hyperspace. Silence descended in the cockpit as Neva Kee and Zoda sat silently waiting for Keira's outburst.

"I suppose now would be a bad time to mention that whoever gets the fastest time on the course is automatically chased off the planet by the crowd and the other surfers," said Neva Kee finally.

"It's nothing personal, just a simple tradition that got carried over by that angry mob that chased us out of Piringiisi all those years ago," said Zoda. "Believe me, Neva and I have been chased out of quite a few lava-surfing competitions."

"And we kind of forgot that you didn't know that," said Neva Kee. "We sincerely apologize. But hey, at least we managed to tee off first, that's a plus!"

"I need a vacation," Keira responded.

"I thought you were on vacation," commented Zoda wryly.

"Adventuring with you two is definitely _not_ a vacation," said Keira with a slight grin. "More like a series of misadventures."

"Yeah that sounds about right," said Neva Kee making some adjustments on his console.

"So where to next?" asked Keira.

"We decided to be nice for once and go from an inhabited heat ridden planet to a planet that is abandoned and incredibly cold," said Neva Kee flipping on a console depicting a frozen world. "Behold the Sixth Planet of the Hoth System. Zoda and I shredded there once on snowboards and it's a nice calm planet, no trouble there whatsoever."

"Good," said Keira leaving. "Wake me when we get there."

Keira turned and exited the bridge with a yawn and silence descended on the bridge.

"Neva," began Zoda quietly.

"Yeah?" asked the captain of the ship.

"You didn't mention the rumors that pirates were running spice through that planet," said Zoda.

"It's only a rumor," said Neva Kee humbly. "And something's are best left unsaid around Keira."

"If you say so," said the Jedi leaning back in his chair.

"Besides, if we take them out then we'll have killed multiple mynocks with one blaster shot," said the diplomat. "The ships they raid will no longer demand insurance money from Bernadelli, we'll have stopped this branch of the illegal spice flow, and we'll have intentionally done a good deed for once."

"Good deed, blech, the words leave a terrible taste in my mouth," said Zoda grinning.

"Then go wash your mouth out with soap," advised Neva Kee. "And clean out the kitchen of all the tomato soup!"

"No! Make me!" Zoda shouted before he ran out of the cockpit with Neva Kee in hot pursuit brandishing a pair of blasters.

Sullust: The Bernadelli Fleet emerged from hyperspace just in time to witness Neva Kee's ship vanish into hyperspace.

"We're tracking their course now," said the navigator to the Chief Security officer of Bernadelli. A couple moments later the answer chimed back.

"The Hoth System," said the navigator. The Security Officer flung his hand forward and the fleet leapt back into hyperspace.

Coruscant: "So who is going to go investigate the rumors of pirates operating in the Hoth System?" asked Master Caveel. The Council remained silent before Yoda spoke up.

"Go I will," he said. "Need a break I do from the antics of Zoda."

Yoda was looking at a holo-report of the destruction caused by Zoda on Sullust and Naboo.

"Leave I will immediately," he said simply and with that he left. "Peace I need, silence I need. Zoda I need not."

The Jedi Master left.


	11. Hoth

Anguirus111 Note: This chapter gets more bizarre than usual just a heads up.

Hoth: A blue spaceship was seen sticking amongst the pale whiteness of the snow surrounding it while two small specks moved around outside of it.

"Way to go Neva," Zoda complained shivering. "Trying to find two white balls in a white frozen landscape, great just great, it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack! How we ever managed to golf eighteen holes here I'll never know."

The diplomat remained silently brooding.

"Neva?" Zoda asked.

"I'm not speaking to you," the diplomat grumbled.

"Hey, it's not like I knew that asteroid field was there!" Zoda protested.

"I told you it was there!" Neva Kee shot back. "And you deliberately took us through it anyway! Why?"

"To test the inertial compensators!" explained Zoda. "We were afraid they might've been damaged back on Sullust so I was just testing to see if they were okay."

"That's crap and you know it," said Neva Kee shaking his head.

"Meh, you only get the best from me," said Zoda shrugging. "So where're our balls?"

"I don't even think they're here yet," said Neva Kee as his brooding ceased. "You did want to get here in a hurry, guess now I know why."

Zoda was about to respond when their headsets activated.

"Will you two hurry up I'm freezing to death in here!" Keira complained. She was in the powered down ship freezing because Neva Kee had refused to leave it on for fear the heat would attract unwanted attention.

"Start a fire using Neva's stuff as kindling," Zoda suggested.

"Hey!" shouted the diplomat.

"Yeah that'll work well too," said the Jedi with a grin as Neva Kee began growling.

"One of these days Z, one of these days," the diplomat warned. Suddenly Zoda's ears shot up.

"Where?" asked Neva Kee reaching into his pockets for his grip and golf balls.

"Ridge to our right," said the Jedi as he pulled out his dual dueling lightsaber hilts and spun them around on his hands before pointing them downwards. Neva Kee looked around aimlessly before intentionally sneezing.

"Trio on the ridge, looks like Blastech Aim&Bach D-7 Sniper Rifles," said the diplomat.

"Ouch," said Zoda wincing. "They must be smugglers to be using stuff that antiquated."

"Could be modified," Neva Kee pointed out as they kept advancing up a snow filled slope.

"Where are we going anyway?" Zoda asked.

"I dunno," said the diplomat shrugging. "I thought you knew."

"Incoming," said Zoda preparing to activate his lightsabers. "No kill."

"No go," said Neva Kee and as Zoda began to protest. "No argue either."

Zoda grumbled an expletive as a blaster bolt smacked into the ground in front of them before the two rolled away and took up defensive positions behind a snow bluff as more laser blasts chewed up the area around them.

"What's going on?" asked Keira frantic. "I'm on my way."

"It's too dangerous, get out of here!" shouted Neva Kee over the roar of laser blasts.

"But-," began Keira.

"Just do it!" said Neva. "If you're captured along with the ship then we'll never get out of here. Zoda and I can handle ourselves we'll be fine. When you receive a signal from me you can come back."

"Okay," said Keira. "Maybe I'll go get help."

"Unlikely but you can try," said Neva Kee as the blue ship powered up and tore off into the atmosphere.

"So what now?" asked Zoda.

"We surrender," responded the diplomat as he pocketed his grip and balls and tossed a blaster rifle he had away from him. Zoda reluctantly did the same with the lightsaber hilts as the laser blasts suddenly stopped.

"Don't move!" shouted a voice over a megaphone as the snipers made their way down the slope and quickly confiscated their weapons.

"What're you two doing here?" demanded one of the heavily bundled up snipers.

"We came in search of something," said Neva Kee as a pair of sonic booms were heard high above them.

"Searching for what?" demanded one of the workers agitated. Two streaks of fire came roaring down from above and into the crest above them causing a massive wave of snow to come straight at them.

"That," said the diplomat simply as they were buried completely in snow.

Space: Keira pulled back on the hyperspace lever as the vessel entered hyperspace. As soon as it did, another vessel appeared, a Jedi Starfighter that quickly disengaged from its hyperdrive ring and proceed towards the frozen world below.

Hoth: Zoda opened his eyes and began blinking a few times as the whiteness in them faded away. He instantly found himself in some makeshift jail cell consisting of an ice cave with bars while Neva Kee was in a cell on the opposite end.

"Ay Carumba!" said Zoda holding his head in pain. "Talk about an ice-cream headache!"

"It'll go away eventually," said the diplomat. "But as to our current situation."

"Where are anyway?" asked Zoda looking around.

"Some type of underground base from the looks of it," Neva commented wryly. "Quite an echo we have in here."

"So let's call it Echo Base!" said Zoda before growling in pain from the headache.

"Brilliants Holmes, brilliant," said Neva Kee sarcastically as he began giving him a golf clap. "C'mon let's get out of here."

"Alright," said Zoda. He thrust out his hand and was about to open the cages when suddenly his headache came on in full force and he collapsed in pain as suddenly both cages blew outwards and smashed into each other with a loud clang.

"You okay?" asked Neva Kee as he stepped through the new opening. Zoda stumbled around drunkenly.

"I think this headache is wrecking my concentration," said the Jedi simply as Neva Kee helped him out of the small prison "And before I get any snide remarks out of you, acting crazy requires more concentration than being sane."

"So act sane then," Neva suggested. "Because that explosion probably alerted somebody to our presence."

"Do we have any weapons?" asked Zoda as the two made their way down an empty corridor.

"Nope," said Neva Kee. "Unless you've got a lightsaber hidden somewhere in there."

"Nyet, comrade, nyet," Zoda responded. A sound of footsteps was heard and the two creatures hid in an alcove as several armed workers ran past them.

"So what now?" asked Zoda as they advanced back into the corridor.

"I want to find out what's going on here," said Neva. "Somehow this doesn't seem like a smuggler's den to me."

"Yeah I guess I can see that," Zoda agreed looking around. "Don't know too many smugglers who would take the time to carve out these caves and string them up with lights."

"So what's really going on here?" asked Neva. "As a diplomat and a Jedi I think we need to investigate this matter for galaxy security purposes."

"Oh I hate having to do my job," Zoda complained. "But I guess we all have to submit sometimes."

"Let's role," said Neva as the two advanced down the corridor.

"I just wish I had my lightsaber," said Zoda.

"I don't think using a superconducting blade in an area filled with ice is necessarily a good idea. One swipe into the wall and then the whole cavern collapses inward from the heat," said Neva.

"That sounds reasonable to me," said Zoda confused. Neva rolled his eyes as the two advanced down the corridor.

Outside: Two guards outside the entrance to the front entrance of 'Echo Base' suddenly fell unconscious as a small green Jedi Master walked into the main entrance. A group of nearby workers who were operating on a massive cylindrical device grabbed their weapons and aimed at the Jedi Master who quickly deflected the bolts with him green saber and dispatched them all.

"A waste," said Yoda sadly. "A waste."

The Jedi looked at the massive device in the cavern confused before advancing further into the base where he heard the sounds of blaster fire going on.

Corridor: A group of workers were firing their blasters at Zoda and Neva Kee as the diplomat was huddled behind a corner with Zoda deflecting various laser blasts with a massive stalagmite they'd found poking out of the ground awhile back. Still, Zoda's headache kept kicking in causing the various walls to shake violently dropping chunks of snow and ice everywhere. Realizing they were outmatched, the workers dropped back from sight as Neva Kee appeared once again besides the Jedi.

"Definitely not a smuggler base," said Neva Kee reiterated looking at the assortment of charred weaponry on the ground. "I can't recall the last time I ever saw these weapons in use."

"Let's just keep moving," said Zoda stumbling about. "The more I move the warmer my head gets and my headache lessens."

The two continued on before Neva Kee began grinning evilly.

"Zoda," he began.

"Yeah?" asked the Jedi.

"I'm sorry," said the diplomat beginning to chuckle.

"For what?" asked Zoda anticipating the forthcoming rip.

"I guess you're not made of hot air after all. Ha, ha!" laughed the diplomat. Zoda groaned when suddenly his headache erupted again and the whole cavern collapsed on them.

"You okay Captain N?" asked Zoda over his headset as he lost sight of the blue diplomat in the cave in.

"Yeah, fine," said Neva on the other side of a mound of snow. "Keep advancing towards the control room and I'll find my own way there."

Zoda nodded and walked off from the cave in when he turned a corner and smacked right into a mirror image of himself.

"Ow," said the two images looking at each other confused. As Zoda moved his hand, his mirror image moved its hand as well. Both images began jumping back and forth identical to each other before both breathed a sigh of relief and wiped their brows.

"What an incredible illusion," said Zoda.

"Think it is an illusion do you?" demanded his mirror image. Zoda looked at it wide-eyed.

"Uncle?" he asked shocked.

"Nephew," Yoda acknowledged with an evil grin. "Time to take your own medicine, you should."

"You wouldn't lay a finger on me!" Zoda accused. "The Council forbade you!"

"See the Council here do you?" commented Yoda wryly as he took out his lightsaber. "Do you?"

"Uh-oh," said Zoda. He quickly maneuvered past Yoda and tore off down the corridor with the Jedi Master in hot pursuit.

Elsewhere: Neva Kee wandered down various hallways, extremely confused as to the whole purpose of this base. Clearly smuggling was not involved as the various rooms he had gone through were filled with everyday supplies and mechanical equipment, smugglers typically dealt with rare items, so what? The diplomat could not figure it out and having not encountered anybody within the past several minutes, he could not 'interrogate' anybody either. Sighing, the Nevakeeian continued his solitary quest until he reached a room where he heard voices. The short diplomat scurried into the room and hid behind some machinery as he saw a group of individuals in lab coats huddled in front of a huge control apparatus.

"And so in short the influx of chronitons into the main chamber along the naturally reflective properties of the ice should manage to open up the wormhole," said a worker.

"_Chronitons__ But that'd open a gateway to,_" began Neva before his eyes bugged out with realization. He had to stop them, the only question was how.

"Aaaahhhh!" shouted a voice. Zoda came tearing in through the doorway with Yoda in hot pursuit swinging his lightsaber at him. The Jedi Knight leapt into the air and did a twirl as his two dueling sabers tore off of a nearby desk and into his hands as he began swinging them at the crazed Jedi Master. The two blades extended and then all three slammed against each other so hard sparks went flying from them.

"You'll never take me alive!" shouted Zoda over the hum of the blades.

"No," agreed Yoda. "Dead you will be!"

Zoda looked at him shocked before both began leaping around the room clashing their lightsabers together. The group of workers looked at them stunned before Neva Kee leapt onto a table and aimed his weapon at them.

"Don't move I know what you're doing and I'm here to stop you!" shouted the diplomat.

"You don't know anything about what we're doing!" shouted one of the workers.

"I know you're trying to create a hole in time!" shouted Neva over the explosions being caused by the two quarreling Jedi. "And I know that there's no way you'll be able to control it for very long."

"Well we've found a way," said one of the workers. "And we intend to leave this timeframe forever."

"And I can't let you alter history," said the diplomat. "Now don't make me shoot you."

"We're not going to-," began one of the workers when suddenly the roof caved in from Zoda's headache. The workers quickly ran out an exit as Neva ran off as well as the whole room was covered in snow. A couple moments later Yoda and Zoda poked their heads out from the snow to see Neva looking at them annoyed.

"Will you two chill out until we get this problem here solved," Neva Kee said. "There are bigger things going on here than your stupid blood feud."

"Nice pun Neva," commented Zoda.

"Quiet," said Neva. "Now will you two cooperate or not?"

"Truce?" asked Yoda.

"Truce," agreed his nephew. Neva Kee grabbed their hands and hauled both of them out of the snow and the trio walked down the hallway.

"Good use of Form IV you have," said Yoda to his nephew.

"Yeah I've tried adding some extra moves to it, I actually it Form Z though that's hardly an official term," commented the Knight. "Any advice?"

"Do not give in to your anger," said the Master. "Your downside it is, too cocky it makes you. Cockiness, good it can be, but too much and bad it will become. And watch your armpits you should, easy targets they can be."

"Will do," said Zoda. "As for you-."

"Need advice from you I do not! Fine my form is, fine my form will be!" said Yoda quickly to silence him. Zoda laughed when suddenly the trio emerged into the main cavern.

"So what is that big thing?" asked Zoda looking at the massive cannon shaped object in the middle of it.

"It's a device capable of causing a temporal wormhole in order to propel someone into time," said Neva. "Or so those scientists claim, whether or not it does it I don't know."

"So let's slice and dice," said Zoda as he extended the blades on his saber.

"Unfortunately that won't work in this situation. If that thing explodes it could disrupt the space-time continuum. Or it could kill us, either way it wouldn't be pretty," said the diplomat.

"Maybe for you it wouldn't," Zoda grumbled. They reached the tip of the cannon and looked down its barrel.

"Uncertain, I am. Encountered no one, we have yet," said Yoda gripping his saber and looking around anxiously. Suddenly the scientists reappeared at the top of the apparatus.

"We've had enough of your meddling so we're getting rid of you once and for all!" shouted one of them. He pressed a device and suddenly the device immediately powered up and fired a beam at them.

"Uncle!" Zoda shouted as he Force shoved his uncle out of the way of the beam before it quickly enveloped them. An explosion went off causing smoke to rise and when it finished they were gone.

Time Passed…

Echo Base: A small explosion went off inside the cavern and Neva Kee and Zoda went flying out of it before slamming into a nearby wall and collapsing on the ground.

"Ow," said Zoda. "My head!"

"I think we have bigger things to worry about than that," Neva commented next to him. Zoda's vision cleared and they saw a massive cave filled with bustling activity as dozens of small ships were being prepped before taking off from the cavern.

"I must've missed something," said Zoda as he got up. "Where's the cannon?"

"I think it got us," said Neva. "And it worked too. Good thing I didn't put any money on it."

"So where the hell are we?" asked Zoda confused.

"I think the appropriate question is 'when the hell are we'?" said a voice from behind them. The two creatures turned to see a startlingly familiar individual behind them.

"Keira?" asked Zoda tentatively.

"Not quite," said the woman behind them. "I'm her descendant, three hundred years removed."

"Oh hell," said Neva hanging his head in shame. "Boy are we in for it now."

"Could be worse," said Zoda. "And with us it usually has been."

"So what's going on?" asked Neva.

"Well you're approximately three hundred or so years into the future. Right now the Rebellion is fighting a way against the oppressive Galactic Empire who is right now trying to destroy this base," said 'Keira'.

"Oh," said Zoda. "Well that doesn't sound so bad."

"So why're you here?" asked Neva. "You don't look like a reb to me."

"No," the woman admitted. "I just came to tell you that what the scientists didn't realize was that your unique chroniton signatures will pull you back to your own timeframe in just a little bit. Until then just sit tight."

"Screw that," said Zoda as he walked off. "This gives me an idea."

"Me too," said Neva following him.

"You can't expect to fly one of those ships in the battle!" 'Keira' protested.

"Course not, that's boring," said Zoda. "But how many times do you get to tee off twice from the same planet?"

"Awesome," said Neva as he produced his grip.

"Wait!" said 'Keira'. "You can't go out there, what about the space-time thingy?"

"Why should we care?" asked Zoda. "We've gone into the future, not the past. We're not really altering anything."

"But what about if you survive to this time frame?" asked the woman as they advanced out of the main hanger bay as T-47 Snowspeeders went rocketing overhead.

"I'm sure we'd understand, golf is definitely worth the headaches it causes," said Zoda as he winced one last time as his headache finally went away.

"You know, my ancestor couldn't figure out your obsession with this game and quite frankly neither can I," admitted the descendant.

"Until you've played it you never will," said Zoda as the two finally managed to reach the North Ridge where they could view the chaos even better. Zoda whistled as Neva Kee looked on impressed.

"Nice to see technology has advanced so well," he said. Several AT-ATs and AT-STs were currently pounding the Rebel defenses to a pulp.

"You're taking this incredibly well for having been catapulted into the distant future," said 'Keira' as an AT-AT fell over and then was blown up by a speeder.

"Meh. To start off when playing Golf the outside circumstances don't matter and to conclude this wouldn't be the first time this has happened," said Zoda as he found his ball and took out his grip which extended into the club which he began practice swinging with.

"Yeah we got thrown into the future much farther than this before," said Neva. "But we made it back so that's all that matters."

"Hopefully we won't have to explain this to Keira. She'll go nuts, I know she will," said Zoda as he looked up into the sky before swinging and ripping the ball into the upper atmosphere.

"Speaking of which, what happened to ol' K anyway?" asked Neva as he swung his club as well and the ball flew off after the first one.

"Got married and had kids," said 'Keira'. "And told them they were forbidden from ever playing golf."

"Hypocrite," said Zoda. An AT-ST suddenly appeared over the crest of its hill only for Zoda to look at it bizarrely before the vehicle was crushed flat by the Force. Instantly afterwards both Neva Kee and Zoda began to fade.

"Finally," said Zoda looking at his quickly disappearing hand.

"Wait, what's your name?" asked Neva.

"I'm Captain Neezda," said the woman with a grin. Neva Kee and Zoda's expressions dropped at that.

"That-!" shouted Zoda and then both were gone.

Hoth: Yoda was looking at the device bewildered along with Keira Kiley who had returned after having no luck finding any help for Zoda and Neva Kee.

"I can't believe they're gone," Keira said in shock. "Stuck in some distant future or the distant past."

"Confession to make to you I have," said Yoda solemnly.

"What?" asked Keira confused. She was so intent on what Yoda had to say that she failed to notice Zoda and Yoda enter into the bay, something that Yoda did not.

"I am really Zoda," admitted the Jedi Master, straining to form a coherent statement. "I got stuck in the past and took on the moniker Yoda so as not to cue others in as to what happened."

"Really?" asked Keira amazed. The Jedi Master leaned in close as to impart a secret upon her.

"Nope," said the Jedi Master with a big grin. He began laughing as did Zoda and Neva Kee. Keira looked at them with a measure of relief before growling and punching Zoda who collapsed.

"Ow!" he said grasping his shoulder in pain. "Some welcome back that is."

Keira grabbed both of them in a big hug before releasing them.

"Don't do that to me again!" she said.

"Couldn't help it, anything can and does happen," Zoda reminded her.

"So how far did you go?" asked Keira. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at each other before shrugging.

"Three hundred years," said Zoda. "Far enough to hit our golf balls then and now."

"So where to now?" asked Keira excited.

"Yes nephew, where?" asked Yoda his voice dripping with threat.

"Promise you won't follow?" asked Zoda. Yoda sighed.

"Yes, the solitary life the Jedi is to follow, not the one by the government it is controlled," admitted the Jedi Master solemnly. "As things have so clearly become."

"Endor," said Zoda choosing to leave the Master's comments where they lay. "Then Bakura and straight to the Unknown Regions where our final hole lies."

"The adventure is almost over already?" asked Keira.

"That's the thing with games," said Neva. "They end."

"Later Unc," said Zoda as the trio turned to leave. "I trust you can deal with this mess."

Yoda looked at the cannon before turning back to them.

"Don't I always?" he asked bemused.

"Yeah I guess you do," Zoda agreed. "Later."

"Yeah, later," said Yoda absently as he wondered what to do with the thing. To his shock the cannon disintegrated moments later.

"Well that is that," said Yoda wiping off his hands before leaving the caves as well.

"So what happened to the scientists?" asked Neva.

"Ran like little doggies they did," said Yoda. "Like Zoda has done."

"Hey!" shouted the Knight as Keira laughed.

"Good one Jedi Master," she said. Yoda shrugged.

"Learned the gift of humor I did from Zoda," Yoda explained. "Useful it is."

Zoda just grumbled at that statement as they approached Neva's ship and Yoda's starfighter.

"Look familiar does it?" asked Yoda slyly towards the fighter.

"Not really, but I have been gone for awhile," said Jedi commented before a series of angry bleeps erupted from the droid attached to the side of the ship. "Oh no, not Depot!"

Zoda promptly turned tail and ran off as his former droid lifted the ship off the ground and chased after him into the horizon.

"Zoda's apprentice you are?" asked Yoda confused. Keira chuckled.

"Not quite I represent the Insurance Company who is trying to stop these two from raising hell," said Keira. "Needless to say they just won't obey."

"Speaking of which, after you they are," said Yoda. "Purchased a fleet they did, one step behind you they have been, but for how much longer I know not."

"Crap," said Neva Kee perturbed. "Then we'd better take off."

"Accompany you I will," said Yoda. "Need passage I do to Bakura and alone I do not wish to travel."

"I think you'd be better off on your own," Keira remarked. "Zoda can be a handful."

"Yes, but family he is and watch over him I must," said Yoda. "No choice do I have and yet find it painful I do not. Enjoy his company I secretly do, keeps me on my toes he does."

"Well let's go, he'll just have to catch up with us then," said Neva as he boarded his ship. "The last thing we need is for my already damaged ship to fall under attack by Star Destroyers."

"By what?" asked Keira confused as they got in and headed for the cockpit.

"You'll find out in a few hundred years Captain Neezda," said Neva Kee sneakily leaving Keira looking at him in shock.

"What did you see in that future?" she demanded.

The ship took off and escaped from Hoth before vanishing into hyperspace before being closely followed by a Jedi Starfighter which did the same. At that exact moment that the starfighter left the Berandelli Fleet came roaring out of hyperspace.

"Not again!" shouted the security agent. "I'm getting tired of this!"

"Well according to our reports we might be able to get one step ahead of them," said the comm. officer reading his notes. "According to this ever planet they've gone too has been a planet that they've played a round of golf on. The closest planet to here is Endor and after that Bakura. If we go there we can be there when they arrive and then blast them out of the sky," said the comm. officer. "And we'd better too, according to this their courses after that were in the Unknown Regions and that place is a deathtrap for any ship."

"Fine," said the security agent defeated. "Let's go…again."

The fleet erupted into hyperspace.


	12. Endor

Forest Moon of Endor: As the sun raised high above in the sky, the sunlight glistened off of the dew drops from the nighttime rain. The birds began chirping and the forest animals slowly awoke to begin yet another day of foraging.

CRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!

But the tranquil scene so became one of panic and chaos as a massive tree came crashing down for no apparent reason.

"Heh, heh, heh. Bee-autiful!" said Zoda grinning as he saw the animals darting all over the place. He hung his lightsaber on his belt, after having used it to slice the tree down, before climbing up on it and walking down its length.

"Must you destroy everything?" Neva Kee asked annoyed. "We just got here!"

"It was in my way," said Zoda simply. Suddenly an invisible Force smacked him in the side and he fell over the side of the tree.

"Be mindful of the living force, you should," said Yoda dropping his hand. "Respect it you must in order for it to aid you."

"Bah," said Zoda as he climbed back onto the tree only to see Yoda on top waiting for him. Yoda held down his hand to Zoda's forehead and flicked out his finger which connected with Zoda's head causing him to fall back down in a flurry of leaves. Keira laughed at the exchange as she carried a picnic basket and a blanket for a picnic she hoped they'd be able to have, provided Zoda didn't succeed in destroying the planet somehow. Zoda got up with leaves sticking to him as he grumpily followed the group.

"So who lives here?" asked Keira as she looked up at the tall treetops.

"Ewoks for one, though perhaps it's best if we don't encounter them on this trip," said Neva Kee.

"Why not?" asked Keira curious.

"They've been known to engage in cannibalistic rituals," said the diplomat as he passed through a pair of bushes that scuffed up against him.

"They eat themselves?" asked Keira disgusted. "That's gross."

"I wasn't exactly referring to them eating themselves," said Neva Kee looking up at her. "And they're primitives they just don't know better."

"Well if they don't eat themselves then…," began Keira before she looked at her hands and then at Neva Kee still eyeing her. "No!"

"There is a reason why this moon is typically avoided," said the diplomat taking out a ration bar and biting into it. "And it's not because of its location, the timber here is a logging company's dream."

"Yeah but logging is hardly the most profitable business these days," said Keira trying to keep her mind off of the trees possibly having eyes.

"Still, there is a small demand for wood these days and those who want have to pay dearly for it," said Captain N.

"I guess," said Keira not quite sure. "So where're the balls?"

"Around," said Neva. "I just want to take some time and enjoy some peace for once."

"I hear that," said Keira also beginning to feel relaxed in their tranquil surroundings.

CRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!

A second tree went falling down as Zoda appeared from behind the stump grinning.

"Wheee! That was fun!" said the Jedi, clearly restless from having nobody new he could annoy. Neva Kee groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead and ran it down his face.

"Surrender your weapon," said Yoda holding out his hand for Zoda's activated lightsaber.

"No," said Zoda deactivating it and clutching it close to him protectively. "This is a Jedi's most sacred weapon and I must protect it with my life."

Yoda looked at him nonplussed. "Hand it over."

Zoda held up his hands in defeat. "Well it was worth a shot."

The Jedi Knight gave his hilt to the Jedi Master and the quartet proceeded down the forest in silence.

"I spy," began Zoda after a few moments.

"Shut up!" came the response.

"But-," began Zoda protesting.

"Quiet!"

"Okay but don't so I didn't warn you," Zoda backed off as suddenly dozens of Ewoks dropped down from the trees and surrounded them angrily with various crude weaponry.

"Well there goes the neighborhood," said Zoda sardonically.

"Quiet," said Neva Kee as one of the Ewoks began jabbering at them angrily. Neva Kee said something back in Ewok to which he got an even more angry response.

"Oh hell," said Zoda, who also had an understanding of the Ewok language. He began chuckling nervously before stopping and staring off into the distance.

"What?" asked Keira before some of the Ewoks began poking her with their sticks. Keira growled annoyed and took out her blastech which immediately tore from her hands and into Yoda's he holstered it underneath his robe.

"You can't win, but alternatives to fighting there are," said Yoda. The Jedi Master waved his hand and a calming effect spread over the Ewoks poking her and they slowly lowered their spears.

"Oh great," said Neva, mirroring Zoda's earlier statement, as he put his hands in his pockets.

"What?" demanded Keira.

"Apparently some of their warriors have gone missing and they think it's our fault," said the diplomat.

"But we just got here," Keira said.

"Yeah but they don't know that," Zoda pointed out. "And we can't exactly convince them of that either without revealing advanced technology that they'd have no comprehension about."

"Wonderful," said Keira exasperated. "Anything else?"

"Yeah they want to eat you," said Zoda deadpan.

"What!" shouted Keira.

"Where did you learn your Ewok?" asked Neva Kee ignoring her outburst. "He said hold her for ransom."

"What!" Keira repeated at that statement.

"He said, grunga. That means eat," said Zoda.

"No, he said groonga. That means hold for ransom," responded the diplomat.

"He did not stress the first syllable!" said Zoda. "He said grunga!"

The Ewok Chief said something offhand. Zoda and Neva Kee suddenly stopped arguing and stared at the Chief wide-eyed.

"Well that solves that," said Zoda throwing up his hands in defeat.

"What did he say!" demanded Keira as more Ewoks began poking her. Neva Kee sighed and slowly turned around.

"Apparently the Ewok chieftain wants to hold you for ransom. We are to go find his missing warriors and if we don't return with them by sundown then they'll eat you," said the diplomat. Keira's resounding 'what' statement could be heard almost across the entire moon and caused scores of birds to scatter high into the air.

Ewok Village: The Ewoks, accompanied by Yoda, Zoda, and Neva Kee entered into the main area as Keira was carried behind them with her legs and arms tied to a large wooden pole.

"I don't believe this," said Keira shaking her head. "I'm going to be eaten by living teddy bears! It's like a nightmare or something!"

"Hey we've all been there," argued Neva Kee. "They tried to eat Zoda and me a few years back when we played a round of golf on this planet and Zoda hit this wicked slice that reduced the chieftain's hut to a bunch of kindling after his golf ball plowed right through it. I don't know how we escaped that one."

"A lot of running and laughing as I recall," said Zoda chuckling.

"Anyway, we'll go find these missing warriors and be back by sundown," said Neva Kee preparing to leave.

"Wait, you just can't leave me here!" shouted Keira. "I'm not staying here alone with these things."

"You're right," Zoda agreed. "Uncle, you stay."

"Wha-," began the Jedi Master when Keira cut in.

"You're not leaving me here with somebody who doesn't speak Ewok!" she said incredulously.

"We're offering to leave you with the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, a being who has no equal in the universe, and you want one of us to stay behind and protect you?" asked Zoda wide-eyed.

Silence descended on the group filled with the occasional Ewok chatter.

"Good point," Keira conceded.

"Be back soon, Unc," said Zoda as he began descending a ladder with Neva Kee to go back to the ground. Yoda held his head downtrodden before turning back and sitting in front of Keira as he began breathing in and out as he tried to bring himself calm enough to meditate.

Ground: "Phew, glad to be out there," said Zoda wiping off his forehead with his sleeve.

"Yeah well we have bigger issues to deal with right now," said Neva Kee as he pulled out a scanner and began following its readout.

"I'm beginning to think bringing her with us was a mistake," Zoda admitted.

"Well she saved us back on Bothawui, having her tag along is the least we can do," said Neva Kee distracted by the scanner.

"Yeah but we're soon going to be in the Unknown Regions," Zoda pointed out. "There's no law there, you know that. We'll have some peace from the Chiss Ascendancy but most of those worlds out there are not someplace you take civilians."

"I know," Neva acquiesced. "But still she has made this trip more enjoyable. No offense, but listening to you blather on endlessly about grand schemes to get your revenge on the Jedi Council gets annoying after awhile."

"I will make that ysalamiri kennel club someday," said Zoda. "But yeah, hearing you babble on about diplomacy is hardly any more tolerable."

Neva Kee didn't respond but continued to read his scanner, causing him to scowl.

"What?" asked Zoda trying to read the scanner but coming up blank.

"We're still coated with chroniton particles," said the diplomat. "That means we are in danger of time traveling again."

"Great," said Zoda looking around. "Well if you see any AT-ST's just let me know."

"Unfortunately we may be in bigger danger of traveling to a time where no ships exist effectively stranding us on this planet," Neva Kee pointed out.

"Crap," said Zoda shuddering. "Would we rebound?"

"Maybe," said the diplomat unsure as he continued through the forest. "The particles are burning off of us as time passes but unfortunately that runs the risk of us being stuck in a different time period and then having them burn off of us before the rebound. While we could find a way back it'd just be annoying as hell."

"I'd imagine," said Zoda. "So where're we going?"

"My scanner's picked up the scent of a Gorax," said Neva. "I willing to be that it had taken the Ewok warriors."

"Yeah but that means it's probably eaten them by now," Zoda said.

"This is true, however if we could activate the chronitons surrounding us we may be able to kick us back in time to save them and prevent this turn of events from ever happening," said Neva Kee frustrated at the whole situation.

"Do you really want to risk that?" Zoda asked. "I don't think you want to break the rule of having only one of me in each time frame. Even I will admit what happened on Baroonda got a little bit out of hand."

"A little?" asked Neva Kee laughing. "You tried to kill yourself!"

"I couldn't help it! That guy was a jerk!" Zoda shouted.

"That 'guy' was you!" Neva Kee pointed out.

"He was still a jerk," said Zoda. "And your counterpart wasn't much helpful either."

Neva Kee spotted some ruins up ahead that caught his interest.

"Indy, we're in business," said Neva Kee grabbing a blaster rifle and brandishing it in his hand. Zoda meanwhile produced a fedora and put in on his head.

"Copy Short Round," said the Jedi as he produced a whip and revolver since Yoda still possessed his lightsaber. The two entered into the stone ruins and held up defensive positions before proceeding further inwards. After a few moments they found a cadre of Ewok skeletons trussed up on large wooden stakes.

"Very homely," said Zoda. "I dunno, a couple skeletons here, a rotting corpse there and that would really complete the scene."

"Indy shut up," said Neva Kee as he advanced further down through the ruins.

"I'm just saying," began Zoda when suddenly a guttural growl erupted from nearby. Silence descended on the group as each stood there pondering what had made that sound.

"After you Short Round," said Zoda stepping back and motioning his hand forward. Neva Kee groaned.

"Indiana Jones, intrepid explorer my ass," said the blue alien as pressed onwards.

Ewok Village: Yoda and Keira were alone in the meeting area after the Ewoks had run off scared when the Jedi Master began levitating rocks to practice his Force skills. Keira had asked him to cut her loose so they could escape but the Jedi Master had refused citing it was not his place to interfere. Keira had had a few choice words to say about that before remaining silent from then on. But now after a few hours the silence was beginning to grate on her sanity so she was forced to talk again.

"How long have you known Zoda?" Keira asked finally.

"Too long," came the response. "Since his formative years to today to forever."

"Are you two really related or does he just say you're his uncle to get under your skin?" asked Keira.

"Related we are, my nephew he is," Yoda admitted.

"How do you know though? I thought Jedi were taken from their families at birth. How could you know your family enough to know he's related to you?" asked Keira.

"The Force reveals all," came the cryptic response.

"So what do you think of him as a Jedi? He's the first one I've ever met besides you and you have your own reputation so it's kind of hard to compare him to the average Jedi," said Keira. Yoda sighed.

"A decent if reckless Jedi Knight," said the Master. "Foolish he is, but capable he is also."

"Were you his master?" Keira asked.

"No," said Yoda. "Crazy Louie was."

"Why not you?" asked Keira confused.

"Too personal," said Yoda before chuckling. "Besides, an idiot he is."

Keira chuckled also.

"I guess that is true," she admitted. "Do you think he'll make it back in time?"

"A Jedi he is, fail you he will not," said Yoda assuredly.

"Aaah!" shouted Yoda and Neva Kee as they ran through the ruins with the Gorax in hot pursuit. The Gorax was a good thirty feet tall which was something, especially considering Zoda and Neva Kee were only around three feet tall each.

"Way to go Short Round," said Zoda as they ducked behind another stone wall and stood there holding their breaths.

"Hey it's not my fault that thing couldn't take a joke," said Neva Kee out of breath. Zoda rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe you suggested that the thing looked like me. Usually that's my line," said the Jedi.

"Whatever, let's just phase out and rescue those Ewoks," said Neva Kee as he pulled out his scanner and flipped it on. As he began making the calculations the Gorax appeared again and roared at them angrily.

"Here we go," said Neva Kee as he pressed a button on his scanner. The Gorax phased away as the two aliens breathed a sigh of relief. That relief soon turned to terror as the Gorax was immediately replaced with an AT-ST bearing down on them.

"Neva!" shouted Zoda breaking character.

"Whoops," said Neva as he pressed the scanner again. They faded out again and emerged to find the Gorax dragging another Ewok warrior

"Hard to imagine this being a more appealing set of surroundings," said Zoda. "Well let's go get him."

"Roger that Indy," said Neva as the two advanced towards the Gorax.

Ewok Village: The Ewoks were breaking out the firewood.

"I hope the guys are okay," said Keira. "I know they wouldn't desert me, something must've gone wrong. Well I hope they choke on me."

"Not their fault this is," said Yoda. "They do not know better."

"So what're you going to do? Have a leg?" asked Keira darkly.

"No," said the Jedi Master getting up. "Defend you I will."

The Jedi Master slowly pulled back his robe to reveal the hilt of his lightsaber when suddenly a big commotion broke out across the foyer. A dozen Ewoks raced across it to the joy and shock of the community. As the crowd thinned out and dispersed, Zoda and Neva Kee appeared, walking towards the captive Keira and Jedi Master.

"Well we pulled it off," said Zoda as he shoved his hands into the pocket of his jacket and looked at the captive Keira underneath his fedora.

"I never doubted you would," said Keira.

"Yeah right," said Neva. "But then again so did we so I guess it doesn't matter really."

"So can I go now?" asked Keira as she tried struggling against her bonds.

"Yeah, why not?" asked Zoda. He flicked his hand out and the bonds came undone and Keira fell to the ground before stopping and hovering just barely off of the floor. She was then slowly lowered to the ground before getting up as Yoda surrendered her weapon.

"Let's get out of here," said the Insurance Agent. "This is going to give me nightmares for a long time to come."

Neva Kee laughed and the quartet left the village behind.

Ground: The quartet was walking through the forest back towards the ship in silence.

"Wait, didn't we forget something?" asked Zoda confused. Neva Kee blinked.

"I think so, but I can't remember what it was," said Neva. Zoda's pondered it for a few more moments before his eyes widened.

"Oh I remember what it was," he said.

CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Zoda!" shouted Keira as another tree came falling down. "Not again!"

"It wasn't me!" the Jedi protested. "My uncle still has my lightsaber!"

"This is true," said Yoda. Keira's eyes widened as a massive shadow fell over them.

"Then what?" she began. The quartet spun around to see the angry Gorax looming over them.

"Aaahhh!" she shouted as the thing lunged at them. But before it could get close the thing exploded flinging guts and body parts everywhere.

"What the-," began Keira, covered in blood, as she looked like she was about to puke. Where the Gorax had been was a small crater where two small round white dimpled objects sat covered in blood.

"Ah I was wondering when they'd get here," said Zoda happily as he took a piece of entrail off of his ear and flung it off. He took out his grip and extended his club as Neva Kee did the same. Both put on their visors and looked up into the sky as they calculated the distance to Bakura.

"Fore!" shouted Zoda as he ripped the ball into the atmosphere followed by Neva Kee's. Unfortunately the balls had to crash through the upper part of the trees and plowed right through another Ewok Village high above them. Angry chattering erupted from above and various ropes began descending downwards.

"Oh no, run!" shouted Zoda as he tore off down the forest with the others in hot pursuit from an angry army of living teddy bears.

Space: The still lava damaged blue spacecraft tore through the upper atmosphere of the forest moon before jumping into hyperspace.

Bakura: The Bernadelli Insurance Fleet hung in orbit of Bakura facing Endor waiting in anticipation of the golfers to show up.


	13. Bakura

Bakura: The trio of Bernadelli Warships hung dead in space above the planet despite the local government's repeated attempts to get them to go away.

"Sir, they'd better show up soon or they might call the Galactic Republic Military on our heads," said the captain of the ship.

"Bah," said the Head of Security for Bernadelli. "They've got nothing."

"We are effectively blockading their planet and refusing to let any ship approach," the captain pointed out.

"Believe me, this can only be for the best for them. Every moment Zoda and Neva Kee are loose in the galaxy it costs us 1000 credits a second. They must be brought to justice before bankrupting us!" said the Security agent beginning to get a crazed look in his eye.

"Yes sir," said the Captain sauntering off afraid. The Agent continued eyeing the forward windows when suddenly two golf balls erupted from hyperspace and streaked towards the planet beyond.

"There they are, open fire!" shouted the Agent.

"Sir we can't get a lock!" shouted the gunner. "They're too small and moving too fast!"

"Then perform a broad sweep and let 'em have it!" shouted the Agent. Turbolaser fired erupted from the three warships as the laid siege to the area where the golf balls were. Finally after several seconds of firing several turbolaser shots connected with the balls and a large explosion went off.

"Excellent!" shouted the Agent pumping his fist into the air.

From the explosion the two golf balls emerged unscathed and continued their path towards the planet.

"No!" shouted the Agent. "Return-!"

"Sir, unidentified craft emerging from hyperspace!" shouted the sensor operator. Neva Kee's blue Y-Shaped craft flew out of hyperspace and headed for the planet as well.

"Bring all guns to bear on that craft and tractor those balls into the hold!" shouted the Agent.

"We can't fire on a civilian vessel!" shouted the gunner. The Agent growled as he threw the man from his seat and pressed the fire button.

Neva Kee's craft: The ship rocked as it was buffeted from turbolaser shots.

"Once again our reputation precedes us," Neva Kee grumbled as he struggled with the stick to pilot the vessel.

"Yeah, what happened to the good ol' days when we used to get a warning shot first!" Zoda complained from the navigator's seat.

"When have we ever gotten a warning shot?" shouted Neva back at him.

"There's always a first time," Zoda said hopeful. Neva groaned as Keira sat there drumming her fingers on her console awaiting their impending doom. Suddenly all the power went out on the ship and it went pitch black.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zoda demanded.

"Surrendering," said Neva simply.

"What! You coward!" Zoda accused.

"Yeah well unfortunately my ship isn't at the top of its game after that little stunt on Sullust and us not getting it repaired because we got chased out by an angry mob," said Neva. "I'd rather have us talk this out with Bernadelli."

"I don't think Big B is over there, I think it's that psycho chief of security," Zoda pointed out.

"Regardless, we will do our best," said Neva.

"And if diplomacy fails?" asked Zoda.

"Then it is a time for action," said Neva. "And I can't seem to recall the last time we played through a bulk cruiser do you?"

Silence.

"Good point," Zoda conceded. "One hole, stem to stern."

"With the garbage release as the final hole," said Zoda nodding. "Excellent."

"Let's rock?" asked Neva. Zoda nodded.

"Let's rock," he acknowledged. The craft suddenly shuddered as a tractor beam caught a hold of it and began dragging it upwards.

"Keira you might want to hide, this could get you fired," said Neva. Keira shook her head.

"No way, I'm going to quit Bernadelli once and for all," said Keira.

"What? Why?" asked Neva.

"Was it because you grew to love the game?" asked Zoda hopeful.

"Not quite," said Keira beginning to grin. "Do you have a guess Neva?"

"You've decided Bernadelli is evil?" asked Neva Kee.

"Part of it but not the main reason," said Keira. "You want to know the real reason?"

"Yeah sure, I'm game," said Neva as the craft settled down on the deck.

"I was rereading my insurance policy after that Ewok incident and it turns out you two aren't covered by my workers comp," Keira explained.

"Ah," said Neva Kee and Zoda.

"Yeah, go figure. You're the two greatest natural disasters in history and Bernadelli doesn't even insure his workers against you," said Keira. "So when you two do whatever you're going to do in that vessel, go nuts, maybe it'll change things."

"Maybe," Neva Kee said doubtful. "Well they're going to try and bust down the door any moment so we'd better get going."

"What're you going to do Unc?" asked Zoda.

"The only thing reasonable, head for the nearest escape pod I will," said Yoda. Zoda and Yoda both laughed evilly at that before proceeding to the exit. The door opened and the group was bathed in light.

Bay: The Agent watched as the quartet descended the ramp, first Neva Kee, then Keira Kiley, and finally Yoda and Zoda.

"Well we finally meet face to face," said the Agent walking down the line before stopping at Zoda and Yoda who looked at him wide-eyed.

"Which one of you is Zoda?" he demanded.

"I am!" they both said pointing to themselves.

"B-," began the Agent before growling angrily as the two 'Zodas' cocked their heads and looked at him bewildered.

"This isn't over!" he said darkly. The two Zodas looked at each other and then at him before shrugging.

"Okay," they said identically. The Agent growled to the heavens before facing Keira.

"You have a lot of explaining to do," he said.

"I quit, that's all the explaining I need to do," Keira responded.

"Prisoner's Mentality I see," said the Agent. "It makes no difference, you're just as responsible as they are for this."

"Whatever," Keira snorted. The Agent shook his head before walking to hover over Neva Kee.

"And you'd be the ringleader in this circus," said the Agent.

"It's kind of a co-production with Zoda," said Neva Kee. "But it is my ship, my golf balls, my rules, so yes I guess that is somewhat accurate."

"And what do your rules have to say about this?" asked the Agent flinging out his arm to show off the whole hanger bay of the ship. He grinned darkly before Neva Kee motioned him forward with his finger. The Agent leaned down so they were face to face before Neva Kee whispered into his ear.

"Play through," he said simply before pulling away. The Agent looked at him confused before beginning to put some thought into it.

"Play through," Neva repeated with a big grin. The Agent kept thinking about it before realization dawned on him. Neva Kee nodded happily before the Agent turned around with terror in his eyes.

"Guards!" he shouted. Neva's grip fell from inside of his right sleeve courtesy of one of Zoda's lightsaber ejectors and the club extended and Neva Kee hit his ball that had been tractored into the bay and it blasted off across the bay and out a door into the ship beyond.

"So long unnamed Agent-man," said Neva Kee tearing off down the bay. Zoda followed suit with his own ball before hugging his Uncle.

"But Uncle, it's been fun," said Zoda.

"Take care of yourself you should," said Yoda. "Eat healthy, watch your back, work on your backswing."

Zoda nodded happily before tearing off down the bay with Keira in pursuit.

"Bye Jeff," she said to the Agent. "Say hi to Bernadelli for me."

Jeff, the Agent's name revealed, stared in shock after them as Yoda walked by and looked up at him. Jeff looked at him stunned only to see an image of Bernadelli next to him.

"Take some time off you should," said Yoda. "Tired you must be from so much work. Enjoy your life, don't sell deathsticks, go home and rethink your life."

Jeff began flipping his lower lip with his finger as he stumbled off in shock as through the doorway a scream could be heard along with breaking glass. Yoda laughed before heading for the nearest escape pod and jettisoning out to the planet below. Down the hallway, two golf balls went bouncing down across the floor before Zoda leapt up and clubbed his in midair as it ricocheted off a nearby wall and headed down a corridor as Neva waited for the ball to naturally bounce off the wall before he struck it.

"How many is that?" called Neva back to Keira who was having trouble keeping score between the two while running down the hallway.

"That's six for both of you," said Keira before Zoda smashed his ball again. "Make that seven six."

"And the important numbers?" Zoda called.

"That's about a thousand creds in damages," said Keira grinning.

"Wonderful," said Zoda. "The more Kuat has to repair the more creds wind up in my bank account."

"Do I get a cut?" asked Neva.

"You're rich remember?" asked Zoda.

"Oh yeah," said Neva Kee. "Then Keira gets my share."

"Thanks," said Keira before several guards swarmed the hallway and aimed their blasters at them.

"Wait!" shouted Zoda as the guards opened fire.

Fifteen Minutes Later: Hundreds of escape pods roared out of the warship before two golf balls came flying out of the trash chute and into the dead of space before the warship exploded flinging debris everywhere as a blue Y-Shaped vessel escaped from it and headed for the planet below.

"Unbelievable," said Keira looking at the destruction.

"I told you that was the wrong corridor," Neva Kee said.

"Hey, the Force said go right so I did," said Zoda.

"Yeah and right into the reactor room," said Keira.

"Well how was I supposed to know they picked today of all days to service the reactor meaning for a brief period the interior to it would be exposed to a couple of small in animate objects?" asked Zoda holding out his hands helpless.

"Bad luck just seems to follow us around these days," said Neva. "It must be the rarely mentioned Stupid side of the Force."

"Maybe," Zoda pondered as the ship cruised down into the atmosphere. "So where to Cheech?"

"Outskirts of Salis D'aar, Chong," said Neva Kee as a city appeared in the distance.

"I'm surprised they're even letting us approach their world," said Keira.

"We broke the blockade, they should be praising us," said Zoda pompously.

"And your reputation doesn't proceed you here?" asked Keira dryly.

"Not really," said Neva as he set the ship down in a port. "This place actually let us build a legitimate golf course here so we have yet to commit actual property destruction."

"Interesting," said Keira. The group disembarked the ship and headed off to the speeder rental store. As soon as they entered the store they immediately recognized a familiar face behind the counter.

"Welcome to Bob O.'s speeder rental how may I assist you?" asked Bob O. Keira's jaw dropped.

"But he-and then he-but then…," began Keira worming her arms around trying to make sense of it all before collapsing out cold. Zoda picked up one of her hands and dropped it as it crashed down onto the floor.

"I haven't seen a reaction like that since we accidentally traveled into the future and you convinced Luke Skywalker that you were Yoda having just risen from the grave to enact revenge but sucking his Force powers out through his brain," said Neva Kee.

"Brains!" said Zoda sticking out his arms and stalking around like a zombie. "I must have brains!"

"Actually come to think of it an extra brain or two could do you some good," said Neva Kee cheekily. "Oh well, Bob we need a speeder."

"Lot 1," said Bob tossing them a key.

"Thank you," said Neva Kee as he headed for the exit. Zoda looked at Keira's unconscious form before looking at Bob.

"I don't suppose I could leave this here?" he asked hesitantly.

"Zoda!" Neva shouted in shock.

"Yesh NK, just kidding," said Zoda as Keira's body levitated off of the ground and followed the duo out the door.

"Nice of Bob to put us in Lot 1 after we trashed his speeders back on Tatooine," said Zoda.

"Yeah, maybe he's turning over a new leaf," the diplomat agreed. As they approached the lots they looked up to see a pole with the words: Lot 100 on it. Zoda and Neva Kee squinted off in the distance where several football fields away was Lot 1.

"No!" shouted Zoda helplessly. Neva Kee held his head in shame before starting to walk to the far end of the rental area.

Time passed…

"I can't make it!" said Zoda collapsing on the pavement. "Go on without me Neva and remember me as a hero!"

"Zoda," said Neva Kee crossing his arms.

"Yeah?" asked the Jedi Knight squinting at the harsh rays of sunlight pouring around the diplomat's blue body.

"We have been walking for a total of two minutes and in that time we have walked a distance of twenty-five feet. Now get off your butt AND LET'S GET MOVING!" the diplomat shouted. Zoda sighed and got off his rear and continued walking with Captain N as he grumbled the rest of the distance.

Several hours passed…

They finally reached Lot 1 and were looking all over their speeder but couldn't find it.

"Where the hell is it?" asked Zoda. "I can't find it anywhere."

"That is odd, but none of the speeders here match this number," said the diplomat confused. "I wonder if…"

Suddenly the diplomat stopped talking and stared at the key to the speeder.

"What?" Zoda demanded.

"Uh-oh," said the diplomat worried before looking back the way they had come.

"What do you mean uh-oh?" demanded the Jedi before he grabbed Neva Kee's collar and began jerking him back and forth. "I can't deal with an 'uh-oh' right now!"

"Ah, heh heh," the diplomat laughed nervously. "It seems that this keycard is actually for Lot 100 but it appears the 00 has worn off from age."

"What!" shouted Zoda.

"Sorry Z," the diplomat apologized.

"RAAAHHHHHH!" shouted the Jedi angrily as his eyes went blood red and his veins popped out. A wave of energy shot out of his body and suddenly hovercars went flying everywhere. Neva Kee turned tail and ran as the whole lot went up in a massive explosion of Force energy that rocked the surrounding countryside with a 7.0 Earthquake.

Later: Keira opened her eyes to see the clouds rushing by overhead. She groaned and sat up before leaning over the backseat of the hovercar she was in and stared at the Neva Kee who was in the driver seat with Zoda curled up in the fetal position while muttering incoherently.

"What happened to him?" Keira asked a little dazed while wondering how she'd gotten a big bruise on her forehead.

"You don't want to know," said Neva Kee simply. "But he should pull out of it once we reach the golf course."

"Oh okay," said Keira brushing her hand through her hair. As she did she felt something and picked it out.

"Neva?" she asked confused.

"Yeah," asked the diplomat not turning around.

"Why do I have a car freshener in my hair?" asked Keira looking at the pine tree shaped object totally and utterly confused.

"Umm, it must have come off of the rearview mirror and into the backseat while I was driving," said the diplomat covering it up.

"But Neva," began Keira. "This car's freshener is still hanging from the mirror."

Neva Kee looked up at the other freshener before ripping it off and tossing it out the side.

"No it isn't," he said abruptly. Keira turned around and looked back at Salis D'aar and saw the dust rising from it before spinning around and sitting straight forward eyes widened.

"On second thought forget I asked," she said.

"I think that would be a good idea, yes," said Neva Kee as the car continued onwards into the country.

"Although to conclude I think Bernadelli just began taking insurance policies from this planet," said Keira.

"Keira?" asked Neva Kee.

"Yeah," said the former insurance agent/banker.

"Please stop talking," the diplomat stuttered. Keira nodded and laid back down on the back seat and fell asleep again.

Even later: Keira and Neva Kee were standing over Zoda's motionless form after having placed him on the eighteenth hole. Keira and Neva Kee had been putting Golf balls all around him and dropping carefully grown pieces of grass in front of his face but to no avail.

"Hmmm, he usually snaps out of it by now," said Neva Kee confused. Keira sat down on of the mounds of dirt that had been thrown into the air after the two golf balls had impacted on the surface.

"Well I don't what else we should try," said Keira. "You may have to put your game on hold or at least go it alone."  
"Hey that's not bad idea," said Neva Kee perking up. "Guess I win this round Z."

He began to tee off when suddenly Zoda snapped awake.

"Never!" he shouted tackling the diplomat.

"Nice to see you've still got your punctuality," said Neva Kee getting up and brushing himself off.

"Ah, let's just tee off," said Zoda.

"So where to next?" asked Keira as Neva Kee and Zoda knocked their balls off into the atmosphere.

"I don't know," said Neva.

"What?" asked Keira confused.

"It's called the Unknown Region for a reason," responded the diplomat.

"Oh yeah I'd forgotten we're out this far," said Keira. "Bakura is on the edge of the known galaxy. Hard to believe I was in the Inner Rim, living a normal life, just a few days ago and now I'm in the Outer Rim, running for my life, you guys sure have changed…my life."

"And that change may be coming to an end," said Zoda.

"What?" Keira asked confused. "Why?"

"The Unknown Regions is not some place you take civilians," warned Neva Kee. "Even with Zoda being a Jedi Knight it's not going to be easy. If you come with us your life will be in constant danger and we may not be able to protect us. Even when you first joined us, we had planned to leave you behind here, but we have come to enjoy your company so it's now your choice. Coming or staying it's your choice but you'd better make it quick, Zoda and I have to leave now because as long as we stay in registered space we're in danger from Jabba, Bernadelli, The Armalite Gangs, the Jedi Council, every planet we've just visited, and so on."

As he said that, his ship appeared low overhead throwing dirt and debris everywhere with its repulsordrives.

"So what do you say?" asked Zoda as wind whipped past him.

"Like I said, since I met you two, I've been shot at, nearly eaten, run for my life more times than I can count, and just quit my own job," said Keira as Neva Kee and Zoda watched her motionless. "But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Live or die, let's rock."

"Then so be it," said Neva Kee nodding. "Unknown Regions, here we come."

The three were enveloped by an energy beam and vanished as the ship tore off into the upper atmosphere and rocketed off into hyperspace.


	14. Csilla

Anguirus111 Note: Yes Kirby is the same as the one of Nintendo fame. If you want know more about how I view his character, go read my story _Their Destiny_. It'll also make more/less sense given a story that Kirby is going to tell later on in this chapter.

Unknown Regions, Planet LV-426: "Run, Neva, run!" shouted Zoda. The Jedi and the Diplomat were tearing across an alien landscape filled with jutting rocks as a race of primitive aliens chased after them with pitchforks and torches.

"I told you to keep your big mouth shut!" Neva Kee shouted at him.

"Hey, the Jedi Mantra says to bring knowledge and wisdom to the ignorant," responded Zoda.

"No it doesn't," responded Neva Kee. Zoda blinked.

"It doesn't?" he asked.

"No,"

"Okay then," began Zoda. "Then where did I pick that up from then?"

"That's a philosopher's perspective on life," responded the diplomat as a flaming arrow narrowly missed their heads. "Where did you ever get the idea that you were one of those?"

"You always said my head was constantly in the clouds," said Zoda with a big grin.

"Are you saying this is my fault?" demanded Neva.

"Isn't everything?" asked Zoda before he began laughing. Neva Kee groaned.

"Well even if I did, I would never chop an entire race's 'rain god' in half without a valid reason!" shouted Neva Kee.

"It was giving me the eye!" shouted Zoda.

"It was a totem pole!" yelled the diplomat.

"That doesn't excuse what it did! It had it coming, nobody gives me the eye and lives to tell about it," responded the Jedi. The diplomat smacked his forehead in agony before a large roar was heard as a big blue spaceship appeared overhead.

"Can't I leave you two alone for a second?" asked a voice humorously over the comm.

"Apparently not," responded Neva Kee. "So where are they?"

"Just a few yards ahead of you," responded Keira.

"Good," said Zoda. His club extended as Neva Kee took his out as well. Ahead past another outcropping, their golf balls appeared.

"Where to now Jerry?" asked Zoda gleefully.

"To Csilla, Tom," responded Neva Kee. Zoda's expression dropped.

"Csilla? Are you nuts!" shouted Zoda.

"We've yet to clear this trip out with the Chiss Ascendancy," explained Neva Kee.

"I'd rather face destruction from the Expansionary Defense Fleet than deal with…_him_," said Zoda shuddering.

"And you think feeling isn't mutual?" asked Neva Kee incredulously. "But we made a deal with the Ascendancy and we can't go back on it."

"Damn it, okay," said Zoda softly.

"Heads up," said Neva Kee feeling depressed. The swung their clubs and the balls rocketed off into the sky. Two cables dropped down from the craft above and Zoda and Neva Kee grabbed onto them before being winched up into it before the ship took off into space and vanished into hyperspace. Keira left the bridge and headed into the back where she was Zoda and Neva Kee moping around.

"Why so glum, chums?" she asked lightly. The look she got utterly confused her as both Zoda and Neva Kee looked up at her through depressed eyes.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" she asked.

"We're going to have to pick up another passenger," began Neva Kee.

"Oh," said Keira. "Look I know you guys have primarily traveled with only the other for company. If you think there's going to be too many people on this ship I'll just…"

"No!" Neva Kee shouted startling her. "As we've told you numerous times before, we've come to enjoy your company over these past few weeks and we don't want you to leave unless you absolutely have to."

"Then the problem is," began Keira.

"The passenger we're going to pick up," Zoda grimaced.

"Who is it?" Keira asked.

"Do you remember the conversation we had just prior to landing on Sullust?" asked Neva Kee.

"I try not to remember Sullust on account of that little thing about me nearly dying there," said Keira dryly. "But yeah, I recall it having been something along the lines of 'Zoda you screwed with the navigational array again', 'liar!', and 'oh lady of blessed acceleration don't fail us now'."

Keira began laughing at that as Zoda and Neva Kee groaned.

"Before that!" shouted Neva Kee.

"I think you mentioned something about your drummer, Kirby, having been transported to Dreamland," said Keira. The two nodded solemnly.

"Well, that story wasn't exactly true," began the diplomat.

"So he is dead," said Keira triumphantly. More groans as she laughed again.

"No he's not dead," said Neva Kee.

"Though we'd be better off if he was," grumbled Zoda.

"Do you know how it was that our original tour came to a close?" asked Neva Kee.

"Yeah you were chased into the Unknown Regions by half the known galaxy," responded Keira as she pulled out a book that gave a biography of Neva Kee and Zoda's rock and roll tour through the galaxy. She leafed through it.

"Yeah, it says that you were chased into the Unknown Regions and never seen again, although on a quiet day's night if you listen real carefully you can hear the riffs and lyrics of Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Game Master," said Keira before sighing. "How romantic."

"Ugh, what dribble," said Zoda shuddering.

"You get what you paid for or in this case didn't pay for," said Neva Kee taking the book from her and flipping it over to the back which showed a photo of a Hutt with fists of money in his hands, laughing maniacally.

"I'm still going to get Zobba for this," Zoda grumbled. "No royalties indeed."

"It was your idea to have us 'die'," Neva Kee pointed out. "And since Zobba was the only one who knew even the slightest bit of information about us and we couldn't reveal who we were, he technically speaking got all the money from the book."

"Accidents do happen," answered Zoda with a big grin.

"So what does this have to do with Kirby?" asked Keira. "Because this book didn't even provide a name for him, much less acknowledge he ever existed."

"There was a reason for that," said Zoda darkly. "A very good reason."

"Which was?" asked Keira in heavy anticipation. Neva Kee leaned forward.

"He's evil," said Neva Kee. Keira fell over laughing as Zoda and Neva Kee looked at her confused.

"This is serious!" Zoda shouted.

"What do you mean 'evil'?" asked Keira bewildered. "You accuse Zoda of being evil all the time, how does this compare?"

"Zoda isn't really evil, he's just misguided," said Neva Kee. "Kirby is evil in its purest form."

"Yeah," Zoda agreed. "His number one rule in life is: 'Never ask what you can take'. He's robbed the galaxy blind numerous times whenever we've brought him into known space and if people knew that he was our drummer they'd come after us too."

"What did he look like?" asked Keira. Zoda activated a nearby monitor which revealed a pink puffball with two eyes, a mouth, two feet, and a pair of appendages sticking out from his sides.

"That's who you're afraid of?" Keira shouted incredulously. "He looks harmless."

"That's why he's so evil. He looks quiet and unassuming, but he's not," said Neva Kee.

"And we're going to run into him, how?" asked Keira, changing tactics.

"We're journeying to a world called Csilla where a race of beings called The Chiss live. After we fled Known Space all those years ago, we journeyed to this world to calm our nerves by playing a round of golf. Kirby naturally tried to steal from them and he got caught. He was subsequently imprisoned in cryogenic freeze for 100 years. His sentence is up," said Neva Kee.

"And we're the ones who have to go collect him and take him back to his home on Dreamland," Zoda completed.

"I see," began Keira.

"No I'm afraid you don't," said Zoda harshly. Keira looked hurt at that statement.

"Keira, we're sorry okay but you need to be given a harsh lesson on why Kirby should never be trusted, but it's better now than later," said Neva Kee.

"If Kirby ever says anything to you that requires a yes or no answer, always say no," said Zoda.

"Saying yes is the worst mistake you'll ever make in your entire life," said Neva Kee.

"It doesn't matter what the situation Kirby describes to you is. Even if it seems innocent and nothing bad could happen, it will. Even if Neva Kee and I are about to be killed and Kirby claims he has a plan to save us, just say 'no'," said Zoda.

"But," Keira began.

"Just say no," said Zoda and Neva Kee softly. "No."

"Okay," said Keira a little put off by their comments but wanting to abide by their wishes.

"Good, now mull over that until we reach Csilla," said Neva Kee. "Until then, we have to prepare ourselves for his arrival."

"Better hide the liquor," Zoda chimed in.

"Obviously," Neva Kee snorted and the two walked off, leaving Keira alone with the image of Kirby.

"_Unbelievable,_" she thought, shaking her head.

Csilla: Neva Kee's ship shot out of hyperspace and was immediately descended upon by numerous fighter ships and capital cruisers, while in the distance a white planet hung before them.

"We're under attack!" shouted Keira reaching for the weapons systems.

"No we're not," said Neva Kee decisively. "Now step away from that console."

"But they're swarming us!" protested Keira as she pointed to the threat display.

"Only because they want to provoke us into attacking them," explained Zoda. "As long as we do nothing, they will do nothing."

"You sure?" asked Keira hesitantly.

"Positive," responded Zoda.

"Alright," said Keira putting her faith in their judgment.

"Attention unidentified vessel, you are in restricted space, identify yourselves and your purpose in Chiss Space or prepare to be boarded," said a voice over the radio.

"As friendly as ever," Zoda commented dryly as Neva Kee activated the radio.

"This is Ambassador Neva Kee with Jedi Knight Zoda, and ex-Bernadelli Insurance Agent Keira Kiley, we have been summoned to Csilla to pick up a prisoner about to be released from cryogenic freeze as well as play through your planet as is entitled to us," responded Neva Kee. Silence greeted that answer.

"So what now?" asked Keira stretching in her seat.

"We wait," responded the diplomat ominously.

"Could take awhile, huh?" Keira deduced.

"Yeah," answered Neva Kee as he spun around in his chair and held his head in his hands.

"Maybe we lucked out and they increased his sentence," Zoda suggested. Neva Kee laughed into his hands.

"I don't think we'd ever be that fortunate," he responded. The radio crackled to life.

"You are clear to follow the landing path that we provide but be aware that should you deviate from it you will be destroyed," said a voice as a series of coordinates uploading to the navicomputer.

"Take us in Z," responded Neva Kee, defeated, before hopping off of the pilot's chair which Zoda took over. The ship suddenly accelerated forward at a tremendous speed leaving the Chiss behind who immediately blazed after them.

"Zoda, what are you doing?" shouted Neva Kee.

"They said don't deviate from our current course, they never said when we had to get there," began the Jedi Knight laughing.

"You're going to get us killed," Keira grumbled.

"Probably," responded the Jedi Knight. The ship suddenly came to a lurching halt as their escort blazed past them before slamming to a stop as well before Zoda accelerated again leaving them behind.

"Why did you have him drive?" asked Keira.

"So the Chiss can feel a fraction of the annoyance we'll feel once we pick up Kirby," responded the diplomat. An explosion was heard from behind them.

"Well there finally go the airbrakes" said Zoda. The ground came rushing up to meet them. Neva Kee's head slumped down as the ship plowed into the frozen ground throwing snow and ice everywhere.

Later: Keira, Zoda, and Neva Kee entered, under a massive escort, a prison facility that was in a giant frozen cavern with stasis pods lining the various walls and alcoves. Ahead of them stood an imposing blue skinned red-eyed individual who was looking at them cruelly.

"You have come to pick up Prisoner J-224 correct?" asked the warden ominously.

"Yo," responded Zoda with a big thumb's up. The warden cocked an eyebrow at him before pressing a button on the book he had in his hands. Several motors came to life as a stasis pod was brought in from above their heads and placed on the ground in front of them.

"Prepare to thaw out the prisoner," responded the warden to a pair of individuals at his side.

"Ummm, I have a question," said Zoda. The warden turned to face him.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Can we leave him in the pod and just take it with us?" asked the Jedi.

"No," responded the warden. "That pod contains classified Chiss Technology and cannot be given to 'outsiders'."

"Thawing Process Complete," said a mechanical voice.

"No!" Zoda shouted in vain. The pod door opened and mist flowed into the room.

"Brace yourself," said Neva Kee slamming his eyes shot as Zoda did the same.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!

Rotten gusts of wind suddenly came flying out of the tube which flung Keira, Zoda, and Neva Kee off of their feet and tossed them onto their backs as the whole cave began shaking. Finally the gusts passed and the trio sat up in a daze.

"Nothing like a little belch to get the juices flowing right?" said a voice laughing. Neva Kee, Zoda, and Keira all opened their eyes to see a diminutive pink puffball standing in front of them.

"Hello Kirby," said Neva Kee nonplussed.

"Hey guys," responded Kirby with a grin. "I can see the last 100 years haven't been good to you at all."

"Nor you K," responded Zoda in turn. "You look like a piece of gum that got sprayed with liquid nitrogen."

"Meh, I've been called worse," responded the star warrior before looking at the warden. "Hey blue boy, I can see you've been anxiously awaiting my arrival."

The Chiss scowled at him. "My predecessor was placed in a mental asylum on account of your meddling."

"He had it coming," responded Kirby before switching tactics. "So, can a guy get a drink?"

"No!" came the unanimous response from everyone except for Keira.

"Spoilsports," Kirby grumbled before noticing Keira. "Who dat?"

"She's Keira and she's with us," responded Neva Kee. "That's all you need to know."

"She your women then, or are you three in some twisted love triangle?" asked Kirby. Neva Kee and Zoda groaned as they rolled their eyes.

"Let's get going tubby, we have to get you back to Dreamland," said Neva Kee grabbing his arm and dragging him along as they left the room.

"We're not going back to Known Space?" asked Kirby sad.

"After what you did the last time, forget it!" said Zoda.

"But it's been a hundred years I'm sure they've all forgotten it by now," said Kirby.

"Well we sure haven't," said Neva Kee. "Now let's get out of here before you do something really stupid."

"Man, you do a little thing like steal a couple million credits and suddenly you're branded a 'security risk'. Where's the justice I tell ya?" asked Kirby. Nobody responded as the Chiss opened and door and tossed them all out into the arctic tundra.

"Punks!" shouted Kirby shaking his fist at them. He then looked at the others who were just staring at him before he got up and began walking off.

"Where're you going?" asked Neva Kee.

"Oh, just going for a stroll through the center of the capital," said Kirby innocently.

"Zoda," Neva Kee instructed. Kirby was suddenly lifted into the air and was dragged back towards them.

"Must you spoil all my fun?" asked Kirby.

"Do you really want to wind up back in jail again?" asked Neva Kee.

"Yeah that would really ruin your day wouldn't it," Kirby grumbled.

"I don't want to have to come back here to get you in another hundred years," explained Neva Kee.

"Fine," Kirby huffed as he was placed on the ground and walked with them away from the prison. They walked for a good half-hour before coming to a halt in the middle of nowhere.

"Okay," said Kirby confused. Neva Kee used his scanner to pinpoint an exact spot on the ground.

"Kirby, stand here," said Neva Kee.

"If you say so," said the puffball confused. A sonic boom erupted in the atmosphere.

"Run!" said Zoda. Zoda and Neva Kee took off with Keira in tow as two flaming golf balls slammed into the ground around Kirby, throwing snow straight up into the sky.

"How could you do that to him?" Keira accused. Neva Kee and Zoda chuckled to each other before getting up and walking towards the newly formed crater. As they approached the lip of it, an extra-crispy Kirby lifted himself out of it.

"You guys are the greatest. What a rush," he said with a big grin. Zoda and Neva Kee grinned at him before extending their clubs and sliding into the crater. An instant later two golf balls came soaring out and vanished into the daytime sky.

"A galactic round of golf?" asked Kirby as they were walking back to the ship. "You guys are crazier than I am."

"Ain't that the truth," said Neva Kee.

"I thought you guys hated each other," said Keira.

"No," said Zoda shaking his head. "We just butt heads a lot."

"That's putting it mildly," Kirby commented. "But when you get down to it we're all kindred spirits."

"Except Zoda causes mayhem while Kirby just steals," Neva Kee pointed out.

"Never ask what you can take," Kirby explained. "But you guys already know that."

"As do I," Keira commented.

Kirby nodded before asking. "So what else did they tell you?"

Keira looked at Neva Kee who nodded his head.

"That I should never say yes to any of your requests," she answered. Kirby laughed.

"Decent advice, you'd better not forget it," he agreed. The quartet finally arrived at the Neva Kee's crashed ship.

"Nice flying Z," Kirby commented.

"What makes you think it was me?" Zoda protested. Kirby didn't even dignify that with a response, he just laughed as they all boarded the ship.

"Airbrakes I take it?" asked Kirby.

"Yep," said Neva Kee.

"Why haven't you tried to fix them before they gave out?" asked Kirby.

"Because someone made off with all my power tools," said Neva Kee. Kirby stopped in his tracks as his eyes went wide open.

"Oh," he said. "Ohhhh."

"Yeah," Neva Kee responded.

"So what've you guys been up to the past hundred years?" asked Kirby as they headed for the airbrakes.

"The usual, you?" asked Zoda laughing.

"You simply would not believe it," said Kirby seriously. Zoda's grin dropped.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"While I was in cryo I got sucked into an alternate dimension and had to fight off an evil being called Mr. Game&Watch with the help of some stooge named Link and some other boneheads, one who was named Dash Rendar. Anyway the fight culminated on something called a Super Star Destroyer in some nonsense called the Internet and to make a long story short you wouldn't believe all the stuff I stole before I got booted back into cryo!" said Kirby excitedly. Zoda, Neva Kee, and Keira just looked at him bewildered.

"Are you sure this wasn't a dream?" Neva Kee ventured.

"Hell no!" shouted Kirby. "Check this out!"

They had entered into a large gym type area and Kirby instantly began convulsing.

"Is he okay?" asked Keira worried.

"He's fine but you might want to close your eyes, this gets kind of gross if you aren't prepared for it," said Neva Kee already beginning to cringe. Keira shut her eyes and covered her ears as vomiting sounds were heard from Kirby until.

"See, I told you!" came his triumphant voice.

"Holy Crap," said Zoda stunned. Keira cautiously opened her eyes and found a huge turbolaser cannon that was now in the room with bits of green goop coming off of it.

"Where the hell did that come from?" she demanded.

"Holy Puke is more like it," Kirby observed. Keira's eyes widened as she got a better look at the green gunk before turning a shade of green herself. She was still fighting not to blow chunks when Kirby reached his hand into his mouth and retrieved a drill that also had green gunk on it.

"Here you go," he said handing the tool to Neva Kee.

"Man I ain't touchin' that until you de-sanitize it first," said Neva Kee disgusted.

"Oh no," said Keira suddenly sick. She tore out of the room desperately trying to keep her mouth shut until she reached the bathroom.

"What's her problem?" asked Kirby confused.

"Must have been something _you_ ate," Neva Kee responded.

"That what she's upset about? How else am I suppose to stash the stuff I take, it's not like I have pockets or anything," said Kirby defending himself.

"Would just go and fix the airbrakes alright?" said Neva Kee pushing him along.

"Fine, fine," Kirby relented as he walked into the back. Neva Kee turned his head to look at the turbolaser.

"Unbelievable," he said shaking his head.

"With Kirby its best not to ask," said Zoda calmly.

"Power up the ship and get us moving, he'll just have to fix them in flight," said Neva Kee.

"Where to now, all I remember is some dot on my sunglasses that we were aiming for," said Zoda. Neva Kee began laughing nervously as he scratched the back of his head.

"Where're we going?" asked Zoda worried.

"You'll find out when we get there," said Neva Kee turning to run out the door.

"Where are we going?" asked Zoda darkly as he grabbed a hold of Neva Kee's collar.

"Zonama Sekot," said Neva Kee reluctantly.

"ZONAMA SEKOT, ARE YOU MAD!" shouted Zoda.

"Nothing bad is going to happen to us," Neva Kee assured him.

"That planet tried to kill us!" Zoda shouted.

"As long as you don't go chopping down trees with reckless abandon we will be fine," said Neva Kee.

"That planet is not going to enjoy having two golf balls smash into the side of it I can tell you that," said Zoda.

"We'll deal with that when we come to it," responded the diplomat. Zoda shuddered.

"And what about Kirby?" he asked.

"We'll deal with that when we come to it," Neva Kee repeated who promptly freed himself and ran off. Zoda roared to the heavens before heading for the cockpit and soon they were on their way again.


	15. Zonama Sekot

Ship: "How did you manage to cram something this large into your belly?" demanded Keira looking up at the turbolaser cannon. Kirby, who was decked out in spot-welders gear, flipped up his visor and looked up at the cannon while shrugging.

"How do you _not_ manage to cram something that big into your belly?" he asked mischievously. Keira shot him a look.

"Okay, okay. Look they don't call me 'bottomless belly' for nothing. Aside from some nut named Yoshi I encountered awhile back, I'm the only one I know who can fit anything and everything into his stomach," responded the puffball.

"Amazing," said Keira shaking her head.

"Do you know where Neva Kee and Zoda hid all the liquor?" asked Kirby.

"No, why?" asked Keira.

"I can't stand this pitiful existence. I'm fine here on this ship and in the known galaxy but I cannot stand those stupid Cappies back at Dreamland, they're always wanting me to solve their stupid problems when it'd take two seconds to realize how to solve it on their own," Kirby complained.

"Why not just scare them off? You seem to do a good job of that out here from what I've seen," commented Keira, distracted.

"I've tried but unfortunately when my ship crashed on their planet I was knocked so unconscious that I spoke gibberish to them and as far as their stupid minds are concerned that's how I always talk. Every time I try to speak normally they assume they're in a dream and I ultimately get nowhere with them, hence why I've turned to a life of heavy drinking," said Kirby before beginning to laugh evilly as he walked up and placed his hand on the laser cannon. "But all that's gonna change with this baby. I'm gonna blast those Cappies into next week and they're never going to bother me again."

Kirby began laughing maniacally to himself as Keira hastily made her way to the exit and out of the bay. She made her way to the cockpit where Zoda and Neva Kee were having an argument.

"That planet tried to eat us alive!" shouted Zoda.

"No it tried to eat _you_ alive, it left me well enough alone," said Neva Kee with a grin.

"Oh, ha, ha!" said Zoda turning away from him.

"What's up?" asked Keira stepping in.

"Nothing," Zoda grumbled.

"We're just not seeing eye to eye on the next planet on our tour," said Neva Kee.

"Zonama Sekot?" asked Keira trying to remember.

"That's the one," acknowledged Neva Kee.

"What's so bad about it?" Keira asked. "I mean I haven't heard anything about it, but then again I haven't heard of the last two planets we've visited either."

"You don't want to know," warned Zoda.

"Spill it," said Keira sitting down.

"I think you're better off not knowing," Neva Kee agreed. "If it comes up we'll tell you but if not, be thankful."

The blue tunnel of hyperspace vanished as the starlines receded leaving a green planet right in front of them.

"What's Kirby up to?" asked Neva Kee as he pressed some buttons on his console.

"Laughing maniacally in the back about the laser cannon," said Keira.

"Then I guess that means he fixed the airbrakes," stated Neva Kee unenthusiastically.

"Maybe," said Zoda. The ship plunged into the atmosphere and was instantly buffeted by high winds.

"Oh no, I can't look," said Zoda covering his eyes.

"Would you calm down," Neva Kee complained. "We haven't even landed yet."

"And we're never going to," said Zoda, mildly hysterical.

"Oh for…" began Neva Kee defeated.

"It's just high winds, most planets have them in the upper atmosphere," explained Keira.

"You think I don't know that?" Zoda spat. "But how many planets intentionally start their upper winds to coincide with the arrival of a certain ship?"

"What?" Keira shouted confused.

"Don't listen to him, he's just seeing things that aren't there," Neva Kee cut in.

"Hey guys, what's up?" asked Kirby walking in with a big bowl of popcorn.

"Strap yourself in we're encountering heavy winds," advised Neva Kee.

"Bah! I can withstand any wind shear you guys throw at me!" said Kirby. The whole ship suddenly dipped down and shot back up, tearing Kirby's bowl from his hands as it went straight up into the air.

"Oh no, my popcorn!" he shouted in vain. Popcorn fell everywhere and sent the ship into a tailspin as the other passengers tried desperately to cover their faces from the falling popped kernels.

"Kirby!" shouted Neva Kee.

"Don't worry I'll fix this!" shouted Kirby leaping onto a chair.

"Do no-," began Neva Kee when Kirby opened his massive mouth and began sucking in large amounts of air. Keira, Zoda, and Neva Kee were slammed into the back of their chairs as everything that wasn't tied down got sucked into Kirby's massive gullet including all of the popcorn.

"No, my lightsaber!" shouted Zoda as his saber tore free and disappeared into the darkness of Kirby's mouth before it closed shut.

"See, problem solved," said Kirby brushing off his hands.

"Oh look the ground," said Zoda looking out the forward viewport. Neva Kee yanked up on the stick while slamming on the brakes and the ship came to a screeching halt just feet above the turf. Everyone's hearts had leapt into their throats with that maneuver except for Kirby's.

"Who's the man?" he said triumphantly. "Nobody can beat my spot welding!"

The craft came to a slow descent and touched down before sinking a little bit into the moisture soaked ground.

"Your spot welding is the only thing that's keeping me from killing you right now!" Neva Kee shouted at him.

"Don't be jealous," said Kirby crossing his arms.

"Zoda, let's go. Keira, you watch over Kirby, see that he doesn't cause any trouble," said Neva Kee getting out of his seat with Zoda in hot pursuit.

"So you do think it's going to attack us," Zoda said.

"Let's just say we may have to hit the balls right before impact to ensure we don't receive any unwanted hostilities," said Neva Kee. The two grabbed their grips and bolted out the door leaving Keira alone with Kirby.

"So…do you want to play some cards?" Keira offered.

"No, I'm going to go check out the locals," said Kirby immediately heading for the exit.

"You can't leave," said Keira blocking his path.

"Why not?" asked Kirby. "It's a free planet."

"Neva said you're not supposed to be getting into any trouble," Keira warned.

"No," said Kirby with a big grin. "He said you're supposed to stop _me_ from getting into any trouble, I'm free to do whatever I want. See you around chumpette."

Kirby bolted out the door with Keira in hot pursuit.

"Get back here!" Keira shouted.

"Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the Warp star man," said Kirby gleefully as he ran out of the ship and out into the morning air. Keira yanked out her blaster and aimed at Kirby before realizing it would be faster just to run him down.

"Freeze puff ball!" said Keira as she quickly ran in front of him.

"Ah nuts, you can run faster than Neva and Zoda can, this isn't fair!" Kirby protested.

"Deal with it, now get back in the ship," ordered Keira.

"Okay," said Kirby defeated. But before Keira could do anything, Kirby puffed himself up like a balloon and began floating away. Keira shook her head astonished before triggering her blaster to stun and aiming it at the renegade creature.

"You've got three seconds!" Keira shouted.

"You won't succeed," said Kirby happily. Keira fired her blaster at Kirby only for him to magically turn into a rock to take the bolt with ease, and then return to his regular form and continue floating away.

"What the-?" began Keira.

"Bet they don't teach you _that_ in the insurance business. Look out world, Kirby is coming to town!" said the puffball continuing onwards with Keira still pursuing him.

Elsewhere: "What an idiot," said Zoda shaking his head. He and Zoda were currently on a ridge overlooking the rolling plains that they'd landed their ship in and could see Kirby floating above the trees as Keira kept shooting at him.

"Well he's being what we need him to be, a distraction," responded Neva Kee. "C'mon let's get going."

Zoda nodded and the two continue onwards while unbeknownst to them, a figure watched them from a distance.

Village: Kirby and Keira entered into the small town and were given strange stares by the locals.

"Well I can't blame them," said Kirby when Keira brought up the weird expressions by the locals. "It's not everyday you're confronted with greatness."

Keira laughed at him. "I think we can all do without your brand of greatness."

"I'm the best there ever was, the best there ever will be," responded Kirby.

"At what?" asked Keira laughing.

"I dunno," responded Kirby honestly. "But whatever it is, boy am I good at it."

"C'mon let's head back," said Keira jerking her head in the direction of the ship.

"Not yet," said Kirby. "Not yet."

"You said-," began Keira.

"I promised you that I would return to the ship peacefully if you'd let me do one thing in the nearest village. I have yet to do that one thing," Kirby pointed out.

"If it's to steal something…" began Keira.

"First of all, no I'm not going to steal anything and second of all, if I were you would never see it happen," stated Kirby.

"I doubt that," balked Keira.

"Where's your blaster?" asked Kirby suddenly.

"What?" asked Keira confused.

"Where's your blaster?" Kirby repeated.

"Its right he-," began Keira reaching for it when she came up empty. "What? Where did it go?"

She looked around desperately for it when Kirby produced it in his left hand.

"Is this what you're looking for?" Kirby asked. Keira snatched it from him and looked at it.

"I don't believe it," she said astonished.

"Believe it because I did do it. So don't, don't underestimate me again because that's how I get away with us much stuff as I do," said Kirby darkly before he returned to walking down the street.

"So what're you going to do then if not steal?" asked Keira.

"I'm planning on hocking some stuff that I stole during the trip that netted me that turbolaser," said Kirby once again displaying his big grin.

"How do you even know how the economics work on a planet like this? What goes for money around here might be worthless elsewhere," Keira pointed out.

"It's not, believe me," said Kirby distracted. "Since they haven't burned us at the stake for being witches, it stands to reason that they got tourists every so often and that says to me that some legitimate form of currency _must_ pass through this planet."

"Even so, how would you even know where to look for a place to offload your goods?" Keira asked.

"I found it," said Kirby heading off towards a man who was lazily fanning himself.

"That's how you're going to sell your wares?" Keira asked doubtful.

"Yeah," responded Kirby confidently. He approached the man who looked at them earnestly.

"Hello sir," said the man not getting up.

"Hello," Kirby acknowledged in turn.

"Can I help you?" the man asked.

"Yes, I am a simple merchant looking to sell my goods at market among my fellow merchants," said Kirby.

"That sounds reasonable," the man said. "What type of market are you looking for?"

"What kind of markets do you have?" Kirby asked in earnest.

"Depends, are you looking for a reputable or a disreputable market?" asked the man.

"But doesn't that depend on what one's definition of reputable and disreputable mean?" asked Kirby innocently.

"I suppose it would, I suppose it would," said the man thoughtful.

"Could you possible direct me in the location of _a_ market?" Kirby asked hopeful.

"Yes I suppose," said the man nodding his head. "We have _eleven _south with _fourteen_ to the east of that and one that is _twelve_ north and _forty_ to the west of that. Across this entire planet we have _twenty-four hundred_ of them."

"Thank you," said Kirby nodding at him. "I look forward to it."

"As do I," said the man. "As do I."

Kirby walked away followed by Keira who was as confused as ever.

"Well that was helpful," she said sarcastically as they left the village. Kirby began laughing hard at that statement.

"You're hopeless, completely hopeless," he said shaking his head.

"Why do you say that?" Keira demanded.

"Because he gave us more information than we could possibly need," said Kirby simply.

"He did?" asked Keira confused. Kirby nodded his head.

"He gave us longitude and latitude coordinates for two separate auctions as well as the time that they're meeting," said Kirby.

"But how-," began Keira, before realization dawned on her. "The number of markets!"

"Yep," said Kirby pleased. "Maybe there is hope for you yet."

"So you're going to sneak out in the middle of the night to go sell your stuff?" asked Keira.

"No," said Kirby. "You're coming with me."

Silence.

"Huh?" asked Keira confused.

"You heard me," said Kirby.

"Of what possible use could I be to you?" asked Keira.

"Only a fool would go to one of these markets without backup," said Kirby as if that should be common knowledge to all.

"Me? Backup?" asked Keira pointing to herself, before laughing. "You're better off with a taun-taun."

"I think different and I rarely lie to myself," said Kirby. "Besides, I need you to appraise the goods that I'm putting on the auction block. You are after all an ex-insurance agent."

"No, no, no, no, no," Keira protested. "I was barely an insurance agent for less than a week before I quit. I can't appraise for the life of me."

"You were still an agent for longer than me and besides, you were a banker before then so you should have some knowledge of how much things cost," Kirby pointed out. Keira reluctantly nodded at that before an idea dawned on her.

"How did you know I was a banker?" she asked. Kirby cringed.

"Did I mention I also dabble in the information market?" he asked with a grin.

"Did you go through my stuff?" accused Keira.

"Look it's Zoda and Neva Kee," said Kirby suddenly pointing to the side. Keira turned her head to have a word with them when noticed that no one was there. She then quickly snapped her head back and saw Kirby running off into the forest.

"Get back here!" she shouted as she chased after Kirby who began laughing.

Much later: Neva Kee looked into the sky with a pair of binoculars as he scanned the horizon. He and Zoda were currently perched on the top branch of a very tall tree in the middle of yet another forest.

"When are they going to get here?" said Zoda nervous.

"Soon," responded Neva Kee for the thousandth time.

"Sekot is going to have our heads," said Zoda.

"We don't know that," said Neva.

"Maybe _you_ don't," Zoda huffed.

"Can it," said Neva setting down the binoculars and taking out a canteen to take a drink from it.

"I'm just saying all those roots coming out of the ground after us, not to mention the trees themselves," Zoda recalled in fear.

"Admittedly that was a bit odd, but cutting down a tree because it was in the way of your golf shot was almost cheating," Neva Kee pointed out.

"Yeah but I had no idea the planet was-," began Zoda.

"I did mention ahead of time that bad things had happened to those who accosted the scenery of the planet," Neva Kee admitted.

"Yeah but that was nothing compared to what we found out," said Zoda.

"True," Neva Kee admitted as sonic boom was heard.

"We're in business," said Neva Kee.

"And what business would that be?" demanded a voice.

"Aaahhh!" shouted Zoda shutting his eyes and waving a branch about in defense.

"Hello Sekot," said Neva Kee defeated. Zoda opened his eyes to see a ghost-like apparition floating above them.

"What are you doing on my soil?" demanded Sekot. "I told you never to come back here after that last round of golf!"

"Well you have such well tended greens and we couldn't resist," said Neva Kee trying to ham it up. Sekot rolled its eyes at that statement.

"What are you two idiots up to this time?" it demanded.

"Nothing," said Zoda innocently. A branch suddenly snaked about and grabbed Zoda by the collar and held him aloft.

"Spill it or someone gets hurt," Sekot demanded.

"Fine," Zoda huffed. "At this moment two golf balls are accelerating towards you at Mach Speeds and are going to impact leaving a massive crater. We were hoping to intercept the balls in mid-flight so they wouldn't irreparably damage you, but as long as you've got us hostage this isn't likely to happen."

"If you prevent this travesty from happening and I may decide to spare your lives," said Sekot darkly. "Fail and you will die."

"Great, glad we sorted that out," said Zoda nervous. The two golf balls came in low over the tree line headed straight for them.

"Where to Captain N?" asked Zoda as he put on his sunglasses.

"Onward to Dreamland and then Corneria and then…the final hole," said Neva Kee ominously.

"Eighteen destinations for eighteen holes," said Zoda nodding.

"Heads up," said Neva Kee. Zoda and Neva Kee launched themselves into the air and swung their clubs. They connected with the golf balls and both flew off into the sky without hitting the ground.

"Aw crap that hurt," said Zoda as he came back down onto the branch, holding his wrists. Neva Kee appeared unfazed as he whipped his club around like it was a sword before putting it back into his jacket.

"You'll survive," said Neva Kee picking up the club that Zoda had dropped.

"No… you won't," said Sekot. "Because I have decided that I am going to kill you both."

"C'mon!" Zoda protested.

"You have ten seconds to start running before _I_ come after you," said Sekot.

"Let's get the hell out of here," said Neva Kee leaping down the tree. Zoda followed in pursuit as Sekot began counting. Zoda and Neva Kee finally hit the bottom and tore off into the night as nearby the trees began shifting as though they were watching them.

Elsewhere: Laser blasts came flying out of an outdoor auction.

"Run Keira run!" shouted Kirby zooming out of the auction with way too many credits in his hands, some of which he began spilling while others he started to cram down his mouth which was also jammed with credits. Keira fired a couple shots into the market before chasing off after him.

"I'm rich! I'm rich!" shouted Kirby happily.

"I can't believe you did that!" Keira said astonished as angry shouts were heard from behind them.

"What's my number one rule?" asked Kirby gleefully.

"Never ask what you can take," Keira responded. "But still…."

"Well somebody would have done it eventually, it may as well have been me," said Kirby with a big grin before sneezing and some credits came flying out his mouth.

"But still, to have stolen from thieves," began Keira.

"What can I say, I love being a gangster!" said Kirby happily. More laser blasts flew past their heads before Keira took a couple blind shots behind her.

"Well tubby you're going to be a dead gangster if you can't escape that mob's clutches," commented Keira wryly.

"Everyone's a critic," Kirby complained as he picked up the pace as the two headed for the ship.

Ship: Laser blasts came from the trees as Keira and Kirby tore out of the forest and headed across the meadow towards the ship as roots arced through another part of the forest and slammed down into the ground as Neva Kee and Zoda raced out of the trees as well only to find themselves side by side with Keira and Kirby.

"I told you to never say 'yes' to him," said Neva Kee to Keira.

"Well technically I never said 'yes', just 'oh alright' and 'fine'," said Keira in her defense before looking at the roots chasing after them. "Why is the forest attacking you?"

"You don't want to know," said Neva Kee shaking his head.

"Why aren't you using your mad lightsaber skills to defend us?" asked Kirby to Zoda.

"Because some glutton sucked my lightsaber down his enormous gullet!" said Zoda angrily.

"Do you want it back?" offered Kirby.

"No!" said Zoda. Realization dawned on Kirby's face.

"You know I _can_ protect us," he said with a big grin.

"Oh, no you don't. You've caused enough trouble already," said Neva Kee shooting down that request.

"I am a Warp Star Warrior, it's my duty to protect the innocent," began Kirby laughing.

"You got that line off of a stale Fortune Cookie you stole from my kitchen," Neva Kee pointed out.

"And in turn it gave me magical powers," began Kirby acting heroic.

"You already those powers!" complained Zoda. "They didn't do you any good then and they're not going to do any good now."

"What's he going to do?" asked Keira.

"This!" shouted Kirby leaping into the air. He instantly was bathed in light before coming back down on the ground with a robe on and a lightsaber in his hand.

Silence.

"Was that it?" asked Keira unimpressed.

"That's it," responded Neva Kee.

"Hey!" shouted Kirby before laser blasts tore up the ground and he chased after them.

"Some hero you are," Keira snorted.

"At least I didn't complain about your appraisal capabilities," defended Kirby.

"Yes you did!" snapped Keira.

"Oh right…I did," said Kirby. The quartet quickly boarded the ship and it blasted off leaving the planet behind and headed into hyperspace.

"You'll be pleased to know Kirby that we're dropping you off back home," said Neva Kee.

"Nuts, freedom is always so fleeting," responded Kirby.

"We'll come back for you…someday," said Neva Kee.

"You'd better or else I'll escape again," Kirby threatened.

The ship flew on towards Dreamland.


	16. Dreamland

Anguirus111 Note: This is loosely based off of the anime Kirby versus the videogame version because I haven't really played a Kirby game. Oh yeah, this chapter is more depressing than the others I think.

Dreamland: An elderly King Dedede was preparing another monster to be unleashed on the helpless Cappies, though to what end no one really knew.

"Okay Escargoon, release the monster!" said Dedede happily.

"And this'll end differently then your other monsters how?" asked Escargoon crossing his arms.

"Because those Cappies ain't prepared to stop it, so let it loose!" said Dedede rubbing his hands in anticipation. Escargoon sighed before pulling on a lever and a massive Octopus left the castle headed straight for Cappietown. But less than two seconds after it had left the castle, two small meteors slammed right into it, destroying it.

"What?" shouted Dedede before a massive blue spaceship landed nearby. King Dedede promptly grabbed his telescope and peered down at the passengers that left the vessel and headed off for Cappietown.

"Oh no," said Dedede defeated as he saw the pink puffball that among them.

"Kirby, right?" asked Escargoon leaving. "Well I'll go get the aspirin."

"I'm going to defeat him once and for all! I swear it!" said Dedede collapsing. Escargoon rolled his eyes before heading indoors.

Meadow: "So what do you think has changed in the past hundred years or so?" asked Keira.

"Knowing my luck, nothing," Kirby snorted. "I do hope that nobody remembers who I am."

"Knowing you for as little as I have, I find that hard to believe," said Keira. Neva Kee and Zoda nodded their heads in agreement as they approached the crest of the hill they were on and as soon as they passed it, Zoda, Neva Kee, and Kirby were left stunned while Keira just trudged on. Ahead of them was a massive modern sprawling city complete with planes, trains, and automobiles.

"What? You said it was a little primitive by our standards, but I _can_ survive this," said Keira looking at them confused.

"I feel old," said Neva Kee shaking his head as he too advanced down the hill.

"This _is_ going to take some getting used to," Kirby admitted. The quartet reached the bottom of the hill and advanced into the city where they went largely unnoticed by the populace.

"Unbelievable," said Kirby as a jet liner went flying above them leaving a massive roar in its wake.

"I'm surprised these people would need your help to defend them," commented Keira confused.

"B-but when I left, things…things were nothing like this!" Kirby protested. "These people were incredibly primitive technologically, aside from your rare motorcar, they certainly didn't show any signs of advancing towards this stage of development."

"I'll attest to that," said Neva Kee looking around at the hustle and bustle.

"So I guess a trip to a library is in order?" asked Keira.

"Yeah," said Neva Kee and Kirby.

"Actually I think I'm going to go check out that castle that disgorged that monster," said Zoda.

"Can I come with?" asked Keira.

"Sure," said Zoda shrugging. Neva Kee turned to face them.

"Alright I'll get Kirby fixed up here and then I'll meet up with you two back at the ship," he said.

"Cool, later," said Zoda leaving with Keira. Neva Kee and Kirby walked down a couple more streets before arriving at the center of town.

"Wow," said Neva Kee as Kirby's eyes widened at the sight of a massive statue dedicated to him.

"I think we need to get to that library," said Kirby immediately.

Castle: Keira and Zoda advanced past the remains of the monster and the two smoking golf balls before looking at the castle itself.

"Hard to believe the Cappies could just stand by and just let Dedede release monsters at them. Usually advanced civilizations don't tolerate constant security threats to them," observed Zoda.

"Maybe they were expecting Kirby to save them?" suggested Keira.

"Maybe," Zoda relented. "I on the other hand am here to see if Metaknight is still alive."

"Who?" asked Keira as Zoda used the Force to open the doors to Dedede's castle.

"A swordsman who promised me a good fight whenever I returned to Dreamland," said Kirby looking around the inner courtyard of the castle. A rustling was heard as Keira drew her blaster and Zoda yanked out his dueling sabers and swung them around to an attack stance. More rustling was heard and then countless Waddle-Dees appeared from the various doorways and surrounded them with their lances.

"This is the enemy?" asked Keira laughing. "They look just like Kirby."

"The sandpeople are easily startled but soon they'll be back…and in greater numbers," said Zoda distantly.

"What?" asked Keira.

"Attack!" yelled a gravelly voice. The waddle-dees rush them as Keira opened fire with stun bolts and Zoda began chopping lances left and right with his lightsabers.

Cappietown: "And with that the brave star warrior vanished into the sky leaving the Cappies behind. Though at first fearful and upset at their abandonment, the Cappies soon learned to deal with the attacks of Dedede and his monsters and became a much better people because of it. It was then that they came to realize that the Star Warrior had left to benefit Dreamland and not hinder it. To this day no one knows what became of the warrior who saved us, but his name will live on in the hearts and minds of Cappies everywhere. The legend of the Korby the star warrior," said Neva Kee reading a history book at a local library before looking shocked at that last statement and glancing at the book closer. "Korby?"

"They blew my name?" shouted Kirby. "Oh that's just great!"

"Well there you have it," said Neva Kee placing the book down. "That was the awe inspiring legend of 'Korby' The Star Warrior. Ha, ha, ha."

Kirby yelled at him angrily and prepared to tackle the diplomat when the library security guard approached them.

"Is there something wrong here?" the Cappie asked.

"No, nothing's wrong," said Neva Kee. "My friend and I were just having an argument over something in this book."

"Ah the legend of Korby the Star Warrior," said the Cappie happily as he clutched the book. "I'm kind of a buff on him so what's your debate about?"

"Well my friend believes that his name was Kirby and not Korby like I do," explained Neva Kee.

"Does it really matter what his name was?" asked the man. "It's what he stood for that's all that matters. Now I'll put this book away for you, but please don't cause any more distractions or I'll be forced to make you leave."

The man left with the book leaving Neva Kee and Kirby alone, bewildered.

"I need a drink," said Kirby holding his head.

"Me too, let's go," said Neva Kee as both filed out of the library.

Castle: "I feel like a monster," said Keira depressed. The waddle-dees were all in a pile unconscious with Keira and Zoda standing victorious nearby.

"If it means anything, they're incapable holding a grudge…or a memory for more than ten seconds for that matter," said Zoda twirling his lightsabers.

"But still…" began Keira.

"What have you two done to my minions!" demanded an individual angrily. A big sagging multicolored blob appeared, limping on a cane, as he advanced towards the waddle-dees.

"Wow. The years have not been good to you Dedede," observed Zoda.

"Zoda?" asked Dedede amazed. "Can it really be you after all these years?"

"You betcha," he said tipping his head at him.

"Die!" shouted Dedede as his cane became a massive mallet which he swung at Zoda who easily evaded it.

"Even in your prime that trick never worked," Zoda observed as he pointed both sabers at the aging dictator. "Now where's Metaknight?"

"How should I know? The man keeps his own schedule and I haven't seen him in awhile," said Dedede crossing his arms. Zoda put his lightsabers away and pulled out a sword before spinning around and having it slam against another sword as a short stocky individual, clad in armor and wearing a cape stood right behind him.

"Finally, I've been trying to get in touch with you all day!" said Zoda. The two then went straight up into the air and began clashing their swords together as they raced about the courtyard.

"What can I do?" asked Keira helplessly.

"Try and make sure Dedede doesn't try anything," Zoda shouted as he clanged his sword once again with Metaknight's.

City: "You know that Blue Man Group? Total rip off of the Smurfs," said Kirby completely drunk. Neva Kee sat with him at the counter at local bar carefully sipping some water as Kirby drank every alcoholic beverage he could get his hands on.

"If you say so," responded the diplomat before he received his burger and began eating it.

"You know I never did _like_ it here, but at least I had a purpose you know what I'm saying? Out there all I was, was a number. One of many, never to be recognized or appreciated, but here I could be a hero. Only in this time, I'm a dead hero whose name isn't even spelled right. So now, there's nothing, I've got nothing and all that's left for me to do is to crawl away somewhere and die alone," said Kirby depressed as tears came from his eyes. Neva Kee patted him softly on the back.

"I can't help but feel responsible for this, I mean it was Zoda and me taking you off this planet that landed you in this mess," observed the diplomat honestly.

"I don't blame you," said Kirby. "You were doing what you thought was right and quite frankly so did I. I never really appreciated what I had here until I lost it."

Neva Kee nodded but remained silent as he chewed on his burger thoughtfully as the news came on a nearby TV.

"In other news today, the health of Tiff and Tuff, the brother and sister duo who worked side by side with the Star Warrior Korby, continues to deteriorate due to their incredible age. Doctors reluctantly admit that their time is near and when their time finally comes to pass, the last known link to Korby will be forever gone, aside from the borderline psychotic King Dedede who was forever imprisoned in his castle. In other news…"

"IT'S THEIR FAULT!" shouted Kirby, startling Neva Kee. "They're the ones who ruined my life! I'm gonna kill them!"

The rest of the patrons looked at Kirby bewildered before Neva Kee stood up as well.

"Sorry, whenever my friend has a little too much to drink he always says he's going to kill whoever's on the news. Why just yesterday he said he was going to kill the water," Neva Kee laughing nervously. The patrons all laughed before returning to their conversations as Neva Kee wiped his forehead.

"You need to cool it Kir-by?" asked Neva Kee confused. Kirby was gone and had actually left some money for his bill.

"Oh no," said Neva Kee worried. "_Kirby would only do that if he was serious about Tiff and Tuff._"

Neva Kee slammed his money on the counter as well and took off into the street and found Kirby nowhere in sight.

"_Now where do I find him? I can't just ask somebody for directions, that'd easily reveal myself to be an extra-terrestrial_," thought Neva Kee worried.

"Star Maps! Get your Star Maps here!" shouted a voice. Neva Kee looked to his side to see a street vendor carrying a ton of pamphlets.

"I'll take one," offered Neva Kee. The man nodded and offered his price which Neva Kee haggled with before handing over a few coins and hurriedly rushing off to Tiff and Tuff's place.

Castle: Kirby and Metaknight kept fighting as Keira went looking for Dedede. She finally found him hobbling down a hallway towards a room in the distance with large closed doors.

"What do you want?" asked Dedede as she walked alongside him. "Can't you just leave an old man alone?"

"I'm here to see you don't try anything sneaky," said Keira beginning to doubt that he could.

"I'm not going to try anything on the spur of the moment, the days for that are long past now. All I have left is to launch the occasional monster at the populace to prove to them I'm not dead," said Dedede, reaching the massive doors and pushing them open to reveal an expansive yet empty dining hall complete with long tables and chairs.

"Now if you'll excuse me I'm just going to enjoy my routine lunch that I take every day at noon before I go to sleep," said Dedede depressed.

"Mind if I join you?" Keira asked.

"Suit yourself," said Dedede sitting down and clapping his hands. Escargoon appeared with a bowl of chowder and placed it before him with a spoon and fork.

"And what'll you have?" asked Escargoon annoyed as he looked at Keira.

"Oh, I brought my own lunch," said Keira taking out an MRE and began eating it. Escargoon rolled his eyes and left.

"Why did Kirby have to come back?" asked Dedede helplessly.

"Because he got freed from cryogenic freeze after having been imprisoned there for the past century," Keira answered.

"So _that's_ where he was. I always knew something must have stopped him from coming back, it's not like Kirby to just leave when the going's good," said Dedede.

"That's the truth," said Keira.

"You know at first I didn't like him. When Kirby first crash landed on this planet I felt threatened by him because the people seemed to like him. But as time went on I began to enjoy our constant battles with me throwing whatever I could at him just to see how he'd weasel his way out of it while still maintaining that innocent façade of his," began Dedede.

"So then you knew…" began Keira.

"That he was smarter than he appeared? Yes I knew. When he wasn't busy pretending to be an idiot, he and I would go on at lengths about the stupid Cappies and how we should just let them be destroyed. Then he vanished and things changed, the Cappies wised up to my ways and imprisoned me in this castle and I've been left without any outside contact for the past several years. Sure Tiff and Tuff used to show up occasionally when they were still able to sneak in, but it's just been me and Escargoon minding the place," finished Dedede. "I do miss the old days."

Keira was about to respond when her comlink beeped.

"K," she said into it.

"What is Zoda doing right now?" asked Neva Kee, puffing and panting on the other end.

"He's fighting someone named…Metaknight," said Keira.

"Great," said Neva Kee upset.

"Why, what's wrong?" asked Keira.

"Kirby snapped and said he was going to kill Tiff and Tuff, two former acquaintances of his who he thinks ruined his life. I lost him and he's headed to their place now and I needed Zoda to intercept them," responded the diplomat.

"Hell I'll do it, just tell me where to go," said Keira getting up.

"It's too complicated to explain, but Zoda would know what I'm talking about because he's been to the area before," said Neva Kee. "You'd better just sit tight."

"I know where they live," offered Dedede. "I'm willing to take you there, no tricks. I just want to see Kirby again for old time's sake."

"Dedede has offered to show me the way," said Keira into her comlink.

"Dedede? Do you think he can be trusted?" asked Neva Kee doubtful.

"He seems harmless these days," said Keira.

"It's your call. But you'd better use the matter transporter to get to the ship. The castle is heavily watched by surveillance cameras that would preclude any chance of sneaking him out," said Neva Kee. "I'll see you there, out."

"C'mon Dedede let's go see Kirby," said Keira. Dedede suddenly got up with renewed strength.

"I'm ready," he said nodding. Keira slapped her hand on Dedede's shoulder and both vanished in a flash of light.

Cottage: Neva Kee raced past the outer stone wall, whose gates had been forcibly torn aside, and then moved past numerous unconscious guards before entering into the cottage itself. After a couple wrong turns, he found Kirby standing in a room next to the near comatose forms of Tiff and Tuff who were on their beds hooked up with various medical devices.

"Kirby don't do it," said the diplomat out of breath before collapsing on the ground. Kirby inflated himself and floated up to stand on the nightstand between their beds.

"Tiff? Tuff? It's time to wake up, the Grim Reaper is here," said Kirby darkly. Tiff and Tuff began turning in their beds.

"Korby, is that you?" asked Tiff finally, apparently in a drug induced lucid state.

"It's Kirby!" Kirby shouted at her.

"It's been so long," said Tuff not opening his eyes, also drugged.

"But not enough for you to ruin my life!" shouted Kirby as he grabbed Tuff's collar and shook him back and forth.

"What-what are you talking about?" asked Tiff.

"You gave the history books the wrong name and proclaimed me as good as dead! Now I can't come back!" shouted Kirby.

"You could be someone else," suggested Tuff. "You don't have to be Korby anymore."

"But I am 'Korby'! I need to be 'Korby'! I'd go crazy if I had to be Kirby all the time!" shouted Kirby.

"Amazing, you do have a conscience," said Neva Kee still lying on the floor.

"Shut up!" shouted Kirby at him before turning back to his two 'hostages'. "You two built me up as a hero and then you tore it out from under me. I hate you both."

"And you think you're the only one?" asked a voice with just as much anger. Kirby whirled around to see Dedede and Keira in the room.

"Dedede?" asked Kirby in disbelief. "The years have not been good to you."

"So said Zoda, but I'm still alive _and_ still as angry as ever at those damn Cappies," said Dedede. "They stuffed me in that castle to die but I'm not going to go without taking them down first."

"Me neither," Kirby seethed. "Me neither."

"I think we have a lot of catching up to do," said Dedede. Kirby nodded.

"Yes we do," he responded.

"I think it may be time to bring back Korby to truly defend his people from the sudden inexplicable might of King Dedede," said Dedede grinning evilly as Kirby nodded.

"Yeah, maybe it is time," he said.

"I'll be waiting for you at my castle," said Dedede leaving. Kirby got ready to leave as well before confronting Keira and Neva Kee.

"Guys, it's been fun, but Korby must rise again," said Kirby with a grin. Neva Kee grinned as he finally got onto his feet.

"Make us proud Kaptain Klown," said Neva Kee holding out his hand.

"You two Captain N," said Kirby. "And don't hesitate to visit, either of you."

"Kirby, I want to give you a hug," said Keira. Kirby nodded and Keira closed her arms around him before abruptly spinning him around and giving the puffball the Heimlich maneuver which caused credits to go flying from Kirby's mouth.

"That's my ten percent for helping you at that auction you bum!" yelled Keira as she grabbed the credits. Kirby laughed.

"Yeah I'll miss you too. Later," said Kirby and with that he was gone.

"I'll miss that pink puffball," said Keira reluctantly.

"As will I," responded Neva Kee. "Now let's get out of here before the cops show up."

Keira nodded and both vanished in a beam of light.

Castle: Zoda and Metaknight were still going at it when Neva Kee's ship appeared low over the castle.

"Well Metaknight it's been fun," said Zoda sheathing his sword. Metaknight nodded.

"Indeed it has. Until next time," said Metaknight bowing as Zoda did the same before vanishing. An instant later two golf balls soared up and over the castle and then Neva Kee's ship vanished into the upper atmosphere and straight into hyperspace.


	17. Corneria

Ship: Keira's alarm went off in her cabin as the inhabitant groggily got up.

"Man is it suddenly warm in here or is just me?" she asked to her empty room. Still stumbling around with her eyes closed she went into the bathroom to face a misted over mirror.

"_May as well face the music sometime_," she thought, already beginning to laugh at how she'd probably look with sleep in her eyes and her hair all mussed up. But as she wiped off the mirror an entirely new face was visible in its tint.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" she shouted.

Bride: "What the hell was that?" asked Zoda bewildered from the pilot seat as outside the blue tunnel of hyperspace could be seen.

"Uh-oh," said Neva Kee with dread.

"Wonderful," said Zoda, already beginning to move towards the exit. But before he could exit the room, the door flung open to reveal Keira.

"What the hell happened to me?" she demanded.

"Holy Shi-!" began Zoda as his jaw dropped.

"Zoda!" Neva Kee snapped. Zoda's mouth clamped shut as he just stared at Keira bewildered. Instead of seeing a twenty-some year old female human facing them, instead he was facing a twenty-something year old human/fox hybrid.

"What happened to me?" demanded Keira.

"It's your hair right?" asked Zoda. "It looks great!"

Keira growled at him causing Zoda to jump back.

"Umm…you evolved?" he asked for his second guess.

"In one night?" shouted Keira. Zoda seemed to ponder over this one.

"Stranger things have happened," offered Zoda lamely in his defense.

"Sorry Keira this is my fault," said Neva Kee. Keira looked at him confused.

"You?" she asked. "But you're not one for practical jokes."

"It's not a practical joke, believe me. Last night I slipped in a genetic re-sequencer into your food during dinner last night. I honestly meant to tell you about it as we were eating but _someone_ put a metal pot into the microwave causing the whole kitchen to burst into flames as the microwave exploded and I kind of forgot to tell you about it in the ensuing melee to spray out the flames," said Neva Kee looking at Zoda.

"It was Kirby!" Zoda protested.

"Kirby's back on Dreamland!" Neva Kee shot back.

Silence.

"It was his ghost!"

"Anyway, the point is I'm sorry," said Neva Kee.

"It's okay I guess," said Keira not wanting to be angry for an innocent mistake. "At least I have a tail; I've always wondered what one felt like. But why did you change me into this…thing?"

"Because we're going to place populated by humanoid animals and they have an intense dislike of humans for unknown reasons. Granted that hatred has slowly diminished but I'm not willing to take any chances," said Neva Kee.

"But they were never human, correct?" asked Keira.

"Not as far as I can tell though whether or not they have any link to humans at some point in time I don't know," responded the diplomat truthfully.

"But this is just a temporary fix right?" Keira confirmed. Neva Kee shook his head.

"Absolutely, the change was just to make it possible for you to be able to leave the ship and not be cooped up on it while Zoda and I went exploring. In 48 hours the re-sequencers will restore you to being a fully fledged human," said Neva Kee. Keira nodded and turned to leave.

"Hey Keira?" asked Zoda mischeviously.

"What?" she asked.

"Did anybody ever tell you, you look like a Fox? Ah, ha, ha, ha," said Zoda laughing.

THUD

"Ow my foot!" said Zoda hopping up and down on his left foot as Keira had slammed hers on top of Zoda's right.

"Maybe this will be amusing after all," she said and with that she was gone.

"Smooth Z, smooth," said Neva Kee adjusting something on a nearby control panel.

"Oh c'mon you thought it was funny," said Zoda taking his seat.

"Studat Clonkie Pistoya," was the only response he got out of the diplomat in an alien dialect.

"Huh?" asked Zoda confused.

"Forget it," said Neva Kee defeated as he pulled back on the hyperspace lever and the ship roared out of hyperspace. A planetary system appeared with eight planets, three nebulas, a star, and an asteroid belt.

"Welcome to the Lylat System," said Neva Kee with false grandiose as the craft soared towards the fourth planet of the system. As soon as they got within range of it on their scanners, the radio blared to life.

"Attention unidentified vessel, submit your flight plan as well as crew and cargo manifests," said a voice.

"Transmitting," said Neva Kee. The craft flew onwards as Keira appeared back in the cockpit.

"So where are we?" she asked as she sat down before immediately jerking back up and setting her tail to the side and then sitting back down.

"We're in The Lylat System, headed for Corneria, the fourth planet of this system. The evil Andross turned this once thriving system into a wasteland of near extinction. General Pepper barely succeeded in exiling this maniacal menace to the barren deserted world, Venom. A few years back Andross tried to take it over once more and was summarily defeated by the Star Fox team. Zoda and I have been here a couple times in the past and they've been adventures in themselves to say the least," said Neva Kee lightly.

"Ha, ha those were some terrific battles," said Zoda happily.

"Hopefully we've arrived at a quiet time, though to be honest…I doubt it," said Neva Kee.

"You are cleared to proceed," came a voice over the radio.

"Roger that," said Neva Kee. The ship plunged into the atmosphere and roared over a large ocean as a city appeared in the distance.

"Remember, have not been nor have ever been a human," Neva Kee reminded Keira.

"I didn't forget," said Keira. Neva Kee nodded as smoke was seen rising from the city.

"Oh man, it looks we missed quite a party," said Zoda. The ship flew low over Corneria City as a few Landmaster tanks were seen moving down the various streets.

"Action, a few blocks to the northeast," said Keira. Explosions could be seen nearby and Neva Kee glided his ship in that direction. They soon emerged over the city center where a couple of Desert Rovers and several commandos were hammering it out with a giant scorpion.

"Wow," said Keira. "They sure come big here."

"Yeah but not that big, it looks like someone did a little genetic engineering," said Neva Kee.

"Oh man, if we missed Andross coming back from the dead again I'm going to be pissed," said Zoda. One of the desert rovers exploded.

"Better power up the laser cannons and render an assist," suggested Neva Kee to Keira. She nodded and activated the cannons before scratching her fuzzy hands and pressed the automatic fire button. Laser fire rained down from the ship and soon the scorpion was ripped in half.

"Thanks for the assist," said a squad commander as his team approached the remains of the scorpion.

"No problem. But is it safe to land here?" asked Neva Kee doubtful.

"Not really. This place is still crawling with bioweapons left over from Mantia's assault just a few days ago and Corneria City is effectively a No Man's Land aside from those of us trying to clean up the remaining creatures and bugging out," responded the squad commander.

"Then where's the government holed up at?" asked Neva Kee.

"Coastal City," responded the leader confused. "You been under a rock or something?"

"No, we had a brush with Mantia and it fried our comm. array," lied Neva Kee.

"Oh, well there you go," said the leader.

"Thanks, moving on then," said Neva Kee shutting off the device.

"Scan the city," he then instructed Zoda. Zoda nodded and performed the scan.

"It looks like 85 to 90 percent of the city is either destroyed or in ruins. There's also countless bioweapons littered around along with various Corneria _and_ Venomian Units," said Zoda. "You don't think Mantia had allies do you?"

"Impossible. I'm thinking we missed two separate fights, both of which occurred very recently," responded the diplomat.

"Damn you Kirby!" said Zoda upset. "Your stupid guilt trip cost us some entertainment."

"I'm heading for Coastal City and hopefully we'll get some stuff cleared up once we're there," said Neva Kee hitting the afterburners.

"Why bother? Let's just play through and get outta here," Zoda remarked.

"The balls aren't going to be here for another twelve hours so we'll have to do something either way. At least this is productive," said Neva Kee.

"I don't do the P-word," said Zoda crossing his arms.

"I've noticed," said Neva Kee. Coastal City appeared in the distance and soon their ship was on the ground at the landing field.

"Stick together and Keira if you get lost immediately head back for the ship because you don't want to be in a situation where you're out here and you're human," said Neva Kee.

"Is this place dangerous?" asked Keira.

"Not unless you're a human," began the diplomat.

"And then you're just screwed," finished the Jedi.

"How reassuring," said Keira.

"Hey it's not like this place is any different from Coruscant or Kuat for that matter," responded Neva Kee as the trio exited the ship and headed into town.

"I still wish I knew more about this place," Keira responded.

"Just think about what animals eat and how humans behave and go from there," suggested the diplomat.

"Though try and not order anything aside from fish. I tried to order a burger on our first trip here and it didn't go too well, especially considering the cook was actually a humanoid bull," said Zoda shuddering. Keira began laughing.

"That's hilarious," she said shaking her head.

"It didn't seem so at the time," responded Zoda. A massive building loomed ahead of them.

"You know I think I'm going to head for Corneria City and see if I can't pick a fight with some of the remaining bioweapons," said Zoda walking off.

"Suit yourself," said Neva Kee as he and Keira entered into the front of the building and approached the secretary.

"Hi, I'm Neva Kee and I'm here to see the President," said the diplomat.

"Do you have an appointment?" asked the secretary doubtful.

"No," Neva confirmed. "But the president once assured me that I was to be granted an immediate audience with him no matter when I arrived and no matter the circumstances currently going on."

The secretary looked at him skeptically.

"Look you can either call him or I can go up there myself, either way I _will_ see him," responded the diplomat forcefully. The secretary sighed and picked up the phone and pressed a button on it.

"Hello Mr. President. Yes I know you said you're busy and don't want to be disturbed. Yes I said I would only call you if it was important. Anyway, there's a Neva Kee here to see you sir," said the secretary. "Okay sir, thank you sir."

"Well?" asked Neva Kee as the secretary hung up her phone. The secretary repressed a scowl.

"Top Floor, he's waiting for you," said the secretary.

"Thank you. Let's go Keira," said Neva Kee heading for the elevator.

"You have that kind of pull around here?" asked Keira as the elevator doors closed.

"I have that kind of pull everywhere I just choose not to use it most of the time," responded the diplomat. The elevator surged upwards.

"So you could see the Supreme Chancellor then?" asked Keira.

"See him? I could legally usurp him if the right circumstances arose," responded Neva Kee.

"Wow," said Keira once again amazed by the tiny diminutive alien.

"But remember, absolute power corrupts absolutely, no exception. I don't exercise most of my power for the simple reason that to do so would corrupt who I am and what I stand for," the diplomat pointed out. "It's also because I have no desire of leading the masses."

"I don't think you could become corrupt," Keira assured him.

"Thanks, but I'd just as soon rather not take that chance," responded Neva Kee. The doors opened and they found themselves amid a large hustle and bustle as disaster recovery teams moved from place to place with large piles of paper and answering countless phones. Neva Kee and Keira pushed past them before approaching a pair of solid wooden doors and walking in to a conference room that was empty save for one humanoid barn owl at the end, deep in thought with his eyes closed.

"Busy day?" asked Neva Kee. The barn owl opened his eyes and looked at him.

"You could say that," he said with a grin. "Been a long diplomat."

"Not that long," said Neva Kee. "Although considering what you've been through, maybe it has."

The Barn Owl laughed.

"Keira Kiley, this is the President of Corneria and by extension the Lylat System," Neva Kee addressed.

"Hello," said Keira nervous.

"If she's with you, then that would likely make her…" began the President.

"I won't lie to you, yes. If you're uncomfortable I can ask her to leave," said Neva Kee.

"No, it's okay. I'm more tolerant to her species thanks to that brief trip you took me on to the 'known' part of the galaxy, but as I'm sure you're perfectly aware my sentiment is not shared by many though if you ask them, they won't know why. At any rate, what brings you to our fair system?" asked the President.

"Admittedly it was at first for recreational reasons but after seeing what's been going on I just want to know if I can help," offered Neva Kee.

"Yeah, take my job," said the President laughing. Neva Kee joined in before it immediately died down.

"No, I figure I'll be able to find something quick and easy for you to accomplish. How long you here for?" asked the President.

"The earliest I can leave is in twelve hours but I can stay for at least two days," said the diplomat.

"I'll be contacting you shortly," said the President. Neva Kee nodded as he and Keira turned to go.

"Say, where's Zoda?" asked the President.

Corneria City: "Die bio-weapons, die!" shouted Zoda as he was piloting Neva Kee's ship and blowing up everything in his sight.

Office: "You don't want to know," said Neva Kee with a grin and with that he and Keira were gone. The President chuckled briefly before returning to his thoughts.

"So what now?" asked Keira.

"You're the disaster investigator, you go investigate," said Neva Kee.

"Ahem, that's an ex-disaster investigator," answered Keira.

"You've not been given your official pink slip yet and you haven't served your two weeks notice," Neva Kee pointed out. Keira's eyes widened.

"Oh crap," she said.

"Relax, Zoda and I tally up the amount of destruction we've done, it's a matter of pride. We'll give you everything once this game is over," said Neva Kee.

"Does that include the damage not caused by the game?" asked Keira hopeful.

"Of course, after all we're here because of it otherwise what damage would've been done?" said Neva Kee. "Thankfully Bernadelli doesn't insure anybody in the Unknown Territories yet."

"I dunno, I heard about this planet called Gun-," began Keira.

"Ambassador Kee is that you?" asked a voice. Neva Kee and Keira turned around to see another humanoid lupine right behind them.

"Hey Fox what's up?" asked the diplomat kindly.

"It has been too long," said the lupine bending down to grasp the ambassador's hand.

"Three years by my count," said Neva Kee. "Whatcha been up to?"

"A war a day keeps the bill collectors away," said Fox putting his hands in his pockets.

"I'm just about the complete opposite, I'm the one causing the wars and the bill collector's are chasing _me_ down," said the ambassador. "Case in point this is Keira Kiley, she's an insurance agent and she's tallying up the damage Zoda and I cause."

"I thought I heard a little blurb on the radio about a y-shaped blue spaceship blasting Corneria City apart in search of bio-weapons. Go figure," said Fox before offering his hand to Keira. "I'm Fox McCloud of StarFox."

"A pleasure," said Keira shaking it.

"You gonna to be in town long?" asked Fox to Neva.

"I don't know, but I will try and help out for as long as I can," responded the diplomat.

"Ah I was hoping to show you around town so you could see what you've missed," said Fox defeated.

"Why don't you show Keira around?" Neva Kee suggested. "I'm going to be doing diplomatic work and that would just get boring for anyone not trained in it."

"I suppose," said Fox.

"Is that a good idea?" asked Keira a little hesitant.

"I trust Fox with my life," responded the diplomat.

"Does she think something's going to happen?" asked Fox confused.

"She just doesn't want me to do any damage and not be here to witness it," responded the diplomat lightly. Fox laughed.

"Well you'll be fine. We'll be back soon anyway I've got a few things to do myself," said Fox.

"Perhaps you could acquaint her with Katt afterwards. I think they'd hit it off," suggested the diplomat.

"I think she's on Katina helping out Bill, is that okay?" Fox asked.

"Yeah, Zoda I will pick her up on our way outta here," said Neva.

"Alright, let's role," said Keira hiding her nervousness.

"Cool, later," said Fox leaving with her.

"Neva?" asked the president opening his door. "We're in business."

"Coming," said the diplomat.

Elevator: "Known the Ambassador long?" asked Fox chewing some gum.

"I've been trailing him for awhile now," Keira confirmed.

"If it means anything to you, the ambassador is a good man," said Fox.

"Oh I don't doubt that," said Keira. "Zoda on the other hand…"

"He, he, that Zoda," said Fox laughing. "Yeah I hear that."

Corneria City: Neva Kee's ship crashed into a building as a massive Preying Mantis slammed down on it. The top hatch opened on the craft and Zoda emerged clutching a lightsaber.

"Let's roll big ugly!" he shouted igniting it. Laser blasts erupted as a pair of CDF fighters flew by overhead and the Mantis vanished in a flash of light.

"Aww," said Zoda disappointed. Neva Kee appeared from the insides of the building and stepped on top of his ship as he approached Zoda.

"Let's roll Z," he said getting in.

"The balls are here already?" asked Zoda hopeful.

"No, we have a job to do on Macbeth," responded the diplomat entering into the cockpit and activating the engines.

"Macbeth? Why there?" asked Zoda. Neva Kee hit the reverse and the ship wrestled free of the building and spun away as it collapsed into dust.

"Because Space Dynamics Co. Ltd. needs our help and they've offered to finally fix my ship in payment," said Neva. The ship broke free of the atmosphere and rocketed off towards a planet on the other side of the sun.

Zoda opened his mouth.

"Not one word," said Neva. "You broke my ship remember?"

"I was just going to ask what the assignment was," said Zoda hurt.

"Sorry Z, I just hope Keira is going to be fine without us," said Neva.

"Where is she?" asked Zoda confused.

"With Fox McCloud, but I'm more worried about those re-sequencers crapping out early," said Neva Kee.

"You mean she'd permanently be that way?" asked Kirby fearful.

"No. If they died I could just insert more into her, I'm more worried about them turning her back prematurely," said Neva Kee.

"Whuh-oh," said Zoda. "Maybe I should've stayed behind."

"No, as long as we're back within 36 hours we'll be fine," said Neva.

"Conservative estimates my ass," said Zoda.

"Let's just focus on the mission at hand," said Neva Kee beginning to explain it to him.

Later in the day, Corneria: "What're they building here?" asked Keira looking at a new construction project.

"A restaurant/museum dedicated to the heroes who fought bravely against Mantia," said Fox.

"Oh," said Keira, still in the dark as to what 'Mantia' was. Fox growled deeply and rested his head against the chain link fence.

"You okay?" asked Keira.

"Sorry, it's just the last few days have been a bit trying," said Fox.

"Yeah, for me too," Keira admitted.

"Sorry, I shouldn't be letting my emotions get in the way of things," said Fox.

"It never hurts to let it out sometimes," said Keira. Fox nodded grimly.

"So where're you from?" asked Fox.

"Coruscant," said Keira without thinking.

"Where?" asked Fox.

"Oh it's a small town on the fifth planet," said Keira covering up her slip of the tongue.

"Ah, it's too bad what happened on Zoness during the war," said Fox.

"Oh right...with the…yeah," said Keira noncommittally. Fox nodded not really paying attention.

"I was too late to stop it you know," said Fox depressed. "I could've stopped it, but…didn't."

"Couldn't from what I heard," said Keira lying. "You can't blame yourself, you saved countless lives."

"Yeah but at what cost? Zoness is a mess, Macbeth's production facilities are primarily destroyed, Titania's still a no fly zone, and that's not even the half of it," began Fox.

"You can't look at the glass half-empty Fox. Focus on what you've done right, not what you've done wrong," said Keira.

"I know but it's tough," said Fox. "I was kind of hoping to talk to the Ambassador about it once I saw him, but he was busy."

"It's not like he gave you the brush off. I'm sure that once he gets back he'll be more than happy to sit down with you. It's not like we're in a hurry or anything," Keira assured him.

"Yeah you're right. Look I'm sorry to have put all of this on you it's just that seeing the ambassador today reminded me of when my father died trying to stop Andross. If it weren't for the ambassador I don't know what I would've done," said Fox. Keira nodded but said nothing.

"Have you had any defrauding experience in the insurance biz?" asked Fox out of the blue.

"It was covered in basic training, why?" asked Keira.

"I was just thinking…on Katina they're doing a lot of fraud monitoring thanks to the recent destruction of the business district and they could really use an extra hand," said Fox.

"I suppose I do deserve a break from all the madness," said Keira referring to putting around the galaxy with Zoda and Neva Kee. "I'll do it."

"Great," said Fox grateful for the distraction. "Let's just head for the spaceport and head out."

"_I bet Zoda and Neva Kee feel this way all the time and cope with it by acting on opposite ends of the spectrum_," Keira mused as they headed out.

Next Day, the Planet Macbeth: "Face it, we're lost," said Neva Kee. He and Zoda were currently negotiating the underground sewer system underneath the massive industrial complexes on the surface.

"No I know exactly where we are," said Zoda holding the map in different directions.

"If you say we're lost I'm going to kill you," said Neva Kee shining his flashlight down another sewer pipe. Zoda opened his mouth but then shut it.

"De masie ma fu masta!" he said instead. Neva Kee rolled his eyes.

"I hate you," he said reaching for the map. "Now give me the map!"

"No!" Zoda protested tugging on it. "Mine or I will help you not!"

"You're no better than your uncle," said Neva. Zoda gasped.

"Insults!" he said.

"Screw you!" Neva Kee shouted.

"Freeze!" shouted a voice. Neva Kee and Zoda were surrounded by masked figures who aimed their laser guns at them.

"Hey maybe they know where we are," suggested Zoda.

"Can it," said Neva Kee.

"What are you doing down here?" demanded one of the individuals.

"Searching for buried treasure," explained Zoda.

"I'm telling you that no map that you paid five bucks for is going to yield treasure in the sewers!" said Neva.

"I didn't pay five bucks for this!" protested Zoda. "I stole it!"

"You stole a map from Space Dynamics Co. Ltd?" said Neva Kee incredulously. "Please!"

The group looked at each other nervously.

"Don't be jealous," said Zoda.

"Oh I am a lot of things but being jealous is not one of them," said Neva Kee crossing his arms. "That logo doesn't even look legit."

"Quit being anal!" shouted Zoda.

"Look," said Neva Kee grabbing a hold of him. "Let's just find this room so I can prove to you the treasure doesn't exist and then we can get out of here."

"But we're lost," said Zoda.

"I'm sure these fine people can give us directions," said Neva Kee.

"Wha-," began Zoda at realizing Neva Kee had worked his way around him. He growled angrily at him as Neva Kee turned to face the figures around them.

"You don't know where Junction A-14 is?" he asked hopeful. The others looked at each other nonplussed before entering into a heated argument.

"This is just too coincidental,"

"Yeah but no government agents are that stupid,"

"We stole one too remember,"

"Yeah but it's only part of a map,"

"Excuse me," said Neva Kee butting in. "If you could direct me to A-14, me and my buddy can leave to go find this non-existent treasure so we can leave and you can do whatever it is that you're doing down here. What is it you're doing down here anyway?"

"I know," said Zoda excitedly. The members tensed as their fingers fell on their blaster triggers.

"They're drinking sewer water for its high mineral and vitamin contents," said Zoda jumping up and down. The team looked at him disgusted.

"Not that theory again!" protested Neva Kee. "That's a complete and utter lie!"

"Drink it and find out how right I am," said Zoda stubbornly crossing his arms.

"You drink it!" said Neva Kee.

"No," said Zoda.

"Why not?" demanded Neva.

"I'm not thirsty," said Zoda simply. Neva Kee groaned as some of the team stifled a laugh.

"Oy," said Neva Kee holding his head in pain. "Where is A-14, somebody?"

"Two lefts and then a right," said the apparent leader of the bunch.

"Thank you," said Neva Kee grateful. "Let's go Zathura."

"It's going to be there, Enkidu, I just know it!" said Zoda tearing down the sewer system with Neva Kee in hot pursuit. Behind them, the mysterious team weighed their options and stealthily pursued them. Up ahead Neva Kee and Zoda were grinning evilly to each other.

"Hook, line, and sinker," said Zoda laughing softly. As they reached A-14, Neva Kee held out his hand and Neva Kee slapped his against it.

"Beautiful," said Neva Kee, though not referring to the intersection.

"Alright let's do this right this time," said Zoda as they advanced down a sewer pipe. They advanced down drain after drain until they finally reached a massive steel door with an access code next to it.

"I told you it existed!" said Zoda happily.

"This doesn't prove anything," said Neva Kee doubtful.

"Just admit that I was right for once," said Zoda.

"Open that door and then we'll see who is right," said Neva Kee tipping his head towards it.

"Fine, fine," said Zoda moving towards the keypad.

"Do you even know the combo?" asked Neva doubtfully.

"Of course," said Zoda. "Every single thing in this galaxy is governed by one number and that is what's on this keypad."

"One number?" said Neva Kee even more doubtful. "This isn't the movie Pi you know."

"That was an equation you bum. This will work," said Zoda pressing down the number 1138 on the keypad. The door opened.

"Tada!" said Zoda happily.

"Lucky guess," said Neva Kee not backing down.

"It was the Force!" said Zoda.

"You a Force user? Yeah right," said Neva Kee disbelieving him.

"Check this out," said Zoda. He pulled out a round disk with and zipped it out only for it to slap back into his hand.

"Impressed?" Zoda asked with a grin. Neva Kee grabbed the disc out his hand.

"This like you is a yo-yo!" Neva Kee responded, pulling out the thin metal string.

"Bah humbug!" said Zoda. "Now let's just get my treasure and leave."

"Hold it," said the leader as he and his fellow members appeared.

"What do you want?" demanded Zoda.

"That's _our_ treasure," said the leader.

"Like hell it is," said Zoda not backing down as he took out his laser gun. "I stole this map fair and square!"

"And I'm stealing it from you fair and square," said the leader as he and his team aimed their blasters at them.

"Hold it!" said Neva Kee stepping between them. "Nobody fire!"

"Why not?" demanded the leader happily.

"In case you haven't noticed, this whole place is filled with methane fumes and if you fire this whole underground sewer system will explode," Neva Kee pointed out. "I for one do not want to die."

"That gives me added incentive to fire," Zoda remarked.

"You don't care at all for my safety?" asked Neva Kee incredulously.

"No!" said Zoda.

"Give me that blaster!" said Neva Kee tackling him into the sewer water. The two began going at it with kicks and punches as the mercenary team filed past them and into the room.

"Now where is this treasure from our good friends at Space Dynamics Co. Ltd?" asked the leader rubbing his hands. The door instantly clanged shut on them leaving the group surrounded in darkness.

"Ha, ha, ha," said Zoda happily. "Got 'em!"

"Later chumps," said Neva Kee as both got up and walked off. Inside the room, the team was instantly bathed in light and found themselves in a jail cell sans weapons.

"You wanted to know what our device was?" asked the President of Space Dynamics outside the cell. "It was a matter transporter. And I've got news for you, the assignment Wolf O'Donnell put you up to is officially moot, he failed over five days ago."

With that the President vanished in a flash of light.

Hanger: Neva Kee and Zoda walked into a hanger bay which showed Neva Kee's ship newly fixed and polished.

"Man it's about time. I've been trying to get this thing fixed since Sullust," remarked Neva Kee.

"You're just neglectful is what you are," said Zoda.

"Ah screw you," said Neva Kee as they boarded the ship. An instant later it took off headed for Katina.

"I hope Keira's okay," said Zoda. Neva Kee's watched beeped.

"Uh-oh," said Neva Kee worried.

Katina: "Oh crap," said Keira. The nanobots had kicked in and she had reverted to being a human. Thankfully she was alone in the public restroom as she immediately threw on her hooded sweatshirt and draped the hood low over her head before producing a pair of sunglasses and a hat and putting them on as well to cast as much darkness over her face as she could, before composing herself and leaving the restroom and out into the hallways of the CDF base.

"Hey Keira," said Katt Monroe, a humanoid feline, approaching her. "What's with the getup?"

"I'm just thinking I'll go for a walk," said Keira trying to remain calm but not choosing to face Katt. "_And then hide until Neva Kee and Zoda show up_."

"Oh okay," said Katt nodding. "You need any company?"

"No I'm okay. This base is the only thing for miles so I don't think I'll be getting lost," said Keira lightly. Katt nodded.

"Alright see you around then," she said leaving. Keira breathed a sigh of relief before hurriedly making a break for it. As Katt returned to the Operations Room she saw Bill Grey, a humanoid husky, looking at a computer monitor confused.

"It must be broken," he said to the technician sitting at the computer.

"What's wrong?" asked Katt.

"We're picking up a human life signature in this building," said Bill.

"Human?" asked Katt confused. "But there hasn't been a human sighting in millennia."

"Plus it wasn't there a moment ago," the technician pointed out.

"Nevertheless keep this sighting under wraps, we don't want to start a panic. Katt and I will go check it out," said Bill grabbing his blaster. Katt nodded and took out hers as well.

"Better hurry, it's taking the elevator to the ground floor," said the technician. Bill and Katt nodded as they raced down the hallway to a set of stairs and both tore down them.

"Fox, where are you?" asked Bill into his comlink.

"I was about to leave out the front of the base," said Fox.

"I need you to cover the elevator now!" said Bill.

"Why?" Fox asked confused.

"There's might be a human in there," said Bill.

"It's awfully late for jokes, Bill," said Fox after a moment's silence.

"It's not a joke, just do it," said Bill.

"Okay," said Fox. Down below Fox approached the elevator and aimed his blaster at it while inside Keira was waiting anxiously for the doors to open so she could escape. But as the doors opened, she found Fox aiming his gun at her.

"Don't move human," he said simply.

"Fox, this isn't what it looks like," said Keira.

"Keira?" asked Fox confused. "Why are the sensors registering you as a human?"

"I-I-I," she stuttered, cursing internally at herself.

"Just for peace of mind, could you remove your hood?" asked Fox still aiming his gun at her.

"Fox, things aren't always what they seem," said Keira.

"Please drop it before things get ugly," said Fox simply. Keira sighed and took off her hat and pulled back her hood. Fox sighed and slightly lowered his gun.

"Sorry," said Keira helplessly. Fox remained silent for several moments.

"Does the ambassador know?" asked Fox.

"What?" asked Keira confused.

"Ambassador Kee, does he know who you really are?" asked Fox twitching.

"Yes," said Keira nodding. "He temporarily made me like you and the others here so that I could blend in and experience your culture for myself."

Fox stood there in silence still shaking involuntarily.

"Are you going to kill me?" asked Keira.

"Fox, what's going on?" demanded Bill over the comm. Fox continued to stand there with his gun trained on her before dropping it completely.

"False alarm Bill, it's only Ms. Kiley," he said into it.

"Why would she be registering as a human?" asked Katt.

"Apparently her hooded sweatshirt was given to her by Neva Kee and it may have traces of human DNA on it. That's what the scanners are picking up," suggested Fox. Keira put her hood back on.

"Oh okay. Never mind then sorry about that," said Bill.

"No problem, just head on back to Ops," said Fox before shutting it off.

"Thanks," said Keira grateful. "But why?"

"I owe the Ambassador much more than you can possibly imagine," said Fox as Keira vanished in a flash of light.

Ship: "That was a close one!" said Keira as she entered into the cockpit. "What took you so long?"

"Well we had to tee off first," said Neva Kee at the pilot's seat.

"You nearly sacrificed my life for golf?" demanded Keira.

"Umm…no?" said Zoda guessing at what the right answer was.

"Sorry," said Neva Kee. "But we figured Fox wouldn't let you come to any harm, regardless of what you looked like."

"That's true," said Keira. "And speaking of Fox…"

Katina: Fox was underneath his fighter working on it and still having a waging war of emotions. As he was fumbling around for a socket wrench one slapped into his palm.

"I believe this is what you were looking for," said a voice. Fox smiled as he accepted the wrench and adjusted a bolt attaching his wing to the fuselage.

"You a mechanic now?" asked Fox bemused.

"I'm a lot of things," responded Neva Kee. "The question is what do you need me to be right now."

"A friend," responded Fox. Neva Kee nodded.

"Then friend what is it you want to do today?" asked Neva Kee.

"Just talk," said Fox and with that he began.


	18. The Black Hole

Space: The Black Hole, space's one true vacuum cleaner, it takes in everything and expunges nothing, and no one who has ever ventured inside one has ever come back. At the moment a passing swarm of asteroids had gotten too close to the gravitational field of the black hole and were slowly being sucked towards the event horizon, the point of no return. At the moment a blue y-shaped vehicle hovered just beyond its gravitational field watching the display before them.

"So when are the balls supposed to get here?" asked Keira.

"Soon," said Neva Kee with his feet propped up on the dash and sipping a drink.

"Man I can't believe it's over," said Zoda with a grin. "But what a rush it has been."

"Destroyed part of the known galaxy, racked up countless billions in damages, had fun. It's been a good month and a half," said Neva Kee nodding.

"Let's see, had my place of work get trashed, was forced into switching careers despite having no experience, failed to do my job properly in said new career, finally managed to tour the galaxy and see new things, and met two very interesting individuals," said Keira grinning. "I guess things do even out in the end."

"Consider yourself lucky because with us things usually make turns for the worse," said Zoda.

"Maybe her inner karma offset ours," Neva Kee mused.

"Yeah I guess so. With you on one of the spectrum and me on the other and her in the middle we somehow must've balanced each other out," said Zoda.

"Wait, you guys believe in karma?" asked Keira.

"Yeah, it's a byproduct of the Force," said the diplomat. As Keira began contemplating this, the proximity alarms went off as the two golf balls appeared from hyperspace.

"So now we wait until they're sucked into the vortex?" asked Keira.

"Not quite," said Neva Kee powering up his ship as Zoda left the bridge.

"What do you mean not quite?" asked Keira confused. The two golf balls went soaring straight at the black hole until an asteroid got in their way and embedded themselves on an asteroid.

"This is still a game and all games need a winner," said Neva Kee before flipping on the radio. "You ready Grand Master Z?"

Zoda's Jedi Starfighter emerged from the landing bay and took up a flanking position next to Neva Kee's ship.

"Ready when you are Captain N," responded the Jedi gunning his engine. Keira's eyes widened.

"You're not seriously going into the gravitational mass of a black hole," she said scared.

"Yeah," said Neva Kee nodding. "Get ready Z."

"I was born ready!" came the response.

"Is it too late for me to abandon ship?" asked Keira getting up. A beep sounded.

"Yeah," responded the diplomat. Both ships accelerated towards the asteroid field.

"Are you crazy?" demanded Keira as she struggled to get back into her seat.

"For the game, yes," responded Neva. Laser blasts erupted as the shields began feeling the strain.

"Did Zoda open fire on us?" asked Keira incredulously.

"Considering I was about to do the same, probably," said Neva Kee. He flipped a switch on his board and the turrets on his ship began tracking the Jedi Starfighter and opened fire on it. The laser blasts however got nowhere near it as the fighter easily evaded them.

"You'll have to try better than that N," came the response over the radio.

"I've been preparing my ship for this fight for a long time," said the diplomat. "I defeated you on land now I'll defeat you in the sky."

"The sky is my domain you know that," and then the radio went dead. More laser blasts began raking the ship as the starfighter rocketed by leaving the blue ship in its dust. Neva Kee said nothing as he slammed down on the accelerator and his ship leapt forward as well. The diplomat activated the tractor beam and it latched onto the Jedi Starfighter bringing it to a complete halt.

"All too easy," said Neva Kee grinning. But his grin soon turned to horror as a small object left the back of the starfighter and accelerated towards the ship.

"Oh crap," he said quickly disengaged the tractor beam as a seismic survey charge exploded in close proximity to his ship. The whole ship shuddered as sparks flew inside the cockpit as numerous circuit boards blew out. Neva Kee growled angrily as he fired a missile out the front of the ship that quickly broke into a six, all headed for the starfighter. Zoda did his best to evade them, but the six missiles quickly swarmed around him and exploded. When the fiery inferno quickly died out, the fighter was gone.

"You killed him!" Keira shouted.

"No I didn't, Zoda doesn't die that easily. He's hiding somewhere amongst the asteroids," said Neva Kee. His vessels slowly slipped amongst the rocks as the black hole loomed ever larger in the viewport.

"Anything on scanners?" asked Neva Kee. Keira looked at him like he was mad.

"I'm not going to participate in this insanity!" she said. "I know you need a winner, but you're best friends, how can you do this to each other?"

"Friend are-," began Neva Kee when suddenly the proximity alarm went off again. Another survey charge came flying out from beyond a rock and came racing straight towards the ship. The diplomat threw his craft in reverse while using the laser cannons to try and pinpoint the charge itself. As the cannons opened fire, the charge mysteriously evaded the blasts as Neva Kee swung the ship around and took off in the opposite direction as the survey charge went in pursuit.

"Come now Neva, the ability to destroy a ship is insignificant next to the power of the Force. Give up before you're destroyed," said Zoda over the comm.

"Ah Zoda, your bark always was worse than your bite," said Neva Kee cruelly. Zoda growled as the charge exploded blasting apart more asteroids which battered the shields. The unseen Jedi Starfighter meanwhile appeared from its hiding spot and rocketed off towards the asteroid with the golf balls on it.

"Not so fast Grand Master Z," said Neva Kee into the comm. Neva Kee plugged the comm. directly into the speaker system and then flipped on the comm.

"Coming to you from the far reaches of the Milky Way Galaxy and a planet that is the third farthest from its sun, Sol, is the hard hitting song from the greatest band in the world. The song is Stonehenge by Spinal Tap!" shouted Neva Kee before grabbing a black covered album and taking out and slamming the record down on the record player as he kicked in the sound system. Keira covered her ears as the whole cockpit was filled with loud music while up ahead the Jedi Starfighter began wobbling noticeably.

"Do you have to play it so loud?" shouted Keira over the music.

"I have to, otherwise it'd be disgracing a band who intentionally had their amps go up to eleven," responded the diplomat. Up ahead the starfighter was still shaking from the loud music as it continued towards the golf balls.

"Why doesn't he shut off his comm.?" asked Keira still clutching her ears in pain.

"It's a matter of pride woman!" snapped Neva Kee. The two vessels continued soaring through the asteroid field as several rocks slammed into each other around them. Neva Kee narrowed his eyes and let go of the stick and watched it lazily drift towards the black hole.

"Hmmmm," he pondered before looking at the scanner and found the two golf balls as the track ended and the music died. Keira shook her head to clear the cobwebs before strapping herself in.

"We're going to die aren't we?" asked Keira.

"Not yet, but we'd better tee off soon," said Neva Kee. He pressed a button next to him and six bright spots of light erupted from the front of the ship.

"Let's see him avoid that," said the diplomat smugly. The fighter ahead did a quick barrel roll between a pair of asteroids as three of the sparks of light slammed into them and exploded but the rest hit the ship causing it stall out. Neva Kee grinned evilly as he slammed on the accelerators and the gap between the two ships became lesser and lesser. But as the blue ship was about to overtake the Jedi Starfighter, it abruptly crashed into a larger asteroid.

"_Now why would he do that?_" wondered Neva Kee before realization hit him. "Oh crap."

Neva Kee abruptly looked at the scanner to reveal that the asteroid the fighter had hit was the same one with the golf balls and already the Jedi was bounding across it in a pressure suit.

"Keep her steady," said Neva Kee bounding out of his chair.

"What?" shouted Keira incredulously.

"Keep her steady," repeated Neva Kee. "I'm going down to that asteroid."

"Do you see how close that black hole is?" demanded Keira pointing out the window at the swirling mass.

"Alright so in the next few minutes the hull might start buckling, don't sweat it," said Neva Kee. A loud groaning sound was heard.

"What about you in a dinky pressure suit? That'll pop in no time!" shouted Keira.

"So what if it does? I'd die for this game!" said Neva Kee. "And right now I'm loosing. If something bad happens, tractor Zoda's ship aboard and head for safety. You can keep the ship, I won't be mad."

"But-," began Keira.

"Later," said Neva Kee and with that he was gone leaving Keira alone in a ship that was slowly being crushed by the outside pressure.

Asteroid Surface: Neva Kee appeared in his pressure suit next to Zoda who was standing there bored with his golf club.

"What took you so long?" he demanded.

"Why didn't you tee off?" Neva Kee shot back.

"If it had just been you in that thing I would have but in order to make this fair I decided to wait for a final mad dash," began Zoda.

"It's a good thing you did because there's just one problem," began the diplomat picking up a rock.

"What?" asked Zoda. Neva Kee threw the rock and instantly it slowed down in midair.

"Time Dilation," began the diplomat grimly. Zoda looked at the rock apprehensively before looking at the black hole above them.

"Use the Force and get those balls and then it'll only depend on the swing," said Neva Kee.

"Is that justifiable?" asked Zoda.

"I'd imagine a drop could be legal when dealing with time dilation but we'd have to consult the president of the PGA tour," said Neva Kee with a grin. Zoda laughed as well.

"And his Vice-President," said Zoda laughing before he brought the two golf balls over to them.

"Isn't it great to be the ones in charge here?" asked Neva Kee practicing his swing.

"At least no one can take it away from us," Zoda acknowledged. "And that's what makes the game worth playing."

"Ready?" asked Neva Kee holding his club back.

"Ready," Zoda acknowledged. No word was given, both just swung and two golf balls flew out at the black hole.

"C'mon baby, c'mon!" shouted Zoda watching them.

"Oh please, I've got this one in the bag," said Neva Kee passively as he watched the two balls.

"Here it comes!" said Zoda grinning as he rubbed his gloved hands together. But just as the balls reached the event horizon, a third golf ball appeared streaking overhead and zipped right past the other two and into the mouth of the spatial phenomenon.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Zoda. Neva Kee took out an LED device and flipped it on which read: WINNER: KEIRA KILEY.

"When the hell did she tee off?" demanded Zoda.

"On Kuat remember," said Neva Kee with realization. "That must've been a hell of a slice."

"There's no way-," began Zoda.

"Stranger things have happened," Neva Kee pointed. A large crack erupted in the center of the asteroid.

"Like the fact that we're about to get squeezed into something that's smaller than an atom?" asked Zoda looking up at the black hole.

"We've cheated death before," said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded and both vanished in a flash of light.

Ship: "So who won?" asked Keira. Zoda and Neva Kee looked at each other before looking at her.

"It was a tie," they both said.

"Oh," said Keira disappointed that there was no winner but grateful that no one had died.

"Now to head into reverse," said Neva Kee pulling back on the stick. The ship didn't budge.

"Now to head into reverse," repeated Neva Kee. The ship still didn't move but kept sliding towards the black hole.

"This could pose a problem," Neva Kee mused.

"Are we going to die?" demanded Keira beginning to get hysterical.

"Would you calm down it's only a black hole," said Zoda strapping himself in at the navigator's chair.

"ONLY A-," began Keira before she passed out on the deck of the floor.

"Damn," said Zoda looking down at her. "So what now?"

"Well we can't go under it and we can't go around it, so we'll have to go through it," said Neva Kee.

"_Through_ a black hole?" asked Zoda confused. "Is that even possible?"

"It's never been proven but I remember reading something about how a JMC Mining Ship got sucked down one and yet miraculously appeared unharmed years later. Rumor has it that they went to light speed the instant they hit the Event Horizon and wound up in a parallel dimension," said Neva Kee.

"Parallel Dimension! Man I'd rather die than go face to face with another me," said Zoda.

"And I'd hate to have to deal with two of you again as well but that won't be a problem because the ship also managed to escape and return to their own reality and I intend to do the same," said Neva Kee. "Think of it like a rubber band where we go flying in at light speed and then are instantly booted out again."

"This is just a roundabout way to get to our cool down course isn't it?" asked Zoda nonplussed.

"It wasn't my first plan but it's just as effective," admitted Neva Kee.

"And how do you plan to go to light speed?" asked Zoda. Neva Kee turned and grinned at him.

"Oh no, not that," said Zoda annoyed.

"Power down the hyperdrive engine and prepare to activate the warp core," said Neva Kee.

"Man I hate going to warp, it makes my inside feel all funny," Zoda complained as he flipped a switch and the warp core came on down in the depths of the ship. The massive black hole grew larger and larger in front of them.

"Man I haven't felt this stupid since you convinced me it was a good idea to board the USS Cygnus so you talk to that Dr. Hans Reinhart nutso. 'The word "impossible", Mr. Zoda, is only found in the dictionary of fools indeed'," recalled Zoda annoyed.

"I'm sure Dr. Reinhart would enjoy the telemetry we gather from this little trip," Neva Kee mused flipping on the sensors.

"I don't think that's such a good idea but suit yourself," said Zoda. The Event Horizon was now directly in front of the ship as large portions of it began getting smashed in.

"Any last words?" asked Neva Kee.

"Screw you comes to mind," said Zoda. The ship plunged into the black hole as the warp drive activated.


	19. Earth

Earth, Pebble Beach: Keira opened her eyes to see the sun shining directly above her.

"So this is what heaven is like," she said softly.

"Ha! You wish," said a voice amused. Keira turned her head to see Zoda and Neva Kee standing nearby with their golf clubs resting on their shoulders.

"Oh so I guess I'm in hell," she said. "If hell is being with you two then maybe I'll be able to live with that."

"You're not dead you bum. Now get up," said Zoda. Keira groaned and sat up to see a golf course displayed in front of her.

"Where are we?" she asked looking up at the blue sky above her with a moon just barely visible while a large ocean was displayed in front of her.

"It's safe to say you're not in Kansas anymore," Neva Kee said.

"Yeah, you're in California you kook," said Zoda happily swinging his club around before pointing it at the ground.

"We're on the planet California?" asked Keira confused.

"No," said Neva Kee laughing. "California is a state; we're on a planet most commonly called Earth in the Sol System."

"Earth? The Earth? The origin of Golf and Rock & Roll?" asked Keira amazed.

"Among other things, yes, that's the one," Neva Kee confirmed. "Why?"

"It's not like I imagined it. I pictured fire and brimstone raining down from sulfur filled skies and having volcanoes everywhere spewing lava," Keira answered.

"Oh that's only on weekends," Zoda said with a big grin.

"So what're we doing here?" asked Keira. "I thought the game was over."

"It is. But after a long tiring round of golf Zoda and I like to play another game to cool down," said Neva Kee. "It's just a calm simple game that doesn't involve property destruction for once."

"I'm sure Bernadelli would be relieved. So where is this place because I might like to come back here to do some exploring," said Keira looking around. Zoda and Neva Kee shared a glance before Zoda teed off.

"Ah heh, heh. That's not exactly possible," said Neva Kee also teeing off.

"Oh come on, just give me a map. I've got a ship it'll take me anywhere in the galaxy," said Keira.

"Yeah see, we're not in your galaxy," said Neva Kee bluntly.

"What?" asked Keira confused.

"We're now in the Milky Way Galaxy as opposed to where you live, which is a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away," said Neva Kee as he started walking towards his ball while Zoda trailed behind keeping score.

"A long time ago in galaxy far, far away?" said Keira hysterical. "How long was I out!"

"Two days," Zoda responded.

"We traveled to another galaxy in less than two days," said Keira with disbelief.

"That's right," said Zoda.

"How?" asked Keira.

"The Black Hole," responded Neva Kee. "We accelerated into the black hole at such a speed that it spat us back out and we were moving so fast we wound up here."

"That seems hard to believe," said Keira crossing her arms.

"Hey when you travel with us, suspension of disbelief is a rule of thumb," Zoda chimed in.

"So I've noticed," said Keira. "But we also traveled through time as well."

Neva Kee nodded. "Time dilation is prominent the closer you get to a black hole because of its massive spatial distortion. Speaking of which, we're going to see Dr. Reinhart before we leave."

"No," said Zoda helplessly.

"So we ended up in the future which was where I intended for us to turn up all along," said Neva Kee.

"Can we get back?" asked Keira.

"No," said Zoda grimly.

"No," said Keira full of dread.

"Yes," said Neva Kee and when Keira looked at him even worse. "I mean yes we can go back."

Keira breathed a sigh of relief.

"Once we invent the technology," said Zoda cheekily.

"What?" demanded Keira.

"Ha, Ha!"

Thud

"Ow my other foot!"

"It's invented," said Neva Kee as he walked past the injured Zoda.

"It had better be," Keira grumbled. Zoda opened his mouth but quickly closed it upon seeing Keira's scowl.

"But you're going to have to pay us in order to use it," said Zoda before tearing off down the hill with Keira in hot pursuit.

Later: Neva Kee and Zoda both sank their putts thus bringing to an end their game of 18 holes.

"Nuts," said Neva Kee as Zoda laughed. "Two strokes your favor."

"Muwahahaha," Zoda cackled as Neva Kee handed over a stack of credits.

"How do you know he didn't cheat?" asked Keira.

"Zoda wouldn't cheat over something like this," said Neva Kee simply as both walked off to their golf cart while getting a couple weird glances from some other golfers.

"What's their problem?" asked Keira as they piled in. "You'd think they'd never seen an alien before."

"They haven't," Neva Kee responded. "No one on this planet has, or if so has not been consciously aware of it."

"Then how come they're not running in fear of you?" asked Keira.

"Because we resemble a pair of characters from a movie series called Star Wars," said Zoda. "So they think we're in costume."

"Oh," said Keira. "Can I see this movie?"

"Another time maybe because it's time to go," said Neva Kee.

"But we just got here," protested Keira.

"And we can't run the risk that the people of this planet find out the truth about us," said Neva Kee. "Though if you want us to leave you here that's certainly your decision to make."

"Tempting, but I do have a life back home that I need to get back to, for better or worse," said Keira.

"Suit yourself," said Zoda as all three of them and the golf cart vanished.

Space: Neva Kee's ship hung just beyond the moon out of sight of the Earth.

"_Now_ the journey is over," Neva Kee acknowledged as he and Zoda placed their grips in their golf bags amongst their other clubs.

"Let's go home," said Zoda settling into his seat.

"No, we're going to go visit the USS Cygnus first," said Neva Kee as Zoda cringed.

"And what are you two planning to do once you get back to our galaxy?" asked Keira.

"Maybe play another round, we didn't visit some other worlds like Kamino, Corellia, or Dagobah," suggested Neva Kee.

"Or maybe something completely different. But whatever it is, destruction and chaos will ensue," said Zoda grinning.

"If you two do decide to do something, be sure to call me," said Keira. The two nodded.

"What're you going to do?" asked Zoda curious. Keira laughed at that question.

"First I'm going to take a well deserved rest and then…I think I'll try and find a job that involves a lot of traveling," said Keira nodding her head.

"Feel free to use me as a reference," offered Neva Kee.

"But not me," said Zoda before quickly adding. "Not that I would say anything bad about you, but you know of my reputation by now and well there you go."

Keira nodded with a grin as Neva Kee pulled back on the hyperspace lever and the vessel vanished from sight.


End file.
